5 Signs of an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship
video description
Date: 2023-08-20
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 25
RpgCrow
It's been 13 years. I feel stuck.
Everytime i try to leave she grips her claws into me and pulls me back.
With sone grand promise things will get better. playing with my emotions.
Then she shuts down for months
Says I'm not doing enough.
I carry the financial load and often the cleanliness of the house.
It's been 13 years.
I think I had enough.
It's really strange when I hit my breaking point videos about my relationship started popping up.
I didn't know what was wrong with us but now it's so black and white.
I have to leave.
I'm sorry if you stumble across this
I really loved you
Holding on Is just starting to hurt to much
I want to feel fulfilled I'm tired if going through the motions and every few months big fights pop up.
I'm sorry.
I really did love you and wanted to give you the world.
Holding on just hurts.
I'm not sure if I belivie in a god.
But one day I broke down in prayer tired of the hurt. wishing she would leave me
I would rather hurt for a few years then go through the rest of my life feeling numb.
Then songs on the radio about having to leave popped up more often, videos like this popped up to explain what is wrong and that there's not much hope.
If there is a God
It's like he heard me and is giving me the tools and strength to finally walk away.
I hope when I do.
She is safe and protected
Stops shutting down and truly lives her life to the fullest.
All year, after coming back again
I saw memes, tik toks about letting go and moving to find yourself.
I chose to ignore them.
Now im questioning where those all signs because I made a mistake.
It's strange last time I left.
I sat there crying saying I didn't wanna go but I knew it was right.
I almost felt a presence, like a hand went on my shoulder and a voice in my head said Kyle it's time to go
God have you been trying to guide me this whole time.
reply
It's been 13 years. I feel stuck.
Everytime i try to leave she grips her claws into me and pulls me back.
With sone grand promise things will get better. playing with my emotions.
Then she shuts down for months
Says I'm not doing enough.
I carry the financial load and often the cleanliness of the house.
It's been 13 years.
I think I had enough.
It's really strange when I hit my breaking point videos about my relationship started popping up.
I didn't know what was wrong with us but now it's so black and white.
I have to leave.
I'm sorry if you stumble across this
I really loved you
Holding on Is just starting to hurt to much
I want to feel fulfilled I'm tired if going through the motions and every few months big fights pop up.
I'm sorry.
I really did love you and wanted to give you the world.
Holding on just hurts.
I'm not sure if I belivie in a god.
But one day I broke down in prayer tired of the hurt. wishing she would leave me
I would rather hurt for a few years then go through the rest of my life feeling numb.
Then songs on the radio about having to leave popped up more often, videos like this popped up to explain what is wrong and that there's not much hope.
If there is a God
It's like he heard me and is giving me the tools and strength to finally walk away.
I hope when I do.
She is safe and protected
Stops shutting down and truly lives her life to the fullest.
All year, after coming back again
I saw memes, tik toks about letting go and moving to find yourself.
I chose to ignore them.
Now im questioning where those all signs because I made a mistake.
It's strange last time I left.
I sat there crying saying I didn't wanna go but I knew it was right.
I almost felt a presence, like a hand went on my shoulder and a voice in my head said Kyle it's time to go
God have you been trying to guide me this whole time.
reply
Jacqueline
Dear anxious and avoidant people, its not your fault. Your upbringing, biology, life experiences all blurred your image of love. As one of you myself (avoidant, I realize now that I don't hate myself, those like me, or those struggling with anxious attachment. I've ended several friendships because they were built on the unstable house of cards that anxious-avoidant thinking patterns. I don't hate any of those people because while we did hurt each other deeply, we only know what we have learned and been taught, especially in childhood. All anxious and avoidant beliefs stem from not seeing ourselves as lovable because we never learned what love even means. We were given only half of the love we needed because our parents, caregivers, or others in our young lives didn't even know what love meant - so how can we blame them or ourselves? Its not an excuse of their actions or our own, but a shift in perception from hating ourselves, our parents, friends or whomever we have been blaming all this time - to the power we have to see ourselves as lovable, worthy, and good enough despite our mistakes. So, as difficult as the journey that lies before us is ahead - the journey of learning that we are lovable and also what love exactly means to us - it is a journey worth struggling for because we all know that's something we truly want. Its also something others have achieved though difficult, so we don't need to lose hope. Anyway, some will disagree or be pained by this. Some will agree and be encouraged. That's okay. I just hope that one day we can all overcome these anxious-avoidant patterns.
reply
Dear anxious and avoidant people, its not your fault. Your upbringing, biology, life experiences all blurred your image of love. As one of you myself (avoidant, I realize now that I don't hate myself, those like me, or those struggling with anxious attachment. I've ended several friendships because they were built on the unstable house of cards that anxious-avoidant thinking patterns. I don't hate any of those people because while we did hurt each other deeply, we only know what we have learned and been taught, especially in childhood. All anxious and avoidant beliefs stem from not seeing ourselves as lovable because we never learned what love even means. We were given only half of the love we needed because our parents, caregivers, or others in our young lives didn't even know what love meant - so how can we blame them or ourselves? Its not an excuse of their actions or our own, but a shift in perception from hating ourselves, our parents, friends or whomever we have been blaming all this time - to the power we have to see ourselves as lovable, worthy, and good enough despite our mistakes. So, as difficult as the journey that lies before us is ahead - the journey of learning that we are lovable and also what love exactly means to us - it is a journey worth struggling for because we all know that's something we truly want. Its also something others have achieved though difficult, so we don't need to lose hope. Anyway, some will disagree or be pained by this. Some will agree and be encouraged. That's okay. I just hope that one day we can all overcome these anxious-avoidant patterns.
reply
Yato
My relationship is definitely like that I'm the anxious one and my gf is avoidant. We take a look at things from our perspective at first so I always used some kind of method to get emotionally close to her which of course wouldn't solve the problem. Now I backed up objectively looking at the situation and there is only on solution coming to my head (since I've been too much lately she probably got a little bit tired) I'll distance myself. It will seem strange she'll start wondering then she'll get anxious because she might think I don't want to be with her anymore and she'll get closer. When I'm sure she's not as cold anymore I'll get close too. If she gets distant again I will be more prepared next time. Hope it works. Now someone might question why try so hard? Why let go of your own style for a short period of time just to be with someone who is so different and makes you feel even depressed sometimes? My answer is the fact that this is happening right now dosent mean it's always like this we offer attention to all the negatives so much that we forget the beautiful moments yes even with 2 different people I've experienced so many with her. You just gotta win their trust many times instead of one. That's my perspective ig I'm not a specialist or whatever I'm not even sure if it's going to work. Have a happy life everyone and remember to appreciate the beautiful moments and not lose your time and mind thinking about the difficult periods. Good luck!
reply
My relationship is definitely like that I'm the anxious one and my gf is avoidant. We take a look at things from our perspective at first so I always used some kind of method to get emotionally close to her which of course wouldn't solve the problem. Now I backed up objectively looking at the situation and there is only on solution coming to my head (since I've been too much lately she probably got a little bit tired) I'll distance myself. It will seem strange she'll start wondering then she'll get anxious because she might think I don't want to be with her anymore and she'll get closer. When I'm sure she's not as cold anymore I'll get close too. If she gets distant again I will be more prepared next time. Hope it works. Now someone might question why try so hard? Why let go of your own style for a short period of time just to be with someone who is so different and makes you feel even depressed sometimes? My answer is the fact that this is happening right now dosent mean it's always like this we offer attention to all the negatives so much that we forget the beautiful moments yes even with 2 different people I've experienced so many with her. You just gotta win their trust many times instead of one. That's my perspective ig I'm not a specialist or whatever I'm not even sure if it's going to work. Have a happy life everyone and remember to appreciate the beautiful moments and not lose your time and mind thinking about the difficult periods. Good luck!
reply
lionpikmin
Had this with a work colleague/friend today. Tldr: we finally talked and they want to be just work friends for now, although I never intended to have a close friendship with them.
Long version: they told me they felt like I want to have a close friendship with them (suffocating, but they lack the capacity for this rn. I always approach my relationships in a very easy going way. If I feel it works, it just works, yknow? I try not to worry about our status that much. And by all means, I don't force myself onto others.
I befriended them about a year ago and I was consciously not being clingy towards them. Since I tend to be the anxious person in a relationship and I'm aware of it.
This may sound insensitive, but I feel this time I did everything right and it wasn't my fault. I genuinely feel I was just unlucky with this person, since they have MANY mental health problems. For once, they got triggered by a joke I made a few months ago and projected a past toxic relationship they had onto me. They also got triggered by me declaring my own boundaries in a situation that was not at all related to them. So all in all I'm glad, we are just work friends now. Like, good riddance, because it honestly felt like I was constantly walking on egg shells. And of course I wish them all the best to get the mental support and help they need.
reply
Had this with a work colleague/friend today. Tldr: we finally talked and they want to be just work friends for now, although I never intended to have a close friendship with them.
Long version: they told me they felt like I want to have a close friendship with them (suffocating, but they lack the capacity for this rn. I always approach my relationships in a very easy going way. If I feel it works, it just works, yknow? I try not to worry about our status that much. And by all means, I don't force myself onto others.
I befriended them about a year ago and I was consciously not being clingy towards them. Since I tend to be the anxious person in a relationship and I'm aware of it.
This may sound insensitive, but I feel this time I did everything right and it wasn't my fault. I genuinely feel I was just unlucky with this person, since they have MANY mental health problems. For once, they got triggered by a joke I made a few months ago and projected a past toxic relationship they had onto me. They also got triggered by me declaring my own boundaries in a situation that was not at all related to them. So all in all I'm glad, we are just work friends now. Like, good riddance, because it honestly felt like I was constantly walking on egg shells. And of course I wish them all the best to get the mental support and help they need.
reply
nCr=odds
I'm an avoidant. But it's not because I don't love my partner deeply it's because I do, that I get scared. It's an instinct and I'm working on it every time it comes up. I think my partner is amazing, smart, funny, beautiful. And then I freak out about being close. I get dizzy. I can't think, I feel sick And I feel terrified. I have an emotionally unstable past. So I'm working through it, I, believe in healing. Each time I feel scared I slow down and remind myself everything is ok NOW and I start to form new memories and associations with my partner. And the fear will fade. The key is both people to have a good open line of communication. If you don't push me too hard to fast I will begin to see that love is safe and I will get closer. But if you act anxious and push hard I don't have time to go in slowly and I fall back on instinct. I'm in a new relationship now and it's been 3. 5months. After a day or two of sleeping over I need need need to go home. I will overtime get closer. But if you want to see me everyday I would freak out. I am working towards it though. In time.
reply
I'm an avoidant. But it's not because I don't love my partner deeply it's because I do, that I get scared. It's an instinct and I'm working on it every time it comes up. I think my partner is amazing, smart, funny, beautiful. And then I freak out about being close. I get dizzy. I can't think, I feel sick And I feel terrified. I have an emotionally unstable past. So I'm working through it, I, believe in healing. Each time I feel scared I slow down and remind myself everything is ok NOW and I start to form new memories and associations with my partner. And the fear will fade. The key is both people to have a good open line of communication. If you don't push me too hard to fast I will begin to see that love is safe and I will get closer. But if you act anxious and push hard I don't have time to go in slowly and I fall back on instinct. I'm in a new relationship now and it's been 3. 5months. After a day or two of sleeping over I need need need to go home. I will overtime get closer. But if you want to see me everyday I would freak out. I am working towards it though. In time.
reply
Anne
I am anxious-preoccupied + a little fearful-avoidant. My boyfriend is dismissive avoidant. We have been together for 10 years now. Has it been wonderful most of the time? No. Have we grown more as people and learnt from another since we have known each other? Heck yeah. I have tried to become more spontaneous and try to understand that things in life don't matter as much as I think they do and that people don't hate me and that they probably don't think too much of me anyway to hate me, which always is one of my fears. That I need to trust my partner and his need for space and his space from the relationship.
He has learnt to communicate better and tries to listen to his body and his feelings more. He used to say that everything was fine, and that he was never mad. Now he can say more often that he has some kind of emotion.
We clash a lot. Life is like that. People don't fit perfectly. I hate it when I always hear that Avoidant/Anxious relationships are doomed, because they are not. It just takes knowledge and work.
reply
I am anxious-preoccupied + a little fearful-avoidant. My boyfriend is dismissive avoidant. We have been together for 10 years now. Has it been wonderful most of the time? No. Have we grown more as people and learnt from another since we have known each other? Heck yeah. I have tried to become more spontaneous and try to understand that things in life don't matter as much as I think they do and that people don't hate me and that they probably don't think too much of me anyway to hate me, which always is one of my fears. That I need to trust my partner and his need for space and his space from the relationship.
He has learnt to communicate better and tries to listen to his body and his feelings more. He used to say that everything was fine, and that he was never mad. Now he can say more often that he has some kind of emotion.
We clash a lot. Life is like that. People don't fit perfectly. I hate it when I always hear that Avoidant/Anxious relationships are doomed, because they are not. It just takes knowledge and work.
reply
E.
Is this fixable? I've just come across this, 3 months after my partner broke up with me (on the day too) I can very clearly see that I was/am the anxious one and my partner was the avoidant. After years of us discussing our future and our prospects one day she turned around and said it was too much pressure and she couldn't do it anymore, that she wanted her own friends and to have her own space. Now I'm just left with all these shattered plans thinking why couldn't I have seen signs earlier? Were there any signs earlier and if not, what changed so quickly? Now I just feel so drained, confused and overall, lost.
I feel at a constant stand still because we still live together due to financial issues and now we're just friends, can that even happen? Or is this toxic cloud I have hanging over my just going to be a constant until I build up the courage to leave and face the truth of abandonment?
reply
Is this fixable? I've just come across this, 3 months after my partner broke up with me (on the day too) I can very clearly see that I was/am the anxious one and my partner was the avoidant. After years of us discussing our future and our prospects one day she turned around and said it was too much pressure and she couldn't do it anymore, that she wanted her own friends and to have her own space. Now I'm just left with all these shattered plans thinking why couldn't I have seen signs earlier? Were there any signs earlier and if not, what changed so quickly? Now I just feel so drained, confused and overall, lost.
I feel at a constant stand still because we still live together due to financial issues and now we're just friends, can that even happen? Or is this toxic cloud I have hanging over my just going to be a constant until I build up the courage to leave and face the truth of abandonment?
reply
Naraku
Avoidant person here. I've had a series of anxious attachment style people persue me before I knew what this style was and after my last relationship failed due to just these reasons I was able to identify these things in therapy. When I fell into this pattern again in my new relationship, I brought it up to my new partner and we worked on identifying our traits together and have made it work. I became less avoidant and developed a healthy attachment style. Its only toxic if you are actively engaging in toxic behavioral patterns that hurt the other person, and you can recover and reach secure attachment. Not all anxious avoidant relationships are doomed if you two understand and empathize with one another and heal your wounds.
reply
Avoidant person here. I've had a series of anxious attachment style people persue me before I knew what this style was and after my last relationship failed due to just these reasons I was able to identify these things in therapy. When I fell into this pattern again in my new relationship, I brought it up to my new partner and we worked on identifying our traits together and have made it work. I became less avoidant and developed a healthy attachment style. Its only toxic if you are actively engaging in toxic behavioral patterns that hurt the other person, and you can recover and reach secure attachment. Not all anxious avoidant relationships are doomed if you two understand and empathize with one another and heal your wounds.
reply
Broff
I'm a secure turned anxious due to my most recent relationship. Yes I do fear abandonment and rejection like this clip suggests but that is only because the avoidant never communicated how they felt or what they wanted, therefore I was often left in the dark trying to decipher their moods and feelings despite them saying, I'm fine.
The one time my avoidant detailed to me that they needed space - I remember feeling happy. Not because they wanted to be alone for a few days, but because they explained what they wanted, how long they wanted it for and what the plan was. That reasurred me, made me feel settled and I was able to give them the space and time they needed.
It's really not that hard, well in my case anyway.
reply
I'm a secure turned anxious due to my most recent relationship. Yes I do fear abandonment and rejection like this clip suggests but that is only because the avoidant never communicated how they felt or what they wanted, therefore I was often left in the dark trying to decipher their moods and feelings despite them saying, I'm fine.
The one time my avoidant detailed to me that they needed space - I remember feeling happy. Not because they wanted to be alone for a few days, but because they explained what they wanted, how long they wanted it for and what the plan was. That reasurred me, made me feel settled and I was able to give them the space and time they needed.
It's really not that hard, well in my case anyway.
reply
trisha
same here ive been in a talking stage with this lovely girl and i introduced myself in a very clingy way if thats what they say. but at the end she maybe cant hold me anymore because shes acting like she is the secured one and i am the anxious and overthinker who needs help but she confess to me that shes a dismissive avoidant and shes still in unwell phase and shes sorry for me for her having a mixed signals that also caused me to open up to her but at the end she ignores me and blocked me eventually. its so sad becuase its seems like were gonna go well to each other but deep inside she doesnt really show her true self, only me thats why she did not like it and left me alone with the ghost of her.
reply
same here ive been in a talking stage with this lovely girl and i introduced myself in a very clingy way if thats what they say. but at the end she maybe cant hold me anymore because shes acting like she is the secured one and i am the anxious and overthinker who needs help but she confess to me that shes a dismissive avoidant and shes still in unwell phase and shes sorry for me for her having a mixed signals that also caused me to open up to her but at the end she ignores me and blocked me eventually. its so sad becuase its seems like were gonna go well to each other but deep inside she doesnt really show her true self, only me thats why she did not like it and left me alone with the ghost of her.
reply
Zigzag
Dump dump dump avoidants! I cannot stress this enough. I don't care why they're the way they are. They're usually emotionally abusive pricks, whether they intend to be or not, they won't put in the effort you (rightfully) want to see and will continue emotionally draining you if you let them, will treat you like cheap entertainment and there's a reason why secure people won't put up with their bs. Don't waste time feeling sorry for them or trying to figure out how to help them, dump them. They won't put in any effort and YOU will shoulder all the emotional burden and be hurt. YOU are not asking for too much by wanting reciprocation, and you will be the one hurt if you let it go on. Dump dump DUMP.
reply
Dump dump dump avoidants! I cannot stress this enough. I don't care why they're the way they are. They're usually emotionally abusive pricks, whether they intend to be or not, they won't put in the effort you (rightfully) want to see and will continue emotionally draining you if you let them, will treat you like cheap entertainment and there's a reason why secure people won't put up with their bs. Don't waste time feeling sorry for them or trying to figure out how to help them, dump them. They won't put in any effort and YOU will shoulder all the emotional burden and be hurt. YOU are not asking for too much by wanting reciprocation, and you will be the one hurt if you let it go on. Dump dump DUMP.
reply
frayacinth
this definitely can happen in friendships too; I recently broke friends with someone who I'd considered my best friend for 10 years. I'm anxious and they're avoidant, but I only found that out recently - I kept desperately trying to reach out and hold onto that friendship when I realised they were pulling away, not realising that they felt like I was a burden and hadn't considered me as their friend for years. It completely blindsided me, I was furious- I AM furious, with them and partly with myself too. But now I'm learning more about these kinds of relationships, and it's all starting to make sense. It ended horribly but I hope one day I can be at peace with it.
reply
this definitely can happen in friendships too; I recently broke friends with someone who I'd considered my best friend for 10 years. I'm anxious and they're avoidant, but I only found that out recently - I kept desperately trying to reach out and hold onto that friendship when I realised they were pulling away, not realising that they felt like I was a burden and hadn't considered me as their friend for years. It completely blindsided me, I was furious- I AM furious, with them and partly with myself too. But now I'm learning more about these kinds of relationships, and it's all starting to make sense. It ended horribly but I hope one day I can be at peace with it.
reply
butterfly
Im avoidant and dismissive when I feel antagonized by ny partner. I like them being clingy to me, it doesnt make me want to run away. But when their anxiety starts creating problems when im just chilling doing my thing i get super avoidant b/c im trying to preserve emy feelinys for them. Its too much sometimes, i want to be with them and just chill so even though I'm the dismissive one it still hurts my feelinys like whythey gotta be like that when we are just chillen? If i didnt want to be with them i wouldnt be, or try to work on anything with them. I dont jnow how to reassure them when theyre like that. All i can do it walk away then we fight gor like 2 days.
reply
Im avoidant and dismissive when I feel antagonized by ny partner. I like them being clingy to me, it doesnt make me want to run away. But when their anxiety starts creating problems when im just chilling doing my thing i get super avoidant b/c im trying to preserve emy feelinys for them. Its too much sometimes, i want to be with them and just chill so even though I'm the dismissive one it still hurts my feelinys like whythey gotta be like that when we are just chillen? If i didnt want to be with them i wouldnt be, or try to work on anything with them. I dont jnow how to reassure them when theyre like that. All i can do it walk away then we fight gor like 2 days.
reply
The
It truly represents my relationship. It wasn't like this always. There was good amount of love and communication which filled up our hearts. We got legally married and ever since then, any emotional requirement of mine, I feel being avoided. Earlier, I never had to ask or seek for it. Now I have ask for it and I get backslashed that I am asking for too much and that he cannot. I am constantly being blamed for things and that has hurt my heart. As a result, I have realized now, I have become clingy and that is affecting my personality and individualilty too. How do I work on being like the one I used to be and not be a victim of changing situations?
reply
It truly represents my relationship. It wasn't like this always. There was good amount of love and communication which filled up our hearts. We got legally married and ever since then, any emotional requirement of mine, I feel being avoided. Earlier, I never had to ask or seek for it. Now I have ask for it and I get backslashed that I am asking for too much and that he cannot. I am constantly being blamed for things and that has hurt my heart. As a result, I have realized now, I have become clingy and that is affecting my personality and individualilty too. How do I work on being like the one I used to be and not be a victim of changing situations?
reply
Grace
Okay but what do you do if the avoidant partner doesn't have open communication and only prioritizes their needs for their own comfort while you as the anxious partner feel like you're doing all the work and the avoidant seems like they don't want to establish a middle ground? I've been giving space, but now he's uncomfortable with me even saying I miss him which I've only said once during our whole time apart, and I've asked him multiple multiple times to please at least have open communication with me about how he's feeling our reactions, instead of just not responding. Yet he keeps not opening up then gets defensive when I ask.
reply
Okay but what do you do if the avoidant partner doesn't have open communication and only prioritizes their needs for their own comfort while you as the anxious partner feel like you're doing all the work and the avoidant seems like they don't want to establish a middle ground? I've been giving space, but now he's uncomfortable with me even saying I miss him which I've only said once during our whole time apart, and I've asked him multiple multiple times to please at least have open communication with me about how he's feeling our reactions, instead of just not responding. Yet he keeps not opening up then gets defensive when I ask.
reply
Alexander
I've been the anxious one in some relationships, but also avoidant in other relationships. I really think it depends on not only the personalities but also time and place for those involved. It means that there is a mismatch in needs. People also grow apart due to changing needs, some faster and some slower. As some have already said it, good communication is the key to treat the anxious-avoidant relationship, or to end it sooner than later. What are the things you two want from each other? What are your goals in life? Can you reach them together? Honesty, rationale and respectful discussion are the only real medicine.
reply
I've been the anxious one in some relationships, but also avoidant in other relationships. I really think it depends on not only the personalities but also time and place for those involved. It means that there is a mismatch in needs. People also grow apart due to changing needs, some faster and some slower. As some have already said it, good communication is the key to treat the anxious-avoidant relationship, or to end it sooner than later. What are the things you two want from each other? What are your goals in life? Can you reach them together? Honesty, rationale and respectful discussion are the only real medicine.
reply
The
I'm dismissive avoidant and have been in relationships with anxious attachment people. They constantly want to be around me and that will instantly turn me off to them. honestly it's not because they want to be around me all of the time but because they want to CONTROL every aspect of my life. I'm fiercely independent so I completely avoid ANY relationships now. I refuse to even acknowledge a flirtation. I refuse to even try to make friends with people because I know that they'll always try to force me into situations I don't want to be in. Is there any way to resolve that or should I just continue keep away from people?
reply
I'm dismissive avoidant and have been in relationships with anxious attachment people. They constantly want to be around me and that will instantly turn me off to them. honestly it's not because they want to be around me all of the time but because they want to CONTROL every aspect of my life. I'm fiercely independent so I completely avoid ANY relationships now. I refuse to even acknowledge a flirtation. I refuse to even try to make friends with people because I know that they'll always try to force me into situations I don't want to be in. Is there any way to resolve that or should I just continue keep away from people?
reply
Pindaman
I'm the anxious one, we just had the break up and I looked online everywhere where our relationship went wrong. I now am confident I know the answer. I'm the anxious one and I should deal with my anxiety more. She is the avoidant one and should learn to communicate more. Unfortunately she really doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And Everytime I do she just doesn't seem to care. I should stop talking to her, it's a boundary she gave me. I just keep having false hope that we could fix this, and try to convince her that there's hope.
reply
I'm the anxious one, we just had the break up and I looked online everywhere where our relationship went wrong. I now am confident I know the answer. I'm the anxious one and I should deal with my anxiety more. She is the avoidant one and should learn to communicate more. Unfortunately she really doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And Everytime I do she just doesn't seem to care. I should stop talking to her, it's a boundary she gave me. I just keep having false hope that we could fix this, and try to convince her that there's hope.
reply
education
Im myself anxious partner in our relationship.
Anxious side needs to work on the anxieties that one have and the other needs to work on their avoidance issues.
Know that you and your partner are the two sides of the same coin, there's no need for blame and accusations. Just communication, understanding and problem solving together as a team.
Good luck everyone with dealing with this type of relationship problems! Its possible to sort it all out with time, effort, energy and willingness to do so.
reply
Im myself anxious partner in our relationship.
Anxious side needs to work on the anxieties that one have and the other needs to work on their avoidance issues.
Know that you and your partner are the two sides of the same coin, there's no need for blame and accusations. Just communication, understanding and problem solving together as a team.
Good luck everyone with dealing with this type of relationship problems! Its possible to sort it all out with time, effort, energy and willingness to do so.
reply
mimizetulfifi
I found out at therapy that I was in fact in such a relationship, and from that moment something shifted and I worked on my anxious attachment style and had a better understanding about why my partner is the way he is and for a while our relationship got way better. it did not last because while I gave him the freedom and space he needed, he only took that for granted and it all blew up in my face, because he did not want to work on his issues. So now we are no longer together.
reply
I found out at therapy that I was in fact in such a relationship, and from that moment something shifted and I worked on my anxious attachment style and had a better understanding about why my partner is the way he is and for a while our relationship got way better. it did not last because while I gave him the freedom and space he needed, he only took that for granted and it all blew up in my face, because he did not want to work on his issues. So now we are no longer together.
reply
Sara
It doesn't have to be a toxic relationship just because you have different needs/attachment styles.
You just have to have a good communication with your partner to get your needs met & speak up whenever you feel anxious or suffocated in a relationship.
That way, you clear things up before your mind rushes away with your thoughts & turns the problems into a story that doesn't match the facts.
Speak up to feel better, or you will forever suffer in your silence.
reply
It doesn't have to be a toxic relationship just because you have different needs/attachment styles.
You just have to have a good communication with your partner to get your needs met & speak up whenever you feel anxious or suffocated in a relationship.
That way, you clear things up before your mind rushes away with your thoughts & turns the problems into a story that doesn't match the facts.
Speak up to feel better, or you will forever suffer in your silence.
reply
ItzSamiii
Just realized this is what happened with me and my ex. I thought he was getting distant and he thought I was too high maintenance: /. I was anxious and he was avoidant and basically everything in this video fit our relationship. I feel like if I would have found this video sooner I could have saved, or at least tried to save, our relationship: . But I have to accept that its too late now, its over and I need to move on.
reply
Just realized this is what happened with me and my ex. I thought he was getting distant and he thought I was too high maintenance: /. I was anxious and he was avoidant and basically everything in this video fit our relationship. I feel like if I would have found this video sooner I could have saved, or at least tried to save, our relationship: . But I have to accept that its too late now, its over and I need to move on.
reply
Science
I think I was in a relationship (we separated a month ago) with someone who was avoidant and I am anxious. I felt like I was constantly second guessing on if he loved me. I knew so little about him and felt dejected when he expressed feelings of indifference on living together. Our communication skills were so bad. When he finally broke-up with me, I knew nothing on what he was going through.
reply
I think I was in a relationship (we separated a month ago) with someone who was avoidant and I am anxious. I felt like I was constantly second guessing on if he loved me. I knew so little about him and felt dejected when he expressed feelings of indifference on living together. Our communication skills were so bad. When he finally broke-up with me, I knew nothing on what he was going through.
reply
psalm
Its interesting to me how black and white avoidant people are viewed. We also want to be close we're just scared of losing ourselves in the relationship. its fear. Once we stop trying to control the outcome and actually let ourselves be in the relationship we'll learn what our emotional needs are as well. It's important that avoidance people acknowledge that they also have needs
reply
Its interesting to me how black and white avoidant people are viewed. We also want to be close we're just scared of losing ourselves in the relationship. its fear. Once we stop trying to control the outcome and actually let ourselves be in the relationship we'll learn what our emotional needs are as well. It's important that avoidance people acknowledge that they also have needs
reply
Digitalknifeparty
Im in an anxious-avoidant relationship now. Im avoidant while my gf is anxious. Im considering ending the relationship because I feel like I cant love her the way she needs to be loved and have the space that I need without hearing passive aggressive comments from her. She thinks because I like space therefore I like to be lonely.
reply
Im in an anxious-avoidant relationship now. Im avoidant while my gf is anxious. Im considering ending the relationship because I feel like I cant love her the way she needs to be loved and have the space that I need without hearing passive aggressive comments from her. She thinks because I like space therefore I like to be lonely.
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
