Why Trauma Bonding is So Powerful
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
EllE
This reminds me of my relationship with my brother. He was my most favorite person, my light, as the video said. We shared a difficult childhood, abusive, alcoholic, sometimes absent, sometimes present father. When he became a teenager, he was going through a lot and he started beating me up. Me, his little sister. I hated it but I loved him so so much because I understood his pain, I was the only one who could truly see him. He continued beating me up and controlling me. A decade goes by and he's still my most favorite person. I'm so proud of him, I talk about him to all my friends- that he's such an awesome big brother whom I look up to. I will not accept that he's abusing me. I forgive him instantly. Because he has his bad side, but he has a good side too- he showers me with gifts. But year by year, I start fearing him more and more. It's fear mixed with love and I'm still blind to the abuse I'm facing. I start hurting myself and trying to kill myself and have constant thoughts of suicide. I finally agree to myself that it's abuse, horrible physical and verbal abuse. But I forgive him. I make excuses for him. I empathise with him and continue to love him. Whereas, I continue to hate myself and think of killing myself with some failed attempts.
Sorry for rambling, guess it's nice to talk about anonymously. Also, wanted to tell people that this happens between siblings as well. Sibling abuse is very common but it's not spoken about and even parents brush it off. But if you're going through something like this, tell an adult if you're a child, tell someone. If they don't listen or they threaten you not to talk about it with anyone else, don't listen to them and find a person or get help through an organisation. It's NOT okay that this is happening to you. PLEASE get help. In my case, I loved my brother so much that I didn't want to get him into trouble. But imagine if someone else was telling you this, what would you do? Love yourself and get help.
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This reminds me of my relationship with my brother. He was my most favorite person, my light, as the video said. We shared a difficult childhood, abusive, alcoholic, sometimes absent, sometimes present father. When he became a teenager, he was going through a lot and he started beating me up. Me, his little sister. I hated it but I loved him so so much because I understood his pain, I was the only one who could truly see him. He continued beating me up and controlling me. A decade goes by and he's still my most favorite person. I'm so proud of him, I talk about him to all my friends- that he's such an awesome big brother whom I look up to. I will not accept that he's abusing me. I forgive him instantly. Because he has his bad side, but he has a good side too- he showers me with gifts. But year by year, I start fearing him more and more. It's fear mixed with love and I'm still blind to the abuse I'm facing. I start hurting myself and trying to kill myself and have constant thoughts of suicide. I finally agree to myself that it's abuse, horrible physical and verbal abuse. But I forgive him. I make excuses for him. I empathise with him and continue to love him. Whereas, I continue to hate myself and think of killing myself with some failed attempts.
Sorry for rambling, guess it's nice to talk about anonymously. Also, wanted to tell people that this happens between siblings as well. Sibling abuse is very common but it's not spoken about and even parents brush it off. But if you're going through something like this, tell an adult if you're a child, tell someone. If they don't listen or they threaten you not to talk about it with anyone else, don't listen to them and find a person or get help through an organisation. It's NOT okay that this is happening to you. PLEASE get help. In my case, I loved my brother so much that I didn't want to get him into trouble. But imagine if someone else was telling you this, what would you do? Love yourself and get help.
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Meenameep
Looking at it from a perspective like this really makes you feel disgusted. Disgusted by the people whose love and approval you've sought, whom you gave access to you and what you've tolerated. I've been through this with a covert narcissist that I used to call my best friend, soulmate and emotional situationship that was based on coercion (his disrespect for my boundaries) and fear of abandonment. There was no space for physical violence, but because I made him mad he indirectly threatened me with it. I was usually the one who came back crying, apologizing, promising to do better because he gaslit and manipulated me so hard that I thought I was at fault for getting angry about how he treated me. That it was my fault that he withdrew and withheld kindness, time and attention from me instead of working things out and behaving like a decent human being.
My partner compared it to being in a burning house. You can stay, but if you want to live and stop suffocating, you need to get out. The house will keep burning, with or without you.
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Looking at it from a perspective like this really makes you feel disgusted. Disgusted by the people whose love and approval you've sought, whom you gave access to you and what you've tolerated. I've been through this with a covert narcissist that I used to call my best friend, soulmate and emotional situationship that was based on coercion (his disrespect for my boundaries) and fear of abandonment. There was no space for physical violence, but because I made him mad he indirectly threatened me with it. I was usually the one who came back crying, apologizing, promising to do better because he gaslit and manipulated me so hard that I thought I was at fault for getting angry about how he treated me. That it was my fault that he withdrew and withheld kindness, time and attention from me instead of working things out and behaving like a decent human being.
My partner compared it to being in a burning house. You can stay, but if you want to live and stop suffocating, you need to get out. The house will keep burning, with or without you.
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MS
After 32 years, I am finally getting out of a toxic, trauma bonded relationship, this video is a snapshot of my life. There wasn't physical abuse, but emotional in spades including verbal, blaming, shaming, cheating, alcoholism and withdrawal of affection. I am still in the same house as her, but will be gone as soon as I can find a new place to live. 3 days ago I got abused for cleaning a small area of a floor I wasn't supposed to. Afterwards, I was told WE need to communicate better. Now it seems it is my fault for the breakdown of the relationship. Trauma bonding is very powerful, I should have left 2 decades ago when it started, but it's never too late to get out of this cycle. All my friends and family, including hers have congratulated me for finally getting out. Even my adult children are happy for me.
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After 32 years, I am finally getting out of a toxic, trauma bonded relationship, this video is a snapshot of my life. There wasn't physical abuse, but emotional in spades including verbal, blaming, shaming, cheating, alcoholism and withdrawal of affection. I am still in the same house as her, but will be gone as soon as I can find a new place to live. 3 days ago I got abused for cleaning a small area of a floor I wasn't supposed to. Afterwards, I was told WE need to communicate better. Now it seems it is my fault for the breakdown of the relationship. Trauma bonding is very powerful, I should have left 2 decades ago when it started, but it's never too late to get out of this cycle. All my friends and family, including hers have congratulated me for finally getting out. Even my adult children are happy for me.
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KaiRae666
I experienced this as a kid with my mother, who constantly manipulated and abused me but would also give me hugs and praise all the time. It got to the point where I was fourteen, she tried to kill me, and I justified it to my friends because She apologised. She was having a breakdown, she didn't mean it.
Looking back I can't believe that I didn't see anything wrong with it, but I was so desperate to have a good relationship with her. Both of us are in therapy and she's slowly improving, but I haven't forgiven her and I doubt that I ever will. I'm grateful that we can finally have a relationship, but she still took my childhood away from me. I've made it clear to her that if she hurts me again I will cut her off entirely. I've established that boundary, and I'm actually a lot healthier now.
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I experienced this as a kid with my mother, who constantly manipulated and abused me but would also give me hugs and praise all the time. It got to the point where I was fourteen, she tried to kill me, and I justified it to my friends because She apologised. She was having a breakdown, she didn't mean it.
Looking back I can't believe that I didn't see anything wrong with it, but I was so desperate to have a good relationship with her. Both of us are in therapy and she's slowly improving, but I haven't forgiven her and I doubt that I ever will. I'm grateful that we can finally have a relationship, but she still took my childhood away from me. I've made it clear to her that if she hurts me again I will cut her off entirely. I've established that boundary, and I'm actually a lot healthier now.
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Alex
I can say I experienced this. I've been in a friend-enemy cycle with someone that drove me crazy and started stuff that I couldn't have thought it would trigger, which led to even more insanity for me, especially as that certain triggered stuff developped. And due to how much I'm having to handle sometimes due to simply that cycle, together with other external stuff that I dislike and that triggered more chaos inside of me over time, chaos and external stuff that I also need to handle, I just can't take it anymore mentally.
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I can say I experienced this. I've been in a friend-enemy cycle with someone that drove me crazy and started stuff that I couldn't have thought it would trigger, which led to even more insanity for me, especially as that certain triggered stuff developped. And due to how much I'm having to handle sometimes due to simply that cycle, together with other external stuff that I dislike and that triggered more chaos inside of me over time, chaos and external stuff that I also need to handle, I just can't take it anymore mentally.
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t3hsis
If only it were that easy. I say this having formed one, being disabled and no longer in contact with my parents (as theyre highly toxic as well. Ive already lived the sheltered life. Nope. Not in any physical danger, but its not simply my cognitive dissonance at play. My story is pretty complex, no i dont need you to send anyone out here for a wellness check, either. Just want far away from this life, farther than possible for me. For now I have my bubble, and i will live in it until i die if i have to.
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If only it were that easy. I say this having formed one, being disabled and no longer in contact with my parents (as theyre highly toxic as well. Ive already lived the sheltered life. Nope. Not in any physical danger, but its not simply my cognitive dissonance at play. My story is pretty complex, no i dont need you to send anyone out here for a wellness check, either. Just want far away from this life, farther than possible for me. For now I have my bubble, and i will live in it until i die if i have to.
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Natalie
As much as I admit to have liked the connection between Harley Quinn and Joker, I more or less preferred her with Poison Ivy or anyone who wouldn't treat Harley as if she was being made fun of for her love for someone because the Joker was nothing but madness and uncertainty. And yes, being in a toxic relationship is not a good thing, especially when it comes to the possibility of getting hurt by your partner.
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As much as I admit to have liked the connection between Harley Quinn and Joker, I more or less preferred her with Poison Ivy or anyone who wouldn't treat Harley as if she was being made fun of for her love for someone because the Joker was nothing but madness and uncertainty. And yes, being in a toxic relationship is not a good thing, especially when it comes to the possibility of getting hurt by your partner.
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Morpheus
Basically, love at first sight, a. k. a love actually does not work like that.
Each time, your relationship seems to be progressing too fast and it all seems to be too good to be true, you should take a step (or multiple) back and carefully observe. Most of the time, you are not falling for the other person, but the other person is mirroring you back, which means, you are falling for yourself.
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Basically, love at first sight, a. k. a love actually does not work like that.
Each time, your relationship seems to be progressing too fast and it all seems to be too good to be true, you should take a step (or multiple) back and carefully observe. Most of the time, you are not falling for the other person, but the other person is mirroring you back, which means, you are falling for yourself.
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Pommie
I went into therapy to get help for this sort of thing, among other reasons, and developed a trauma bond with the therapist. I am still trying to recover and don't know if I ever will. When such a thing happens with a person who is supposed to help you, who you are supposed to trust implicitly and they merely use you to make themselves feel better, it makes trusting anyone seem impossible.
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I went into therapy to get help for this sort of thing, among other reasons, and developed a trauma bond with the therapist. I am still trying to recover and don't know if I ever will. When such a thing happens with a person who is supposed to help you, who you are supposed to trust implicitly and they merely use you to make themselves feel better, it makes trusting anyone seem impossible.
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CoLBy
I don't think its fair to assume its only physical harm one might get from a trauma bond. The emotional and mental devastation has been far worse in my opinion, eventually leading to physical harm. And the worst part is, being male hasn't helped one bit. Because she's a Saint and so nice to everyone, wouldn't ever do THAT to you, stop your whining, be a man
exhausting
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I don't think its fair to assume its only physical harm one might get from a trauma bond. The emotional and mental devastation has been far worse in my opinion, eventually leading to physical harm. And the worst part is, being male hasn't helped one bit. Because she's a Saint and so nice to everyone, wouldn't ever do THAT to you, stop your whining, be a man
exhausting
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Hels
Harley was never innocent. She abused and manipulated the Joker too. people often forget that part. As soon as that shared fantasy was broken, that illusion of a happy family with him and the asylum inmates, she would whoop the snot out of him while he cowered in fear.
She became his doctor to write a book about him and get famous. Hardly an idealistic motive.
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Harley was never innocent. She abused and manipulated the Joker too. people often forget that part. As soon as that shared fantasy was broken, that illusion of a happy family with him and the asylum inmates, she would whoop the snot out of him while he cowered in fear.
She became his doctor to write a book about him and get famous. Hardly an idealistic motive.
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Aquablast
Googling the term. A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement.
I was worried that it might be something I've done. since I did bond with people who were victims of someone else. but good to know that's not it. lol
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Googling the term. A trauma bond is when a person forms a deep emotional attachment with someone that causes them harm. It often develops from a repeated cycle of abuse and positive reinforcement.
I was worried that it might be something I've done. since I did bond with people who were victims of someone else. but good to know that's not it. lol
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Hollow
I guess it's the tradeoff between being miserable and alone and being miserable, but somewhat loved. Loved in a very light, mean way.
I think I see how this can tie into someone's ability to stay single. More contempt with being alone I imagine would decrease the odds of a trauma bond in the first place, at least that's what makes sense to me
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I guess it's the tradeoff between being miserable and alone and being miserable, but somewhat loved. Loved in a very light, mean way.
I think I see how this can tie into someone's ability to stay single. More contempt with being alone I imagine would decrease the odds of a trauma bond in the first place, at least that's what makes sense to me
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sleepydotty
I want to ask if this counts, she shows me affection then immediately ignores me and isolates me then later give me affection but less then before then leave then return and I am just waiting for her to talk to me again because I love her. Then the cycle goes on and on then stops. Does this count?
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I want to ask if this counts, she shows me affection then immediately ignores me and isolates me then later give me affection but less then before then leave then return and I am just waiting for her to talk to me again because I love her. Then the cycle goes on and on then stops. Does this count?
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Yuki
I want to ask for guidance Because I'm facing trauma because of my past. and I have depression until it makes me think I want to die alone And I can't sleep well as long as I sleep I will hear whispers From the voice of the trauma first. I can only sleep now if I take stilnox medicine. what should I do?
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I want to ask for guidance Because I'm facing trauma because of my past. and I have depression until it makes me think I want to die alone And I can't sleep well as long as I sleep I will hear whispers From the voice of the trauma first. I can only sleep now if I take stilnox medicine. what should I do?
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education
Love your videos, now i know a lot more about my relationship with people around me, But it would be better if you make a whole video how to deal with it. because i want to deal things by my self so i can be stronger if one day i have nobody by my side. And again, luv ur videos
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Love your videos, now i know a lot more about my relationship with people around me, But it would be better if you make a whole video how to deal with it. because i want to deal things by my self so i can be stronger if one day i have nobody by my side. And again, luv ur videos
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Perianth
Hello, Psych2Go
I was wondering if you could talk about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and how to cope with it. I have ADHD and I know my RSD is pushing people away, so it would mean so much if you talked about it!
Thank you
And amazing video
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Hello, Psych2Go
I was wondering if you could talk about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and how to cope with it. I have ADHD and I know my RSD is pushing people away, so it would mean so much if you talked about it!
Thank you
And amazing video
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avahasfallen
hey psych2go! i dont watch much of your videos because im pretty healed, but i wanted to ask something. you make all these videos helping others- but are YOU okay atm? i understand if you dont feel comfortable answering, but you are so helpful and caring!
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hey psych2go! i dont watch much of your videos because im pretty healed, but i wanted to ask something. you make all these videos helping others- but are YOU okay atm? i understand if you dont feel comfortable answering, but you are so helpful and caring!
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Karen
It sounds like my last relationship! Two long, just to long too many nights in hospital! Too many days hidden indoors. Away from the world, no one could n would believe the way my ex behaved. not that person. I literally ran so fast n far away! Akways run
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It sounds like my last relationship! Two long, just to long too many nights in hospital! Too many days hidden indoors. Away from the world, no one could n would believe the way my ex behaved. not that person. I literally ran so fast n far away! Akways run
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Gallet
I think Ive heard of this before, but cant they be from through trauma experienced as a group. Example, theres a dormitory that has the new group of people sleep all in the lobby for the first week(at least thats what a remember from what he said.
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I think Ive heard of this before, but cant they be from through trauma experienced as a group. Example, theres a dormitory that has the new group of people sleep all in the lobby for the first week(at least thats what a remember from what he said.
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Wayne
It was just like that living with an abusive father, step mother and step sister. Their the reason I keep my guard up most of the time when it comes to dealing with people. I find it hard to establish a good relationship with someone.
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It was just like that living with an abusive father, step mother and step sister. Their the reason I keep my guard up most of the time when it comes to dealing with people. I find it hard to establish a good relationship with someone.
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case
Been there and done that. Got out unscathed without losing any limbs or money, but it took away so much of my time and mental health.
The road to recovery is rough & body takes scores. I was also physically exhausted
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Been there and done that. Got out unscathed without losing any limbs or money, but it took away so much of my time and mental health.
The road to recovery is rough & body takes scores. I was also physically exhausted
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Madhuchanda
Thank you so much for this plz guys seek help before it's too late my truma bound leave me with extreme physical and mental abuse traumas are real traumas are bad. Leave them before it's too late
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Thank you so much for this plz guys seek help before it's too late my truma bound leave me with extreme physical and mental abuse traumas are real traumas are bad. Leave them before it's too late
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Bryandra
This video read me and past trauma bond of 7 years! It sucks that I waited until it was too late! But on the bright side, Im now free of him and putting more energy into myself and my children
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This video read me and past trauma bond of 7 years! It sucks that I waited until it was too late! But on the bright side, Im now free of him and putting more energy into myself and my children
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Deadly
Timestamps
1. Traumatic roots 0: 35
2. Love me, then hate me 1: 36
3. False beliefs and loyalties 2: 30
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
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Timestamps
1. Traumatic roots 0: 35
2. Love me, then hate me 1: 36
3. False beliefs and loyalties 2: 30
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late.
reply
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