The Empath & The Narcissist The Most Painful Dynamic
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 24
Tiffany
I'm an empath. Except for I differ in one way. I know I can't fix a person, nor do I try, I except who they are. But I do have an overwhelming urge to take care of them. I call it lost puppy dog on the side of the road syndrome. I just want to shower them with love and sympathy. The problem is the narcissist is like a dog with ringworm, fleas, rabbies and a multitude of behavioral issues. Sad truth even after walking away from such an individual they can live rent free in your brain for years. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me from time to time. Or I hope to bump into him somewhere. In my case it was a friendship, but it was one where I was turning my back on my core moral beliefs because I wanted to be with him. One day I called him out on selfish behavior. He flipped the script. Said such hurtful accusations that it cut me to my core. He said he wanted nothing to do with me I was ready to gravel for forgiveness. Thanks to family, friends, and a therapist they said DON'T! After a week and a half had passed he was so excited to see me. He acted as though nothing ever happened. I was confused. He kept offering me to come back into his life. I know he missed the adoration and attention he got from me. I could see so much selfish behavior. But it was still so hard to not fall into a trap. I ended up staying clear of him. My life went on. I even fell in love but sadly the man I still love so deeply has passed and I miss him. However the narcissistic friend still stirs in my mind from time to time. Recently I've been going through a lot of stress and he has popped into my head and I miss him and wish to see him again and I don't understand why. There is still a part of me that feels a bond and attraction I can't understand and a longing for him to want me. It's sick and gross and I have zero respect for myself for having such feelings. No one will get far enough down in the comments to read this, so it's like a private rant in a very public place. On the off chance someone does read it I hope they can understand and tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way.
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I'm an empath. Except for I differ in one way. I know I can't fix a person, nor do I try, I except who they are. But I do have an overwhelming urge to take care of them. I call it lost puppy dog on the side of the road syndrome. I just want to shower them with love and sympathy. The problem is the narcissist is like a dog with ringworm, fleas, rabbies and a multitude of behavioral issues. Sad truth even after walking away from such an individual they can live rent free in your brain for years. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if he thinks about me from time to time. Or I hope to bump into him somewhere. In my case it was a friendship, but it was one where I was turning my back on my core moral beliefs because I wanted to be with him. One day I called him out on selfish behavior. He flipped the script. Said such hurtful accusations that it cut me to my core. He said he wanted nothing to do with me I was ready to gravel for forgiveness. Thanks to family, friends, and a therapist they said DON'T! After a week and a half had passed he was so excited to see me. He acted as though nothing ever happened. I was confused. He kept offering me to come back into his life. I know he missed the adoration and attention he got from me. I could see so much selfish behavior. But it was still so hard to not fall into a trap. I ended up staying clear of him. My life went on. I even fell in love but sadly the man I still love so deeply has passed and I miss him. However the narcissistic friend still stirs in my mind from time to time. Recently I've been going through a lot of stress and he has popped into my head and I miss him and wish to see him again and I don't understand why. There is still a part of me that feels a bond and attraction I can't understand and a longing for him to want me. It's sick and gross and I have zero respect for myself for having such feelings. No one will get far enough down in the comments to read this, so it's like a private rant in a very public place. On the off chance someone does read it I hope they can understand and tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way.
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Elina
I know it all too well because I'm the empath and my mom is the narcissist. It makes it hard for me to leave her because right now I depend on her and she knows it, so she threatens that I will get bad consequences. And unfortunately, I don't have enough resources to leave for good right now and she uses that. It's also hard because she is a narcissistic gaslighter and she disregards the positive efforts I made, she doesn't respect or follow the boundaries I've put in place, and she says I exaggerate things to dismiss and avoid my concerns needing support. She knows I take everything to heart so she loves to make me angry, upset, and crying, and she smiles deviously when I have a breakdown and she laughs and claps her hands as if I'm a circus show. I never understood why she does it. And she did a lot of good things for my life too, and at times when she talks to me it makes me think and question, like, maybe I'm the bad one. She can really convince you that you are the bully and that the parents are unquestioned and cannot be treated like that and that they did everything for you and are your only friend. And she also puts as much effort as she can to turn other people close to me, against me and telling me that nobody will stay with a person like me and she wouldn't be surprised. She'll make it sound like I deserve it. But at the end of it, I know the verbal and physical abuse I went through with her, and how much trauma she's caused me, and I'm trying to save myself. And her guilt-tripping me is for her own advantage because she also uses me right now to take care of some of her major problems. It causes more trauma for me, it feels like a neverending cycle I can't get out of, and it feels like I'm always gonna be stuck like this.
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I know it all too well because I'm the empath and my mom is the narcissist. It makes it hard for me to leave her because right now I depend on her and she knows it, so she threatens that I will get bad consequences. And unfortunately, I don't have enough resources to leave for good right now and she uses that. It's also hard because she is a narcissistic gaslighter and she disregards the positive efforts I made, she doesn't respect or follow the boundaries I've put in place, and she says I exaggerate things to dismiss and avoid my concerns needing support. She knows I take everything to heart so she loves to make me angry, upset, and crying, and she smiles deviously when I have a breakdown and she laughs and claps her hands as if I'm a circus show. I never understood why she does it. And she did a lot of good things for my life too, and at times when she talks to me it makes me think and question, like, maybe I'm the bad one. She can really convince you that you are the bully and that the parents are unquestioned and cannot be treated like that and that they did everything for you and are your only friend. And she also puts as much effort as she can to turn other people close to me, against me and telling me that nobody will stay with a person like me and she wouldn't be surprised. She'll make it sound like I deserve it. But at the end of it, I know the verbal and physical abuse I went through with her, and how much trauma she's caused me, and I'm trying to save myself. And her guilt-tripping me is for her own advantage because she also uses me right now to take care of some of her major problems. It causes more trauma for me, it feels like a neverending cycle I can't get out of, and it feels like I'm always gonna be stuck like this.
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education
Honestly I dont believe Im the empath vs narcissist dichotomy. I have dealt with two or 3 narcissists. My mom I believe has borderline characteristics, dwells in old hurts and her sense of victimhood. I grew up without a sense of connection from my family. There were things about my upbringing that made me vulnerable to a narcissist. To say Im an empath is too much like saying Im a victim. I have certain qualities that might be considered empathic: I was a people pleaser, I dont like conflict, when the NPD would write a crazy email to me full of FOG, I would feel embarrassment FOR her. Because I knew I would be embarrassed to express myself in this way. But that wasnt empathy. A lot of psychology around personality disorders is centered around a secular humanist world view. But in the view where there is a personal loving God and humanity is in rebellion, this relationship isnt troubled because one is a narcissist and one is an innocent empath. Both are guilty of error because they are in rebellion to God and not looking to God to fill their needs. Instead one has a false identity that needs to be served and worshiped. And the other is rudderless because they are also turned away from God, and are frustrated and confused by the false identity/false idol of the NPD. One tare judges another tare.
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Honestly I dont believe Im the empath vs narcissist dichotomy. I have dealt with two or 3 narcissists. My mom I believe has borderline characteristics, dwells in old hurts and her sense of victimhood. I grew up without a sense of connection from my family. There were things about my upbringing that made me vulnerable to a narcissist. To say Im an empath is too much like saying Im a victim. I have certain qualities that might be considered empathic: I was a people pleaser, I dont like conflict, when the NPD would write a crazy email to me full of FOG, I would feel embarrassment FOR her. Because I knew I would be embarrassed to express myself in this way. But that wasnt empathy. A lot of psychology around personality disorders is centered around a secular humanist world view. But in the view where there is a personal loving God and humanity is in rebellion, this relationship isnt troubled because one is a narcissist and one is an innocent empath. Both are guilty of error because they are in rebellion to God and not looking to God to fill their needs. Instead one has a false identity that needs to be served and worshiped. And the other is rudderless because they are also turned away from God, and are frustrated and confused by the false identity/false idol of the NPD. One tare judges another tare.
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Wendy
The narcissist that I have associated with will spit you out to you up and find some other person that will take their bait. Theres an endless supply of people handing their emotions over to individuals especially people their loving and caring. What would be interesting is how does someone avoid being pulled in when they dont see that theyre dealing with a narcissist there should be some parameters that are like basic ways of dealing with people when you first get to know them to not play your whole Hand And be identified as a possible doormat.
After being in a situation like this, it really hurts the individuals emotions and confuses them because they somehow also blame themselves. What did I do wrong? I thought I was a nice I was helping that person. Being too helpful is also detrimental to your health again I guess it gets down to healthy boundaries, but what are those healthy boundaries that everyone should put in place regardless if they are just a regular person or an empath?
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The narcissist that I have associated with will spit you out to you up and find some other person that will take their bait. Theres an endless supply of people handing their emotions over to individuals especially people their loving and caring. What would be interesting is how does someone avoid being pulled in when they dont see that theyre dealing with a narcissist there should be some parameters that are like basic ways of dealing with people when you first get to know them to not play your whole Hand And be identified as a possible doormat.
After being in a situation like this, it really hurts the individuals emotions and confuses them because they somehow also blame themselves. What did I do wrong? I thought I was a nice I was helping that person. Being too helpful is also detrimental to your health again I guess it gets down to healthy boundaries, but what are those healthy boundaries that everyone should put in place regardless if they are just a regular person or an empath?
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Mara
6 months ago, I realised about all the abuse he had perpetrated on me. I started loving myself, putting myself first. He got worse. The manipulation, the (non physical) abuse. he tried harder and harder. So hard, that it drove me to a depression. It was then when I saw everything crystal clear. He would still demand, do to expect back, blame me for not giving back, for not smiling, telling me a bunch of horrible things so I would feel I wasn't doing good enough in the relationship, so I would try to please him, not caring about my mental health.
As an empath, I know not ask someone to do something they're telling me they can't. I wouldn't ask them to tell me or pay effort when they cannot even move or think. And, yes, he did show some empathy along the way. Empathy that then he used to manipulate me again, to make me feel guilty and sorry for him.
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6 months ago, I realised about all the abuse he had perpetrated on me. I started loving myself, putting myself first. He got worse. The manipulation, the (non physical) abuse. he tried harder and harder. So hard, that it drove me to a depression. It was then when I saw everything crystal clear. He would still demand, do to expect back, blame me for not giving back, for not smiling, telling me a bunch of horrible things so I would feel I wasn't doing good enough in the relationship, so I would try to please him, not caring about my mental health.
As an empath, I know not ask someone to do something they're telling me they can't. I wouldn't ask them to tell me or pay effort when they cannot even move or think. And, yes, he did show some empathy along the way. Empathy that then he used to manipulate me again, to make me feel guilty and sorry for him.
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tamas
not easy to leave. even when you say no, and you know there is a deal-breaker. narcis will come back, and back and back, like nothing has happened. you think they are human and will certainly change (as they came back. but they did not come back to behave like someone loving, honest, true, and fair. no. they are back to continue. not easy to leave. it is a crying game, and you may end destroyed beyond what you thought would happen when you eventually succeed to leave (or they leave. I wish everyone NOT to meet such a person, and/or NOT to get into this situation. where you will feel self-guilt: I should have known why did I let her /him back. only to suffer longer. Sorry for all those mates who got there, and wish full, timely (instead of swift) recovery. and avoid the next animal of that sort.
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not easy to leave. even when you say no, and you know there is a deal-breaker. narcis will come back, and back and back, like nothing has happened. you think they are human and will certainly change (as they came back. but they did not come back to behave like someone loving, honest, true, and fair. no. they are back to continue. not easy to leave. it is a crying game, and you may end destroyed beyond what you thought would happen when you eventually succeed to leave (or they leave. I wish everyone NOT to meet such a person, and/or NOT to get into this situation. where you will feel self-guilt: I should have known why did I let her /him back. only to suffer longer. Sorry for all those mates who got there, and wish full, timely (instead of swift) recovery. and avoid the next animal of that sort.
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Dahlia
I just don't know how she lives with herself. She destroyed me and is still vindictive and angry despite my life being in shambles and her getting everything she wanted including cheating on me. Nobody believes me. My own sister worst of all has sided with her. I've decided to cut them both out of my life. Siding with a woman that abused and lied to me for a decade is the last straw. My sister like my mother has borderline bouts of splitting and rage every few months where she writes two-page emails out of nowhere about how awful I am. She won't stop until finally I lose my temper and then she screenshots my reaction and says See what a psycho you are. I just want people like that out of my life forever. At this point. I'm 46 and shes's done nothing but make my life worse.
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I just don't know how she lives with herself. She destroyed me and is still vindictive and angry despite my life being in shambles and her getting everything she wanted including cheating on me. Nobody believes me. My own sister worst of all has sided with her. I've decided to cut them both out of my life. Siding with a woman that abused and lied to me for a decade is the last straw. My sister like my mother has borderline bouts of splitting and rage every few months where she writes two-page emails out of nowhere about how awful I am. She won't stop until finally I lose my temper and then she screenshots my reaction and says See what a psycho you are. I just want people like that out of my life forever. At this point. I'm 46 and shes's done nothing but make my life worse.
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Crystalina
My sister acts like a narcissist. Im the empath. I ended up treading on eggshells with her & going her way all the time. If i told the truth she would fallout with me & ignore me. I always had to contact her. It came to ahead. I had enough of keeping my mouth shut. Told her the truth. She didnt like it & ignored me totally. Then her son verbally attacks me & calls me a bully, jealous & nuts! So i reported him to the police. Ive totally cut her & her family out of my life. She was pretending to be nice at times but then she would ignore me for weeks. Made me question myself & doubt myself. Never again! Can you do videos about siblings & jealousy/ narcissist. Thanks
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My sister acts like a narcissist. Im the empath. I ended up treading on eggshells with her & going her way all the time. If i told the truth she would fallout with me & ignore me. I always had to contact her. It came to ahead. I had enough of keeping my mouth shut. Told her the truth. She didnt like it & ignored me totally. Then her son verbally attacks me & calls me a bully, jealous & nuts! So i reported him to the police. Ive totally cut her & her family out of my life. She was pretending to be nice at times but then she would ignore me for weeks. Made me question myself & doubt myself. Never again! Can you do videos about siblings & jealousy/ narcissist. Thanks
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The
12 yrs married to an abusive narcissist before I got away but was dragged back together due to my empathy and dealt with another 4 yrs of abuse through the lockdowns and loss of 4 family members. During the 3 year divorce process I was informed but others of my empathetic ways and the trauma bond I had developed with my children's mother and have learned much to be able to see the signs BUT I still fall in the trap and tend to only meet broken narcissistic women who seek to enslave a man to support them and raise their kid so they can go out and keep the party from their teens and 20s going forever
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12 yrs married to an abusive narcissist before I got away but was dragged back together due to my empathy and dealt with another 4 yrs of abuse through the lockdowns and loss of 4 family members. During the 3 year divorce process I was informed but others of my empathetic ways and the trauma bond I had developed with my children's mother and have learned much to be able to see the signs BUT I still fall in the trap and tend to only meet broken narcissistic women who seek to enslave a man to support them and raise their kid so they can go out and keep the party from their teens and 20s going forever
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Nils
I've broken up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago and I am still taking time to realise how toxic our relationship truly was. I am shaken to relate to the whole story told in the video? Exactly from the moment how it started to how it ended. I realised at some point that my feelings are of equal value to hers, I started building boundaries, yet she would budge only by a millimeter. I dislike that I am still considering reaching out to her one day and wishing her all the best. No matter what, there is a part of me that wouldn't stop loving.
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I've broken up with my girlfriend a couple of days ago and I am still taking time to realise how toxic our relationship truly was. I am shaken to relate to the whole story told in the video? Exactly from the moment how it started to how it ended. I realised at some point that my feelings are of equal value to hers, I started building boundaries, yet she would budge only by a millimeter. I dislike that I am still considering reaching out to her one day and wishing her all the best. No matter what, there is a part of me that wouldn't stop loving.
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Pavel
Oh these empaths. Been reading a lot of comments of people complaining about narcissists. It's always super-loving, done-nothing-wrong them vs super-evil narcissist, cold and calculating, almost like a different species. Never even an attempt to describe situation from other party's perspective, not a bit of compassion for the suffering that made the narcissist who they are and that's motivating their behavoir. Of course, nobody should tolerate abuse, but for a lot of people am i really such an empath can be a good question to ask themselves.
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Oh these empaths. Been reading a lot of comments of people complaining about narcissists. It's always super-loving, done-nothing-wrong them vs super-evil narcissist, cold and calculating, almost like a different species. Never even an attempt to describe situation from other party's perspective, not a bit of compassion for the suffering that made the narcissist who they are and that's motivating their behavoir. Of course, nobody should tolerate abuse, but for a lot of people am i really such an empath can be a good question to ask themselves.
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Raoul
My partner is a narcissist, and I'm certainly an empath. never have been more uncertain what the future holds. We've been together for 4 years of huge ups n downs, she lost her husband to cancer very quickly and unexpectedly. and courted me soon after without necessary time to grieve. Knowing this I tried prolonging the courtship for sometime. but obviously not long enough. She cheated on me within the first 3 months of being together, I know what the answer is. I'm obviously just scared of making the break? much love and peace everyone
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My partner is a narcissist, and I'm certainly an empath. never have been more uncertain what the future holds. We've been together for 4 years of huge ups n downs, she lost her husband to cancer very quickly and unexpectedly. and courted me soon after without necessary time to grieve. Knowing this I tried prolonging the courtship for sometime. but obviously not long enough. She cheated on me within the first 3 months of being together, I know what the answer is. I'm obviously just scared of making the break? much love and peace everyone
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Johan
this video really supported my mental health and heavy heart. as an empath, love blinded me in ways. and this video hit everything I've been navigating perfectly. if you're an empath know narcissist attach to kind, amazing people. dont be afraid to walk away. you deserve to be happy and loved by someone who will truly love you in a way that supports you versus limits you don't let loneliness or their charm make you choose them over your own happiness and peace of mind
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this video really supported my mental health and heavy heart. as an empath, love blinded me in ways. and this video hit everything I've been navigating perfectly. if you're an empath know narcissist attach to kind, amazing people. dont be afraid to walk away. you deserve to be happy and loved by someone who will truly love you in a way that supports you versus limits you don't let loneliness or their charm make you choose them over your own happiness and peace of mind
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Adal
I an empath just ended a 4. 5 year relationship with a narcissist. And god I feel so relieved. It hurts to realize after such a long time because you really loved that person but always had that sensation of something always being wrong. I could never trust her. She made me think I was the problem all along. Yet it was secretly her. Its a life lesson I guess. But it hurts.
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I an empath just ended a 4. 5 year relationship with a narcissist. And god I feel so relieved. It hurts to realize after such a long time because you really loved that person but always had that sensation of something always being wrong. I could never trust her. She made me think I was the problem all along. Yet it was secretly her. Its a life lesson I guess. But it hurts.
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education
HOW DARE YOU create a video about empaths being lured in and abused by people -- and DO JUST THAT with this awful commercial right in the middle! And you don't show it openly -- you actually TRICK the viewer -- just the way a narcissist would in an abusive relationship. NO WORDS FOR THIS KIND OF TOXIC BEHAVIOR YOU'VE EXHIBITED!
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HOW DARE YOU create a video about empaths being lured in and abused by people -- and DO JUST THAT with this awful commercial right in the middle! And you don't show it openly -- you actually TRICK the viewer -- just the way a narcissist would in an abusive relationship. NO WORDS FOR THIS KIND OF TOXIC BEHAVIOR YOU'VE EXHIBITED!
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elysia
Ive had bosses that were narcissists. They love to abuse power. I used to try to please them and try to get on their good side. Now if those same people were dangling off a cliff and need my help, I d walk away. They never help me in bad situations, why should I help them? I'm a selective empath now.
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Ive had bosses that were narcissists. They love to abuse power. I used to try to please them and try to get on their good side. Now if those same people were dangling off a cliff and need my help, I d walk away. They never help me in bad situations, why should I help them? I'm a selective empath now.
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Alina
I understand that NPD is a personality disorder and that there is stigma around these types of mental disorders. But everytime I watch these videos I get really angry and upset and sometimes sad. I feel like I am usually an intuitive person so I can't believe I fell for my ex-friends charm.
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I understand that NPD is a personality disorder and that there is stigma around these types of mental disorders. But everytime I watch these videos I get really angry and upset and sometimes sad. I feel like I am usually an intuitive person so I can't believe I fell for my ex-friends charm.
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RPDTyrant103
What hurts the most is when you see an empath being taken advantage of, and you tell rhem this, but they push you away instead. I just hope when she said she was awtting Boundaries that shw did. Otherwise i fear for her safety. Even if im removed from her life, i want her to be safe
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What hurts the most is when you see an empath being taken advantage of, and you tell rhem this, but they push you away instead. I just hope when she said she was awtting Boundaries that shw did. Otherwise i fear for her safety. Even if im removed from her life, i want her to be safe
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foofuku
I had a relationship with someone who kept saying she was an empath. towards the end of our relationship and how she money branched from relationship to relationship i noticed that she is a narc. I can't believe it. It was a 10 year relationship and now idk who then person is.
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I had a relationship with someone who kept saying she was an empath. towards the end of our relationship and how she money branched from relationship to relationship i noticed that she is a narc. I can't believe it. It was a 10 year relationship and now idk who then person is.
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Cronchy_
My mom is an empath and my dad is a narcissist. I also consider myself an empath. Only recently with lots of help have we realized the amount of narcissistic abuse that we have both experienced in the past and in recent years. Thankfully were working on getting out soon
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My mom is an empath and my dad is a narcissist. I also consider myself an empath. Only recently with lots of help have we realized the amount of narcissistic abuse that we have both experienced in the past and in recent years. Thankfully were working on getting out soon
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Dark
I was in that relationship, as an empath, I tolerated a lot of shit from my ex. I didn't think she was a narcissist until near the end. That is the thing about narcissists, they are always right according to them and they will make you feel guilty for not believing them.
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I was in that relationship, as an empath, I tolerated a lot of shit from my ex. I didn't think she was a narcissist until near the end. That is the thing about narcissists, they are always right according to them and they will make you feel guilty for not believing them.
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HC
Good god I hate being an empath, I can feel everyones feelings around me and the vibes/aura in the room and whatever emotion it is I feel that same exact way My fiancee has Narcissistic traits and I been trying to help him see this so far it hasnt worked at all
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Good god I hate being an empath, I can feel everyones feelings around me and the vibes/aura in the room and whatever emotion it is I feel that same exact way My fiancee has Narcissistic traits and I been trying to help him see this so far it hasnt worked at all
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Martin
this scares me, I can defenitly see i'm an Empath. and with my last relationship, I starte to wonder if that person was a bit of a covert narcissist maybe. I still have to work on setting healthy boundaries, that is the toughest part!
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this scares me, I can defenitly see i'm an Empath. and with my last relationship, I starte to wonder if that person was a bit of a covert narcissist maybe. I still have to work on setting healthy boundaries, that is the toughest part!
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Vaishnavi
Everybody has a bit of both. narcissists arent evil. a part of the spectrum in extremes is.
Empathy Also isnt holy at times it can be the greatest curse. feeling others dark emotions as your own. sounds scary?
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Everybody has a bit of both. narcissists arent evil. a part of the spectrum in extremes is.
Empathy Also isnt holy at times it can be the greatest curse. feeling others dark emotions as your own. sounds scary?
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