How Modern Dating Is Destroying Us
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Date: 2024-06-11
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Comments and reviews: 20
Chunamunch
While it may not work for everyone, it seems to be working for me as of late. When I met my current partner, I was so turned off from the idea of dating after my ex before him. I felt so burned and hurt that I didn't want to even try trusting other people. It took a friend telling me to go to a theater audition since I have done lights for shows since high school. At the audition, she and her husband also had a friend there. The joke I tell is to me, just how he even walked into the theater, I thought he looked like a douche who was full of himself. That same night, I saw him be the funniest and most sociable person, which I kinda envied in a way since I knew I wasn't like that. I wasn't ready to be like that. Over the next few practices, we would talk and find similar interests. We would then start texting because we wanted to talk more about those interests when we couldn't see each other at practice. That grew into me finding excuses to take him home and just spend more time with him until now that we are dating and finding the balance of seeing each other on weekends while working during the week. The internet has helped some to keep in contact when we aren't together but want to talk. But the relationship was ultimately built on the in-person moments and connection we made and we want to continue to have as our main time to really get to know each other and interact.
We definitely thank our married couple friends for in a way helping us meet and get together because it was in a way, a big chance it all worked out. And sometimes it takes a chance of getting to know someone you might have thought didn't seem like someone you'd take the time to talk to or get to know. Obviously, relationships are more than that, just with how modern dating seems to work, this was a great difference I have enjoyed.
Find someone who brings out parts of you that you wish you would experience more, and you can be that person in a way too.
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While it may not work for everyone, it seems to be working for me as of late. When I met my current partner, I was so turned off from the idea of dating after my ex before him. I felt so burned and hurt that I didn't want to even try trusting other people. It took a friend telling me to go to a theater audition since I have done lights for shows since high school. At the audition, she and her husband also had a friend there. The joke I tell is to me, just how he even walked into the theater, I thought he looked like a douche who was full of himself. That same night, I saw him be the funniest and most sociable person, which I kinda envied in a way since I knew I wasn't like that. I wasn't ready to be like that. Over the next few practices, we would talk and find similar interests. We would then start texting because we wanted to talk more about those interests when we couldn't see each other at practice. That grew into me finding excuses to take him home and just spend more time with him until now that we are dating and finding the balance of seeing each other on weekends while working during the week. The internet has helped some to keep in contact when we aren't together but want to talk. But the relationship was ultimately built on the in-person moments and connection we made and we want to continue to have as our main time to really get to know each other and interact.
We definitely thank our married couple friends for in a way helping us meet and get together because it was in a way, a big chance it all worked out. And sometimes it takes a chance of getting to know someone you might have thought didn't seem like someone you'd take the time to talk to or get to know. Obviously, relationships are more than that, just with how modern dating seems to work, this was a great difference I have enjoyed.
Find someone who brings out parts of you that you wish you would experience more, and you can be that person in a way too.
reply
robertfindley921
Social media has vastly increased women's dating pools, allowing them access to better looking, higher status men. And in doing so, average and below men have been largely left out. These men don't have endless choices. And shorter, less attractive men often have no choices at all. Just look at the online dating stats by gender. The nice, hard working, average looking guy in the same town doesn't stand a chance. The primary problem is modern feminism and social media conflict with historical hypergamy and female evolutionary mating strategies. Women say they want a nice, considerate, faithful and respectful man, but they really want a tall, handsome, high-status bad boy. Women no longer need a man to provide, but a man's ability and willingness to provide is the best indicator of a nice, hard working, faithful and respectful man. Women ratchet up their body count during their peak years, delay marriage to establish their career and then expect a top guy to dismiss their life of promiscuity, rush to get married and rush to have kids. A top guy even higher on the diminishing status ladder than they are. It's great women are empowered to get a degree, have a career and no longer depend on men, but it was that dependence that forced them to make prudent life decisions. Christian Grey doesn't exist, and if he did, he wouldn't go for a stressed out 31-year-old career woman with a body count of 39 pushing to get married and have her first kid in three years. But many refuse to settle for a shorter or less attractive guy, or a guy without a commensurate college degree and job title. In the end, the only winner is the tall, handsome player who pretends to want commitment. And the egg freezing clinics.
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Social media has vastly increased women's dating pools, allowing them access to better looking, higher status men. And in doing so, average and below men have been largely left out. These men don't have endless choices. And shorter, less attractive men often have no choices at all. Just look at the online dating stats by gender. The nice, hard working, average looking guy in the same town doesn't stand a chance. The primary problem is modern feminism and social media conflict with historical hypergamy and female evolutionary mating strategies. Women say they want a nice, considerate, faithful and respectful man, but they really want a tall, handsome, high-status bad boy. Women no longer need a man to provide, but a man's ability and willingness to provide is the best indicator of a nice, hard working, faithful and respectful man. Women ratchet up their body count during their peak years, delay marriage to establish their career and then expect a top guy to dismiss their life of promiscuity, rush to get married and rush to have kids. A top guy even higher on the diminishing status ladder than they are. It's great women are empowered to get a degree, have a career and no longer depend on men, but it was that dependence that forced them to make prudent life decisions. Christian Grey doesn't exist, and if he did, he wouldn't go for a stressed out 31-year-old career woman with a body count of 39 pushing to get married and have her first kid in three years. But many refuse to settle for a shorter or less attractive guy, or a guy without a commensurate college degree and job title. In the end, the only winner is the tall, handsome player who pretends to want commitment. And the egg freezing clinics.
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Mp-kx2fl
I honestly think it isn't the technology itself, it just enables less inhibited human nature. We were always like this we just had to suppress alot of it out of necessity, now we don't have to as much as we' feel less accountable behind a screen and it's manifesting not just in dating apps but how we interact with each other generally on social media. The the apps also commodify connection which is dystopian but I think this all stems from us as a species. On the other hand I know alot of success stories from dating apps so the focus on them being wholly negative in the past year or so seems odd to me unless something has fundamentally changed or we're just hyper focused on the negative externalities which we tend to do. We need to honestly evaluate how we interact andtreat each other in this new digital world because it isn't going away and I don't think it's honest to say the entirity of the problem lies with external technologies, alot of it is down to how we choose to treat one another and how well we adapt to this landscape
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I honestly think it isn't the technology itself, it just enables less inhibited human nature. We were always like this we just had to suppress alot of it out of necessity, now we don't have to as much as we' feel less accountable behind a screen and it's manifesting not just in dating apps but how we interact with each other generally on social media. The the apps also commodify connection which is dystopian but I think this all stems from us as a species. On the other hand I know alot of success stories from dating apps so the focus on them being wholly negative in the past year or so seems odd to me unless something has fundamentally changed or we're just hyper focused on the negative externalities which we tend to do. We need to honestly evaluate how we interact andtreat each other in this new digital world because it isn't going away and I don't think it's honest to say the entirity of the problem lies with external technologies, alot of it is down to how we choose to treat one another and how well we adapt to this landscape
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PixelaGames2000
I’m 24, female, and i never dated anyone before, never had a crush, never been in love, and of coursei never got married. Love and dating is so new and foreign to me, I’d like to get into it, but I’m still working on myself. If god has plans for me to find love, thenok! Sure. If notthen I guess I’m just destined to be alone. I often get lonely (we all do) and I sometimes just crave wholesome forms of affection (hugs, cuddles, kisses, stuff like that) I sometimes feel like I’m touch starved, and so Iget really shy when it comes to showing love and affection. My family isn’t the most affectionate, so I just didn’t experience much affection growing up (my family isn’t neglectful or anything, their just not the most affectionate) plus I was not that much of a hugger growing up (probably due to my autism and me being more prematurely) soI don’t know, I’d like to find a soulmate/life long partner and best friend, but I don’t know when or where I’ll find him.
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I’m 24, female, and i never dated anyone before, never had a crush, never been in love, and of coursei never got married. Love and dating is so new and foreign to me, I’d like to get into it, but I’m still working on myself. If god has plans for me to find love, thenok! Sure. If notthen I guess I’m just destined to be alone. I often get lonely (we all do) and I sometimes just crave wholesome forms of affection (hugs, cuddles, kisses, stuff like that) I sometimes feel like I’m touch starved, and so Iget really shy when it comes to showing love and affection. My family isn’t the most affectionate, so I just didn’t experience much affection growing up (my family isn’t neglectful or anything, their just not the most affectionate) plus I was not that much of a hugger growing up (probably due to my autism and me being more prematurely) soI don’t know, I’d like to find a soulmate/life long partner and best friend, but I don’t know when or where I’ll find him.
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lylaznboi01
I think I kind of grew numb in this modern dating world. While I do land dates every now and then, they don't last more than one to three dates. Some do mutually want a serious relationship, but I may not be the right match for them and just be friends or never talk again. I stopped letting rejection get to me and just be kind to them if I get rejected. If they feel like we don't connect, then we don't connect. Life just goes on. Do I get sad about it Sure, but I'm not gonna let it get to me. What I do think about when it comes to dating someone is if I like them or not. We can be fine through text, but if it's not working out the first few dates, then it is what it is. Control what you can control and don't let the world get to you.
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I think I kind of grew numb in this modern dating world. While I do land dates every now and then, they don't last more than one to three dates. Some do mutually want a serious relationship, but I may not be the right match for them and just be friends or never talk again. I stopped letting rejection get to me and just be kind to them if I get rejected. If they feel like we don't connect, then we don't connect. Life just goes on. Do I get sad about it Sure, but I'm not gonna let it get to me. What I do think about when it comes to dating someone is if I like them or not. We can be fine through text, but if it's not working out the first few dates, then it is what it is. Control what you can control and don't let the world get to you.
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tjsr
These videos are usually okay, but holy crap this one is way off base. The idea that someone shouldn't be able to trauma dump - and labelling it the way it does, holy crap. If a person you're dating is not willing to help you work through your issues, what on Earth are you doing investing in keeping them around, as that already says more about their character than yours. Relationships require effort. They also involve providing for and helping each other - and this is part of it, part of the package, whether you like it or not. Refusing to help others - especially someone you're trying to aim to become someones significant other - that's a sure sign you're not ready for them, or anyone, and are probably just a terrible person.
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These videos are usually okay, but holy crap this one is way off base. The idea that someone shouldn't be able to trauma dump - and labelling it the way it does, holy crap. If a person you're dating is not willing to help you work through your issues, what on Earth are you doing investing in keeping them around, as that already says more about their character than yours. Relationships require effort. They also involve providing for and helping each other - and this is part of it, part of the package, whether you like it or not. Refusing to help others - especially someone you're trying to aim to become someones significant other - that's a sure sign you're not ready for them, or anyone, and are probably just a terrible person.
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superruper1209
Romance has too much societal overlays. Any love, if genuine, occurs completely accidentally. It can, of course, be acquired through dating apps, but the chances are incredibly low. Really, romance is all about the person, that you would be fine spending the rest of your life with. Biological factors (like height, cup size, etc) should not be looked upon, unless the person is not responsible enough to care for a person with disabilities (though, honestly, anyone that's head over heels would be fine with caring for them. In conclusion - love shouldn't be searched for and it's aftermath of friendship-like relationship after the realization, that this person makes you happy mutually.
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Romance has too much societal overlays. Any love, if genuine, occurs completely accidentally. It can, of course, be acquired through dating apps, but the chances are incredibly low. Really, romance is all about the person, that you would be fine spending the rest of your life with. Biological factors (like height, cup size, etc) should not be looked upon, unless the person is not responsible enough to care for a person with disabilities (though, honestly, anyone that's head over heels would be fine with caring for them. In conclusion - love shouldn't be searched for and it's aftermath of friendship-like relationship after the realization, that this person makes you happy mutually.
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Eve_heart
Honestly, I completely agree. I'm currently a little over 6 months into my first ever romantic relationship and the person I'm with is not someone I met online or through a dating app, we just met through school and have been best friends for 3 years before we got together
I'm genuinely the happiest I've ever been, and while the modernity of it helps a lot with communication what with texting and calling and all that, being able to see him every day at school 'n have weekly in-person dates helps me feel so much closer to him
(I am also a self-defined huge romantic, so I try and do romantic things as often as I can, and it kinda reminds me of my parents, but in a good way-)
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Honestly, I completely agree. I'm currently a little over 6 months into my first ever romantic relationship and the person I'm with is not someone I met online or through a dating app, we just met through school and have been best friends for 3 years before we got together
I'm genuinely the happiest I've ever been, and while the modernity of it helps a lot with communication what with texting and calling and all that, being able to see him every day at school 'n have weekly in-person dates helps me feel so much closer to him
(I am also a self-defined huge romantic, so I try and do romantic things as often as I can, and it kinda reminds me of my parents, but in a good way-)
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albertvirgil4471
WOMEN have ruined it. How It's Simple, FEMINISM, ME2, The boss girl era, The sprinkle sprinkle girls movement, unrealistic expectations for example: 6 feet tall, 6 figure income, 6 pack and all the other things. But wait there us more. For example when women Virtue Signal amongst themselves, bodypositivity even though they are fat, putting on 1000 kg of makeup to change their appearance to catfish people, they are broke although they have 2
College degrees, have multiple male friends and an OF account. And I haven't mentioned the mental issues that they are having because of the high body count and exclusion out of the family because of the OF account.
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WOMEN have ruined it. How It's Simple, FEMINISM, ME2, The boss girl era, The sprinkle sprinkle girls movement, unrealistic expectations for example: 6 feet tall, 6 figure income, 6 pack and all the other things. But wait there us more. For example when women Virtue Signal amongst themselves, bodypositivity even though they are fat, putting on 1000 kg of makeup to change their appearance to catfish people, they are broke although they have 2
College degrees, have multiple male friends and an OF account. And I haven't mentioned the mental issues that they are having because of the high body count and exclusion out of the family because of the OF account.
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lfr234
While some points I can agree with, I feel like this video contains a lot of nostalgic bias. A lot of people got in relationships 20-30 years ago, because they felt like they had no choice and society demanded way more than today to be in a relationship. This led to a lot of unhealthy even sometimes abusive relationships that in some cases when kids were involved traumatised the next generation. Yes online dating is a challenge, but its okay that people experiment with new types of relationships and find what fits for them. Every generation faces their challenges, but romanticising older days does not help.
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While some points I can agree with, I feel like this video contains a lot of nostalgic bias. A lot of people got in relationships 20-30 years ago, because they felt like they had no choice and society demanded way more than today to be in a relationship. This led to a lot of unhealthy even sometimes abusive relationships that in some cases when kids were involved traumatised the next generation. Yes online dating is a challenge, but its okay that people experiment with new types of relationships and find what fits for them. Every generation faces their challenges, but romanticising older days does not help.
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samedhaarora7048
I found my current partner on a dating app, I've been on dating apps for quite a while so if someone is new to this, here are few things that worked for me,
1. Try talking to people who would rather prefer to meet in real life soon and only use the app to establish initial conversation. This way it's easier to try again than devoting your mental energy to someone online
2. TAKE IT SLOW. the apps are easy quick so we kinda expect this in relationships too. Let it be organic and move slowly this way you can see if it's a real connection or just settling for someone because of loneliness
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I found my current partner on a dating app, I've been on dating apps for quite a while so if someone is new to this, here are few things that worked for me,
1. Try talking to people who would rather prefer to meet in real life soon and only use the app to establish initial conversation. This way it's easier to try again than devoting your mental energy to someone online
2. TAKE IT SLOW. the apps are easy quick so we kinda expect this in relationships too. Let it be organic and move slowly this way you can see if it's a real connection or just settling for someone because of loneliness
reply
skyrailmaxima
There are massive penalties that can be incurred from relationships, from psycological to financial. With people so activly jumping into the ocean it is no wonder they drown. The worst part about a drowning victim is theyre more likely to drag you under than save them, which is an analogy all to fitting to the 'relationships' of today.
They will cost you.
People hide their pasts, especially that which matters.
No understanding of human nature has been passed from prior generations.
The environment is conducive of low investment.
The pareto principle rules over all.
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There are massive penalties that can be incurred from relationships, from psycological to financial. With people so activly jumping into the ocean it is no wonder they drown. The worst part about a drowning victim is theyre more likely to drag you under than save them, which is an analogy all to fitting to the 'relationships' of today.
They will cost you.
People hide their pasts, especially that which matters.
No understanding of human nature has been passed from prior generations.
The environment is conducive of low investment.
The pareto principle rules over all.
reply
amethyst41
Im an older teen so proper dating isnt a thing for me but most people i know have boyfriends’ (by which i mean literally just people on snap they’ve never met) and i always get asked why i dont have a boyfriend and its partly because im too young imo but partly because i’d rather date someone i know, or someone who actually cares, who would go that extra length to do the little things for me like bring me flowers or arrange dates that i would also do in return. Its scary to think growing up i may never find a person like this and i might only ever find someone online
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Im an older teen so proper dating isnt a thing for me but most people i know have boyfriends’ (by which i mean literally just people on snap they’ve never met) and i always get asked why i dont have a boyfriend and its partly because im too young imo but partly because i’d rather date someone i know, or someone who actually cares, who would go that extra length to do the little things for me like bring me flowers or arrange dates that i would also do in return. Its scary to think growing up i may never find a person like this and i might only ever find someone online
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thatnerddelilah916
The guy i like right now is so sweet and i think he likes me back but i do wish it was easier to talk in person. I want us to get to know each other through conversations, not social media posts. At the same time im grateful because thats how we even started to talk in the first place, he replied to a comment i made and we started texting. There are pros and cons to modern dating and i wish all of you good luck, wether your looking for someone right now or focusing on yourself, have a good life and spread kindness
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The guy i like right now is so sweet and i think he likes me back but i do wish it was easier to talk in person. I want us to get to know each other through conversations, not social media posts. At the same time im grateful because thats how we even started to talk in the first place, he replied to a comment i made and we started texting. There are pros and cons to modern dating and i wish all of you good luck, wether your looking for someone right now or focusing on yourself, have a good life and spread kindness
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twistedfellow7041
To be honest, I've never had luck with dating apps. Not from having too many choices, but not being chosen. I'm lucky to run into someone to talk to let alone anything more. Although I know people find it odd when someone actually talks in return rather than a simple hi or emoji. I guess my communication style and what I'm like is a general turn off with other complications of my life. On the plus side, it leaves more time for me to just be me without having to keep someone else in mind.
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To be honest, I've never had luck with dating apps. Not from having too many choices, but not being chosen. I'm lucky to run into someone to talk to let alone anything more. Although I know people find it odd when someone actually talks in return rather than a simple hi or emoji. I guess my communication style and what I'm like is a general turn off with other complications of my life. On the plus side, it leaves more time for me to just be me without having to keep someone else in mind.
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askel6498
What's also a bad feeling is, when you've chosen one person you like and you want to be with, but that person has so many other potential partners interested in them, that they end up choosing noone, and you can't shake of the feeling of: If they hadn't so much people interested in them they would've chosen me.
Edit: In conjunction with the feeling If I would've been better, this person would've chosen me.
It might not even be true, but it's an awful feeling nonetheless.
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What's also a bad feeling is, when you've chosen one person you like and you want to be with, but that person has so many other potential partners interested in them, that they end up choosing noone, and you can't shake of the feeling of: If they hadn't so much people interested in them they would've chosen me.
Edit: In conjunction with the feeling If I would've been better, this person would've chosen me.
It might not even be true, but it's an awful feeling nonetheless.
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darth_lopez532
I gave up, I'm not attractive enough for dating apps, and I have no drive to pursue anyone anymore. No one ever expressed an interest and when they do they never want to actually meet. So I quite. I'm generally pretty content I just work more. Eventually everything will be done and we are all born alone and fie alone anyway. I just si, oly don't have the patience or desire to play the multitudinous landscape of games people want the play to find a partner just done
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I gave up, I'm not attractive enough for dating apps, and I have no drive to pursue anyone anymore. No one ever expressed an interest and when they do they never want to actually meet. So I quite. I'm generally pretty content I just work more. Eventually everything will be done and we are all born alone and fie alone anyway. I just si, oly don't have the patience or desire to play the multitudinous landscape of games people want the play to find a partner just done
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LL_SHAWN_P____
The majority of men like small petite and shape women and those type of women are scarce and hard to come by in the ages of 30 and up. Most women that look good are looking good because they are in their 20s or teenagers. Where are all the women in their 30s and 40s looking good They are nowhere to be found and that’s why I will be single for the rest of my life because I have refused and my little friend does not work with and obese women.
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The majority of men like small petite and shape women and those type of women are scarce and hard to come by in the ages of 30 and up. Most women that look good are looking good because they are in their 20s or teenagers. Where are all the women in their 30s and 40s looking good They are nowhere to be found and that’s why I will be single for the rest of my life because I have refused and my little friend does not work with and obese women.
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psych2go
Using technology was still fine back then. It's just how people perceive relationships these days, back then even though it was online. It was fun because I could be myself still and there weren't any rules I had to follow. No astrology signs, no height or weight standards and they sure in the hell didn't ask me how much I made. It was nice it was simple and it was full of laughter and friendship. Now its just bull shit and more bull shit
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Using technology was still fine back then. It's just how people perceive relationships these days, back then even though it was online. It was fun because I could be myself still and there weren't any rules I had to follow. No astrology signs, no height or weight standards and they sure in the hell didn't ask me how much I made. It was nice it was simple and it was full of laughter and friendship. Now its just bull shit and more bull shit
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ashhan781
Tbh, the issue is that so many people wanted to he bad boys and bad girls and it made a rap music dating scene, our insecurities has grown to hurt ourselves more now then it use to be. I feel like a lot of us nowadays feel more worthless in a relationship now than you used to back in the day.
Like relationship and love isn't private nor is sx, it's as open as ads on a mobile game app, and all we say is it is what it is.
reply
Tbh, the issue is that so many people wanted to he bad boys and bad girls and it made a rap music dating scene, our insecurities has grown to hurt ourselves more now then it use to be. I feel like a lot of us nowadays feel more worthless in a relationship now than you used to back in the day.
Like relationship and love isn't private nor is sx, it's as open as ads on a mobile game app, and all we say is it is what it is.
reply
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