9 Phrases You Should NEVER Say To Anyone
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Aoife
Are you okay?
This can, for me, be the worst question asked. For example, I can text my friend about a full-on mental breakdown, tell her exactly how I feel, and then this. No, I am not okay, if you haven't realised yourself, dear. If this question comes straight after I type an essay on my emotions, especially if it's not followed by anything else, I'm forced to say Yeah, I'm fine like what I just said didn't count for anything.
It often makes me feel misunderstood, and I don't even know what to do in those situations. It's like telling someone to smile through their tears - impossible. And I believe it's fine to ask this question in some cases - like, for example, if a person is acting happy but you know they're not, this question comes as the best remedy. Don't ever say this to a crying person, it's better to ask them what happened. It's a debatable enough thing, asking this question, but it's always best to imagine how the person will react. If you think they might feel misunderstood, try a different, more specific question.
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Are you okay?
This can, for me, be the worst question asked. For example, I can text my friend about a full-on mental breakdown, tell her exactly how I feel, and then this. No, I am not okay, if you haven't realised yourself, dear. If this question comes straight after I type an essay on my emotions, especially if it's not followed by anything else, I'm forced to say Yeah, I'm fine like what I just said didn't count for anything.
It often makes me feel misunderstood, and I don't even know what to do in those situations. It's like telling someone to smile through their tears - impossible. And I believe it's fine to ask this question in some cases - like, for example, if a person is acting happy but you know they're not, this question comes as the best remedy. Don't ever say this to a crying person, it's better to ask them what happened. It's a debatable enough thing, asking this question, but it's always best to imagine how the person will react. If you think they might feel misunderstood, try a different, more specific question.
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Susan
I agree with most of this. However, we also have to recognize that feelings are NOT accurate indicators of reality. Feelings have no basis in facts or the reality of your situation many times.
For instance, have you ever taken a nap, and when you lie down, you're fine, but when you wake up, you're mad at the world? Nothing changed except your feelings.
There are no good or bad feelings - feelings just are. But no matter how you're feeling, it will change. I have to remind myself of this when I have a bout of depression. I have to remember that the thoughts going through my head - based on my feelings - are inaccurate representations of reality.
I agree that these statements are ALL really unhelpful and possibly damaging to the other person. I actually had a therapist tell me one time, It's easy. Just don't be depressed. Honestly, I've never wanted to slap someone so badly in my life.
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I agree with most of this. However, we also have to recognize that feelings are NOT accurate indicators of reality. Feelings have no basis in facts or the reality of your situation many times.
For instance, have you ever taken a nap, and when you lie down, you're fine, but when you wake up, you're mad at the world? Nothing changed except your feelings.
There are no good or bad feelings - feelings just are. But no matter how you're feeling, it will change. I have to remind myself of this when I have a bout of depression. I have to remember that the thoughts going through my head - based on my feelings - are inaccurate representations of reality.
I agree that these statements are ALL really unhelpful and possibly damaging to the other person. I actually had a therapist tell me one time, It's easy. Just don't be depressed. Honestly, I've never wanted to slap someone so badly in my life.
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Dawn
I AM sorry they feel that way, especially if I wasn't even TRYING to hurt their feelings, or if I wasn't even talking about them in the first place. I get sick of having to tiptoe around certain people because they can't deal with normal conversations and the same kind of joking I use with literally everyone else. I try to be kind and reasonably sensitive to people's feelings, but when you can't even ask someone to clean up after themselves without them getting all butthurt about it, I'm just done. I prefer to simply not be around people who get their feelings hurt over every little thing, if I can possibly avoid it. It's also ridiculous when no amount of apologizing seems to help. Look, either forgive me or don't forgive me, but don't keep throwing it back up in my face for years and years. I can't spend the rest of my life apologizing when it doesn't change anything, anyway.
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I AM sorry they feel that way, especially if I wasn't even TRYING to hurt their feelings, or if I wasn't even talking about them in the first place. I get sick of having to tiptoe around certain people because they can't deal with normal conversations and the same kind of joking I use with literally everyone else. I try to be kind and reasonably sensitive to people's feelings, but when you can't even ask someone to clean up after themselves without them getting all butthurt about it, I'm just done. I prefer to simply not be around people who get their feelings hurt over every little thing, if I can possibly avoid it. It's also ridiculous when no amount of apologizing seems to help. Look, either forgive me or don't forgive me, but don't keep throwing it back up in my face for years and years. I can't spend the rest of my life apologizing when it doesn't change anything, anyway.
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Dont
Ive been emotionally invalidated a lot and trust me it hurts it makes me feel like Im the problem and that Im a burden and I just hate it as a kid I almost got bitten and got chased by a dog and my parents completely dismissed it making me feel like im the problem and I still retain a fear of dogs to this very day and then theres people saying that Im too sensitive when I have to plug my ears when I hear a loud sound I hate it when people do this stuff and it feels like it happens all the time and I feel like I cant tell anyone or there gonna dismiss everything saying Im too sensitive it really hurts I feel like I cant be who I am and theres also people saying youll get over it and it just makes me feel like what Im feeling is wrong I hate it I wish it could just do it more happening
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Ive been emotionally invalidated a lot and trust me it hurts it makes me feel like Im the problem and that Im a burden and I just hate it as a kid I almost got bitten and got chased by a dog and my parents completely dismissed it making me feel like im the problem and I still retain a fear of dogs to this very day and then theres people saying that Im too sensitive when I have to plug my ears when I hear a loud sound I hate it when people do this stuff and it feels like it happens all the time and I feel like I cant tell anyone or there gonna dismiss everything saying Im too sensitive it really hurts I feel like I cant be who I am and theres also people saying youll get over it and it just makes me feel like what Im feeling is wrong I hate it I wish it could just do it more happening
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Ashley
Here's another invalidating phrase: Why should/does it bother you. My mom and older sister said this to me on a couple of occasions. This is said when Person #1 has a serious complaint or problem that needs to be addressed, but instead of taking the matter into consideration, Person #2 downplays the situation thinking or believing that it has nothing to do with him/her when Person #1 clearly needs/wants the help. This phrase can also be used as a form of gaslighting when not being asked in a therapeutic or interrogative sense when Person #2 has been caught up in some suspicious behavior and tries to make Person #1 second-guess him/herself in the middle of the interrogation to change the subject.
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Here's another invalidating phrase: Why should/does it bother you. My mom and older sister said this to me on a couple of occasions. This is said when Person #1 has a serious complaint or problem that needs to be addressed, but instead of taking the matter into consideration, Person #2 downplays the situation thinking or believing that it has nothing to do with him/her when Person #1 clearly needs/wants the help. This phrase can also be used as a form of gaslighting when not being asked in a therapeutic or interrogative sense when Person #2 has been caught up in some suspicious behavior and tries to make Person #1 second-guess him/herself in the middle of the interrogation to change the subject.
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Taps2Rats
But many of the first phrases actually helped to spot actual mental problems and get diagnoses, for example sensory hypersensitivity or other similar things. Saying the sentences does not happen in a vacuum, so I try to explain why I feel like someone is over sensitive, or should not feel something.
Like constant strong neckpain. People should not feel such a thing. So we know when to go to the doctor or physiotherapist.
Also some stuff like feeling like you are always under threat or constant feeling of someone looking and following. Are something you should not feel MOST of the time. I just want people to unveil their emotions to themselves. After spotting something unusual.
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But many of the first phrases actually helped to spot actual mental problems and get diagnoses, for example sensory hypersensitivity or other similar things. Saying the sentences does not happen in a vacuum, so I try to explain why I feel like someone is over sensitive, or should not feel something.
Like constant strong neckpain. People should not feel such a thing. So we know when to go to the doctor or physiotherapist.
Also some stuff like feeling like you are always under threat or constant feeling of someone looking and following. Are something you should not feel MOST of the time. I just want people to unveil their emotions to themselves. After spotting something unusual.
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Anime-ish
I actually kinda agree with everything happens for a reason but when saying that, it should have been made clear that the reasons are not always known and it's not always their fault and to support that person look for solutions for the problem together. I got that for my dad but the with him is that he used to blame me a lot. Until i made him realize that i am his son and it should be his fault for not raising me properly. And i thought it was pretty unfair for me to take all the blame without him involved. So i asked him if have children, is it also my fault if they are having problems when their lives or if i have problems with them? That is when the realization came.
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I actually kinda agree with everything happens for a reason but when saying that, it should have been made clear that the reasons are not always known and it's not always their fault and to support that person look for solutions for the problem together. I got that for my dad but the with him is that he used to blame me a lot. Until i made him realize that i am his son and it should be his fault for not raising me properly. And i thought it was pretty unfair for me to take all the blame without him involved. So i asked him if have children, is it also my fault if they are having problems when their lives or if i have problems with them? That is when the realization came.
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Todd
This all very Sesame Street/day care (ie not the real world.
Sometimes people lie about their feelings.
Or they exaggerate or suppress their responses, sometimes to get something they want or to avoid something unpleasant.
Not all feelings are equally valid.
Some of these things might be exactly what a person needs to hear in that moment.
Never is too strong a word. Avoid would have been more realistic.
These writers obviously have never been parents, in a romantic relationship with a woman, or are over the age of forty.
Maybe bring in some parents, adults or hetero males to review your scripts.
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This all very Sesame Street/day care (ie not the real world.
Sometimes people lie about their feelings.
Or they exaggerate or suppress their responses, sometimes to get something they want or to avoid something unpleasant.
Not all feelings are equally valid.
Some of these things might be exactly what a person needs to hear in that moment.
Never is too strong a word. Avoid would have been more realistic.
These writers obviously have never been parents, in a romantic relationship with a woman, or are over the age of forty.
Maybe bring in some parents, adults or hetero males to review your scripts.
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Wedfomi
You shouldn't feel that way. This sentense triggered a memory inside my head. When I used to go to school, there where problems (I think that hasn't changed. But every time I tried to complain, all my classmates (and even the teachers) said someting like you shouldn't complain! You have the highest grades in this course. So, do good grades take your right to complain? Of course not! My advice to everyone who is in this situation: don't let them take your right to complain. Keep standing in for fairness and keep fighting agains the problems even when you're at the top of your class!
Sorry for my english
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You shouldn't feel that way. This sentense triggered a memory inside my head. When I used to go to school, there where problems (I think that hasn't changed. But every time I tried to complain, all my classmates (and even the teachers) said someting like you shouldn't complain! You have the highest grades in this course. So, do good grades take your right to complain? Of course not! My advice to everyone who is in this situation: don't let them take your right to complain. Keep standing in for fairness and keep fighting agains the problems even when you're at the top of your class!
Sorry for my english
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PRGME7
Due to sources such as social Justice warriors I have come to the following assumptions.
1: emotional pain can be objectively measured and quantified
2: having lower emotional pain than somebody else is supposed to make a problem a non issue due to a person experiencing lower emotional pain and trauma
3: by this logic only the person who has experienced the most emotional pain/trauma to the highest possible degree should have their emotions validated.
4: I am not that person. Thus my emotional trauma should be treated as a non issue due to it being less than this person.
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Due to sources such as social Justice warriors I have come to the following assumptions.
1: emotional pain can be objectively measured and quantified
2: having lower emotional pain than somebody else is supposed to make a problem a non issue due to a person experiencing lower emotional pain and trauma
3: by this logic only the person who has experienced the most emotional pain/trauma to the highest possible degree should have their emotions validated.
4: I am not that person. Thus my emotional trauma should be treated as a non issue due to it being less than this person.
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Roger
That expression Sorry you feel that way could mean one or two things, depending on the situation. It could be said by someone who heard ourselves or other people talking shoot something bad, hard, stressful, devastating, disappointing, biggest/strongest needs/wants, extremely challenging to resolve, etc. Those people will come to realize and know that they cannot fix it or make it better, although they deeply feel strong for ourselves or other people with strong feelings that we are having.
That expression is peoples way
of saying Hey, thats not my problem.
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That expression Sorry you feel that way could mean one or two things, depending on the situation. It could be said by someone who heard ourselves or other people talking shoot something bad, hard, stressful, devastating, disappointing, biggest/strongest needs/wants, extremely challenging to resolve, etc. Those people will come to realize and know that they cannot fix it or make it better, although they deeply feel strong for ourselves or other people with strong feelings that we are having.
That expression is peoples way
of saying Hey, thats not my problem.
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snoww
You forgot one thing. It depends on the situation, but I dont think you should say everything is fine or are you alright? to a person that is obviously not alright. A situation where you should avoid saying these is when a person very close to them has passed. I always feel like I have to say that I'm fine as an answer, and while it might show that you care for their feelings, its not a great help. Instead, try hugging them silently.
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You forgot one thing. It depends on the situation, but I dont think you should say everything is fine or are you alright? to a person that is obviously not alright. A situation where you should avoid saying these is when a person very close to them has passed. I always feel like I have to say that I'm fine as an answer, and while it might show that you care for their feelings, its not a great help. Instead, try hugging them silently.
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Noke
Only time I tell someone its all in their head is when they express a concern about something they think i think abou them and then follow it up with explaining how and why I don't think or feel the way they think I do. I only say it as a reassurance tactic and always follow up with someone to backup the phrase. Taught myself this because I learned being unclear is bad and I used to be and can sometimes be unsympathetic.
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Only time I tell someone its all in their head is when they express a concern about something they think i think abou them and then follow it up with explaining how and why I don't think or feel the way they think I do. I only say it as a reassurance tactic and always follow up with someone to backup the phrase. Taught myself this because I learned being unclear is bad and I used to be and can sometimes be unsympathetic.
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Sally
Yea had it all said to me by my now ex bf. It hurts and is totally disrespectful. Its not her experience. its mine n she is a reiki master so should know better. I always reply now to anything like this. Youve got about as much sensitivity as a JCB digger, then I choose to distance myselfits the only way n they cant hurt you further. This is an awesome video n should be taught in schools collegeswell everywhere
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Yea had it all said to me by my now ex bf. It hurts and is totally disrespectful. Its not her experience. its mine n she is a reiki master so should know better. I always reply now to anything like this. Youve got about as much sensitivity as a JCB digger, then I choose to distance myselfits the only way n they cant hurt you further. This is an awesome video n should be taught in schools collegeswell everywhere
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GROW_SNAP
I sometimes do this unintentionally (on the first one) especially since I am still in the works of fixing myself I fixed myself when it comes to manipulation but I still have some cons since I was around people that made it feel normalized to be a bad person but this was good to know maybe I should fix my mind set and make others feel good about themselves too
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I sometimes do this unintentionally (on the first one) especially since I am still in the works of fixing myself I fixed myself when it comes to manipulation but I still have some cons since I was around people that made it feel normalized to be a bad person but this was good to know maybe I should fix my mind set and make others feel good about themselves too
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SurfingSadness
I would add something to the list (not a phrase, more like a general statement): saying someone your opionion about their problems, feelings, choices.
If they gave you permision, it's okay; if not, I think in most cases it's better to just listen mindfully to what they have to say.
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I would add something to the list (not a phrase, more like a general statement): saying someone your opionion about their problems, feelings, choices.
If they gave you permision, it's okay; if not, I think in most cases it's better to just listen mindfully to what they have to say.
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Lauren
Dont let that bother us/annoy you/upset you. Or that Im too sensitive. Been told a lot growing up. So its hard for me to open up/trust people. Made me feel like it wasnt ok for me to feel certain ways. I know it is now, but I still struggle with my emotions. Love these videos.
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Dont let that bother us/annoy you/upset you. Or that Im too sensitive. Been told a lot growing up. So its hard for me to open up/trust people. Made me feel like it wasnt ok for me to feel certain ways. I know it is now, but I still struggle with my emotions. Love these videos.
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Rox
Where is Someone has it much worse than you! I was always told this when I was younger when I HAVE been through some stuff during that time I couldn't ever be like I went through this and since I was so young. It was very confusing and it did hurt me a lot! Love this video tho!
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Where is Someone has it much worse than you! I was always told this when I was younger when I HAVE been through some stuff during that time I couldn't ever be like I went through this and since I was so young. It was very confusing and it did hurt me a lot! Love this video tho!
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Victor
I agree with everything besides I don't think that's an issue. There are some things that I've been told that genuinely aren't an issue. I mean, I've never said it like this verbatim, but if I see another way of perceiving a situation I would always share it
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I agree with everything besides I don't think that's an issue. There are some things that I've been told that genuinely aren't an issue. I mean, I've never said it like this verbatim, but if I see another way of perceiving a situation I would always share it
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Joyful
You shouldn't feel that way - even if you might be right subjectively in certain rare and extreme circumstances, it is unhelpful to say this, because while a person can mostly control how they act, they can very rarely if ever control how they feel.
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You shouldn't feel that way - even if you might be right subjectively in certain rare and extreme circumstances, it is unhelpful to say this, because while a person can mostly control how they act, they can very rarely if ever control how they feel.
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Gamer
Thank you so much bc I've told these things to my mom more than once, I just hoped that she'd snap outta it that way, but now I realize how wrong I was. Thank you I'll never say such things to anyone in situations like that ever again.
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Thank you so much bc I've told these things to my mom more than once, I just hoped that she'd snap outta it that way, but now I realize how wrong I was. Thank you I'll never say such things to anyone in situations like that ever again.
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Tommy6Boy
I understand why saying everything happens for a reason can do more damage than good, but my mum told me that when I was young and I helped me move along problems in life instead of just thinking that I deserved it!
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I understand why saying everything happens for a reason can do more damage than good, but my mum told me that when I was young and I helped me move along problems in life instead of just thinking that I deserved it!
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Snout
Some more you should never say, especially to your family:
1 I hate you
2 I hope you d
3 I wish you werent my [ ]
No matter how mad I get, I would never say these because I know what will happen if I do
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Some more you should never say, especially to your family:
1 I hate you
2 I hope you d
3 I wish you werent my [ ]
No matter how mad I get, I would never say these because I know what will happen if I do
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Ro
What do you say then? I agree with a few things in this video and I'm guilty of saying a few things with only good intentions behind them. But what do you say to a friend that'd hurting. please help me understand
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What do you say then? I agree with a few things in this video and I'm guilty of saying a few things with only good intentions behind them. But what do you say to a friend that'd hurting. please help me understand
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London
My parents when Im crying or on the brink of self harm of have been actually banging my head against a wall often and I mean OFTEN tell me I am just being dramatic they say this with a position of authority
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My parents when Im crying or on the brink of self harm of have been actually banging my head against a wall often and I mean OFTEN tell me I am just being dramatic they say this with a position of authority
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