6 Signs Youre Unintentionally Toxic, Not Malicious
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If I had a clone of myself and they were being too hard on themselves, would I ignore them and allow them to beat themself up, or would I help them out? I'd help them out. if I had a clone and I was doing the same, they'd do the same for me, help me through it. Even the things I do to other people on accident I'm striving to improve because it not only negatively affects them, but also me. So in the end, I'm also being harmful to myself, something a clone of mine wouldn't like.
I'm definitely overly sensitive. I've been this way naturally, but it's only grown over time because my mother' was constantly telling me or making me feel that I was doing it wrong. I'm always asking why do all of the good things always get taken away from me? or, if I do something that makes me feel better, I feel like I don't deserve it! I feel like making other people happy is the key to be being truly happy, but it isn't always the case.
However, I've noticed that when I'm not with her, I'm more sensitive to positive things and less sensitive (but just as caring if not more so) to other peoples' pain when it comes to emotional empathy, but when I'm at home with her, negative things feel much more harsh and abrasive. Emotional empathy turns into negative affect, which drives me crazy trying to alleviate their suffering just so I can feel better. But if it's just me with a friend, that same situation creates more of a sense of positive affect at the thought of helping or comforting instead of me doing it to alleviate my own state of suffering over them. I'd help them or talk to them because it feels good, not because I'm trying to turn them into my antidepressant and antiaxniety medication. Like, if I see someone who is hurt or upset, I want to make them feel better so that I can feel better about them feeling better. So I took it as a sign that I was selfish, and perhaps even narcissistic.
If it's something that parent is doing or saying to their child. then the heat is no, no matter what! Maybe it partially stems from trying to appease my emotionally abusive mother so much, so when I see someone else in the same situation, the emotional empathy and negative affect kicks in, and I start getting over protective, fearing they could suffer the same way I did. It's a big part of the reason I don't ever want to have kids. I'd feel so overly responsible for bringing a being into the world that could be capable of all of the pain and suffering I (and many other creatures) have to feel that I'd practically feel like a criminal for doing so! I'd have to have something like a designer baby, like a completely different species, and even then.
I flip flop on being exceedingly pessimistic. Especially about nature and evolution! When I'm in a bad state, I'm exceedingly negative and hating on nature for making any creature with such capacity for suffering, especially when there's nothing they, or I, can do about it. I even feel upset over the mere capacity for it exist, even if it was never triggered. I once heard one of these self help guru gaslighters say in response to someone they were doing a podcast: it doesn't matter if environmental stressors brought that trait out. What matters is that it was there in the first place. What a way to blame the victim as well as make the whole collection of life upon this planet look like covert evil beings!
When things like this come up, it can sometimes help myself feel better by musing well maybe there's life on some other planet that didn't evolve such horrible traits? which strangely can help me feel better even though there's no way I can prove it.
Relying on others for validation was another sign I was worried could get me labeled as a narcissist. Often I feel like I'm the only one who has such thoughts or feelings and that I'd need clones of myself or for my imaginary friends to be real to help me feel like someone else truly agreed. It's like some strange form of solitary confinement even when there's tons of people around me. Just telling myself positive things and to seek validation from within feels. kind of. invalidating. That's when I came up with the clone analogy.
Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 24
JustcallmeJoe
Hey! so, I'm here looking for some possible advice/opinions! Sometimes i find that i vent to people too much and can unenetntionally be a bit narcissistic and inconsiderate of peoples feelings, for example, I'm a part of a server on discord and i randomly chatted in the vent chat to vent, i wasen't really active in the chat so i wasn't fully aware of other people talking but one of the group members mentioned how someone was venting before i butted in, i also continued with a series of messages about my feeling and problems and ect, ofc i apologized but i feel really bad about it still, and not too long ago a friend of mine told me that every time they would try to vent i would agree with them, and add in something of my own and they said that it made them feel like i didn't really care and was trying to make it all about myself. They also mentioned how i would say I want to kill myself (too) jokingly to them and they said it made them feel like I wasen't validating their feelings and making it all about myself, when i think about it it makes me not really want to vent to people anymore in fear of doing this type of thing, I've really been trying to avoid doing such things but I still feel really bad about it when when i feel really down-or having major anxiety or panic attack i tend to get really mad at myself and really hate myself for being such a terrible person. It makes me want to cut all contact with people and not vent or talk to anyone because i feel like this is a very toxic habit, and i feel incredibly sorry for those it has affected. it makes me truly hate myself and makes me feel like all the pain is deserved and is a kind of punishment. i always try to listen and be there for people when they need to vent ofc, but sometimes i accidentally do this and always end up feeling really bad about it.
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Hey! so, I'm here looking for some possible advice/opinions! Sometimes i find that i vent to people too much and can unenetntionally be a bit narcissistic and inconsiderate of peoples feelings, for example, I'm a part of a server on discord and i randomly chatted in the vent chat to vent, i wasen't really active in the chat so i wasn't fully aware of other people talking but one of the group members mentioned how someone was venting before i butted in, i also continued with a series of messages about my feeling and problems and ect, ofc i apologized but i feel really bad about it still, and not too long ago a friend of mine told me that every time they would try to vent i would agree with them, and add in something of my own and they said that it made them feel like i didn't really care and was trying to make it all about myself. They also mentioned how i would say I want to kill myself (too) jokingly to them and they said it made them feel like I wasen't validating their feelings and making it all about myself, when i think about it it makes me not really want to vent to people anymore in fear of doing this type of thing, I've really been trying to avoid doing such things but I still feel really bad about it when when i feel really down-or having major anxiety or panic attack i tend to get really mad at myself and really hate myself for being such a terrible person. It makes me want to cut all contact with people and not vent or talk to anyone because i feel like this is a very toxic habit, and i feel incredibly sorry for those it has affected. it makes me truly hate myself and makes me feel like all the pain is deserved and is a kind of punishment. i always try to listen and be there for people when they need to vent ofc, but sometimes i accidentally do this and always end up feeling really bad about it.
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Daisuke
The one problem I have with sensitivity being labelled as toxic is that it feels like its insinuating that it in itself is a choice rather than a predisposition. It has been established that people who have ADHD or ASD tend to have emotional regulation issues, but does that mean that they have a toxic trait by choice? If it is fixable, how? Yes, going to therapy is an obvious option of course but the specifics into this is that ADHD/ASD might lead to predisposition to sensitivity that MIGHT lead to toxic behaviours if left unchecked but it doesnt mean that if theyre sensitive, theyre morally bankrupt. That is not saying that that is what the video is implying, but it is important to add context in this comment so that it can be more nuanced. Sensitivity sometimes are not choices but is something our brains are wired to do. In fact hormonal changes make us more sensitive too, and that is a biological predisposition just like ADHD/ASD. You can also develop sensitivity from prolonged trauma and abuse, but does that mean theyre toxic? That would be a slippery slope into victim-blaming without understanding the origin of the sensitive behaviour and that part of the story is something we do not see directly. This can of course perpetuate a vicious cycle, and this is where I think the video helped us realize the importance of therapy or any psychological/psychiatric intervention. But remember, if youre sensitive, it does not mean you necessarily chose to be that way. Look into the cause of it.
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The one problem I have with sensitivity being labelled as toxic is that it feels like its insinuating that it in itself is a choice rather than a predisposition. It has been established that people who have ADHD or ASD tend to have emotional regulation issues, but does that mean that they have a toxic trait by choice? If it is fixable, how? Yes, going to therapy is an obvious option of course but the specifics into this is that ADHD/ASD might lead to predisposition to sensitivity that MIGHT lead to toxic behaviours if left unchecked but it doesnt mean that if theyre sensitive, theyre morally bankrupt. That is not saying that that is what the video is implying, but it is important to add context in this comment so that it can be more nuanced. Sensitivity sometimes are not choices but is something our brains are wired to do. In fact hormonal changes make us more sensitive too, and that is a biological predisposition just like ADHD/ASD. You can also develop sensitivity from prolonged trauma and abuse, but does that mean theyre toxic? That would be a slippery slope into victim-blaming without understanding the origin of the sensitive behaviour and that part of the story is something we do not see directly. This can of course perpetuate a vicious cycle, and this is where I think the video helped us realize the importance of therapy or any psychological/psychiatric intervention. But remember, if youre sensitive, it does not mean you necessarily chose to be that way. Look into the cause of it.
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rosi
You're overly sensitive
I understand that people can often waste their emotional energy on things that aren't worth it. Thats something we all can work on. But that's a common phrase used to put sensitive folks down. Sensitivity is very stigmatized and misunderstood where I live. I would refrain from telling someone that they're too sensitive or overly sensitive. Too many people dismiss the feelings of someone whos highly emotional and sensitive, which can cause them to develop low self esteem and dismiss their own feelings. It's happened to me since childhood. People who are uncomfortable with emotions and who idealize being mentally tough just didn't understand how I functioned as a child and would often get frustrated with me. This actually applies to my adult life too. It's really tough navigating a world that isn't built for people like me. It's hard not to criticize yourself for being weak
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You're overly sensitive
I understand that people can often waste their emotional energy on things that aren't worth it. Thats something we all can work on. But that's a common phrase used to put sensitive folks down. Sensitivity is very stigmatized and misunderstood where I live. I would refrain from telling someone that they're too sensitive or overly sensitive. Too many people dismiss the feelings of someone whos highly emotional and sensitive, which can cause them to develop low self esteem and dismiss their own feelings. It's happened to me since childhood. People who are uncomfortable with emotions and who idealize being mentally tough just didn't understand how I functioned as a child and would often get frustrated with me. This actually applies to my adult life too. It's really tough navigating a world that isn't built for people like me. It's hard not to criticize yourself for being weak
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WEABOUO
I have a hard time accepting complement from other's.
I never really get complement from any of my parents except when i act as a superhero when i was a child
But what's more harder is when i think on how horrible some of the people around me, but everytime i tried to think what they do and how i should respond, but in the end i end up rebutting everything i said. and keep remembering that i need to understand them, i need to understand people how they feel and everything, but sometimes i feel like. I'm the only one understanding them, i know i know I'm not that open either, so i guess thay a valid reason for them not to understand
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I have a hard time accepting complement from other's.
I never really get complement from any of my parents except when i act as a superhero when i was a child
But what's more harder is when i think on how horrible some of the people around me, but everytime i tried to think what they do and how i should respond, but in the end i end up rebutting everything i said. and keep remembering that i need to understand them, i need to understand people how they feel and everything, but sometimes i feel like. I'm the only one understanding them, i know i know I'm not that open either, so i guess thay a valid reason for them not to understand
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Im
The thing is, I'm not doing anything that's toxic in general, it's just the things I say that end up hurting somebody because of some trauma they have. I'm in this groupchat and it usually happens with somebody like once a month and I stand out so much because it seems like i'm the only one who's hurting people. I never start fights and I always apologize right after understanding but that changes nothing because i still look like the only problematic person there. I decided to leave it but that drained my mental health so much since i literally have no friends or any support group outside of it.
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The thing is, I'm not doing anything that's toxic in general, it's just the things I say that end up hurting somebody because of some trauma they have. I'm in this groupchat and it usually happens with somebody like once a month and I stand out so much because it seems like i'm the only one who's hurting people. I never start fights and I always apologize right after understanding but that changes nothing because i still look like the only problematic person there. I decided to leave it but that drained my mental health so much since i literally have no friends or any support group outside of it.
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Tovah
This video kinda made me want to cry with the other I came from regarding being manipulative. Of course, I know there are amazing people out there and better situations/things in the world, but seeing so much negativity and harmful individuals (physically or mentally) has given me a bit of a pessimistic outlook. On top of that, if you're looking for friends, that includes seeking validation, and so brings anxiety and depression when making sure I'm not saying things that would offend or upset those I'm close to. Life sucks ass a lot of the time, lol.
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This video kinda made me want to cry with the other I came from regarding being manipulative. Of course, I know there are amazing people out there and better situations/things in the world, but seeing so much negativity and harmful individuals (physically or mentally) has given me a bit of a pessimistic outlook. On top of that, if you're looking for friends, that includes seeking validation, and so brings anxiety and depression when making sure I'm not saying things that would offend or upset those I'm close to. Life sucks ass a lot of the time, lol.
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Bill
Nothing is more toxic than the expectation that one must always be smiling and that only positive emotions are allowed to be felt. This leads to the idea that love and acceptance is and should only available to the people that do everything perfectly at all times, which is unfortunately an idea that has fully infected rich western societies. Shorn of real love and connection, we carry on broken, telling ourselves the lie that we will get love once we have overcome all of our problems. But our problems come from a lack of love and community.
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Nothing is more toxic than the expectation that one must always be smiling and that only positive emotions are allowed to be felt. This leads to the idea that love and acceptance is and should only available to the people that do everything perfectly at all times, which is unfortunately an idea that has fully infected rich western societies. Shorn of real love and connection, we carry on broken, telling ourselves the lie that we will get love once we have overcome all of our problems. But our problems come from a lack of love and community.
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Melissa
On a very obscure social media site called FlipAnim, I was dealing with lots of toxic people and I started to think that possibly that I had done something horrible. I didnt feel like fighting back, because it would probably make everything worse. I decided to block this one person who kept accusing me of what was simply just responding to peoples comments, but they turned out to have an entire army of alt accounts that kept guilt tripping me and then taking the blame, which just made everything worse.
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On a very obscure social media site called FlipAnim, I was dealing with lots of toxic people and I started to think that possibly that I had done something horrible. I didnt feel like fighting back, because it would probably make everything worse. I decided to block this one person who kept accusing me of what was simply just responding to peoples comments, but they turned out to have an entire army of alt accounts that kept guilt tripping me and then taking the blame, which just made everything worse.
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KT
This actually confirmed for me that I do have toxic habits that need work. I had my suspicions but nobody ever told me I was being that way. They just smiled and played it off. It was when people started distancing themselves from me and making me feel unwelcomed that I started to realise something might be wrong from my end. They still suck for doing that, but I am not an innocent party in the matter
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This actually confirmed for me that I do have toxic habits that need work. I had my suspicions but nobody ever told me I was being that way. They just smiled and played it off. It was when people started distancing themselves from me and making me feel unwelcomed that I started to realise something might be wrong from my end. They still suck for doing that, but I am not an innocent party in the matter
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Bienchen
I want and strive to be a better person everyday, but Im not sure how to even like myself. It seemed to be better when I had a partner. I was learning to appreciate myself. When they left me, I fell back into self hatred. Im trying to be a better person and Im still striving for my life goals but it all feels empty. Like it did before they started dating me.
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I want and strive to be a better person everyday, but Im not sure how to even like myself. It seemed to be better when I had a partner. I was learning to appreciate myself. When they left me, I fell back into self hatred. Im trying to be a better person and Im still striving for my life goals but it all feels empty. Like it did before they started dating me.
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Kaden
i had a fight with my two best friends for over 12 years. 2 months ago. my one friend basically told me i was acting toxic and she was done.
i hadnt even realized and felt i was just trying to help.
it took me two months to stop crying and grieving the loss of my two best friends.
this was helpful
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i had a fight with my two best friends for over 12 years. 2 months ago. my one friend basically told me i was acting toxic and she was done.
i hadnt even realized and felt i was just trying to help.
it took me two months to stop crying and grieving the loss of my two best friends.
this was helpful
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Ironfrenzy217
Huh. The only thing I can think of me relating to the video in is pessimism. I used to have the idea that I would try to temper people's mood. If they were happy I'd say caution, if they were down I'd try to encourage.
I've since moved on. The temptation is there but it's rarely acted upon.
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Huh. The only thing I can think of me relating to the video in is pessimism. I used to have the idea that I would try to temper people's mood. If they were happy I'd say caution, if they were down I'd try to encourage.
I've since moved on. The temptation is there but it's rarely acted upon.
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Lexi
I struggle to make new friends/ keep good people around because they ditch after realizing i have these traits, and just Don't need that kind of negativity in their lives. Fair, i guess. Just sucks. It's nice to know I'm right to believe i don't mean to be like this and there's something more to it.
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I struggle to make new friends/ keep good people around because they ditch after realizing i have these traits, and just Don't need that kind of negativity in their lives. Fair, i guess. Just sucks. It's nice to know I'm right to believe i don't mean to be like this and there's something more to it.
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education
Some relate to people who suffer PTSD, so they should NOT be categorised Toxic, they are really suffering too. Best not to call people toxic easily just because they behave differently. Just understand diffetrence and be kind to each other.
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Some relate to people who suffer PTSD, so they should NOT be categorised Toxic, they are really suffering too. Best not to call people toxic easily just because they behave differently. Just understand diffetrence and be kind to each other.
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teensymarie
How do you deal with a friend who is overly sensitive and blames you when you accidentally trip over their invisible sensitivities? I feel like pointing it out is going to be read as gaslighting. How do you break through that?
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How do you deal with a friend who is overly sensitive and blames you when you accidentally trip over their invisible sensitivities? I feel like pointing it out is going to be read as gaslighting. How do you break through that?
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shootthecow
also didnt expect gumball. how many refrence camio's are there gonna be what next the owl house or gravity falls or maybe even undertale or cuphead. im glad yall keep it interesting with refrences and camios from characters
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also didnt expect gumball. how many refrence camio's are there gonna be what next the owl house or gravity falls or maybe even undertale or cuphead. im glad yall keep it interesting with refrences and camios from characters
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queen
i am overly sensitive, but thats literally just part of who i am. im not always on the defensive and i do indulge myself in self care.
i dont see how being sensitive is toxic when it is literally something i cannot control.
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i am overly sensitive, but thats literally just part of who i am. im not always on the defensive and i do indulge myself in self care.
i dont see how being sensitive is toxic when it is literally something i cannot control.
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Sofia
I was wondering THIS EXACT SAME THING, thank you, I'm healing because I found the love of my life and I want to be my best version, for myself, for him and for my very happy relationship. We can do it guys, we're getting there!
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I was wondering THIS EXACT SAME THING, thank you, I'm healing because I found the love of my life and I want to be my best version, for myself, for him and for my very happy relationship. We can do it guys, we're getting there!
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Muhammad
That would be me. It can be unintentional but everybody has a few toxic traits. Being socially awkward and your childhood upbringing can cause it. Your upbringing matters a lot. I wish i learnt it before. But i can change
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That would be me. It can be unintentional but everybody has a few toxic traits. Being socially awkward and your childhood upbringing can cause it. Your upbringing matters a lot. I wish i learnt it before. But i can change
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Natasha
Is she a therapist because I think she is, and if she drew those drawings then I'm impressed. She's kind of like a therapist because she's telling you that if you do these things then you are the things that she says.
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Is she a therapist because I think she is, and if she drew those drawings then I'm impressed. She's kind of like a therapist because she's telling you that if you do these things then you are the things that she says.
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Fire
yeah maybe I should listen to myself more, I didn't even notice that I really needed everyone else's opinion. I was trying to change myself for so long just so I could get validation and gain acceptance from others.
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yeah maybe I should listen to myself more, I didn't even notice that I really needed everyone else's opinion. I was trying to change myself for so long just so I could get validation and gain acceptance from others.
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Faatihah
i just broke my friendship off.
she called me Toxic, but in reality im not, i asked my other friends if i were and they said i am 40% toxic and 60% not, this Video proved that i am not toxic but Malicious
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i just broke my friendship off.
she called me Toxic, but in reality im not, i asked my other friends if i were and they said i am 40% toxic and 60% not, this Video proved that i am not toxic but Malicious
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Vanessa
I think that everyone can sometimes be a little bit selfish and/or Toxic. We're all only human and none of us are perfect. Just do your best and try to be kind. That's all anyone can really ask of anyone.
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I think that everyone can sometimes be a little bit selfish and/or Toxic. We're all only human and none of us are perfect. Just do your best and try to be kind. That's all anyone can really ask of anyone.
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Fire
I have a really toxic friend right now, they fit all of these things. Im thinking of ending the friendship but how should I do it? Ive been told to cut off slowly. But being straight foreword seems so easy.
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I have a really toxic friend right now, they fit all of these things. Im thinking of ending the friendship but how should I do it? Ive been told to cut off slowly. But being straight foreword seems so easy.
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