5 Signs You're Afraid of Falling In Love
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Date: 2023-12-07
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Comments and reviews: 19
psych2go
I have a question.
Me and my friend are in a pretty tricky situation for about a year right now. So we know each other for 8 years. I actually fell in I think love with him when I was twelve, about 6 years ago. When he noticed, he kinda changed his behaviour to me, trying to show me that he isn t really interested in me. For about one and a half years ago his behaviour suddenly changed, he was more close ro me, more touchy again etc. I startet pointing out that I am confused and wanted to know why he does that when he always says that he doesn t like me this way. Therefore we hat some discussions about the topic of love. I explained to him that I have feelings for him but can t understand how he can say he doesn t but be this close to me (cuddling, holding hands, etc. So he said for him it s a friendship thing. As I couldn t deal with it anymore I asked him to stop those things if he doesn t mean it like that cause for me it feels like more. But actually he couldn t resist. We had so many discussions about this over the past year and he still claims that there is nothing even tho for me it seems different. He acts like he s hiding something or trying to nit get too close. My therapist says it seems like we act like we re in a relationship, it looks like a relationship but that he doesn t want to call it like that.
What strikes me the most is that I asked him to stop if he doesn t mean or want it actually but he couldn t stop but still claims that he doesn t want something from me.
I m confused. Do you know any tips or something?
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I have a question.
Me and my friend are in a pretty tricky situation for about a year right now. So we know each other for 8 years. I actually fell in I think love with him when I was twelve, about 6 years ago. When he noticed, he kinda changed his behaviour to me, trying to show me that he isn t really interested in me. For about one and a half years ago his behaviour suddenly changed, he was more close ro me, more touchy again etc. I startet pointing out that I am confused and wanted to know why he does that when he always says that he doesn t like me this way. Therefore we hat some discussions about the topic of love. I explained to him that I have feelings for him but can t understand how he can say he doesn t but be this close to me (cuddling, holding hands, etc. So he said for him it s a friendship thing. As I couldn t deal with it anymore I asked him to stop those things if he doesn t mean it like that cause for me it feels like more. But actually he couldn t resist. We had so many discussions about this over the past year and he still claims that there is nothing even tho for me it seems different. He acts like he s hiding something or trying to nit get too close. My therapist says it seems like we act like we re in a relationship, it looks like a relationship but that he doesn t want to call it like that.
What strikes me the most is that I asked him to stop if he doesn t mean or want it actually but he couldn t stop but still claims that he doesn t want something from me.
I m confused. Do you know any tips or something?
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Wind_Cursed
I relate to these signs but only to an extent. Nothing wrong happened in my childhood, from what I remember, it was mainly just what I saw or heard happen that I grew to fear. It also doesn't help that, outside of my family, I've lost so many people because of putting distance because of my own self-doubt. That's what made it all fall down hill, my self-doubt. As I watched this video, that's the trend I started seeing: I fear love because of self-doubt. It also doesn't help that for some reason I disagree with the phrase It's better to have loved than lost than never have loved at all because I feel that it's better to never have fallen for anyone and just remained focused on your friends, your family, and yourself. I'm so afraid of everything love brings and there's always that voice in the back of my head: What if I'm wrong?
I hate it since I feel like I may have unintentionally hurt or pushed away someone that I love because I was so afraid they didn't feel the same. I was so doubtful. Don't they deserve someone better? Now I'm lost since I've realized how much I pushed away that person instead of what I THOUGHT was THEM pushing ME away. Turns out it probably was always ME pushing THEM away and them responding accordingly. I have to make it right, I know, but where do I even begin? I've always been too focused on: What if they don't feel that way about me? That I never even thought to consider What if they DO feel that way about me? Where do I even begin on restoring this broken track?
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I relate to these signs but only to an extent. Nothing wrong happened in my childhood, from what I remember, it was mainly just what I saw or heard happen that I grew to fear. It also doesn't help that, outside of my family, I've lost so many people because of putting distance because of my own self-doubt. That's what made it all fall down hill, my self-doubt. As I watched this video, that's the trend I started seeing: I fear love because of self-doubt. It also doesn't help that for some reason I disagree with the phrase It's better to have loved than lost than never have loved at all because I feel that it's better to never have fallen for anyone and just remained focused on your friends, your family, and yourself. I'm so afraid of everything love brings and there's always that voice in the back of my head: What if I'm wrong?
I hate it since I feel like I may have unintentionally hurt or pushed away someone that I love because I was so afraid they didn't feel the same. I was so doubtful. Don't they deserve someone better? Now I'm lost since I've realized how much I pushed away that person instead of what I THOUGHT was THEM pushing ME away. Turns out it probably was always ME pushing THEM away and them responding accordingly. I have to make it right, I know, but where do I even begin? I've always been too focused on: What if they don't feel that way about me? That I never even thought to consider What if they DO feel that way about me? Where do I even begin on restoring this broken track?
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Peter-rn5bu
Communicate feelings and intentions to important people about important things. Don't rush love, build a strong and trusting relationship. And be level headed. You want to find love, not someone you see idealised through rose-tinted glasses.
However, I think it's good to not be love-averse. Forming a beautiful relationship doesn't have to come with a high cost. Don't avoid being in the presence of people you are attracted to. Love, care, connect, be inspired.
Loss of a loved one whether because it didn't make sense for them to stay, or because you happened to find out so many things which were deal-breakers, doesn't rid the fact that you were able to have beautiful interactions and was positively influenced by their actions in the past. Just be aware that it may not last, for whatever reason, and let go of things which you don't have a choice but to let go.
A relationship not developing in the way you hope or imagine doesn't rid the relationship you've built until now. Work on maintaining healthy and positive connections. More positive means more worth your effort to maintain relations. Some relationships are not worth as much time and effort, I do hope this doesn't become apparent after finding out someone was lying about themselves and their intentions, but this is why building trust and understanding is so important. For feeling assured and trusting of the relationship, but also to just feel closer and more connected too.
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Communicate feelings and intentions to important people about important things. Don't rush love, build a strong and trusting relationship. And be level headed. You want to find love, not someone you see idealised through rose-tinted glasses.
However, I think it's good to not be love-averse. Forming a beautiful relationship doesn't have to come with a high cost. Don't avoid being in the presence of people you are attracted to. Love, care, connect, be inspired.
Loss of a loved one whether because it didn't make sense for them to stay, or because you happened to find out so many things which were deal-breakers, doesn't rid the fact that you were able to have beautiful interactions and was positively influenced by their actions in the past. Just be aware that it may not last, for whatever reason, and let go of things which you don't have a choice but to let go.
A relationship not developing in the way you hope or imagine doesn't rid the relationship you've built until now. Work on maintaining healthy and positive connections. More positive means more worth your effort to maintain relations. Some relationships are not worth as much time and effort, I do hope this doesn't become apparent after finding out someone was lying about themselves and their intentions, but this is why building trust and understanding is so important. For feeling assured and trusting of the relationship, but also to just feel closer and more connected too.
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ufrane6321
I'm not as afraid of love as I am of friendships. I know that my mind will often create dangers where there are none. But after having been in an abundance of unhealthy friendships and having a friend threaten to blackmail you and then revoke their statement, I understand why I react the way I do. I have friends who I care about and who I know fully well will jump at a sign to defend me. Despite that, whenever I hear a change in tone or they snap at me because of something else that someone did, I retreat from them. That's when I subconsciously tell myself that the people closest to you are the quickest to turn on you. It scares me. I've taught myself to acknowledge the bad and to remember that good things can still exist. I understand that people have bad days and will react in aggressive ways. And that's okay as long as they apologize and know what they are apologizing for. I have a lot of friends but I always feel like I'm alone. I'll continue to teach myself to develop a positive mindset. For those of you who are struggling with friendships, know that things happen and though we can't dictate how events play out, we can decide how we choose to react. You can pull yourself out of cynicism. It's easier said than done, but it isn't impossible.
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I'm not as afraid of love as I am of friendships. I know that my mind will often create dangers where there are none. But after having been in an abundance of unhealthy friendships and having a friend threaten to blackmail you and then revoke their statement, I understand why I react the way I do. I have friends who I care about and who I know fully well will jump at a sign to defend me. Despite that, whenever I hear a change in tone or they snap at me because of something else that someone did, I retreat from them. That's when I subconsciously tell myself that the people closest to you are the quickest to turn on you. It scares me. I've taught myself to acknowledge the bad and to remember that good things can still exist. I understand that people have bad days and will react in aggressive ways. And that's okay as long as they apologize and know what they are apologizing for. I have a lot of friends but I always feel like I'm alone. I'll continue to teach myself to develop a positive mindset. For those of you who are struggling with friendships, know that things happen and though we can't dictate how events play out, we can decide how we choose to react. You can pull yourself out of cynicism. It's easier said than done, but it isn't impossible.
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hopemaierle6483
I have never been in a relationship, so its hard for me to determine if I am afraid of falling in love. I have had a few crushes and most of the time I was let down gently without a huge heartbreak, but I think that has still hurt me.
Specifically, there is a guy in my friend group that I liked, and about a year and a half ago he figured out that I liked him and told me he didn't reciprocate. He was very nice about it and we were able to work it out and stay friends, but it really sucks. I still like him, but have made a choice to try and ignore those feelings so they don't get in the way of our friendship. It's hard though because we are at the age where we talk about what we want out of life like how many kids we would want or where we would want to live, etc. He was talking with a small group of us and said he wants more daughters than sons so he could walk them down the aisle and that made my heart absolutely melt, but it broke me too. It made me so much more attracted to him, but I know he won't ever like me the same way.
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I have never been in a relationship, so its hard for me to determine if I am afraid of falling in love. I have had a few crushes and most of the time I was let down gently without a huge heartbreak, but I think that has still hurt me.
Specifically, there is a guy in my friend group that I liked, and about a year and a half ago he figured out that I liked him and told me he didn't reciprocate. He was very nice about it and we were able to work it out and stay friends, but it really sucks. I still like him, but have made a choice to try and ignore those feelings so they don't get in the way of our friendship. It's hard though because we are at the age where we talk about what we want out of life like how many kids we would want or where we would want to live, etc. He was talking with a small group of us and said he wants more daughters than sons so he could walk them down the aisle and that made my heart absolutely melt, but it broke me too. It made me so much more attracted to him, but I know he won't ever like me the same way.
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ShouRBX
For me though, I can't really distinguish love from being friends or romantically. It's as if like I'm very dense on understanding romantic love.
Maybe teasing played a role because a lot of people mess around with me by shipping me to a random girl or a dude (I'm a guy, and Bi. Some do mess around with me (mostly guys) by actually making a romantic move, which in turn, made me more confused because they're sending mixed signals.
So if people do admit the they're into me romantically, I just automatically shrug it off because my first thought is like: Are they teasing me again?
Soo yeah. I've never been into a relationship for this reason:
If I misinterpreted they're sign of friendship as a romantic approach, it would be really awkward for both of us and I don't want our friendship to go downhill because I misinterpreted they're sign of friendship as a romantic sign.
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For me though, I can't really distinguish love from being friends or romantically. It's as if like I'm very dense on understanding romantic love.
Maybe teasing played a role because a lot of people mess around with me by shipping me to a random girl or a dude (I'm a guy, and Bi. Some do mess around with me (mostly guys) by actually making a romantic move, which in turn, made me more confused because they're sending mixed signals.
So if people do admit the they're into me romantically, I just automatically shrug it off because my first thought is like: Are they teasing me again?
Soo yeah. I've never been into a relationship for this reason:
If I misinterpreted they're sign of friendship as a romantic approach, it would be really awkward for both of us and I don't want our friendship to go downhill because I misinterpreted they're sign of friendship as a romantic sign.
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GlyphxAstraea
I've never really let myself fall in love. I always wanted to do what adults around me seemed to be saying: prepare for your future. So I never made time to be social: it seemed natural for an introvert like me, so I wasn't too worried at the time. But I did develop big feelings for someone, just for them to use me as their emotional safety net. And that future I prepared for never came: I missed out on relationships for nothing.
I'm not bitter anymore, but love for me at this point in my adult life feels like a fiction, something that I can dream about but never really experience. Almost 30 and never been in a relationship, never really loved. I wish, but I do not will.
Hopefully I meet someone that makes the risk seem worth it.
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I've never really let myself fall in love. I always wanted to do what adults around me seemed to be saying: prepare for your future. So I never made time to be social: it seemed natural for an introvert like me, so I wasn't too worried at the time. But I did develop big feelings for someone, just for them to use me as their emotional safety net. And that future I prepared for never came: I missed out on relationships for nothing.
I'm not bitter anymore, but love for me at this point in my adult life feels like a fiction, something that I can dream about but never really experience. Almost 30 and never been in a relationship, never really loved. I wish, but I do not will.
Hopefully I meet someone that makes the risk seem worth it.
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katjawesemann
Well it does make sense, although my fear originates from trauma which I am working to overcome and as it got worse over the years it's not only by trauma but rn more bout my head. Sometimes I feel good and like I am a person to be attracted to but when I look at myself I am questioning myself.
How? How could they fall for me? Is that even me or is that fake? Do they see how ugly I am inside? I don't like parts of my body but they still like it regardless? How? How can someone find someone as disgusting as me likable?
Now that I am typing it might be really the fourth type. dang it. Gotta work on not becomming a self fullfilling prophecy and accept myself more. Thanks for explaing as always psych2go
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Well it does make sense, although my fear originates from trauma which I am working to overcome and as it got worse over the years it's not only by trauma but rn more bout my head. Sometimes I feel good and like I am a person to be attracted to but when I look at myself I am questioning myself.
How? How could they fall for me? Is that even me or is that fake? Do they see how ugly I am inside? I don't like parts of my body but they still like it regardless? How? How can someone find someone as disgusting as me likable?
Now that I am typing it might be really the fourth type. dang it. Gotta work on not becomming a self fullfilling prophecy and accept myself more. Thanks for explaing as always psych2go
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TDUShelby
One of the most eye-opening things I ever read was a text from a friend that said to me, Your level of self-loathing is astounding.
It's difficult for me to even imagine someone actually loving ALL of me, not just as a friend. Likewise, I abhor the idea of using someone for my own benefit, so I feel like I need to fully self-improve before I can allow myself to even begin the pursuit. Once that happens, where's the line between expectations and reality?
I don't want much. Someone with shared core values, who shares similar interests, and shared fascination in what the other has to say.
Show me a woman I can live for, and I'll show you how far a man will go to make a life worth living.
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One of the most eye-opening things I ever read was a text from a friend that said to me, Your level of self-loathing is astounding.
It's difficult for me to even imagine someone actually loving ALL of me, not just as a friend. Likewise, I abhor the idea of using someone for my own benefit, so I feel like I need to fully self-improve before I can allow myself to even begin the pursuit. Once that happens, where's the line between expectations and reality?
I don't want much. Someone with shared core values, who shares similar interests, and shared fascination in what the other has to say.
Show me a woman I can live for, and I'll show you how far a man will go to make a life worth living.
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psych2go
It's not that I'm afraid to fall in love with someone, it's the fear where you feel like something might break you like Loving too much and overthinking about everything when you're trying to enjoy the relationship, If it's the person I would truly love and the person feel the same thing for me then I would appreciate her and wouldn't hurt to be myself also wouldn't have to fear telling her why I feel so spaced out. It's hard for me to say What does life really have to offer me after of all the things I been through and not have the interest to like someone.
if the person is genuine, strong and smart then I would love her for who she is
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It's not that I'm afraid to fall in love with someone, it's the fear where you feel like something might break you like Loving too much and overthinking about everything when you're trying to enjoy the relationship, If it's the person I would truly love and the person feel the same thing for me then I would appreciate her and wouldn't hurt to be myself also wouldn't have to fear telling her why I feel so spaced out. It's hard for me to say What does life really have to offer me after of all the things I been through and not have the interest to like someone.
if the person is genuine, strong and smart then I would love her for who she is
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HeadsmartMc
I had a crush on one of my best friends and it was a train wreck. I very attached so it hurt so bad and it still does a little bit. Sadly I lost that close friendship with her. I see her everyday but it hurts to look. I distanced myself for a while and it definitely helped with feelings. We talk again but not like before. I miss that awsome friendship. I m scared of love now cause I don t want to loose that connection like I ve done literally every time. It s gonna be really hard, so I just try to be kind to my friends now and treat them lovingly the way they deserve. That s what friends are for right?
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I had a crush on one of my best friends and it was a train wreck. I very attached so it hurt so bad and it still does a little bit. Sadly I lost that close friendship with her. I see her everyday but it hurts to look. I distanced myself for a while and it definitely helped with feelings. We talk again but not like before. I miss that awsome friendship. I m scared of love now cause I don t want to loose that connection like I ve done literally every time. It s gonna be really hard, so I just try to be kind to my friends now and treat them lovingly the way they deserve. That s what friends are for right?
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sindisibanyoni2111
You are describing me right now. I once had a crush on someone in grade 9 but the person told me that we're too young to be dating and that we should wait till the right time. A bit hurtful but I respected his decision, but then we grew apart and stopped talking(haven't seen him since. Not that I'm scared of falling in love because I really yearn for someone to genuinely love me and I'll do the same but the thing is once you meet someone and you get this weird vibe from them(like you already see that you and this person will not work out, you just distance yourself from them.
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You are describing me right now. I once had a crush on someone in grade 9 but the person told me that we're too young to be dating and that we should wait till the right time. A bit hurtful but I respected his decision, but then we grew apart and stopped talking(haven't seen him since. Not that I'm scared of falling in love because I really yearn for someone to genuinely love me and I'll do the same but the thing is once you meet someone and you get this weird vibe from them(like you already see that you and this person will not work out, you just distance yourself from them.
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user-t-3924
this video explained the content so well to identify if someone has such phobia or not. But people experiencing phobias due to bad childhood may not be able to identify what is the normal human behaviour and social behaviour. For them the behavior they possess seems normal.
I see there are some CBT and Systematic desensitization therapies available to treat such phobias.
But other than that, do you have any videos treat such phobias after identifying or do you know any self help books list, forums and/or communities that educates what is normal behaviour to help such cases?
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this video explained the content so well to identify if someone has such phobia or not. But people experiencing phobias due to bad childhood may not be able to identify what is the normal human behaviour and social behaviour. For them the behavior they possess seems normal.
I see there are some CBT and Systematic desensitization therapies available to treat such phobias.
But other than that, do you have any videos treat such phobias after identifying or do you know any self help books list, forums and/or communities that educates what is normal behaviour to help such cases?
reply
Wolven6
I grew up with a strong pair of parents who gave me a good template to look for in a romantic relationship.
I've also seen what love does to a lot of people. It makes em blind. They make mistakes, and it leaves them as a shell of themselves when it all goes wrong. Some don't ever recover.
Forget romance, I've lost people who were very dear to me, and it damn near crippled me. I know I'm gonna have to go through that again with my family and best friends.
I still hope I might one day find a woman I can love, but I gotta say. that risk factor is pretty damning.
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I grew up with a strong pair of parents who gave me a good template to look for in a romantic relationship.
I've also seen what love does to a lot of people. It makes em blind. They make mistakes, and it leaves them as a shell of themselves when it all goes wrong. Some don't ever recover.
Forget romance, I've lost people who were very dear to me, and it damn near crippled me. I know I'm gonna have to go through that again with my family and best friends.
I still hope I might one day find a woman I can love, but I gotta say. that risk factor is pretty damning.
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calebplaygames
I may be wrong on this but, another reason for fearing of falling in love may be because of heartbreak at a young age. I have been through two relationships, and both went horribly wrong when I was younger and through my experiences dealing with heartbreak, depression, etc at a young age seemed to make me fear falling in love. I don't know if there is any professional research about this or if there is another reason I might have the fear of falling in love.
i kinda just wanted to share
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I may be wrong on this but, another reason for fearing of falling in love may be because of heartbreak at a young age. I have been through two relationships, and both went horribly wrong when I was younger and through my experiences dealing with heartbreak, depression, etc at a young age seemed to make me fear falling in love. I don't know if there is any professional research about this or if there is another reason I might have the fear of falling in love.
i kinda just wanted to share
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bomsbravo
I have a fear of falling in love with someone who would not share the same love with me. Onesided love is the most agonizing thing ever. I always try to list down the flows of the girl who I have a crush on. I think that is the best way to stay away from further fueling the crush and eventually scumbing in to unrequited love. It has saved me from a world of pain. I believe Philophobia is a defense mechanism developed by the mind to save you from pain of onesided love.
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I have a fear of falling in love with someone who would not share the same love with me. Onesided love is the most agonizing thing ever. I always try to list down the flows of the girl who I have a crush on. I think that is the best way to stay away from further fueling the crush and eventually scumbing in to unrequited love. It has saved me from a world of pain. I believe Philophobia is a defense mechanism developed by the mind to save you from pain of onesided love.
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whitelichmage7004
People would think that because i think more with my logic than with my heart that i'm unable to fall in love which is completely false. Actually i'm very capable of falling deeply in love with somebody. I just have to make sure i fall in love with the right person. Someone who shares my interests, hobbies, values, with just enough differences between the two of us to keep things new and refreshing who i will meet when i'm in the right place at the right time.
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People would think that because i think more with my logic than with my heart that i'm unable to fall in love which is completely false. Actually i'm very capable of falling deeply in love with somebody. I just have to make sure i fall in love with the right person. Someone who shares my interests, hobbies, values, with just enough differences between the two of us to keep things new and refreshing who i will meet when i'm in the right place at the right time.
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douglaskaplon2595
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 ESV
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
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1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 ESV
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
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michaelparham1328
3: 48 Here's my dilemma in this scenario. For one, I'm a problem solver through and through. Before I think of consoling them, I'm thinking of how to fix it, which comes with two negative potentials. One is that there may not be a way to fix it. And two, they' weren't asking me to solve the problem to begin with. Another nail in the coffin is I hate empty platitudes. I hate receiving them, and because of that hate, I'll never give them.
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3: 48 Here's my dilemma in this scenario. For one, I'm a problem solver through and through. Before I think of consoling them, I'm thinking of how to fix it, which comes with two negative potentials. One is that there may not be a way to fix it. And two, they' weren't asking me to solve the problem to begin with. Another nail in the coffin is I hate empty platitudes. I hate receiving them, and because of that hate, I'll never give them.
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