Signs Your Family is Using You as the SCAPEGOAT
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Flabbergasted
I have a narcissistic parent. Most of my life I was pretty much unaware of this growing up, however, as an adult of 57 I now more fully understand why I behave the way I do. My parent is now in their 70's and they recently manipulated me into giving up my home in another state to come live in a motor home outside of their home to help them in their old age. Now, this person is fully capable of taking care of themselves, but their significant other, who is NOT my parent and has a child of their own, needs far more care due to their addictions in life. My parent resorts to threats of selling my home if i don't comply the way THEY want me to, even though I pay them a decent rent on the motor home and take care of it by doing absolutely NOTHING to make it into a home for myself because THAT would freak them out as it's THEIRS and they make it clear that I am to make no changes without their express permission, which is always a no or an air of resentment projected towards you that they weren't the ones to think of it when asked and all the excuses as to their perceived lack until they manipulate the scenario to where the idea was theirs all along and YOU must have heard about the idea from them afterall. They resort to being your conscience and feel the need to prod or remind you of EVERYTHING, and ALWAYS before you have a chance to notice whatever is irritating them at the moment, even resorting to asking you to do things they would never do for themselves. The entitlement and the contrived feebleness is the hardest thing to deal with because I can't tell the difference when they're behaving truthfully, of all things, because they live a lie. To top it all off, I recently found a relationship with God and have been receiving all of the snarky, passive/aggressive commentary that the truly lost can provide in an attempt to make me feel shame for my beliefs. I feel no shame, but I do feel helpless in this situation I find myself in. If I leave, my parent will disown me, leaving my child with the brunt of their brand of love. I am happy to help them, so long as they stop trying to take over my life completely, but they seem incapable of this. I am unable to have a normal conversation with my parent because of their fragility. Believe me, I've tried. It ends up with a screaming match of their denial and them attempting to kick me out of THEIR motor home. My spirit is getting sicker and sicker by the day and I'm not sure what to do about it.
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I have a narcissistic parent. Most of my life I was pretty much unaware of this growing up, however, as an adult of 57 I now more fully understand why I behave the way I do. My parent is now in their 70's and they recently manipulated me into giving up my home in another state to come live in a motor home outside of their home to help them in their old age. Now, this person is fully capable of taking care of themselves, but their significant other, who is NOT my parent and has a child of their own, needs far more care due to their addictions in life. My parent resorts to threats of selling my home if i don't comply the way THEY want me to, even though I pay them a decent rent on the motor home and take care of it by doing absolutely NOTHING to make it into a home for myself because THAT would freak them out as it's THEIRS and they make it clear that I am to make no changes without their express permission, which is always a no or an air of resentment projected towards you that they weren't the ones to think of it when asked and all the excuses as to their perceived lack until they manipulate the scenario to where the idea was theirs all along and YOU must have heard about the idea from them afterall. They resort to being your conscience and feel the need to prod or remind you of EVERYTHING, and ALWAYS before you have a chance to notice whatever is irritating them at the moment, even resorting to asking you to do things they would never do for themselves. The entitlement and the contrived feebleness is the hardest thing to deal with because I can't tell the difference when they're behaving truthfully, of all things, because they live a lie. To top it all off, I recently found a relationship with God and have been receiving all of the snarky, passive/aggressive commentary that the truly lost can provide in an attempt to make me feel shame for my beliefs. I feel no shame, but I do feel helpless in this situation I find myself in. If I leave, my parent will disown me, leaving my child with the brunt of their brand of love. I am happy to help them, so long as they stop trying to take over my life completely, but they seem incapable of this. I am unable to have a normal conversation with my parent because of their fragility. Believe me, I've tried. It ends up with a screaming match of their denial and them attempting to kick me out of THEIR motor home. My spirit is getting sicker and sicker by the day and I'm not sure what to do about it.
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Life
I am the family scape goat, I'm 30 and I can't really remove myself from the situation because the housing market here is terrible, and my support system is international, the local freinds I had just used me as a scapegoat.
I am the only person in my immediate family who went to college, and I also have chronic health issues. So I have had to confront them. Because they make me suicidal, and I do have people I love and who love me back somewhere in the world, that I'm trying to get to, but immigration is complicated.
But being their scapegoat and the depression it causes kind of seems insignificant to me now. I have cameras in my room to hold them accountable, and I have a job that means more to me than the toxic family.
I'm a film maker, and I went to college for animation, I'm working on a series that goes into the effects of the life I've lived with my daemon Ches, he's a embodiment of my subconscious, if my family puts me down he lifts me back up.
And I know now that my knowledge of how TV and film is made intimidates the hell out of the family, I attended siggraph last year, met people who worked on turning red, and have a working database of cameras, lens, and animation techniques, with experience using Maya, unity, and unreal engine, before my legs got infected, I for once in my life nearly had full A's in college. And what does my family do? Logistics, tv production assistants, and when they're at home, they watch tv, movies and play video games.
If anyone is struggling with/as a family scapegoat role, remember that the relationship you have with yourself is more important than your family. (Ches here, And no matter what anyone else says there are things you are good at, and your achievements for everything you've gone through mean a lot more than others, despite all odds with this toxic environment you managed to accomplish something, that by itself is impressive)
TL; DR my family made me the scapegoat, I'm trapped with them, that has never stopped me, and it's never going to stop me from pursuing the career I want
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I am the family scape goat, I'm 30 and I can't really remove myself from the situation because the housing market here is terrible, and my support system is international, the local freinds I had just used me as a scapegoat.
I am the only person in my immediate family who went to college, and I also have chronic health issues. So I have had to confront them. Because they make me suicidal, and I do have people I love and who love me back somewhere in the world, that I'm trying to get to, but immigration is complicated.
But being their scapegoat and the depression it causes kind of seems insignificant to me now. I have cameras in my room to hold them accountable, and I have a job that means more to me than the toxic family.
I'm a film maker, and I went to college for animation, I'm working on a series that goes into the effects of the life I've lived with my daemon Ches, he's a embodiment of my subconscious, if my family puts me down he lifts me back up.
And I know now that my knowledge of how TV and film is made intimidates the hell out of the family, I attended siggraph last year, met people who worked on turning red, and have a working database of cameras, lens, and animation techniques, with experience using Maya, unity, and unreal engine, before my legs got infected, I for once in my life nearly had full A's in college. And what does my family do? Logistics, tv production assistants, and when they're at home, they watch tv, movies and play video games.
If anyone is struggling with/as a family scapegoat role, remember that the relationship you have with yourself is more important than your family. (Ches here, And no matter what anyone else says there are things you are good at, and your achievements for everything you've gone through mean a lot more than others, despite all odds with this toxic environment you managed to accomplish something, that by itself is impressive)
TL; DR my family made me the scapegoat, I'm trapped with them, that has never stopped me, and it's never going to stop me from pursuing the career I want
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on
Hoo, boy, was I ever the scapegoat. I was the third kid and the first girl, and my dad immediately handed me off to my mom to name because he was out of baby names. He had named two boys before me, and in seven years of having kids, it hadn't occurred to him that one might be a girl. That pretty much set the tone between us; I was a disappointment to him from day one, and he openly complained about things like my inability to keep up with much older children (usually because my legs were shorter) and my bad singing voice (I was eight. I was reading Shakespeare plays for fun by the third grade, but somehow I was treated like the family idiot just because I wasn't doing calculus like my eleventh-grade brother.
Meanwhile, one of my older siblings was setting fires and hurting animals for fun, but sure, I was the real problem because I drew a unicorn on my worksheet after finishing all the questions early (and correctly.
It's continued into adulthood, too. I was maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, and when I stood up to give the traditional speech, my dad walked out so he wouldn't have to hear it. Two different guests pulled me aside later on to tell me how much they'd enjoyed my jokes and to ask me if my dad was ill, because why else would he miss such a funny speech? Why indeed.
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Hoo, boy, was I ever the scapegoat. I was the third kid and the first girl, and my dad immediately handed me off to my mom to name because he was out of baby names. He had named two boys before me, and in seven years of having kids, it hadn't occurred to him that one might be a girl. That pretty much set the tone between us; I was a disappointment to him from day one, and he openly complained about things like my inability to keep up with much older children (usually because my legs were shorter) and my bad singing voice (I was eight. I was reading Shakespeare plays for fun by the third grade, but somehow I was treated like the family idiot just because I wasn't doing calculus like my eleventh-grade brother.
Meanwhile, one of my older siblings was setting fires and hurting animals for fun, but sure, I was the real problem because I drew a unicorn on my worksheet after finishing all the questions early (and correctly.
It's continued into adulthood, too. I was maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, and when I stood up to give the traditional speech, my dad walked out so he wouldn't have to hear it. Two different guests pulled me aside later on to tell me how much they'd enjoyed my jokes and to ask me if my dad was ill, because why else would he miss such a funny speech? Why indeed.
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Lauren
I grew up in a single parent household with 2 older brothers. One of my brothers is a narcissist and my mom became an enabler once his symptoms were fully visible. My other brother wasnt in the house but often blamed my other brothers outbursts on my reactivity. Everything was my fault. Always. My father is also a narcissist but thinks very lowly of me. My narcissistic brother is everybodys favorite. I became an after thought in the home. Missed award ceremonies, sports matches and tournaments, forgotten at school, missed graduation ceremonies even at the collegiate level. I became an adult and thought I was free and healed and moved away from them and went to school. Recently, I somehow stumbled into a relationship with a man with NPD. We had known each other for 5 years & he was a friend of the family. We talked for 6 months but he discarded me after a 2 week relationship once I discovered who he really was when he tried to gaslight me. There was a point at which I thought we would get married. It was my first relationship. Im really sad I dont know what to do but I feel that I can no longer keep this inside
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I grew up in a single parent household with 2 older brothers. One of my brothers is a narcissist and my mom became an enabler once his symptoms were fully visible. My other brother wasnt in the house but often blamed my other brothers outbursts on my reactivity. Everything was my fault. Always. My father is also a narcissist but thinks very lowly of me. My narcissistic brother is everybodys favorite. I became an after thought in the home. Missed award ceremonies, sports matches and tournaments, forgotten at school, missed graduation ceremonies even at the collegiate level. I became an adult and thought I was free and healed and moved away from them and went to school. Recently, I somehow stumbled into a relationship with a man with NPD. We had known each other for 5 years & he was a friend of the family. We talked for 6 months but he discarded me after a 2 week relationship once I discovered who he really was when he tried to gaslight me. There was a point at which I thought we would get married. It was my first relationship. Im really sad I dont know what to do but I feel that I can no longer keep this inside
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education
I never had an external support system. I weathered decades of abuse alone. I was raised in violent narcissistic family that neglected my needs and I was brutally bullied at school. I just went numb. I learned to push my feelings down and be alone. I didn't understand why I was always the person who people rallied against. I felt like it was my purpose to bring people together by being the person that they all hated. Even my extended family bullied me and made horrible jokes about me. As an adult I found love in my pets but never with humans. I'm doing a lot better now but I had to go through hell to give myself permission to live my life for me.
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I never had an external support system. I weathered decades of abuse alone. I was raised in violent narcissistic family that neglected my needs and I was brutally bullied at school. I just went numb. I learned to push my feelings down and be alone. I didn't understand why I was always the person who people rallied against. I felt like it was my purpose to bring people together by being the person that they all hated. Even my extended family bullied me and made horrible jokes about me. As an adult I found love in my pets but never with humans. I'm doing a lot better now but I had to go through hell to give myself permission to live my life for me.
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Schrodinger
Points 5 and 6 hit home for me cause my so called family only tolerated me cause of my usefulness to the in their business as an employee who was overworked and underpaid and was always compared to the others who couldn't even do half the work I did yet they got praise and acceptance while I got disapproval and rejection and it only became worse when I was hospitalized and placed in a psych ward cause of a series of severe anxiety attacks that brought on asthma attacks. All because they don't like one another and berate each other and gloat about how special their child is among other petty squabbles
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Points 5 and 6 hit home for me cause my so called family only tolerated me cause of my usefulness to the in their business as an employee who was overworked and underpaid and was always compared to the others who couldn't even do half the work I did yet they got praise and acceptance while I got disapproval and rejection and it only became worse when I was hospitalized and placed in a psych ward cause of a series of severe anxiety attacks that brought on asthma attacks. All because they don't like one another and berate each other and gloat about how special their child is among other petty squabbles
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DJ
Think youre being too kind with your excuses for families that do this to a person. Trust me Ive been there. Brother in law beat my puppy with a bat. Oldest sister hit my son. They lie. Blame shift. Backstab. Falsely accuse. I could go on and on. But finding kind excuses for them isnt in my mind any longer. When hateful people physically/emotionally abuse you for 50 years there isnt much excuse left any more. Bitter you could say? Maybe somewhat. Trying not to be. Death of my oldest son and the way my family treated us after that was the last straw.
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Think youre being too kind with your excuses for families that do this to a person. Trust me Ive been there. Brother in law beat my puppy with a bat. Oldest sister hit my son. They lie. Blame shift. Backstab. Falsely accuse. I could go on and on. But finding kind excuses for them isnt in my mind any longer. When hateful people physically/emotionally abuse you for 50 years there isnt much excuse left any more. Bitter you could say? Maybe somewhat. Trying not to be. Death of my oldest son and the way my family treated us after that was the last straw.
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owlman
I was the eldest child, the golden child, the punching ball, the black and weird duck, the burden, the servant of my mother. She made me traumatized even when Im in my 20 years. I dont want to have child and to get married. I sacrificed my whole life and childhood feeling like I was born to take care of her and being her puppet. I feel so alone as a child and left being by myself, and not relying on others. Since child I want to be free like a bird and independent. I diagnosed myself with depression, pbd, anger issues, hsp or empath, anxiety.
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I was the eldest child, the golden child, the punching ball, the black and weird duck, the burden, the servant of my mother. She made me traumatized even when Im in my 20 years. I dont want to have child and to get married. I sacrificed my whole life and childhood feeling like I was born to take care of her and being her puppet. I feel so alone as a child and left being by myself, and not relying on others. Since child I want to be free like a bird and independent. I diagnosed myself with depression, pbd, anger issues, hsp or empath, anxiety.
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Tin
My mom had been suffering alot. she got pain suffrngs, insde outsde n still she is in pain suffrngs. i love her but i m not ok. My father had been suffering so much dfrnt ways n pain suffrngs lost he. i love them. My brother my granma my aunt other ppl had been into so much suffrngs my maternal uncle hav been suffrng alot. I love them. i wanted all together. i hate i fear also. any problems in ppl / misunderstanding among ppl / pain suffrngs. All they r in so much pain. I love i feel. i want goidness. thats it. Im not goat. Neither mad.
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My mom had been suffering alot. she got pain suffrngs, insde outsde n still she is in pain suffrngs. i love her but i m not ok. My father had been suffering so much dfrnt ways n pain suffrngs lost he. i love them. My brother my granma my aunt other ppl had been into so much suffrngs my maternal uncle hav been suffrng alot. I love them. i wanted all together. i hate i fear also. any problems in ppl / misunderstanding among ppl / pain suffrngs. All they r in so much pain. I love i feel. i want goidness. thats it. Im not goat. Neither mad.
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musicmamma
I have been the scapegoat for my family my whole life. As a result, I recently cut myself off from 2 sisters. 1 who uninvited me during holidays when she knew I was/am alone, 1 who constantly critisises me and everything i do and say. Needless to say, I had an emotional trauma-related childhood flashback. I'm done. It's better to be alone. Oh, and through all of this, I'm told I'm too negative'.
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I have been the scapegoat for my family my whole life. As a result, I recently cut myself off from 2 sisters. 1 who uninvited me during holidays when she knew I was/am alone, 1 who constantly critisises me and everything i do and say. Needless to say, I had an emotional trauma-related childhood flashback. I'm done. It's better to be alone. Oh, and through all of this, I'm told I'm too negative'.
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Subhashree
I am 20 and it is still clear in my head how my mom use to say she can not even count to 10 I was a slow learner infact I was always the dumb kid in my family. I still remember I cried in front my English teacher once that I can't go back home with these marks, she called my parents and made sure its safe out there at home and it was the moment someone stood up for me.
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I am 20 and it is still clear in my head how my mom use to say she can not even count to 10 I was a slow learner infact I was always the dumb kid in my family. I still remember I cried in front my English teacher once that I can't go back home with these marks, she called my parents and made sure its safe out there at home and it was the moment someone stood up for me.
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Animetsy
I felt scapegoat when I was in school and senior clg. now I'm happy that there are people who really care for me and that's enough. But I'm still trophy for my papa. he just want to broadcast my achievements and doesn't care how I feel. If I did even minor mistake he will rage at me very badly. but now I've stopped to living his expectations
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I felt scapegoat when I was in school and senior clg. now I'm happy that there are people who really care for me and that's enough. But I'm still trophy for my papa. he just want to broadcast my achievements and doesn't care how I feel. If I did even minor mistake he will rage at me very badly. but now I've stopped to living his expectations
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Super
I disagree about the last part forgiveness is important forgiving is for your benefit not the other person not forgiving someone is like drinking a vial of poison and expecting the other person to feel the effects forgiveness is the way to truly have peace because if you don't forgive you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life
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I disagree about the last part forgiveness is important forgiving is for your benefit not the other person not forgiving someone is like drinking a vial of poison and expecting the other person to feel the effects forgiveness is the way to truly have peace because if you don't forgive you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life
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Jaun
Im one too and im 28, the only way is just to stay away and if its hard to do that go watch toxic trauma bonding videos and if you feel lonley in yhe family begin to start your own or get good friends noy roxic friends also check videos of that
This is your choice but strangely this is co. pared to a scapegoat sometimes
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Im one too and im 28, the only way is just to stay away and if its hard to do that go watch toxic trauma bonding videos and if you feel lonley in yhe family begin to start your own or get good friends noy roxic friends also check videos of that
This is your choice but strangely this is co. pared to a scapegoat sometimes
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Spyra
I had a very similar conversation with a wonderful person today. We have days where we reflect on our childhoods. The great thing is making meaningful connections with people who see you for you and know your worthy of everything beautiful and know you chose who you are and chose to break that cycle for your own peace.
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I had a very similar conversation with a wonderful person today. We have days where we reflect on our childhoods. The great thing is making meaningful connections with people who see you for you and know your worthy of everything beautiful and know you chose who you are and chose to break that cycle for your own peace.
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Morgana
I was that, now im a mother of 2girls, sometimes it hurts when my kids are being treated the same way i was by my mother and we fight. im not sure what this can cause to my kids. how they see me and others because of this. i just hope they can understand me and dont disrespect nobody speacially themselves.
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I was that, now im a mother of 2girls, sometimes it hurts when my kids are being treated the same way i was by my mother and we fight. im not sure what this can cause to my kids. how they see me and others because of this. i just hope they can understand me and dont disrespect nobody speacially themselves.
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Zoelovestotalk
Being a family scapegoat literally turned me into a person with a high defense mechanism. Only because ik that there's no one to protect me & sometimes i out do it & also made me stay away from people. I do enjoy my own company but ignoring people mostly turns into isolation for me.
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Being a family scapegoat literally turned me into a person with a high defense mechanism. Only because ik that there's no one to protect me & sometimes i out do it & also made me stay away from people. I do enjoy my own company but ignoring people mostly turns into isolation for me.
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Notura
Nepotism is the most dangerous form of evil in a family. Growing up in a family that saw the boys as superior and the girls as inferior was so destructive to me I couldnt understand what I did wrong and I certainly didnt ask to be born as a girl!
It was a very sad and painful situation.
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Nepotism is the most dangerous form of evil in a family. Growing up in a family that saw the boys as superior and the girls as inferior was so destructive to me I couldnt understand what I did wrong and I certainly didnt ask to be born as a girl!
It was a very sad and painful situation.
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Vanessa
Oh yeah. Scapegoat here, whole childhood, and then again when I moved back home briefly and then again with my husband's family.
So I'm done. F#ck people. The can eat eachother ALIVE,
I'll chill with my bamboo plants and xbox.
Humans are.
No thanks. Living alone is great.
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Oh yeah. Scapegoat here, whole childhood, and then again when I moved back home briefly and then again with my husband's family.
So I'm done. F#ck people. The can eat eachother ALIVE,
I'll chill with my bamboo plants and xbox.
Humans are.
No thanks. Living alone is great.
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John
I paid for my families mistakes with my uncle Jim on my mom's side and Uncle Dennis on my dad's side. Then my parents made mistakes with my brother and their sorted adopted narcissistic millennial conman son Andrew and take out their mistakes on me.
I'm standing up against this.
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I paid for my families mistakes with my uncle Jim on my mom's side and Uncle Dennis on my dad's side. Then my parents made mistakes with my brother and their sorted adopted narcissistic millennial conman son Andrew and take out their mistakes on me.
I'm standing up against this.
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Mountainlilly
Its not as bad now that my dad has passed on. His masculinity was deeply threatened by my resistance to his abuse of my mother and us kids, and later by my queerness. My parents divorce after 25 years was the best thing that ever happened to the family.
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Its not as bad now that my dad has passed on. His masculinity was deeply threatened by my resistance to his abuse of my mother and us kids, and later by my queerness. My parents divorce after 25 years was the best thing that ever happened to the family.
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Frits
My family always gave me the feeling that there was something wrong with me and I didn't belong. And now, at the age of 47 after going no-contact, I have chosen to indeed not belong to. 'that hurtful mess'. And now I feel free for the first time in my life.
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My family always gave me the feeling that there was something wrong with me and I didn't belong. And now, at the age of 47 after going no-contact, I have chosen to indeed not belong to. 'that hurtful mess'. And now I feel free for the first time in my life.
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Василина
It's really good, that children now can know, what is wrong with they or their family etc. Because I'm in my 30s and have like full of packet childhood trauma's You are all deserve care and help, you are not alone with your traumatic things
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It's really good, that children now can know, what is wrong with they or their family etc. Because I'm in my 30s and have like full of packet childhood trauma's You are all deserve care and help, you are not alone with your traumatic things
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123BabyMacy!
Ive been the scapegoat ever since my brother was born. My parents always treated him better and blamed me for his mistakes. Like, 4 example, he drops food on the floor, im blamed for it. i never knew i was the scapegoat untill now. Tysm
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Ive been the scapegoat ever since my brother was born. My parents always treated him better and blamed me for his mistakes. Like, 4 example, he drops food on the floor, im blamed for it. i never knew i was the scapegoat untill now. Tysm
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Fuzzy
I was a scapegoat in my group friend and it just make want too go and crying and my classmates always saying that I was the bad person and in the family my mom sometimes say See your cousin he is more discipline that you when i don't do her way
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I was a scapegoat in my group friend and it just make want too go and crying and my classmates always saying that I was the bad person and in the family my mom sometimes say See your cousin he is more discipline that you when i don't do her way
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