8 Signs You're Not Nice, But A People Pleaser
video description
Date: 2023-08-20
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 25
Local
I hate the fact that I can relate to every single point to some degree.
- Ive apologized multiple times each day over the course of a week after the last time I said something not so nice about something a friend did (I made a comment on a drawing she did) And even after she said it was perfectly fine and she got over it, even now I still feel bad for it
-There have been times where I mightve not been able to help someone else and I feel terrible about it
-Earlier today my friends were insulting someone elses art style I thought wasnt that bad, but I still was more passionate about insulting it than anyone else just because. One of my other friends liked the art tho and I told her I liked it too but I was saying I didnt for everyone elses sake. Thats how I got here
-There are different parts of myself I show to different people. Sometimes I forget what my actual opinion is on a topic because of stuff like that. One example is a show I really like, I told my friend I liked it and she said she was holding back laughter. I wasnt able to take back the fact that I was interested but I never brought up the show again around her. Also a fandom Im in, I always say Im not in it around some friends, but one of my other friends is into it too, so its a back and forth between I hate it and I love it
-All the time. Absolutely hate conflict. There was one time where two of my friends said they didnt really like each other, not to each others faces but to me, and I was just stuck in the middle of them both thinking the other was a bad influence on me. I lied to both of them to a degree because I didnt wanna sound like I was defending a bad person
-Whenever one of my friends is in a bad mood I always make it my goal to make them feel better, giving free snacks, drawing for them, asking them about it all day, talking about their interests that I dont know a thing about, telling them whatever positive words I know, and then I end up feeling bad when they dont cheer up or dont talk to me about it
-There hasnt been a thing Ive done, drawing, writing, etc where I havent told people about it. And then when my friends get critical about it I just take it, sometimes even asking about more so I can try and improve
-There are things my friends do that I dont like, and last time I brought it up to one of them, I felt terrible about it. Soemtimes theyre always on the phone, and the only time I ever have a conversation with them is when texting right before bed. Sometimes its the way they draw characters, like I showed one of them an oc drawing and they completely changed the design. I still smiled, gave a thumbs up, and told her it looked great when it was a different character she drew all together
And I did all of it because I thought Id be rude if I did otherwise
reply
I hate the fact that I can relate to every single point to some degree.
- Ive apologized multiple times each day over the course of a week after the last time I said something not so nice about something a friend did (I made a comment on a drawing she did) And even after she said it was perfectly fine and she got over it, even now I still feel bad for it
-There have been times where I mightve not been able to help someone else and I feel terrible about it
-Earlier today my friends were insulting someone elses art style I thought wasnt that bad, but I still was more passionate about insulting it than anyone else just because. One of my other friends liked the art tho and I told her I liked it too but I was saying I didnt for everyone elses sake. Thats how I got here
-There are different parts of myself I show to different people. Sometimes I forget what my actual opinion is on a topic because of stuff like that. One example is a show I really like, I told my friend I liked it and she said she was holding back laughter. I wasnt able to take back the fact that I was interested but I never brought up the show again around her. Also a fandom Im in, I always say Im not in it around some friends, but one of my other friends is into it too, so its a back and forth between I hate it and I love it
-All the time. Absolutely hate conflict. There was one time where two of my friends said they didnt really like each other, not to each others faces but to me, and I was just stuck in the middle of them both thinking the other was a bad influence on me. I lied to both of them to a degree because I didnt wanna sound like I was defending a bad person
-Whenever one of my friends is in a bad mood I always make it my goal to make them feel better, giving free snacks, drawing for them, asking them about it all day, talking about their interests that I dont know a thing about, telling them whatever positive words I know, and then I end up feeling bad when they dont cheer up or dont talk to me about it
-There hasnt been a thing Ive done, drawing, writing, etc where I havent told people about it. And then when my friends get critical about it I just take it, sometimes even asking about more so I can try and improve
-There are things my friends do that I dont like, and last time I brought it up to one of them, I felt terrible about it. Soemtimes theyre always on the phone, and the only time I ever have a conversation with them is when texting right before bed. Sometimes its the way they draw characters, like I showed one of them an oc drawing and they completely changed the design. I still smiled, gave a thumbs up, and told her it looked great when it was a different character she drew all together
And I did all of it because I thought Id be rude if I did otherwise
reply
Wendi
I wonder if this could be an extension of living with an emotionally abusive person, such as a parent. I've noticed that my feelings change when I'm in public without my mother around.
Same with 2. I think my abusive mother' and now, her enabling husband only act to enforce this. She's always telling me that I need to be more considerate when I'm already overly compassionate. I think she may be projecting her narcissistic need for supply on to me.
3 and 4 once again I think may have been amplified. I had to 'act normal in order not to get scolded, and sometimes, still do.
7 sounds kind of like narcissism, so for years, I was worried I might be a narcissist. However, I think may come from the deeply rooted and conditioned sense of low self esteem from being so badly verbally abused.
8 I'm afraid of speaking up for myself because I'm so used to it being invalidated and ignored. I apologize a lot, like to the point to where I sometimes have to question what I'm saying sorry for.
However, ins spite of that, I think there may be something more to it than that. I thought that I may some kind of benign psychopath that doesn't even care about how friendly they are. When I'm on my own and I see someone having trouble, I go to help, but I don't necessarily take time to reflect on how my actions might make them feel. I'm not worried about doing something wrong, but when I go to help people the genuinely kind aspect of myself goes to work, and it feels almost like an autopilot kind of thing. It's like pure instinct kicks in. I even had someone ask me once why are you so nice? and it took me 2 days to respond! I was in shock of that statement. I was thinking to myself. Uuuhhhhh. I'm nice? That nice? I never knew. err. thanks)
I hate the thought of even the most sadistic of people going to some kind of afterlife to be punished for eternity or eons of time. It doesn't make me feel good. However, I found something different to focus on, and that is some kind of organism that doesn't have these kinds of feelings, perhaps living in a world where the predator/prey dynamic doesn't exist, and that mental disorders and suffering that afflict so many creatures on this planet do not occur.
reply
I wonder if this could be an extension of living with an emotionally abusive person, such as a parent. I've noticed that my feelings change when I'm in public without my mother around.
Same with 2. I think my abusive mother' and now, her enabling husband only act to enforce this. She's always telling me that I need to be more considerate when I'm already overly compassionate. I think she may be projecting her narcissistic need for supply on to me.
3 and 4 once again I think may have been amplified. I had to 'act normal in order not to get scolded, and sometimes, still do.
7 sounds kind of like narcissism, so for years, I was worried I might be a narcissist. However, I think may come from the deeply rooted and conditioned sense of low self esteem from being so badly verbally abused.
8 I'm afraid of speaking up for myself because I'm so used to it being invalidated and ignored. I apologize a lot, like to the point to where I sometimes have to question what I'm saying sorry for.
However, ins spite of that, I think there may be something more to it than that. I thought that I may some kind of benign psychopath that doesn't even care about how friendly they are. When I'm on my own and I see someone having trouble, I go to help, but I don't necessarily take time to reflect on how my actions might make them feel. I'm not worried about doing something wrong, but when I go to help people the genuinely kind aspect of myself goes to work, and it feels almost like an autopilot kind of thing. It's like pure instinct kicks in. I even had someone ask me once why are you so nice? and it took me 2 days to respond! I was in shock of that statement. I was thinking to myself. Uuuhhhhh. I'm nice? That nice? I never knew. err. thanks)
I hate the thought of even the most sadistic of people going to some kind of afterlife to be punished for eternity or eons of time. It doesn't make me feel good. However, I found something different to focus on, and that is some kind of organism that doesn't have these kinds of feelings, perhaps living in a world where the predator/prey dynamic doesn't exist, and that mental disorders and suffering that afflict so many creatures on this planet do not occur.
reply
duckii
I am probably a people pleaser. One time I got into the school I wanted and my dad suggested we go out to dinner. My sister, who thought she was getting a dinner that night for not throwing a tantrum for a week, threw a tantrum because I got to pick where we went. Me and my dad ended up going by ourselves, and the ENTIRE car ride I felt I needed to apologize. I acknowledged that it wasnt my fault at ALL, but I still felt I needed to. I also often feel emotionally numb, and that might be because I was probably emotionally neglected, but I constantly find myself tailoring my words and my personality to avoid my family getting angry at me. Every time I post my art on discord, I constantly check again and again to see if anyone likes or has noticed it. Its gotten to the point where I will check every morning for messages. I constantly crave validation. My dad thinks Ive gotten too obsessed with my phone and have gotten it taken away. Its incredibly hard for me to say no. I constantly feel like people will get angry or upset when I decline. I honestly dont know who I am anymore.
reply
I am probably a people pleaser. One time I got into the school I wanted and my dad suggested we go out to dinner. My sister, who thought she was getting a dinner that night for not throwing a tantrum for a week, threw a tantrum because I got to pick where we went. Me and my dad ended up going by ourselves, and the ENTIRE car ride I felt I needed to apologize. I acknowledged that it wasnt my fault at ALL, but I still felt I needed to. I also often feel emotionally numb, and that might be because I was probably emotionally neglected, but I constantly find myself tailoring my words and my personality to avoid my family getting angry at me. Every time I post my art on discord, I constantly check again and again to see if anyone likes or has noticed it. Its gotten to the point where I will check every morning for messages. I constantly crave validation. My dad thinks Ive gotten too obsessed with my phone and have gotten it taken away. Its incredibly hard for me to say no. I constantly feel like people will get angry or upset when I decline. I honestly dont know who I am anymore.
reply
Santana
I'm so overwhelmed, I feel like I don't have a voice, my whole was people saying what I should or shouldn't do, it seems I can't ever make a decision for myself, sometimes I don't even know what I want, I feel like I don't actually have any friends or anyone in the world that understands me, I always feel out of touch and out of place everywhere, I'm tired of this, i feel like people think I'm not authentic, like I'm easily influenced like a kid, they may be right, I've spent most of my life changing and trying to fit in to please others thag I feel I don't even know myself anymore, have i ever known? Have I even been myself of have i always been the shadow of other's expectations about me? I don't know anyone and I hate myself for it, I feel empty useless, I feel like i would be better off if I could abandon everything and everyone, like everybody would be happier without me, the worst part is that I can't talk about this with anyone, nobody would understand, I honestly just want to disappear
reply
I'm so overwhelmed, I feel like I don't have a voice, my whole was people saying what I should or shouldn't do, it seems I can't ever make a decision for myself, sometimes I don't even know what I want, I feel like I don't actually have any friends or anyone in the world that understands me, I always feel out of touch and out of place everywhere, I'm tired of this, i feel like people think I'm not authentic, like I'm easily influenced like a kid, they may be right, I've spent most of my life changing and trying to fit in to please others thag I feel I don't even know myself anymore, have i ever known? Have I even been myself of have i always been the shadow of other's expectations about me? I don't know anyone and I hate myself for it, I feel empty useless, I feel like i would be better off if I could abandon everything and everyone, like everybody would be happier without me, the worst part is that I can't talk about this with anyone, nobody would understand, I honestly just want to disappear
reply
Shdow
I am a people pleaser. Have been for so many years. And now I see the damage that it did to me.
Last year was just too much and now I am at a point where I don't want to meet and talk to (almost all of) my friends anymore.
Every text message kinda makes me panic and become angry at the same time because it feels like if I interact with them in any way, I have to completely give up any control and just do what others want. It feels like 'no' is not an option and I can't deal with situations that might destroy the harmony.
So I avoid almost everyone and everything.
I know I have to learn to say 'no', to say what's on my mind, if I want things or not, if someone hurt my feelings and be open with my opinions.
And I'm working on it.
Last days and weeks have been better, I think I'm on a good way but it'll still take a lot of time.
And maybe in the future I can have friendships that are true and not based on my people pleasing.
reply
I am a people pleaser. Have been for so many years. And now I see the damage that it did to me.
Last year was just too much and now I am at a point where I don't want to meet and talk to (almost all of) my friends anymore.
Every text message kinda makes me panic and become angry at the same time because it feels like if I interact with them in any way, I have to completely give up any control and just do what others want. It feels like 'no' is not an option and I can't deal with situations that might destroy the harmony.
So I avoid almost everyone and everything.
I know I have to learn to say 'no', to say what's on my mind, if I want things or not, if someone hurt my feelings and be open with my opinions.
And I'm working on it.
Last days and weeks have been better, I think I'm on a good way but it'll still take a lot of time.
And maybe in the future I can have friendships that are true and not based on my people pleasing.
reply
akari666
i have signs 2, 3, 46
, 6 and 7 ive been like this all my life almost and I didn't even realize I was a people pleaser. Ever since I realized this ive been trying my best to change, and care about myself more rather than looking out for praise, attention from others, I just realized how different I act infront of people and change my whole personality to please them or so they like me but now ive made it my goal to not gaf about people and be myself. I've been trying really hard to let go of people pleasing these days I hope I will escape this and never ever return.
reply
i have signs 2, 3, 46
, 6 and 7 ive been like this all my life almost and I didn't even realize I was a people pleaser. Ever since I realized this ive been trying my best to change, and care about myself more rather than looking out for praise, attention from others, I just realized how different I act infront of people and change my whole personality to please them or so they like me but now ive made it my goal to not gaf about people and be myself. I've been trying really hard to let go of people pleasing these days I hope I will escape this and never ever return.
reply
Saxel
I have a friend I worry about I think they may be a people pleaser. When I talk with them I can never get a straight answer out of them, they always just agree with me and want what I want. when I ask them their opinion they say I don't know. they've even told me how in their relationships they can't say no and set boundaries. that when their partner bothers them they just avoid them instead of communicating. they constantly fear that their partner is mad at them even when the partner said they weren't. what can I do to help them?
reply
I have a friend I worry about I think they may be a people pleaser. When I talk with them I can never get a straight answer out of them, they always just agree with me and want what I want. when I ask them their opinion they say I don't know. they've even told me how in their relationships they can't say no and set boundaries. that when their partner bothers them they just avoid them instead of communicating. they constantly fear that their partner is mad at them even when the partner said they weren't. what can I do to help them?
reply
drf
I am also a people pleaser
I dont know how to overcome.
Because of being a people pleaser, i even laugh in a serious situation internally hurt me, because of thinking what other feel. Constently it hurting me.
Also nowadays i feel like, i am nothing. Peoples who i met firstly they are so interested on me, but thry act like i dont even exist now. Is it because i am a bad person. I dont know feeling low, as an introvert a very difficulty to make friends. And more difficult is maintaing it, how can i maintain my friendhip.
reply
I am also a people pleaser
I dont know how to overcome.
Because of being a people pleaser, i even laugh in a serious situation internally hurt me, because of thinking what other feel. Constently it hurting me.
Also nowadays i feel like, i am nothing. Peoples who i met firstly they are so interested on me, but thry act like i dont even exist now. Is it because i am a bad person. I dont know feeling low, as an introvert a very difficulty to make friends. And more difficult is maintaing it, how can i maintain my friendhip.
reply
ROTBTFD
I feel like the purpose of my life is to make everyone on earth happy and I try my best to do so because when I see people being sad it makes me sad too, like I didnt do a good job. Often times when I stand up for myself I cause conflicts like HUGE conflicts and people often assume Im the one whos wrong. I always think Im the reason people are unhappy and Im just causing them inconvenience and so I got more introverted as I grew older.
reply
I feel like the purpose of my life is to make everyone on earth happy and I try my best to do so because when I see people being sad it makes me sad too, like I didnt do a good job. Often times when I stand up for myself I cause conflicts like HUGE conflicts and people often assume Im the one whos wrong. I always think Im the reason people are unhappy and Im just causing them inconvenience and so I got more introverted as I grew older.
reply
Sky
i lowkey relate to step 2, but only low key because I say things like, I'm sorry things aren't going well for you can someone tell me if that counts. and to be clear, that is not me relating to the responsible for their feelings, it's more like, that's sometimes the only thing I can think of saying when I want to show my support for that kind of thing. is that normal or is that over-apolagizing? I'm autistic so I don't know the difference
reply
i lowkey relate to step 2, but only low key because I say things like, I'm sorry things aren't going well for you can someone tell me if that counts. and to be clear, that is not me relating to the responsible for their feelings, it's more like, that's sometimes the only thing I can think of saying when I want to show my support for that kind of thing. is that normal or is that over-apolagizing? I'm autistic so I don't know the difference
reply
Angie
I know, I know it has nothing to do wih the plot od the video but I love how you use cartoons and the fact you always use my favorites and the one with hluw flower on their had(the one with a hoodie) is just reminds me Max from Camp Camp.
Probably the hoodie, the blue color and the grumpish persona caused it
(Camp Camp is a 4 seasoned unfinished comedy cartoon, and I LOVE it)
reply
I know, I know it has nothing to do wih the plot od the video but I love how you use cartoons and the fact you always use my favorites and the one with hluw flower on their had(the one with a hoodie) is just reminds me Max from Camp Camp.
Probably the hoodie, the blue color and the grumpish persona caused it
(Camp Camp is a 4 seasoned unfinished comedy cartoon, and I LOVE it)
reply
OfficialDaHotShot
I got upset watching this because the video did tell on me. I feel like I am a people pleaser and the realization of it upsets me. It's like this whole time I've been wasting my time with habits I grew up with and I wish I could've overcome this sooner. I wanna change and have authentic relationships with someone without falling into this hole. Thank you for this video.
reply
I got upset watching this because the video did tell on me. I feel like I am a people pleaser and the realization of it upsets me. It's like this whole time I've been wasting my time with habits I grew up with and I wish I could've overcome this sooner. I wanna change and have authentic relationships with someone without falling into this hole. Thank you for this video.
reply
Jose
I had never actually realized this people pleasing thing and thought I was just being down to earth or cool. I have learnt that the first step is to firmly say NO, say sorry only when necessary and prioritize my interests above others at any given time (its not being selfish but true because you cant give what you dont have or havent received yourself)
reply
I had never actually realized this people pleasing thing and thought I was just being down to earth or cool. I have learnt that the first step is to firmly say NO, say sorry only when necessary and prioritize my interests above others at any given time (its not being selfish but true because you cant give what you dont have or havent received yourself)
reply
Texas_Made_1988
Learn to say NO. HELL NO! Don't feel bad, if someone truely care for you, they won't get mad or make you feel guilty. my mom has this BAD and everyone uses her up! Ass kissing when the other person is totally wrong! It's sad to watch and is a lifetime issue. exhausting to be honest. stand up to people who do this and put yourself FIRST
reply
Learn to say NO. HELL NO! Don't feel bad, if someone truely care for you, they won't get mad or make you feel guilty. my mom has this BAD and everyone uses her up! Ass kissing when the other person is totally wrong! It's sad to watch and is a lifetime issue. exhausting to be honest. stand up to people who do this and put yourself FIRST
reply
huh?
I think I'm a people pleaser, but more of a people pleaser in the sense of I pretty much just let myself get humiliated for the sake of fun and comedy for others, just a comic relief, because I feel like there's nothing else I can do correctly. I say yes to anything that'll make others laugh, even if it hurts me.
reply
I think I'm a people pleaser, but more of a people pleaser in the sense of I pretty much just let myself get humiliated for the sake of fun and comedy for others, just a comic relief, because I feel like there's nothing else I can do correctly. I say yes to anything that'll make others laugh, even if it hurts me.
reply
Kathy
Something I've learned from personal experience is that while being respectful of others is very important, it's likewise important not to forget to be respectful to yourself as well. Your thoughts and feelings are important as well, and whenever you exert them, people will be respectful of you as well.
reply
Something I've learned from personal experience is that while being respectful of others is very important, it's likewise important not to forget to be respectful to yourself as well. Your thoughts and feelings are important as well, and whenever you exert them, people will be respectful of you as well.
reply
education
I am a people pleaser. I didnt even know what this was till a year or two ago. Im almost 30 and this is such a painful way to live. Seeking therapy, but it takes time. It makes me want to keep all my friends away from me because I cant trust that they are using me since Im like this.
reply
I am a people pleaser. I didnt even know what this was till a year or two ago. Im almost 30 and this is such a painful way to live. Seeking therapy, but it takes time. It makes me want to keep all my friends away from me because I cant trust that they are using me since Im like this.
reply
Betsy
I totally relate to numbers oe2; 4; 5; 6&8specially number one. I pretend not to have empathy when talkin to &or aroud certai people. lot of schools facilities &people still demand &require us in order to kep everything inside ¬ care for ourselves or others.
reply
I totally relate to numbers oe2; 4; 5; 6&8specially number one. I pretend not to have empathy when talkin to &or aroud certai people. lot of schools facilities &people still demand &require us in order to kep everything inside ¬ care for ourselves or others.
reply
hellonono
Any tips for how to proceed in a relationship where I'm a people pleaser and my partner is very jealous and controlling? It's so hard for me to stand up for myself and set boundaries
reply
Any tips for how to proceed in a relationship where I'm a people pleaser and my partner is very jealous and controlling? It's so hard for me to stand up for myself and set boundaries
reply
Sleepy
Yeah I'm definitely a people pleaser. But what if I don't really feel like I need to fix it? Like I dunno, I probably should. But I don't want to. I feel like its better if I am.
reply
Yeah I'm definitely a people pleaser. But what if I don't really feel like I need to fix it? Like I dunno, I probably should. But I don't want to. I feel like its better if I am.
reply
Jordan
I'm a people pleaser. It's not as bad as when I was younger, but I still need help. Trying to get better and focus more on myself after just coming out of a toxic relationship.
reply
I'm a people pleaser. It's not as bad as when I was younger, but I still need help. Trying to get better and focus more on myself after just coming out of a toxic relationship.
reply
xorii
I don't think people know how serious this can be. It can seriously ruin someones life. I'm experiencing this right now and I have started to go to therapy.
reply
I don't think people know how serious this can be. It can seriously ruin someones life. I'm experiencing this right now and I have started to go to therapy.
reply
Niva
this is literally my definition, ive always known i wasnt nice nd tht im a people pleaser, this made it even more clear cause i do everything mentioned
reply
this is literally my definition, ive always known i wasnt nice nd tht im a people pleaser, this made it even more clear cause i do everything mentioned
reply
__
I know that I'm a people pleaser, I was here to confirm this.
THEN I saw THE OWL HOUSE in this video MORE THEN ONCE and it just made me so happy.
reply
I know that I'm a people pleaser, I was here to confirm this.
THEN I saw THE OWL HOUSE in this video MORE THEN ONCE and it just made me so happy.
reply
Prototype
When I first tapped on this I didn't expect to find out that it describes me. I thought it's gonna describe a friend of mine but it didn't!
reply
When I first tapped on this I didn't expect to find out that it describes me. I thought it's gonna describe a friend of mine but it didn't!
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
