5 Signs You're Gaslighting Someone, Even If You Don't Mean To
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Teodoro
Heres a question people.
I was dating a girl for about a month and got very involved in her life (I was unknowingly running away from trauma and my past relationship that ended 2 years ago) as a consequence got very attached and once she backed off because of a busy period in her life (which I knew was coming) I started spiralling, she basically did something unknowingly that triggered me into my past abusive relationship (lack of clear communication, not that I actually even asked her to tell me if thats what she needed given her schedule. Eventually I got a little pushy and put pressure on her to meet up, because I was taken by her, but also running away from my own issues, she offered just to be friends. I was too lost in the sauce and turned her down, as kindly and clearly as possible, letting her know I had unresolved stuff in my past. Its been about two weeks since then and had a lot of revelations, i finally admitted I was the victim of psychological abuse from my ex and also that I wasnt truly ready to date again when I had, not knowing my boundaries and all. Other things aside I realised I regretted not taking her offer to be friends, as thats what I really wanted and needed after so long spent isolated from people. Now I havent spoken to her in 11ish days but before my birthday and wanting a fresh start I sent her a message expressing I was sorry about letting my romantic attraction ruin the friendship that we were starting to form. (I had made it clear in the past that I was attracted to her for not just physical traits, in fact primarily her mind) she doesnt respond, but honestly I wasnt expecting her to.
Then starting to feel like I can re engage with the online world, I come across one of her stories where she links to an article about gaslighting. (Now this starts making me paranoid, because my ex used to gaslight me into thinking I was gaslighting her) now rationally Im thinking that it may be referred to her ex (which she says is the only person she talks bad about from her past, also Im not blocked on anything by her, and occasionally she views my stories. Im not well versed in these dynamics ngl, but wouldnt you block a gaslighter? (I guess I never did with my ex until very recently)
Im wondering if me saying this stuff about friendship after saying I was attracted to her, which I dont believe are mutually exclusive, and how I ruined the friendship by being romantically attracted and having to step away shifts the blame of the relationship/friendship onto her and her looks? I definitely wouldnt want to cause wounds where there are none but I fear I may have done. I said Id give her space at the end of the message, I just wanted to apologise to her because I still care for her well being and I know it was a rough period for her when we met originally but now Im so scared I mad things so much more traumatic.
Please be honest did I gaslight a sweet and caring person.
Also in every other interaction we had I dont believe I ever minimised her feelings and didnt recognise out loud that she was more than entitled to feel the ways she did about things.
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Heres a question people.
I was dating a girl for about a month and got very involved in her life (I was unknowingly running away from trauma and my past relationship that ended 2 years ago) as a consequence got very attached and once she backed off because of a busy period in her life (which I knew was coming) I started spiralling, she basically did something unknowingly that triggered me into my past abusive relationship (lack of clear communication, not that I actually even asked her to tell me if thats what she needed given her schedule. Eventually I got a little pushy and put pressure on her to meet up, because I was taken by her, but also running away from my own issues, she offered just to be friends. I was too lost in the sauce and turned her down, as kindly and clearly as possible, letting her know I had unresolved stuff in my past. Its been about two weeks since then and had a lot of revelations, i finally admitted I was the victim of psychological abuse from my ex and also that I wasnt truly ready to date again when I had, not knowing my boundaries and all. Other things aside I realised I regretted not taking her offer to be friends, as thats what I really wanted and needed after so long spent isolated from people. Now I havent spoken to her in 11ish days but before my birthday and wanting a fresh start I sent her a message expressing I was sorry about letting my romantic attraction ruin the friendship that we were starting to form. (I had made it clear in the past that I was attracted to her for not just physical traits, in fact primarily her mind) she doesnt respond, but honestly I wasnt expecting her to.
Then starting to feel like I can re engage with the online world, I come across one of her stories where she links to an article about gaslighting. (Now this starts making me paranoid, because my ex used to gaslight me into thinking I was gaslighting her) now rationally Im thinking that it may be referred to her ex (which she says is the only person she talks bad about from her past, also Im not blocked on anything by her, and occasionally she views my stories. Im not well versed in these dynamics ngl, but wouldnt you block a gaslighter? (I guess I never did with my ex until very recently)
Im wondering if me saying this stuff about friendship after saying I was attracted to her, which I dont believe are mutually exclusive, and how I ruined the friendship by being romantically attracted and having to step away shifts the blame of the relationship/friendship onto her and her looks? I definitely wouldnt want to cause wounds where there are none but I fear I may have done. I said Id give her space at the end of the message, I just wanted to apologise to her because I still care for her well being and I know it was a rough period for her when we met originally but now Im so scared I mad things so much more traumatic.
Please be honest did I gaslight a sweet and caring person.
Also in every other interaction we had I dont believe I ever minimised her feelings and didnt recognise out loud that she was more than entitled to feel the ways she did about things.
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Dari
I have that kind of friend. He never really cares about my feelings though I'm always there for him whenever he needs me. I spent most of my time with him. But he obviously didn't like it when I was with other classmates occasionally. Later, he talked behind my back so that they would dislike me and I would not get new friends. He once got mad at me after he saw me going on a date with someone else. He even told me not to hangout with some random guy he didn't know and he would hate me if I do that again. I never forget how I cried so hard that day and pathetically apologized to him. After that, I became to feel guilty for spending time with other people. The worst thing was that not long after I told him about my 5-year-long crush, he slept with him and sent me their photos. He even convinced me that I should give up on my crush as if I was having feelings for someone who was already in a relationship (they were not dating anyway, as if I was the one who had been wrong. Now, I dare not fall in love again. Actually, there are many other bad things he did to me; worse than that incident. I can't even keep track of how many times he has made me cry during these years. I know he is a wricked asshole but I still can't get out of this toxic friendship because he's my irreplaceable best friend.
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I have that kind of friend. He never really cares about my feelings though I'm always there for him whenever he needs me. I spent most of my time with him. But he obviously didn't like it when I was with other classmates occasionally. Later, he talked behind my back so that they would dislike me and I would not get new friends. He once got mad at me after he saw me going on a date with someone else. He even told me not to hangout with some random guy he didn't know and he would hate me if I do that again. I never forget how I cried so hard that day and pathetically apologized to him. After that, I became to feel guilty for spending time with other people. The worst thing was that not long after I told him about my 5-year-long crush, he slept with him and sent me their photos. He even convinced me that I should give up on my crush as if I was having feelings for someone who was already in a relationship (they were not dating anyway, as if I was the one who had been wrong. Now, I dare not fall in love again. Actually, there are many other bad things he did to me; worse than that incident. I can't even keep track of how many times he has made me cry during these years. I know he is a wricked asshole but I still can't get out of this toxic friendship because he's my irreplaceable best friend.
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Veegzee
My ex and I play D&D in a group of people, and I noticed that my ex's actions in character really seemed to be putting the others in the group off and making them weird around him. When he told me that he felt like he wasn't quite fitting in, I told him that it was probably because of the actions he took, and how they may have been perceived as selfish. He became dependent on me to tell him what he may be doing wrong and how people may have perceived his actions when something he did clearly didn't go over with the rest of the crowd very well. He told me that his sense of perception must be very skewed and that he didn't know if he could trust himself anymore.
I worry that what I did was gaslighting him, even though it wasn't my intention. Is telling him why I think the others are uncomfortable around him causing him to isolate? It's the opposite of what I want. I want to encourage him to keep trying with the others but to play in a way that includes them. But I think I might have accidentally just isolated him instead.
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My ex and I play D&D in a group of people, and I noticed that my ex's actions in character really seemed to be putting the others in the group off and making them weird around him. When he told me that he felt like he wasn't quite fitting in, I told him that it was probably because of the actions he took, and how they may have been perceived as selfish. He became dependent on me to tell him what he may be doing wrong and how people may have perceived his actions when something he did clearly didn't go over with the rest of the crowd very well. He told me that his sense of perception must be very skewed and that he didn't know if he could trust himself anymore.
I worry that what I did was gaslighting him, even though it wasn't my intention. Is telling him why I think the others are uncomfortable around him causing him to isolate? It's the opposite of what I want. I want to encourage him to keep trying with the others but to play in a way that includes them. But I think I might have accidentally just isolated him instead.
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Viktoria
I remember then a friend convinced me, what I don't love my friends. My guess is what she felt unloved by me, and wanted to change my behavior, to turn us from friends to best friends.
But then I realized, what noone can tell me how I'm feeling except from myself. Because they aren't in my body, they can't feel what I'm feeling, they don't have my brain, they don't think what I'm thinking.
People can tell you how you make them feel, people can make guesses about your motivation, but you know better about your own thought and feelings, you are making them.
(And also, I don't think it's possible to force someone to like or want something more than they already do. You can force someone to give you more compliments, but you can't make them give you more -sincere- compliments.
Stuff like that will only damage you relationship and make it shallow)
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I remember then a friend convinced me, what I don't love my friends. My guess is what she felt unloved by me, and wanted to change my behavior, to turn us from friends to best friends.
But then I realized, what noone can tell me how I'm feeling except from myself. Because they aren't in my body, they can't feel what I'm feeling, they don't have my brain, they don't think what I'm thinking.
People can tell you how you make them feel, people can make guesses about your motivation, but you know better about your own thought and feelings, you are making them.
(And also, I don't think it's possible to force someone to like or want something more than they already do. You can force someone to give you more compliments, but you can't make them give you more -sincere- compliments.
Stuff like that will only damage you relationship and make it shallow)
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GC
Yeah, I used to be so unaware like; I only want to shift conversations to something I want to talk about, giving gifts and saying how hard, how expensive, or how much thought i put into it; giving them unwanted advice like I know everything and telling them they should be thankful; being dry if the conversation isn't about me; acting like I never did anything wrong and just one person is the bad guy; always making excuses and lying to not be seen as evil; and so on.
I will not lie, I do fall into some of these habits unconsciously but I'd feel really guilty when I notice. I try to be more open these days but sometimes I just can't stop blabbering. It causes me to be contantly worried and have dreams that if my friends find out what I'm really like, they'd realize I'm toxic and cut me off.
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Yeah, I used to be so unaware like; I only want to shift conversations to something I want to talk about, giving gifts and saying how hard, how expensive, or how much thought i put into it; giving them unwanted advice like I know everything and telling them they should be thankful; being dry if the conversation isn't about me; acting like I never did anything wrong and just one person is the bad guy; always making excuses and lying to not be seen as evil; and so on.
I will not lie, I do fall into some of these habits unconsciously but I'd feel really guilty when I notice. I try to be more open these days but sometimes I just can't stop blabbering. It causes me to be contantly worried and have dreams that if my friends find out what I'm really like, they'd realize I'm toxic and cut me off.
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cherry
Lately my friend told me im gaslighting her bc whenever she brought up some situations from 1 year ago or situations that led to my trauma that my mind that just wiped off. And l REALLY don't remember most of what happened. I don't have memory loss but my memory is really bad, not only with sql stuff but also with people and situations. I sometimes had these situations where someone came up to me to ask me how I'm doing and l don't even remember their name or who they are. I don't know how to talk to her bc in some cases l remember so much that it's unbelievable.
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Lately my friend told me im gaslighting her bc whenever she brought up some situations from 1 year ago or situations that led to my trauma that my mind that just wiped off. And l REALLY don't remember most of what happened. I don't have memory loss but my memory is really bad, not only with sql stuff but also with people and situations. I sometimes had these situations where someone came up to me to ask me how I'm doing and l don't even remember their name or who they are. I don't know how to talk to her bc in some cases l remember so much that it's unbelievable.
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Dustin
My first wife would gaslight me in this way. She would do something wrong. I would get angry and argue with her. She would twist the conversation away from the subject over which I was angry to a subject in which I did something wrong. She wrecked my self esteem until a therapist made me see what she was doing. This caused her to kick me out and empty the bank account then blame me for wanting a divorce. Ill never forget a remark she once said wondering how I used to be so optimistic in college and became such a pessimist.
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My first wife would gaslight me in this way. She would do something wrong. I would get angry and argue with her. She would twist the conversation away from the subject over which I was angry to a subject in which I did something wrong. She wrecked my self esteem until a therapist made me see what she was doing. This caused her to kick me out and empty the bank account then blame me for wanting a divorce. Ill never forget a remark she once said wondering how I used to be so optimistic in college and became such a pessimist.
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I'm
Ah, today is my worst day here cuz
i didnt realized i was gaslighting someone in my online friend group and i caused it to broke it down the gc because i gaslighted someone that theyre a bad person but theyre more mature and reasonable than me.
I was not self aware of myself that gaslighting someone would just make it worse and i dont know what was i doing.
Too bad the strings have broken and i dont think id be able to fix this other than just i need to be a better person and be more careful of my actions.
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Ah, today is my worst day here cuz
i didnt realized i was gaslighting someone in my online friend group and i caused it to broke it down the gc because i gaslighted someone that theyre a bad person but theyre more mature and reasonable than me.
I was not self aware of myself that gaslighting someone would just make it worse and i dont know what was i doing.
Too bad the strings have broken and i dont think id be able to fix this other than just i need to be a better person and be more careful of my actions.
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Viotvoodoo
When I lie it's not because I trying gaslight someone. I do it to stay away from trouble. Even a small mistake I need to lie about so I don't anger someone. With my home situation I feel I need to lie more to stay safe from any verbal attacks but when I get caught lying I can tell it was much safer then telling the truth.
If any of you are going through the same thing as me I can't really do much hope that things get better for you. I will try to get better myself as well as you.
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When I lie it's not because I trying gaslight someone. I do it to stay away from trouble. Even a small mistake I need to lie about so I don't anger someone. With my home situation I feel I need to lie more to stay safe from any verbal attacks but when I get caught lying I can tell it was much safer then telling the truth.
If any of you are going through the same thing as me I can't really do much hope that things get better for you. I will try to get better myself as well as you.
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Astha
My cousin who used to live with me and my parents for years used to gaslight us especially me. She used to emotionally manipulate me so cleverly or maybe I was just dumb enough to believe her as a good person coz she was my sister. Anyway my mom and I cut her off completely last year after my dad passed away. I don't even want to meet toxic ppl like her ever again or atleast I'd like to become intelligent enough to know who actually cares for me and who's just using me
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My cousin who used to live with me and my parents for years used to gaslight us especially me. She used to emotionally manipulate me so cleverly or maybe I was just dumb enough to believe her as a good person coz she was my sister. Anyway my mom and I cut her off completely last year after my dad passed away. I don't even want to meet toxic ppl like her ever again or atleast I'd like to become intelligent enough to know who actually cares for me and who's just using me
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Treherne
I'm scared to watch these videos incase my alter starts taking notes for the wrong reasons like if they started considering gaslighting other people. Cause i'd have to take the blame for their actions and it just screws me up. Thank you for the video it actually helped cause i thought i was gaslighting someone but it turns out as number four said my memory is just all around shit someone even called me out for gaslighting and i had to explain what you just said.
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I'm scared to watch these videos incase my alter starts taking notes for the wrong reasons like if they started considering gaslighting other people. Cause i'd have to take the blame for their actions and it just screws me up. Thank you for the video it actually helped cause i thought i was gaslighting someone but it turns out as number four said my memory is just all around shit someone even called me out for gaslighting and i had to explain what you just said.
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Ayla
My brother once gaslighted me by saying that I was imagining things when I was asking him if he did something I knew it was gaslighting but I just didnt want to point it out for whatever reason maybe it was because hes my older brother and I look up to him? I dont know but it made me feel really horrible and honestly kind of angry because I knew that if I pointed it out I would start a fight and I never really win those with my brother
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My brother once gaslighted me by saying that I was imagining things when I was asking him if he did something I knew it was gaslighting but I just didnt want to point it out for whatever reason maybe it was because hes my older brother and I look up to him? I dont know but it made me feel really horrible and honestly kind of angry because I knew that if I pointed it out I would start a fight and I never really win those with my brother
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Sr
Most of the gaslighting I experienced was online -
And my enemies experienced it online too
Genuinely I had no clue I was hurting them like that - I did not even know what gaslighting was I had to look it up when I was accused of doing so
I was not the best person back then, I hate how some of these matched me but there is not much I can do now-
But I also know I been gaslighted too ugh. it sucks -
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Most of the gaslighting I experienced was online -
And my enemies experienced it online too
Genuinely I had no clue I was hurting them like that - I did not even know what gaslighting was I had to look it up when I was accused of doing so
I was not the best person back then, I hate how some of these matched me but there is not much I can do now-
But I also know I been gaslighted too ugh. it sucks -
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Zacary
My ex-partner would always tell
Me about his bad experiences he had and what happened, I would try to put in my thoughts and related feelings towards the situation, but hed always get upset saying that Im no taking his feelings into consideration. I never meant any harm, I just thought maybe if I added my feelings and similar situations Ive had it might be helpful. I guess I was kinda gaslighting?
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My ex-partner would always tell
Me about his bad experiences he had and what happened, I would try to put in my thoughts and related feelings towards the situation, but hed always get upset saying that Im no taking his feelings into consideration. I never meant any harm, I just thought maybe if I added my feelings and similar situations Ive had it might be helpful. I guess I was kinda gaslighting?
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Serge
Nr 1: So if a person overreacts just let them untill they are totally panicked?
Nr 2: What if I didn't leave the light on and I am certain of it, and the only other person is them, wouldn't I do good by having them examined if their memory still works?
Nr 5: So every woman isolating their man from their best friends?
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Nr 1: So if a person overreacts just let them untill they are totally panicked?
Nr 2: What if I didn't leave the light on and I am certain of it, and the only other person is them, wouldn't I do good by having them examined if their memory still works?
Nr 5: So every woman isolating their man from their best friends?
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Pam
I had a friend who accused me of gaslighting because she didnt remember being at an event with me, she admitted she had drank and smoked pot but she is sure she wasnt there although I told her all the details of what we did together. Now I feel like she is gaslighting me into thinking I am crazy because she blacked this out.
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I had a friend who accused me of gaslighting because she didnt remember being at an event with me, she admitted she had drank and smoked pot but she is sure she wasnt there although I told her all the details of what we did together. Now I feel like she is gaslighting me into thinking I am crazy because she blacked this out.
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Jessica
my mother does the denying thing allllll the time its really bad and it was only a few months ago I realized that she was gaslighting me, and when it was getting really bad I brought it up to her and she tried to gaslight me by saying that I'm gaslighting her and I swear to god it almost worked
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my mother does the denying thing allllll the time its really bad and it was only a few months ago I realized that she was gaslighting me, and when it was getting really bad I brought it up to her and she tried to gaslight me by saying that I'm gaslighting her and I swear to god it almost worked
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itsglitchtrap
My (former) friend constantly accuses me of gaslighting him and my other friends, even though every time I watch one of these, it reminds me of him, especially when these videos say stuff about them playing victim or questioning the way you said something so I wonder
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My (former) friend constantly accuses me of gaslighting him and my other friends, even though every time I watch one of these, it reminds me of him, especially when these videos say stuff about them playing victim or questioning the way you said something so I wonder
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Ojass
Thank you so much for this video. I once looked up 'how to stop being manipulative? ' and literally all the results were about how to identify and deal with a manipulator. I couldn't find a single video about how to stop being manipulative.
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Thank you so much for this video. I once looked up 'how to stop being manipulative? ' and literally all the results were about how to identify and deal with a manipulator. I couldn't find a single video about how to stop being manipulative.
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Lee
My girlfriend tells me I'm antisocial all the time, cus I don't hangout with her friends with her, really get upset with me cus I don't talk much. Now I just say that I'm antisocial, but I don't think I am. I just don't talk to her friends
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My girlfriend tells me I'm antisocial all the time, cus I don't hangout with her friends with her, really get upset with me cus I don't talk much. Now I just say that I'm antisocial, but I don't think I am. I just don't talk to her friends
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Daniel
Welcome to being a puppet for my little show, listen to me carefuly mimic what i have in mind.
Or your on strings like the rest-
HOLY FOCK ITS RAINING TOO MUCH OUTSIDE!
JAAACK I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS UP THE SYSTEM!
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Welcome to being a puppet for my little show, listen to me carefuly mimic what i have in mind.
Or your on strings like the rest-
HOLY FOCK ITS RAINING TOO MUCH OUTSIDE!
JAAACK I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS UP THE SYSTEM!
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cathka
my friend gaslights me, she gets mad when im upset because she doesnt know how to help. She makes me act tough, or just not sensitive. she always gets mad when i speak to someone else
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my friend gaslights me, she gets mad when im upset because she doesnt know how to help. She makes me act tough, or just not sensitive. she always gets mad when i speak to someone else
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Ominous
My brother's been gaslighting me Ive been the middle child like when my lil brother lose a game he would eventually cry and tell me Im the one who cried such cruelty word's
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My brother's been gaslighting me Ive been the middle child like when my lil brother lose a game he would eventually cry and tell me Im the one who cried such cruelty word's
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Enchanted
I watched the Gaslight movie with my family recently. It was great, and really showed us how blatant it can be from the outside, but subtle from the inside.
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I watched the Gaslight movie with my family recently. It was great, and really showed us how blatant it can be from the outside, but subtle from the inside.
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Ames
lying is something i suffer with a lot, im not sure its because of me being scared to tell the truth because of trauma as a kid or im just a really bad person
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lying is something i suffer with a lot, im not sure its because of me being scared to tell the truth because of trauma as a kid or im just a really bad person
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