8 Harmful Things That Parents Say To Their Kids
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Cookie_Queen
I've heard all these from my parents but I'm certain that they only want the best for me. I (personally) think that they love me but miscommunicate or expect me to be the best. When I was younger, I would constantly cheat on tests just to make THEM happy because when they are genuinely happy it makes me feel the same way.
But because of this, they think I'm some kind of genius and always expect amazing results so if I even ask about going to a friend's house because of a good test score (genuine, they would just make me stay at home and study for my own benefit (which I understand. Sorry for venting but I just need some clarification and advice - do they really love me and expect me to do the best by giving me at least 7 tutoring/other classes in a week, WHICH I DIDN'T WANT (eg, piano, guitar, debating) and expect amazing results OR are they just using this as perhaps a coping mechanism to deal with their own childhood issues?
(My mum always vents to me about her horrible childhood and my dad had his dad cheat, gamble, and domestically abuse his mother. I've struggled with depression and anxiety when I was around 11 for 3 years and even though I'm much older now I'm still struggling with motivation.
(SORRY for venting I just needed to get it out but what do I do)
Here is my schedule to let you know how crowded my parents want my life to be: Monday - school, tennis, writing course tutoring. Tuesday - private tutor sessions, Wednesday - private tutoring lessons, thursday - debating + dance (Which i actually enjoy yay, friday - piano, guitar, saturday - mathmatics tutoring for only an hour and the rest of the day to get HW done, sunday - English tutoring and a 2 hr time slot to practice guitar, piano, etc.
I'm also getting worried about my sister because they're starting to enforce this on her as well (she's 13) but always compare me to her for some reason? Help ppl, please.
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I've heard all these from my parents but I'm certain that they only want the best for me. I (personally) think that they love me but miscommunicate or expect me to be the best. When I was younger, I would constantly cheat on tests just to make THEM happy because when they are genuinely happy it makes me feel the same way.
But because of this, they think I'm some kind of genius and always expect amazing results so if I even ask about going to a friend's house because of a good test score (genuine, they would just make me stay at home and study for my own benefit (which I understand. Sorry for venting but I just need some clarification and advice - do they really love me and expect me to do the best by giving me at least 7 tutoring/other classes in a week, WHICH I DIDN'T WANT (eg, piano, guitar, debating) and expect amazing results OR are they just using this as perhaps a coping mechanism to deal with their own childhood issues?
(My mum always vents to me about her horrible childhood and my dad had his dad cheat, gamble, and domestically abuse his mother. I've struggled with depression and anxiety when I was around 11 for 3 years and even though I'm much older now I'm still struggling with motivation.
(SORRY for venting I just needed to get it out but what do I do)
Here is my schedule to let you know how crowded my parents want my life to be: Monday - school, tennis, writing course tutoring. Tuesday - private tutor sessions, Wednesday - private tutoring lessons, thursday - debating + dance (Which i actually enjoy yay, friday - piano, guitar, saturday - mathmatics tutoring for only an hour and the rest of the day to get HW done, sunday - English tutoring and a 2 hr time slot to practice guitar, piano, etc.
I'm also getting worried about my sister because they're starting to enforce this on her as well (she's 13) but always compare me to her for some reason? Help ppl, please.
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Victor
When My parent's told me stuff like this, I would list thing that made their words look like garbage, like:
Parent: Not in my house
Me: First, are you saying that the house is more important than me? '
Parent What? NO--
Me Second, you are the one who decided to have me, so your implying that it's my fault that you wanted and HAVE a child. are you blaming me for your decisions?
Parent STOP TWIS--
Me: Before you say 'stop twisting my word, ' you are the one saying it, and not just that, you tell more expressions that make you look like a manipulator, so tell me what you mean. Your the one raising me. your are my main influence, so if you want to blame someone for me acting this way, blame yourself. If you want me to listen, then respect me and what I think and say, even if I'm wrong. I am a human being, and I deserve respect like you do with other people. So if you don't want me telling other people about how you treat me, than do better. So stop telling me this nonsense. because it makes you look foolish and makes me I had a a smarter and better parent than you. So what are you going to say now. huh?
Parent.
Me Of course.
Now that I look back my parents might have actually listen to that, and respect me more as a person, and I still respect there authority as parents, and see that I should have said it better with respect, as every child should, but have enough respect for myself to stand up to myself that if it happened again, i would totally give them a bad reputation to others.
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When My parent's told me stuff like this, I would list thing that made their words look like garbage, like:
Parent: Not in my house
Me: First, are you saying that the house is more important than me? '
Parent What? NO--
Me Second, you are the one who decided to have me, so your implying that it's my fault that you wanted and HAVE a child. are you blaming me for your decisions?
Parent STOP TWIS--
Me: Before you say 'stop twisting my word, ' you are the one saying it, and not just that, you tell more expressions that make you look like a manipulator, so tell me what you mean. Your the one raising me. your are my main influence, so if you want to blame someone for me acting this way, blame yourself. If you want me to listen, then respect me and what I think and say, even if I'm wrong. I am a human being, and I deserve respect like you do with other people. So if you don't want me telling other people about how you treat me, than do better. So stop telling me this nonsense. because it makes you look foolish and makes me I had a a smarter and better parent than you. So what are you going to say now. huh?
Parent.
Me Of course.
Now that I look back my parents might have actually listen to that, and respect me more as a person, and I still respect there authority as parents, and see that I should have said it better with respect, as every child should, but have enough respect for myself to stand up to myself that if it happened again, i would totally give them a bad reputation to others.
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Witchtale
I remember _Why are you crying. _ multiple times but it was said in an unworried kind of annoyed tone, so now Im nervous to cry around anyone but ironically that nervousness makes me want to cry more.
I also have this thing where, Im not sure if its because of what someone said or did and it might be my own anxiety, but I have a somewhat strong fear of getting in trouble for things, even mistakes, thats what happened yesterday actually. I was just imagining that my dad would be mad and couldnt help but be on the verge of crying with my eyes starting to water while explaining what happened, but he didnt get mad, not at all, but I was still crying despite that.
I feel the need to add because of my insecurity of this, that Im not the type to sob but rather stay quiet and not want to speak while crying because of the sound of my own voice, definitely sure its out of the want to somehow make it less obvious Im crying.
Definitely doesnt help that Im in the stages of being an early teenage girl -_-
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I remember _Why are you crying. _ multiple times but it was said in an unworried kind of annoyed tone, so now Im nervous to cry around anyone but ironically that nervousness makes me want to cry more.
I also have this thing where, Im not sure if its because of what someone said or did and it might be my own anxiety, but I have a somewhat strong fear of getting in trouble for things, even mistakes, thats what happened yesterday actually. I was just imagining that my dad would be mad and couldnt help but be on the verge of crying with my eyes starting to water while explaining what happened, but he didnt get mad, not at all, but I was still crying despite that.
I feel the need to add because of my insecurity of this, that Im not the type to sob but rather stay quiet and not want to speak while crying because of the sound of my own voice, definitely sure its out of the want to somehow make it less obvious Im crying.
Definitely doesnt help that Im in the stages of being an early teenage girl -_-
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Olena
Its pretty weird you see my mom studied psychology in college and well she told me a lot of this stuff to me growing and as I see more of this stuff on the internet I just cant understand anymore Im not sure whats right or wrong. I mean Ive never been to an actual psychologist but Ive been told all my life by my mother that Im fine, that like you listed Im fine, Im being to sensitive and some people have it worse. For some reason Im stuck and its hard to tell my parents I need help, at school Ive been bullied or teased as my mom says since kindergarten at first it was just teasing but over time beginning in third grade kids started telling me to kill myself but Im not sure if its that deep. I dont know why but I cant seem to tell my parents especially my mom. Maybe I am just overthinking and overreacting but to me it doesnt seem that way. I wrote quite a bit in this but, idk anymore. What should I do?
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Its pretty weird you see my mom studied psychology in college and well she told me a lot of this stuff to me growing and as I see more of this stuff on the internet I just cant understand anymore Im not sure whats right or wrong. I mean Ive never been to an actual psychologist but Ive been told all my life by my mother that Im fine, that like you listed Im fine, Im being to sensitive and some people have it worse. For some reason Im stuck and its hard to tell my parents I need help, at school Ive been bullied or teased as my mom says since kindergarten at first it was just teasing but over time beginning in third grade kids started telling me to kill myself but Im not sure if its that deep. I dont know why but I cant seem to tell my parents especially my mom. Maybe I am just overthinking and overreacting but to me it doesnt seem that way. I wrote quite a bit in this but, idk anymore. What should I do?
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Thekidnextdoor
my parents only see the bad in me they only notice something when i make a mistake, like one time no alot of times they see my phone watching videos telling me i never do anything i am always on my phone i just took a break from school work at the time they act like i didn't do anything wasting my hardwork and not notice it,
They compare me with my older sisters saying why are you like that your sisters are nothing like you, well maybe because they're always busy on work you see the good in them you don't treat them like the way you treat me, my parents blame my Catholic school that school was the best thing that ever happened to me everyone were kind and loving my problems come from home i talk properly and be nice sincerely i am only different at home maybe because they're different I don't feel love at all they don't recognize my efforts
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my parents only see the bad in me they only notice something when i make a mistake, like one time no alot of times they see my phone watching videos telling me i never do anything i am always on my phone i just took a break from school work at the time they act like i didn't do anything wasting my hardwork and not notice it,
They compare me with my older sisters saying why are you like that your sisters are nothing like you, well maybe because they're always busy on work you see the good in them you don't treat them like the way you treat me, my parents blame my Catholic school that school was the best thing that ever happened to me everyone were kind and loving my problems come from home i talk properly and be nice sincerely i am only different at home maybe because they're different I don't feel love at all they don't recognize my efforts
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Efficiency
I've heard all of these from both my parents over the years. Number 8 in the form of We'll see or We'll be back soon was especially painful to me. Even now I still hear it from my parents and it makes me feel like a sucker each time I fall for it.
Another one I'd like to add is Stop giving me your excuses. I'd hear that along with It's your fault mainly from my dad. It really sucked because it made me feel defenseless, since any attempt at explaining my situation would be regarded as a worthless excuse.
I always saw the world differently from my parents, and as much as they would pretend to understand me, I don't think they really do at all. Even today, there are times where they act like my opinion doesn't matter, which leaves me feeling ridiculous and frustrated.
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I've heard all of these from both my parents over the years. Number 8 in the form of We'll see or We'll be back soon was especially painful to me. Even now I still hear it from my parents and it makes me feel like a sucker each time I fall for it.
Another one I'd like to add is Stop giving me your excuses. I'd hear that along with It's your fault mainly from my dad. It really sucked because it made me feel defenseless, since any attempt at explaining my situation would be regarded as a worthless excuse.
I always saw the world differently from my parents, and as much as they would pretend to understand me, I don't think they really do at all. Even today, there are times where they act like my opinion doesn't matter, which leaves me feeling ridiculous and frustrated.
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kairu
I have a form of autism and none of these fit exactly, but the closest are 2, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Two more you might want to add;
Don't you know how much money I/we spent on your [insert thing or interest].
You're only good at-
When you've been effectively ignored your entire life even by other kids in school and teachers, with the exception of being bullied or talked down on, it becomes hard to feel like you deserve anything.
Even depression feels exhausting when you don't feel like you deserve to be depressed because others have it harder.
Especially since i have a learning disorder where it makes it so i have to work several magnitudes harder to accomplish normal results, and then forget quicker.
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I have a form of autism and none of these fit exactly, but the closest are 2, 5, 6, 7, 8.
Two more you might want to add;
Don't you know how much money I/we spent on your [insert thing or interest].
You're only good at-
When you've been effectively ignored your entire life even by other kids in school and teachers, with the exception of being bullied or talked down on, it becomes hard to feel like you deserve anything.
Even depression feels exhausting when you don't feel like you deserve to be depressed because others have it harder.
Especially since i have a learning disorder where it makes it so i have to work several magnitudes harder to accomplish normal results, and then forget quicker.
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Shattered
This hits way too close to home. Toxic positivity was basically my whole life. I couldnt be angry or sad because I was supposed to be the happy go lucky, laidback son.
I dont even remember how to smile anymore. Any time I try it always looks forced. I feel hollow and cold. I have never had reassuring physical contact with anyone to the point where Im touch starved. And my parents are against the LGBTQ community and will talk horribly about it. And with me there too. I found out I might be a a trans female a month ago. And Im already gay. But I have to hold my tongue in order to stay in the housei dont talk much anymore.
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This hits way too close to home. Toxic positivity was basically my whole life. I couldnt be angry or sad because I was supposed to be the happy go lucky, laidback son.
I dont even remember how to smile anymore. Any time I try it always looks forced. I feel hollow and cold. I have never had reassuring physical contact with anyone to the point where Im touch starved. And my parents are against the LGBTQ community and will talk horribly about it. And with me there too. I found out I might be a a trans female a month ago. And Im already gay. But I have to hold my tongue in order to stay in the housei dont talk much anymore.
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SavL_mao
How my dad Do parenting to me is goddam awful
Evertime i made mistakes, They Just Get mad at me for a Small Problem they. Just Say Swear Word At in front of me.
I swear I have trust Issues from my dad i cant even say what happend to me, i just need to Fake it
I Learn't how to swear because of my dad And Trying not to cry If i had mistakes
Scaring me is a Huge parenting to my dad
Like If he saw me using my phone he'll Break it using my head.
Im like Slowly getting Insane from him
How do i cope it?
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How my dad Do parenting to me is goddam awful
Evertime i made mistakes, They Just Get mad at me for a Small Problem they. Just Say Swear Word At in front of me.
I swear I have trust Issues from my dad i cant even say what happend to me, i just need to Fake it
I Learn't how to swear because of my dad And Trying not to cry If i had mistakes
Scaring me is a Huge parenting to my dad
Like If he saw me using my phone he'll Break it using my head.
Im like Slowly getting Insane from him
How do i cope it?
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C4Explore
One phrase I hated was one my mother always said to me, or to others, about me. I've tried everything, but nothing seems to work with you!
A) You obviously haven't tried the RIGHT thing
B) Why are you blaming your child for your dismissive and hateful patenting
C)Thank you SO MUCH for invalidating my needs by assuming that I should know how to communicate my feelings, when I'm just a kid, and don't know how to properly deal with life because I was raised with your toxic parenting!
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One phrase I hated was one my mother always said to me, or to others, about me. I've tried everything, but nothing seems to work with you!
A) You obviously haven't tried the RIGHT thing
B) Why are you blaming your child for your dismissive and hateful patenting
C)Thank you SO MUCH for invalidating my needs by assuming that I should know how to communicate my feelings, when I'm just a kid, and don't know how to properly deal with life because I was raised with your toxic parenting!
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Ajit
I feel like I don't belong to my family it's like when my sister was not there my parents loved me to bits and now my parents hate me they always compare me with my sister with the smallest of things sometimes I feel to leave my home but then I remember I have friends at night before I sleep I always cry thinking about how unworthy I am and I don't know why but I love to stay in school or anywhere outside the home once I step my foot inside the door I feel my heart sinking
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I feel like I don't belong to my family it's like when my sister was not there my parents loved me to bits and now my parents hate me they always compare me with my sister with the smallest of things sometimes I feel to leave my home but then I remember I have friends at night before I sleep I always cry thinking about how unworthy I am and I don't know why but I love to stay in school or anywhere outside the home once I step my foot inside the door I feel my heart sinking
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SonicSuperfan5000
My family is not toxic, but it is kind of crazy. My mom tries her absolute best to take care of us, pushes herself to the absolute limit. My dad is the same, at home and at work, but the problem is, he gets paid very badly and can't stand up for himself against his boss. That's why my parents argue sometimes, very loudly. My sister is a very, VERY disobedient child. She lies all the time, constantly puts me down, and makes me feel like I'm a piece of garbage.
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My family is not toxic, but it is kind of crazy. My mom tries her absolute best to take care of us, pushes herself to the absolute limit. My dad is the same, at home and at work, but the problem is, he gets paid very badly and can't stand up for himself against his boss. That's why my parents argue sometimes, very loudly. My sister is a very, VERY disobedient child. She lies all the time, constantly puts me down, and makes me feel like I'm a piece of garbage.
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Keeper
My brother actually influenced no. 7 when I was younger.
My parents had no part in it but I vaguely remember my brother always telling me I should be grateful for what I have because so many others have it worse and I'm far from that. It wasn't anything big, since I was complaining and uncomfortable with something but it still made me a little bit anxious for a week or two since it usually happened when I was about four or five.
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My brother actually influenced no. 7 when I was younger.
My parents had no part in it but I vaguely remember my brother always telling me I should be grateful for what I have because so many others have it worse and I'm far from that. It wasn't anything big, since I was complaining and uncomfortable with something but it still made me a little bit anxious for a week or two since it usually happened when I was about four or five.
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Diana
In fact my parents strongly believe nothing is ever my fault. I don't believe them, thinking that I have at least some fault for something I did. I start crying in disbelief. They place the blame on themselves (the parents) and all they say (when I nag for knowing what percentage fault is mine) it's 2-5% fault on me (again when I beg them to tell me in disbelief) if they even want to tell me. (They really love me btw)
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In fact my parents strongly believe nothing is ever my fault. I don't believe them, thinking that I have at least some fault for something I did. I start crying in disbelief. They place the blame on themselves (the parents) and all they say (when I nag for knowing what percentage fault is mine) it's 2-5% fault on me (again when I beg them to tell me in disbelief) if they even want to tell me. (They really love me btw)
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Lizzie
I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them, and my mum is skiptsophrenic, which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.
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I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them, and my mum is skiptsophrenic, which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.
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Lizzie
I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them ans my mum is skiptsophrenic which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.
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I find these really interesting to watch. My parents both have physical disabilities so I have to look after them ans my mum is skiptsophrenic which is a really difficult thing for me to of had to grow up with. My sister is 30 and she studies mental health and trauma and she's helped me understand that some of my diagnosis is because of the childhood trauma. It's interesting but also sad at the same time.
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lazy_poster
To be honest, I feel like at least every child has gone through at least one of these things because no parent is perfect. But I also feel for the kids that this is not okay because as a kid myself Ive gone through at least 5 of them lol so yeah. But I really love your videos and how you warn about good and bad things that could happen and how words make an impact, so continue making amazing videos!
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To be honest, I feel like at least every child has gone through at least one of these things because no parent is perfect. But I also feel for the kids that this is not okay because as a kid myself Ive gone through at least 5 of them lol so yeah. But I really love your videos and how you warn about good and bad things that could happen and how words make an impact, so continue making amazing videos!
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Taeberry
I have heard almost every single one of these. Even though my parents don't say the exact words (since we speak a different language at home, they say really similar things. Now, as a middle schooler and the oldest child, I have way too many lives to lead in different things and my emotions always get in the way. I don't know who to trust, how to calm down, how to find who I am, etc. It's a struggle.
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I have heard almost every single one of these. Even though my parents don't say the exact words (since we speak a different language at home, they say really similar things. Now, as a middle schooler and the oldest child, I have way too many lives to lead in different things and my emotions always get in the way. I don't know who to trust, how to calm down, how to find who I am, etc. It's a struggle.
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Simone
The phrase I didn't have everything unlike you makes me think that my problems are worth nothing, so I'm afraid to say what I feel to my mother, I'm afraid to rekindle the speech that she had a difficult childhood while I have everything
I really want to say I'm not like you and you have to stop mentioning the same story as if you're always right and I'm always wrong
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The phrase I didn't have everything unlike you makes me think that my problems are worth nothing, so I'm afraid to say what I feel to my mother, I'm afraid to rekindle the speech that she had a difficult childhood while I have everything
I really want to say I'm not like you and you have to stop mentioning the same story as if you're always right and I'm always wrong
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Dyon
The one that always happens is the off hand comments that are soon forgotten by the parent but remembered forever by the child.
The one that broke my 'relationship' with my mum was, You're just like your father
now was this the father she left when I was a baby and hates or the one that she constantly complains about and derides behind his back
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The one that always happens is the off hand comments that are soon forgotten by the parent but remembered forever by the child.
The one that broke my 'relationship' with my mum was, You're just like your father
now was this the father she left when I was a baby and hates or the one that she constantly complains about and derides behind his back
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Youtube
The fact I've grown up with this from when I was living with my Mum and when I was living with my aunt and her husband and now think it's just a normal part of life and parenting is just sad.
All the more reason for me not to get kids because I don't want to affect someone emotionally and mentally and have them go into the world with that.
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The fact I've grown up with this from when I was living with my Mum and when I was living with my aunt and her husband and now think it's just a normal part of life and parenting is just sad.
All the more reason for me not to get kids because I don't want to affect someone emotionally and mentally and have them go into the world with that.
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Lmao
My mother accidentally told me I regret you being born in a middle of an arguement cause. Y'know I was winning after she told me that i rushed to my room and burst out tears It felt like my heart was being stabbed multiple times and she knocked at the door and apologizing for her actions but it took me around 4 months before I forgave her.
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My mother accidentally told me I regret you being born in a middle of an arguement cause. Y'know I was winning after she told me that i rushed to my room and burst out tears It felt like my heart was being stabbed multiple times and she knocked at the door and apologizing for her actions but it took me around 4 months before I forgave her.
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psych2go
I've heard others have it worse by so many people. Never my parents. Usually my friends, cousins teachers, ect.
I've only developed trust issues because my friends and other relationships
Thank you for teaching others about his stuff. It's really important to tell children, even adults how this can harm children.
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I've heard others have it worse by so many people. Never my parents. Usually my friends, cousins teachers, ect.
I've only developed trust issues because my friends and other relationships
Thank you for teaching others about his stuff. It's really important to tell children, even adults how this can harm children.
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VKC
Something my mother always said to me that isnt very harmful but still really odd?
Whenever I used to help her with her job (An online shop, and I was 10) and if I got something wrong she would say things like next time you should have made it make sense or your acting like a child like- I was a child at the time?
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Something my mother always said to me that isnt very harmful but still really odd?
Whenever I used to help her with her job (An online shop, and I was 10) and if I got something wrong she would say things like next time you should have made it make sense or your acting like a child like- I was a child at the time?
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ValasaFantastic
Does anyone watching this honestly believe its just 1 in 4? Id be staggered to find out its as low as 50%.
I used to believe it was everyone ( as in non abusive and traumatizing parents do not exist, but maybe good parents exist. Still no way its only 1 in 4 no way cant imagine it lower than 50%.
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Does anyone watching this honestly believe its just 1 in 4? Id be staggered to find out its as low as 50%.
I used to believe it was everyone ( as in non abusive and traumatizing parents do not exist, but maybe good parents exist. Still no way its only 1 in 4 no way cant imagine it lower than 50%.
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