9 Things You Shouldnt Say To Anyone
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
pennypay1
I usually couldn't stand a certain variation on the 'it isn't that bad' theme. I call it the 'relativity guilt-trip'. Like when I was going through active addiction to oxycodone, which might as well be legal poppy for as potent as it is, and how painful the withdrawals can be in a long-term habit. Someone (mercifully just a person in a recovery group, and not a loved one or friend of mine) said something about how we should 'visit a cancer ward, and then we can talk about real suffering'. Like I didn't already feel like a selfish horrible person with ersatz pains, and I wasn't perfectly aware of and deeply saddened about cancer patients' mortality rates and financial burdens and THEIR loved ones.
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I usually couldn't stand a certain variation on the 'it isn't that bad' theme. I call it the 'relativity guilt-trip'. Like when I was going through active addiction to oxycodone, which might as well be legal poppy for as potent as it is, and how painful the withdrawals can be in a long-term habit. Someone (mercifully just a person in a recovery group, and not a loved one or friend of mine) said something about how we should 'visit a cancer ward, and then we can talk about real suffering'. Like I didn't already feel like a selfish horrible person with ersatz pains, and I wasn't perfectly aware of and deeply saddened about cancer patients' mortality rates and financial burdens and THEIR loved ones.
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Dr.
Them: Could be worse.
Me: Could be better.
Them: Stop thinking about it.
Me: I've been trying for years.
Them: Let it go!
Me: Never forgive! Never forget!
Them: I know how you feel.
Me: Then you'll understand why I'm doing this.
Them: Maybe you didn't understand.
Me: Please. Do go on. I'm listening.
Them: It's not that bad.
Me: Maybe YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand.
Them: You're too Sensitive.
Me: Failing to hide Emotion is much better than having none to begin with.
Never actually said these things in response to those quotes, but they race through my head every time. Keeping it all under is truly hard work.
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Them: Could be worse.
Me: Could be better.
Them: Stop thinking about it.
Me: I've been trying for years.
Them: Let it go!
Me: Never forgive! Never forget!
Them: I know how you feel.
Me: Then you'll understand why I'm doing this.
Them: Maybe you didn't understand.
Me: Please. Do go on. I'm listening.
Them: It's not that bad.
Me: Maybe YOU'RE the one who doesn't understand.
Them: You're too Sensitive.
Me: Failing to hide Emotion is much better than having none to begin with.
Never actually said these things in response to those quotes, but they race through my head every time. Keeping it all under is truly hard work.
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Emily
Yeah well. that's life.
It's time to grow up and put that in the past! It happened so long ago!
I have cptsd and it's pretty severe. I have seziures because of it. Yet every time I mention it to someone new, while trying to open up, I'm confronted. Oh I have PTSD too. Shrugging their shoulders, and with other women they try to make it a competition of who's is worse. I can barely get though the day and the nights are even worse. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's extremely hard to even talk about. When this happens it's so heart breaking and infuriating at the same time. I'm exhausted
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Yeah well. that's life.
It's time to grow up and put that in the past! It happened so long ago!
I have cptsd and it's pretty severe. I have seziures because of it. Yet every time I mention it to someone new, while trying to open up, I'm confronted. Oh I have PTSD too. Shrugging their shoulders, and with other women they try to make it a competition of who's is worse. I can barely get though the day and the nights are even worse. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's extremely hard to even talk about. When this happens it's so heart breaking and infuriating at the same time. I'm exhausted
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Kim
Understand that we are teaching people to be the victim, which in itself is very toxic. Yes, people often invalidate what others are saying, which is also toxic. But when we cannot help other with perspective because they are always victimized we have created a system that does not allow growth. The difference is that we need to show empathy and compassion towards those we seek to help. And we need to be able to get past our own shallow egos and understand not every bit of advice, good or bad, is actual criticism.
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Understand that we are teaching people to be the victim, which in itself is very toxic. Yes, people often invalidate what others are saying, which is also toxic. But when we cannot help other with perspective because they are always victimized we have created a system that does not allow growth. The difference is that we need to show empathy and compassion towards those we seek to help. And we need to be able to get past our own shallow egos and understand not every bit of advice, good or bad, is actual criticism.
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Meeks
Let It Go, is one of the most unintentional validation killers that Ive seen in my life. Rather let it in, as it let it go through, and think of what lesson it is supposed to teach you about. Let in also, the positive things that help counteract with those negative thoughts, in order to strengthen your mind for a more positive perspective, so it would be more clear to see and find out on what to take from the experience of whatever situation its in
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Let It Go, is one of the most unintentional validation killers that Ive seen in my life. Rather let it in, as it let it go through, and think of what lesson it is supposed to teach you about. Let in also, the positive things that help counteract with those negative thoughts, in order to strengthen your mind for a more positive perspective, so it would be more clear to see and find out on what to take from the experience of whatever situation its in
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Bhumika
Dear reader, please don't talk impolitely to a person feeling angry. Anger is just like sorrow, which needs to be comforted. If a person is angry over something another person has already told them, while trying to comfort them and you find their opinion to be right, don't say, Yes! She is totally right! or He said it right! This doesn't make the angry person feel better. Scolding them by saying such phrases just worsens the matter.
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Dear reader, please don't talk impolitely to a person feeling angry. Anger is just like sorrow, which needs to be comforted. If a person is angry over something another person has already told them, while trying to comfort them and you find their opinion to be right, don't say, Yes! She is totally right! or He said it right! This doesn't make the angry person feel better. Scolding them by saying such phrases just worsens the matter.
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education
In a what if scenario where you can't help the other person who is in distress because your in distress yourself, you want to help them and lend them an open ear but you can't because your literally breaking down emotionally, I mean you can't help them in that state, you would probably say something that'll hurt the other and make both of you worse yet you can't just dismiss it either, right? so what do you say?
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In a what if scenario where you can't help the other person who is in distress because your in distress yourself, you want to help them and lend them an open ear but you can't because your literally breaking down emotionally, I mean you can't help them in that state, you would probably say something that'll hurt the other and make both of you worse yet you can't just dismiss it either, right? so what do you say?
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Fey
I disagree somewhat with the last one. Having someone say they know how you feel can be comforting not invalidating. Can they know exactly how you feel? Of course not, they're not you but we all know that. However, if they've been through something similar they do have some understanding of how you're probably feeling and knowing they've been through similar stuff makes you feel less alone.
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I disagree somewhat with the last one. Having someone say they know how you feel can be comforting not invalidating. Can they know exactly how you feel? Of course not, they're not you but we all know that. However, if they've been through something similar they do have some understanding of how you're probably feeling and knowing they've been through similar stuff makes you feel less alone.
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Richele
Here's another example:
That hasn't been my experience.
It might be an experience with an employer or an organisation or anything. It suggests that your experience can't be true or you are exaggerating or it's your fault if you had the bad experience. It completely invalidates your thoughts and perceptions even though that person wasn't even there when the experience happened.
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Here's another example:
That hasn't been my experience.
It might be an experience with an employer or an organisation or anything. It suggests that your experience can't be true or you are exaggerating or it's your fault if you had the bad experience. It completely invalidates your thoughts and perceptions even though that person wasn't even there when the experience happened.
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disorient
4: 54 I dissagree with this. Telling someone you know what their going through makes them feel like there not the only one. Regardless if you do or not. And in the first one, I agree! NEVER, Say it could be worse, or other people are going through worse. Just cause someone has it worse than you doesn't mean your not allowed to feel bad about the position your in in.
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4: 54 I dissagree with this. Telling someone you know what their going through makes them feel like there not the only one. Regardless if you do or not. And in the first one, I agree! NEVER, Say it could be worse, or other people are going through worse. Just cause someone has it worse than you doesn't mean your not allowed to feel bad about the position your in in.
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Leslie
When someone says, hope you feel better soon, it gives a sense that the person wanted to see the person struggling feel better as soon as possible, which is not the greatest because everyone goes through emotions at a different pace, and it puts pressure for the person who is struggling to try and overcome it quicker.
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When someone says, hope you feel better soon, it gives a sense that the person wanted to see the person struggling feel better as soon as possible, which is not the greatest because everyone goes through emotions at a different pace, and it puts pressure for the person who is struggling to try and overcome it quicker.
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Lynne
Just had this let it go said to me a few days ago. I had a procedure that hurt me & I guess I said F you to doctor as he was putting pressure on my kidney. The nurse chastised me & I apologized to doctor. Its still bothering me. I have a very hard time letting things go. I have ovarian cancer & Im scared.
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Just had this let it go said to me a few days ago. I had a procedure that hurt me & I guess I said F you to doctor as he was putting pressure on my kidney. The nurse chastised me & I apologized to doctor. Its still bothering me. I have a very hard time letting things go. I have ovarian cancer & Im scared.
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Jademuffin
I didnt realise telling someone I know what you are going through or I know how you feel could hurt them. I'm that friend people come to for comfort and to talk to. from now on I'll work harder on not using phrases such as these. (also did I see tata next to the computer? ARMY you there)
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I didnt realise telling someone I know what you are going through or I know how you feel could hurt them. I'm that friend people come to for comfort and to talk to. from now on I'll work harder on not using phrases such as these. (also did I see tata next to the computer? ARMY you there)
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SARINA
Well maybe ir wasnt meant to be thanks asshole who the hell are you to say that since my baby died maybe she just wasnt meant to live in the first place? Shut the hell up that helps no one ever! Then they get mad at you because you dont automatically say yeah, youre right They are wrong!
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Well maybe ir wasnt meant to be thanks asshole who the hell are you to say that since my baby died maybe she just wasnt meant to live in the first place? Shut the hell up that helps no one ever! Then they get mad at you because you dont automatically say yeah, youre right They are wrong!
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Thrineshen
Or let God handle it or just pray are another two. I'm not trying to be anti-god here and I understand people use religion to cope. What I am saying is that not everybody uses religion as a tool to cope and overcome and it can be deemed toxic and make you feel more shitty.
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Or let God handle it or just pray are another two. I'm not trying to be anti-god here and I understand people use religion to cope. What I am saying is that not everybody uses religion as a tool to cope and overcome and it can be deemed toxic and make you feel more shitty.
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Kaito
Although I understand some of these personally, Ive learned that things shouldnt go this far. I imagine the only who this should really harm are those with anxiety disorders, otherwise this tells me that those who respond like this may have an anxiety disorders.
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Although I understand some of these personally, Ive learned that things shouldnt go this far. I imagine the only who this should really harm are those with anxiety disorders, otherwise this tells me that those who respond like this may have an anxiety disorders.
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Mark1968
best advice i can give anybody wipe u butt tie u shoes get up living is only thing we all fall Down there is no perfect life but we go forward just like it turns on flip side Tommorrow could be good day hope that makes world go around did u Learn something.
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best advice i can give anybody wipe u butt tie u shoes get up living is only thing we all fall Down there is no perfect life but we go forward just like it turns on flip side Tommorrow could be good day hope that makes world go around did u Learn something.
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Jebidiah
Re 1: 08; Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the magic word is indeed CONTEXT. (As a substitute, the word SITUATION. The WORD(Not necessarily the character Mike from MTV's Jesey Shore who went by the same name) can be used instead of CONTEXT)
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Re 1: 08; Yes ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the magic word is indeed CONTEXT. (As a substitute, the word SITUATION. The WORD(Not necessarily the character Mike from MTV's Jesey Shore who went by the same name) can be used instead of CONTEXT)
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jacelec
i can relate to stop thinking about it whenever i open up to my friends especially if I'm overthinking like believe me I'm trying not to over think things but it's not easy to just let it slide but i still appreciate them for listening tho: >
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i can relate to stop thinking about it whenever i open up to my friends especially if I'm overthinking like believe me I'm trying not to over think things but it's not easy to just let it slide but i still appreciate them for listening tho: >
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ehhhhhh
You're too sensitive
yeah I know
why I'm happier when something great happens
that's why I cry while watching sad movies
why I cry when people yell at me
why I cry when I get hurt
it's really painful
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You're too sensitive
yeah I know
why I'm happier when something great happens
that's why I cry while watching sad movies
why I cry when people yell at me
why I cry when I get hurt
it's really painful
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Marianne
When my mother died suddenly, someone said to me in the depths of my grief Well, at least she didnt leave behind young children I was 40. We all need our mothers, no matter our ageI felt selfish for grieving.
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When my mother died suddenly, someone said to me in the depths of my grief Well, at least she didnt leave behind young children I was 40. We all need our mothers, no matter our ageI felt selfish for grieving.
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dragon's_breath
My mother used to say to me you're just seeking attention and man, did those words stick with me. I was a very dramatic child and that was the case, but now I doubt myself every time I have a problem-
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My mother used to say to me you're just seeking attention and man, did those words stick with me. I was a very dramatic child and that was the case, but now I doubt myself every time I have a problem-
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Indrid
I need no emotional support from others. I do not even speak to others. We are not supposed to talk to strangers. I know nobody. Nobody knows me. Thus, I speak very minimally and avoid everyone.
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I need no emotional support from others. I do not even speak to others. We are not supposed to talk to strangers. I know nobody. Nobody knows me. Thus, I speak very minimally and avoid everyone.
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3PECKEREDGOAT
You have got to be kidding me, is this real? If you can't handle hearing these things stay at home in your panophobic bubble and stay out of my way. Useless humans.
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You have got to be kidding me, is this real? If you can't handle hearing these things stay at home in your panophobic bubble and stay out of my way. Useless humans.
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Tammy
Thanks. Guys, for uploading every day. Sometimes we find new things to help us focus on the IMPORTANT things in life, & how to handle them & some of the people around us.
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Thanks. Guys, for uploading every day. Sometimes we find new things to help us focus on the IMPORTANT things in life, & how to handle them & some of the people around us.
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