Why You Have Trust Issues (Not Just Being Cautious)
video description
Date: 2023-11-06
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 20
education
I've been reading an interesting article from Psychology Today about How to Trust Peoplke Again: Stop painting red flags green.
Many people who grapple with trust also lament that their friend-picker or partner-picker is broken they end up aligning themselves with people who betray their trust, and the cycle continues.
But along the way, we learn to see red flags in potential friends and partners: from small things like self-centeredness or an inability to apologize to big things like violence or emotional abuse. The trick is to stop rationalizing or allowing the red flags and thereby painting them green.
It s a long journey, but one litmus test is to turn the tables. What would you tell a friend who was experiencing the same behavior? It s easier to be objective when it s not you. Therefore, spotting double standards behavior that a friend shouldn t accept, but that you somehow deserve is a sign to get out the paint solvent.
reply
I've been reading an interesting article from Psychology Today about How to Trust Peoplke Again: Stop painting red flags green.
Many people who grapple with trust also lament that their friend-picker or partner-picker is broken they end up aligning themselves with people who betray their trust, and the cycle continues.
But along the way, we learn to see red flags in potential friends and partners: from small things like self-centeredness or an inability to apologize to big things like violence or emotional abuse. The trick is to stop rationalizing or allowing the red flags and thereby painting them green.
It s a long journey, but one litmus test is to turn the tables. What would you tell a friend who was experiencing the same behavior? It s easier to be objective when it s not you. Therefore, spotting double standards behavior that a friend shouldn t accept, but that you somehow deserve is a sign to get out the paint solvent.
reply
Fenyx
Trust is such an alien thing to me. Can't trust a single person, even if they've done nothing to damage any trust. School years, past family actions and abandoned by partners constantly doesn't exactly build any chance to even form trust. Not to mention preferring isolation due to how much stuff like that occurred. Sometimes it feels like I'm only ever needed and the second that isn't required, I'm left. Hurts more that it's always when something stressful was ongoing at the time. Recent example was false accusations of abuse. The stress of that due to the police being involved wasn't easy to get through and who I was with at the time decided to go. Still see it as a problem due to constantly making sure to help and assist no matter what they are going through but don't see it as fair when abandonment is all I see from even minor issues. Never even a chance to get through things together.
reply
Trust is such an alien thing to me. Can't trust a single person, even if they've done nothing to damage any trust. School years, past family actions and abandoned by partners constantly doesn't exactly build any chance to even form trust. Not to mention preferring isolation due to how much stuff like that occurred. Sometimes it feels like I'm only ever needed and the second that isn't required, I'm left. Hurts more that it's always when something stressful was ongoing at the time. Recent example was false accusations of abuse. The stress of that due to the police being involved wasn't easy to get through and who I was with at the time decided to go. Still see it as a problem due to constantly making sure to help and assist no matter what they are going through but don't see it as fair when abandonment is all I see from even minor issues. Never even a chance to get through things together.
reply
Hellgrinde
I have trust issues because i was savagely betrayed by my first girlfriend. She cheated all around town with much much older guys when we were teens. I worked really hard to heal as an adult and got to a pretty food place when I met my future wife. After marriage and having two kids she also savagely betrayed me and took our children as a power move to get me to do what she wanted. I fought hard and got them back and now i am pretty stable as an unexpectedly single parent 6 years later. However i don t feel like i can ever trust again. I tried dating a little bit and it went no where because i couldn t bring myself to feel safe around another women. I got very anxious and i could feel it in my bones, I expected betrayal from them. I am still trying to learn how to trust again, but i don t really have any expectations of that happening. At least not any time soon.
reply
I have trust issues because i was savagely betrayed by my first girlfriend. She cheated all around town with much much older guys when we were teens. I worked really hard to heal as an adult and got to a pretty food place when I met my future wife. After marriage and having two kids she also savagely betrayed me and took our children as a power move to get me to do what she wanted. I fought hard and got them back and now i am pretty stable as an unexpectedly single parent 6 years later. However i don t feel like i can ever trust again. I tried dating a little bit and it went no where because i couldn t bring myself to feel safe around another women. I got very anxious and i could feel it in my bones, I expected betrayal from them. I am still trying to learn how to trust again, but i don t really have any expectations of that happening. At least not any time soon.
reply
Dreams_of_Gaia
I had a quite troublesome childhood and since I was a kid until about a year ago I've been betrayed by so many people. It had happened right when I had decided to start moving forwards trusting people again. So right now, I have quite accepted it, I am fine not trusting people anymore. If I die alone, that's fine, I'll do what I can while I can on my own. Trusting others again is not easy when you also don't know about boundaries so the only people you end up attracting are people who will take advantage of you, use you and discard you, giving you even more trust issues each time. But I'm already so tired of trying to learn about this whole human interaction, I don't have more energy to go little by little anymore.
reply
I had a quite troublesome childhood and since I was a kid until about a year ago I've been betrayed by so many people. It had happened right when I had decided to start moving forwards trusting people again. So right now, I have quite accepted it, I am fine not trusting people anymore. If I die alone, that's fine, I'll do what I can while I can on my own. Trusting others again is not easy when you also don't know about boundaries so the only people you end up attracting are people who will take advantage of you, use you and discard you, giving you even more trust issues each time. But I'm already so tired of trying to learn about this whole human interaction, I don't have more energy to go little by little anymore.
reply
Olesya
I did not have trust issues, and then I fell in love with a person with a depression who sent me mixed signals, accepted my attention and kept me at arm's length, at the same time not rejecting me directly. I thought it was the depression that made him distant, not the fact that he did not like me back. It turned out he just did not have the heart to tell me I'm not desirable for him. Within a year, my trust crumbled. Now I feel like I will never be able to tell if anyone genuinely likes me or is just being polite. I hate him and curse him at times - and at times I want him to be happy and never get this attitude from anyone. I so did not deserve to be treated like that.
reply
I did not have trust issues, and then I fell in love with a person with a depression who sent me mixed signals, accepted my attention and kept me at arm's length, at the same time not rejecting me directly. I thought it was the depression that made him distant, not the fact that he did not like me back. It turned out he just did not have the heart to tell me I'm not desirable for him. Within a year, my trust crumbled. Now I feel like I will never be able to tell if anyone genuinely likes me or is just being polite. I hate him and curse him at times - and at times I want him to be happy and never get this attitude from anyone. I so did not deserve to be treated like that.
reply
Violet
I thougt I was a very trusting person, but honestly, when i saw this video, I rethought about me, and I realized I'm actually really overly cautious; I act like I don't have a care in the world, yet when I'm alone and not with my 'friends' I doubt them really bad even though I almost clearly know they're being pretty genuine and stuff.
I think it's because of an incident when I was young(i was four) and dumb; I thought a girl was being nice when she invited me to play and stuff and made us act out a story, but she forced me to fake cry so she could laugh at me with her friends, and there were also other incidents like that all stemming from trying to be friends.
reply
I thougt I was a very trusting person, but honestly, when i saw this video, I rethought about me, and I realized I'm actually really overly cautious; I act like I don't have a care in the world, yet when I'm alone and not with my 'friends' I doubt them really bad even though I almost clearly know they're being pretty genuine and stuff.
I think it's because of an incident when I was young(i was four) and dumb; I thought a girl was being nice when she invited me to play and stuff and made us act out a story, but she forced me to fake cry so she could laugh at me with her friends, and there were also other incidents like that all stemming from trying to be friends.
reply
QuestionEverything
I tried drinking myself to death dealing with trust issues. I only have one friend left in my life that I think I can trust. My entire family and friends thinks I m crazy because I believe in things like global warming, that Donald Trump is a raging lunatic malignant narcissist and that the fabric of society is on the brink of collapse due to Washington DC manipulation of the value of the US dollar. I feel that it s impossible to relate and trust them.
reply
I tried drinking myself to death dealing with trust issues. I only have one friend left in my life that I think I can trust. My entire family and friends thinks I m crazy because I believe in things like global warming, that Donald Trump is a raging lunatic malignant narcissist and that the fabric of society is on the brink of collapse due to Washington DC manipulation of the value of the US dollar. I feel that it s impossible to relate and trust them.
reply
James
I'm one of five siblings, and as kids whenever one of us did something wrong we usually didn't own up to it. So all of us would just be punished for it.
I think it broke alot of trust when your parents don't believe you when you tell them you didn't do smth and then you get punished for it anyway.
I don't know why we didn't own up when we did smth wrong, but that probably didn't help things either.
reply
I'm one of five siblings, and as kids whenever one of us did something wrong we usually didn't own up to it. So all of us would just be punished for it.
I think it broke alot of trust when your parents don't believe you when you tell them you didn't do smth and then you get punished for it anyway.
I don't know why we didn't own up when we did smth wrong, but that probably didn't help things either.
reply
Sandsturmer
Hey Psych2go, I've been noticing emotional numbness, higher social anxiety, struggles to get and keep a relationship, issues with fears of separation and failure, random pains and low self control. I think I need help, but I struggle to open up about it and have only told my closest friend about it all. Any suggestions? I don't want this to keep spiraling like it has been for the past few years.
reply
Hey Psych2go, I've been noticing emotional numbness, higher social anxiety, struggles to get and keep a relationship, issues with fears of separation and failure, random pains and low self control. I think I need help, but I struggle to open up about it and have only told my closest friend about it all. Any suggestions? I don't want this to keep spiraling like it has been for the past few years.
reply
ok.
I threw away all my friends and gave myself the reason that I hate myself (which I di, but after going to a psychologist, I realized that I am afraid of being left out. That's why I will leave them sooner than they leave me (of course I won't leave, it's complicated)I have no idea where this trauma came from and it is really bothering me
English is not my first language, so sorry
reply
I threw away all my friends and gave myself the reason that I hate myself (which I di, but after going to a psychologist, I realized that I am afraid of being left out. That's why I will leave them sooner than they leave me (of course I won't leave, it's complicated)I have no idea where this trauma came from and it is really bothering me
English is not my first language, so sorry
reply
Stella
oh boi. i don't even really know were to start from were my trust issues came, but there were a lot. Some are still with me, naging me crazy. But most of them i have overcome thanks to my partner, how had the same problem. We just worked it out for eachother, put on the bandaid were needet so to speak. We are still healing from many thinks, two broken souls, but we do.
reply
oh boi. i don't even really know were to start from were my trust issues came, but there were a lot. Some are still with me, naging me crazy. But most of them i have overcome thanks to my partner, how had the same problem. We just worked it out for eachother, put on the bandaid were needet so to speak. We are still healing from many thinks, two broken souls, but we do.
reply
Maarten
I really wanne talk to someone about trust issues and how you beat it because eventhough it s not my fault and my gf made them worse by being inconsistent I feel like I can t be in a relationship because when not every box is ticked that proves I can trust I m so anxious I can t eat or sleep and I wanne break up because I can t live like this.
reply
I really wanne talk to someone about trust issues and how you beat it because eventhough it s not my fault and my gf made them worse by being inconsistent I feel like I can t be in a relationship because when not every box is ticked that proves I can trust I m so anxious I can t eat or sleep and I wanne break up because I can t live like this.
reply
N. U. K.
1: 18 what if your stepfather told you that he loves you, and it hurts him more than it hurts you, when he beat me and my brother on a daily basis? Will that give trust issues or caged up rage, against the enitre human race, for not helping me, when I couldn't help myself?
Edit: I gave the video a dislike, because it's trash.
reply
1: 18 what if your stepfather told you that he loves you, and it hurts him more than it hurts you, when he beat me and my brother on a daily basis? Will that give trust issues or caged up rage, against the enitre human race, for not helping me, when I couldn't help myself?
Edit: I gave the video a dislike, because it's trash.
reply
SoyLaBoombastic
I had a troubling childhood, with tons of bullying and emotional neglect, even today I don t trust really everyone completely. I feel unsafe most places I go, I second guess myself all of the time! I never really had a really good friend, but I want one, but it s so hard knowing what happened long ago: (
reply
I had a troubling childhood, with tons of bullying and emotional neglect, even today I don t trust really everyone completely. I feel unsafe most places I go, I second guess myself all of the time! I never really had a really good friend, but I want one, but it s so hard knowing what happened long ago: (
reply
Katharina
I alwqys looked through my bf phone
1. Cause he has many girls as friend
2. There were two he hqd a crush on in the past.
Trust is good, control is better.
Now i dint do it anymore, cause he is not friends with so many right now
reply
I alwqys looked through my bf phone
1. Cause he has many girls as friend
2. There were two he hqd a crush on in the past.
Trust is good, control is better.
Now i dint do it anymore, cause he is not friends with so many right now
reply
Hueta
Even one of my best friends who got all my trust ended up betraying me so bad. This society is corrupt, everyone who you thought is a good person at some point do despicable things, hurting others and they don t seem to even care anymore
reply
Even one of my best friends who got all my trust ended up betraying me so bad. This society is corrupt, everyone who you thought is a good person at some point do despicable things, hurting others and they don t seem to even care anymore
reply
Naturenerd1000
The reason no one trust the government is because they always lie in the present and then admit shocking truths months or years later. If you lie in your life it will erode the trust of those around you in that same way.
reply
The reason no one trust the government is because they always lie in the present and then admit shocking truths months or years later. If you lie in your life it will erode the trust of those around you in that same way.
reply
BeelzeKid
exp=trust issues. you get f-ed over with the double bind becuzz you try to trust again. its like thay smell when u trust and only then f u over. at this point i think ppl that dont have trust issues are naive
reply
exp=trust issues. you get f-ed over with the double bind becuzz you try to trust again. its like thay smell when u trust and only then f u over. at this point i think ppl that dont have trust issues are naive
reply
Chisaten
The past two years has taken me down to not wanting to trust anyone, even my parents. The people who have broken my trust have done it out of caring, but based on opinion and not allowing me to correct them.
reply
The past two years has taken me down to not wanting to trust anyone, even my parents. The people who have broken my trust have done it out of caring, but based on opinion and not allowing me to correct them.
reply
Gr ner
My trust issues come from me being cheated on but i am trying to heal, i am always trying to see the positives when i notice that i am just looking at the negative again
reply
My trust issues come from me being cheated on but i am trying to heal, i am always trying to see the positives when i notice that i am just looking at the negative again
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
