5 Things Not To Say To Someone With Depression
video description
Date: 2023-08-20
Related videos
• TED-Ed
Comments and reviews: 25
Laurie
OMG! I LOVE THIS VIDEO! Everything in this video is everything that I've heard all my life and it frustrates me and makes me bottle everything up because I start feeling like why bother talking about it when no one really wants to hear about it? I mean, all I ever do is complain, or I'm just throwing a pity party, and nobody wants to be around a negative Nancy. So I just suck it up and I get over it so that they don't get irritated with me and my negative vibes. Mind you, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 at the age of 14 and I've been on medication since I was about 23 (I am now 39. And the people in my life all know this. But yet, they still don't understand that I'm not choosing to be a Debbie Downer. And I'm not looking for someone to necessarily help me, but just for someone to sit in the same room with me while I go through my mental chaos. I know that they can't help me, but I just want someone who will tell me that what I'm feeling is valid, no matter how ridiculous I might sound.
reply
OMG! I LOVE THIS VIDEO! Everything in this video is everything that I've heard all my life and it frustrates me and makes me bottle everything up because I start feeling like why bother talking about it when no one really wants to hear about it? I mean, all I ever do is complain, or I'm just throwing a pity party, and nobody wants to be around a negative Nancy. So I just suck it up and I get over it so that they don't get irritated with me and my negative vibes. Mind you, I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 at the age of 14 and I've been on medication since I was about 23 (I am now 39. And the people in my life all know this. But yet, they still don't understand that I'm not choosing to be a Debbie Downer. And I'm not looking for someone to necessarily help me, but just for someone to sit in the same room with me while I go through my mental chaos. I know that they can't help me, but I just want someone who will tell me that what I'm feeling is valid, no matter how ridiculous I might sound.
reply
darrel
You say not to tell them these things but I don't see why. some I do but some no. I have been diagnosed as having I was put on medication that made me even what it took to end my bout of depression was a complete lifestyle change and a divorce. It also is not possible to be there for someone when they blame you. accuse you. get angery at you. destroy property. threaten you and even push your buttons till you are so fed up and angery and tired of arguing that you want to explode and that is when she whips out the camera on her phone and threatens you with the police while they continue pushing your buttons. that's when I will say the 5 things you never say. My point is if someone who is suffering from this problem they need professional help not someone who is unstable as well. that is the advice I would give to the suffering person and it's the best thing that I could do for them because me being there for them is not possible. that is the fact. If they won't get help noone can help them
reply
You say not to tell them these things but I don't see why. some I do but some no. I have been diagnosed as having I was put on medication that made me even what it took to end my bout of depression was a complete lifestyle change and a divorce. It also is not possible to be there for someone when they blame you. accuse you. get angery at you. destroy property. threaten you and even push your buttons till you are so fed up and angery and tired of arguing that you want to explode and that is when she whips out the camera on her phone and threatens you with the police while they continue pushing your buttons. that's when I will say the 5 things you never say. My point is if someone who is suffering from this problem they need professional help not someone who is unstable as well. that is the advice I would give to the suffering person and it's the best thing that I could do for them because me being there for them is not possible. that is the fact. If they won't get help noone can help them
reply
Venom
I had depression for a while and it got to the point where I needed to talk to a counselor at my school, when i told her i got send home. After like a week of thanksgiving break I was just going to my room until my mom told me for arguing to her you don't even know what depression is and you think that just because your sad of something doesn't mean its depression it made me sad to hear those words come though my moms mouth because one, saying those words and you may not know what a person is going through because depression ain't a joke and two, she is oblivious to my problems with depression because she hears it but doesn't even seem to care no more after a week later.
My advice: seek help if you are either depressed or suicidal, learn to cope, and don't let people bring you down like my mom did (my mom don't deserve hate so plz don't say hateful things because i still love her and even if she puts me down like that i still forgive her in the end)
reply
I had depression for a while and it got to the point where I needed to talk to a counselor at my school, when i told her i got send home. After like a week of thanksgiving break I was just going to my room until my mom told me for arguing to her you don't even know what depression is and you think that just because your sad of something doesn't mean its depression it made me sad to hear those words come though my moms mouth because one, saying those words and you may not know what a person is going through because depression ain't a joke and two, she is oblivious to my problems with depression because she hears it but doesn't even seem to care no more after a week later.
My advice: seek help if you are either depressed or suicidal, learn to cope, and don't let people bring you down like my mom did (my mom don't deserve hate so plz don't say hateful things because i still love her and even if she puts me down like that i still forgive her in the end)
reply
Stephanie
Idk if this is common for others but I consistently hear my parents and sister say that Im just trying to manipulate them with things like panic attacks and espresso on/anxiety. It makes me feel horrible because I try to hide it so much and take so much negative criticism for things I cant help or Im trying my best on. I only ever say anything once the problem has escaped me and and theyve realized Im not ok. So they think its some new thing that Im blowing out of proportion for attention when really its just BARELY the tip of the ice berg. They are immigrants and theyve had to deal with so much so I never feel like I SHOULD be depressed or speak about my negative feelings and I dont like the way it makes me feel especially now that Im desperate for help and support.
reply
Idk if this is common for others but I consistently hear my parents and sister say that Im just trying to manipulate them with things like panic attacks and espresso on/anxiety. It makes me feel horrible because I try to hide it so much and take so much negative criticism for things I cant help or Im trying my best on. I only ever say anything once the problem has escaped me and and theyve realized Im not ok. So they think its some new thing that Im blowing out of proportion for attention when really its just BARELY the tip of the ice berg. They are immigrants and theyve had to deal with so much so I never feel like I SHOULD be depressed or speak about my negative feelings and I dont like the way it makes me feel especially now that Im desperate for help and support.
reply
Darien
This is a constant argument with my dad. his number 1 thing he tells me is you don't exercise enough and that's why you're depressed. For YEARS I've tried to have an exercise routine, but longest it would last 1 to 3 months, no matter what I tried. I was always belittled for my weight and introvertedness, being called lazy, because on my days off from work or school, I preferred to be in my room to just relax, either playing games, reading or drawing to recharge my mental battery. If I didn't have plans to do anything that day, I would stay at home. If I had errands, I would do them as early and quickly as possible so I can get the rest of the day. It was so frustrating to try and explain things to him and have him even try to understand half of what goes on in my mind.
reply
This is a constant argument with my dad. his number 1 thing he tells me is you don't exercise enough and that's why you're depressed. For YEARS I've tried to have an exercise routine, but longest it would last 1 to 3 months, no matter what I tried. I was always belittled for my weight and introvertedness, being called lazy, because on my days off from work or school, I preferred to be in my room to just relax, either playing games, reading or drawing to recharge my mental battery. If I didn't have plans to do anything that day, I would stay at home. If I had errands, I would do them as early and quickly as possible so I can get the rest of the day. It was so frustrating to try and explain things to him and have him even try to understand half of what goes on in my mind.
reply
Jordan
it's all in your head
Um, yeah, because it is derived from the brain. Even in cases where it's environmental depression, there are still mental processes occuring, which requires a brain. Where else would depression and it's primarily psychological symptoms come from, if not the brain?
Granted, some people might mean when they say it's all in your head is that it's a matter of perspective. Which it can be, to a certain extent, for certain people.
But your political beliefs, religious affiliation, hobbies, dislikes, etc, are all in your head in the same sense as well. To say that, without offering any concrete advice as to how to authentically change ones outlook and minimize depression, is not helpful nor advice; it's dismissiveness.
reply
it's all in your head
Um, yeah, because it is derived from the brain. Even in cases where it's environmental depression, there are still mental processes occuring, which requires a brain. Where else would depression and it's primarily psychological symptoms come from, if not the brain?
Granted, some people might mean when they say it's all in your head is that it's a matter of perspective. Which it can be, to a certain extent, for certain people.
But your political beliefs, religious affiliation, hobbies, dislikes, etc, are all in your head in the same sense as well. To say that, without offering any concrete advice as to how to authentically change ones outlook and minimize depression, is not helpful nor advice; it's dismissiveness.
reply
Randolph
Say mental health is such a big thing but what if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone specialized cause you tried before and they tell you whether you talk or not im paid or anything of that nature. Whats the point in paying for anything when the world is corrupt when people just care bout a paycheck not bout what a person needs they wanna diagnose you with something to say its that when it could really be worse. Life isnt what It should be its what the higher ups make it to be the rules created 100 to 1000 years ago could be changed could be different but nobody discusses that nobody discusses how the world could really be better if certain things changed
reply
Say mental health is such a big thing but what if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone specialized cause you tried before and they tell you whether you talk or not im paid or anything of that nature. Whats the point in paying for anything when the world is corrupt when people just care bout a paycheck not bout what a person needs they wanna diagnose you with something to say its that when it could really be worse. Life isnt what It should be its what the higher ups make it to be the rules created 100 to 1000 years ago could be changed could be different but nobody discusses that nobody discusses how the world could really be better if certain things changed
reply
Chris
My depression has been hitting me pretty hard lately, and I've also been having trouble with getting a certificate that will boost my resume and get my career finally moving forward again after the pandemic caused my employer to let me go. I can do IT work very well. I've been very skilled at it for over 20 years, now. But, I don't do tests very well. My friends and family keep telling me that I don't study hard enough or that if I wanted it enough that I would be able to do it. I already feel like a failure, especially after losing sleep to make time to study around my part time job, and those comments just make me feel worse.
reply
My depression has been hitting me pretty hard lately, and I've also been having trouble with getting a certificate that will boost my resume and get my career finally moving forward again after the pandemic caused my employer to let me go. I can do IT work very well. I've been very skilled at it for over 20 years, now. But, I don't do tests very well. My friends and family keep telling me that I don't study hard enough or that if I wanted it enough that I would be able to do it. I already feel like a failure, especially after losing sleep to make time to study around my part time job, and those comments just make me feel worse.
reply
DasOmen02
As someone diagnosed with major depression, I've always found the self-diagnosis culture infuriating: /
Just as well, I hate when people tell me that I can always confide in them, because they know how I feel - when I have in the past, I'm then told that I'm an uncomfortable person to be around. I personally always thought of depression like an ocean: not only is it more crushing the deeper you go, but also because everyone thinks they're in the deep end until they take a peek into the depths, and that realisation puts them off or scares them. Idk, that's just me. I appreciate these videos, psych2go, thank you
reply
As someone diagnosed with major depression, I've always found the self-diagnosis culture infuriating: /
Just as well, I hate when people tell me that I can always confide in them, because they know how I feel - when I have in the past, I'm then told that I'm an uncomfortable person to be around. I personally always thought of depression like an ocean: not only is it more crushing the deeper you go, but also because everyone thinks they're in the deep end until they take a peek into the depths, and that realisation puts them off or scares them. Idk, that's just me. I appreciate these videos, psych2go, thank you
reply
Debapriya
I have been recently diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and watching this video only made me wish that people wouldn't say these things to me. I have been told I don't look depressed, or it's just a phase, or I don't have a reason to be depressed or I am not trying enough or whatever I'm feeling that's how everyone feels at this stage. It's weird that I wish to share this video with all of those people but it's making me more anxious. Because I am afraid that I will be told that now I am simply trying to forcefully assert that I have depression. I wish I could broadcast this to everyone.
reply
I have been recently diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and watching this video only made me wish that people wouldn't say these things to me. I have been told I don't look depressed, or it's just a phase, or I don't have a reason to be depressed or I am not trying enough or whatever I'm feeling that's how everyone feels at this stage. It's weird that I wish to share this video with all of those people but it's making me more anxious. Because I am afraid that I will be told that now I am simply trying to forcefully assert that I have depression. I wish I could broadcast this to everyone.
reply
Simon
I know 3 people that are depressed. One of them is really important to me.
I've been diagnosed with clinical depression 2 and a half years ago, I'm cured now but I remember how awful it felt being stuck in some kind of black hole of sadness which feels impossible to get out of. Do you people think it would help if i'd tell the person what it felt like for me? I'm kinda hoping that she can relate to it and starts talking about it more open because she alwqys tells me that there's nothing I have to worry about but I know that she's not okay and I really wanna help her. :
reply
I know 3 people that are depressed. One of them is really important to me.
I've been diagnosed with clinical depression 2 and a half years ago, I'm cured now but I remember how awful it felt being stuck in some kind of black hole of sadness which feels impossible to get out of. Do you people think it would help if i'd tell the person what it felt like for me? I'm kinda hoping that she can relate to it and starts talking about it more open because she alwqys tells me that there's nothing I have to worry about but I know that she's not okay and I really wanna help her. :
reply
Mokki
2: 47 i was feeling very anxious and depressed for more than a year and once i opened up and told my cousin (she is older than me) and her answer was that youre too young to have any of that ofc i understand that she herself has been through a lot bc she has an illness that you need to take medication for it but the side effect is that she gains weight, and with that she feels self conscious, and has anger issues to cope with it. and im scared to say her anything more about my mental health bc i dont wanna seem that im just sad for a day and complaining about it.
reply
2: 47 i was feeling very anxious and depressed for more than a year and once i opened up and told my cousin (she is older than me) and her answer was that youre too young to have any of that ofc i understand that she herself has been through a lot bc she has an illness that you need to take medication for it but the side effect is that she gains weight, and with that she feels self conscious, and has anger issues to cope with it. and im scared to say her anything more about my mental health bc i dont wanna seem that im just sad for a day and complaining about it.
reply
DeadNahual'sHope
I have a friend who i think is depressed, she is always told this and i am almost her only support right now. I don't know what to say to her sometimes without sounding like i don't care, i sometimes know how she is feeling but there are algo things i can't really relate to.
By the way, im also ALWAYS told this whenever i feel depressed or i don't want to get out of bed or eat. It sometimes costs me a lot eating or doing anything but everyone tells me you are overreacting or you are just lazy or even yo have nothing ti be sad or depressed about
reply
I have a friend who i think is depressed, she is always told this and i am almost her only support right now. I don't know what to say to her sometimes without sounding like i don't care, i sometimes know how she is feeling but there are algo things i can't really relate to.
By the way, im also ALWAYS told this whenever i feel depressed or i don't want to get out of bed or eat. It sometimes costs me a lot eating or doing anything but everyone tells me you are overreacting or you are just lazy or even yo have nothing ti be sad or depressed about
reply
Ricca
From a depressed person who is obviously does not want to be one:
1) Snap out of it! - As if it is something that could easily go away with sheer will power.
2) You are catastrophising everything
3) Wait till you have kids
4) What are your depressed about? You have everything!
5) Theres a lot more people in worse situation than yours.
While some of this have a grain of truth, to the depressed person, it feels like nothing can help. Also, it belittles what someone is going through. Be sympathetic and just be a person who listens.
reply
From a depressed person who is obviously does not want to be one:
1) Snap out of it! - As if it is something that could easily go away with sheer will power.
2) You are catastrophising everything
3) Wait till you have kids
4) What are your depressed about? You have everything!
5) Theres a lot more people in worse situation than yours.
While some of this have a grain of truth, to the depressed person, it feels like nothing can help. Also, it belittles what someone is going through. Be sympathetic and just be a person who listens.
reply
Elodie
I can relate: it's hard to get out of bed, hard to eat, hard to go to supermarket, hard to make choices.
I can't control how my stomach feel, and how my heart and breach are stronger and faster before wake up.
I lost weight, and it's hard to gain weight even if I eat.
We can't control it, sometimes want to cry, but the tears don't come. Or tears come for little non importants things.
I saw doctor many times, and actually on therapy with a psychologist, but I think he don't help me. I am the lonely one who can help myself, that sad.
reply
I can relate: it's hard to get out of bed, hard to eat, hard to go to supermarket, hard to make choices.
I can't control how my stomach feel, and how my heart and breach are stronger and faster before wake up.
I lost weight, and it's hard to gain weight even if I eat.
We can't control it, sometimes want to cry, but the tears don't come. Or tears come for little non importants things.
I saw doctor many times, and actually on therapy with a psychologist, but I think he don't help me. I am the lonely one who can help myself, that sad.
reply
rayyedxx
I have depression and when I tell my mom that, she would say You can't be depressed, you have everything in the world. It just makes me feel like that she doesn't understand what I feel. She would also say You can talk to me about anything, be honest, and I won't judge you. But when she says that it makes me feel uneasy and make me hide my feelings even more. Thanks for listening to my vent, I hope you have a nice day/night. I just needed to get this off my shoulders.
reply
I have depression and when I tell my mom that, she would say You can't be depressed, you have everything in the world. It just makes me feel like that she doesn't understand what I feel. She would also say You can talk to me about anything, be honest, and I won't judge you. But when she says that it makes me feel uneasy and make me hide my feelings even more. Thanks for listening to my vent, I hope you have a nice day/night. I just needed to get this off my shoulders.
reply
Njess
ive heard all 5
and yes i feel like im ungrateful, i have everything i need, i dont have any struggles, and sometimes i think that maybe im not depressed, maybe its just my mind pulling tricks on me, maybe i just wanted attention
but no matter what i did, the feelings never went away, its been like this for years that i started to live with it until it got worse this year
reply
ive heard all 5
and yes i feel like im ungrateful, i have everything i need, i dont have any struggles, and sometimes i think that maybe im not depressed, maybe its just my mind pulling tricks on me, maybe i just wanted attention
but no matter what i did, the feelings never went away, its been like this for years that i started to live with it until it got worse this year
reply
Giga
i don't have any depressed friends.
i am
who are you? your not my friend he is always so happy and cheerful/ your a kid, you can't feel depression. I've been there and it feels nothing( A LIE )
burst the soul of Faith of me putting a hole to revealing only for Depression to get inside and take my whole brain like I'm brain dead
reply
i don't have any depressed friends.
i am
who are you? your not my friend he is always so happy and cheerful/ your a kid, you can't feel depression. I've been there and it feels nothing( A LIE )
burst the soul of Faith of me putting a hole to revealing only for Depression to get inside and take my whole brain like I'm brain dead
reply
Albert
the title is 5 things not to say someone with depression but all of it are the words that I say to myself whenever I feel depressed or have anxiety. I guess I just realize something that it is okay to be sad to heal to become weak to accept. It is hard to be so tough all the time and disregard what you truly feel.
reply
the title is 5 things not to say someone with depression but all of it are the words that I say to myself whenever I feel depressed or have anxiety. I guess I just realize something that it is okay to be sad to heal to become weak to accept. It is hard to be so tough all the time and disregard what you truly feel.
reply
LostTown
What doesn't also help is when your own mother doesn't make it easier to talk to. I struggle with even telling my mom what I want or need. I have severe depression and I don't know what I want or need. But my mom says Well if you took a shower often, or eat often, or go outside more, you would feel better.
reply
What doesn't also help is when your own mother doesn't make it easier to talk to. I struggle with even telling my mom what I want or need. I have severe depression and I don't know what I want or need. But my mom says Well if you took a shower often, or eat often, or go outside more, you would feel better.
reply
Millennios
Theres nothing to be depressed of, your life is so full of luxury, youre just a spoiled brat
I cant believe youre displeased over life after everything everyone has done for you
Oh and this is my favorite one: stop being so down all the time, youre destroying the mood for everyone
reply
Theres nothing to be depressed of, your life is so full of luxury, youre just a spoiled brat
I cant believe youre displeased over life after everything everyone has done for you
Oh and this is my favorite one: stop being so down all the time, youre destroying the mood for everyone
reply
ANDREA
great. to much people missunderstand depression. and it's also because it's not so obvious like other illnesses. And unfortunatelly to much people misuse depression for their own benefits. So people who really struggle with depression are often seen as lazy parasits of society. sad
reply
great. to much people missunderstand depression. and it's also because it's not so obvious like other illnesses. And unfortunatelly to much people misuse depression for their own benefits. So people who really struggle with depression are often seen as lazy parasits of society. sad
reply
Cooki_or_Not
So.
Many people dont say it alot or dont even say it idk-
And that is I have more depression than you AS A JOKE
Saying this is a real big risk to a depressed person. It could have a kinda big chance of offending them! So DO NOT tell this to a depressed person!
reply
So.
Many people dont say it alot or dont even say it idk-
And that is I have more depression than you AS A JOKE
Saying this is a real big risk to a depressed person. It could have a kinda big chance of offending them! So DO NOT tell this to a depressed person!
reply
SlipHD
My favorite is this.
Mom: you use your depression illness as an excuse for your behavior.
Couldnt make me feel any worse than that. Thanks ma. Totally forgot that the severity of my depression doesnt cause me to be irritable I just use it as an excuse for attention.
reply
My favorite is this.
Mom: you use your depression illness as an excuse for your behavior.
Couldnt make me feel any worse than that. Thanks ma. Totally forgot that the severity of my depression doesnt cause me to be irritable I just use it as an excuse for attention.
reply
David
I was talking to someone who I thought I could confide in a couple days ago about my depression and suicidal thoughts. I talked to them a few times about it. I guess the person got tired of hearing it and said just do it then just really didnt know what to say after that.
reply
I was talking to someone who I thought I could confide in a couple days ago about my depression and suicidal thoughts. I talked to them a few times about it. I guess the person got tired of hearing it and said just do it then just really didnt know what to say after that.
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
