The Type Of Grief That Isn't Talked About Enough
video description
Date: 2024-07-30
Related videos
Comments and reviews: 20
Entei9000
Last year, my mom had suddenly become a lot less active even than normal. It wasn't unheard of for her to just become overly tired for a week or two at a time, so I wrote it off as nothing. After a little while I started to get frustrated that she wasn't feeding herself or taking care of herself in any way, yet she always insisted that she was fine. After a couple of weeks I noticed that she was only taking small bites of the food I was making for her, and started to sound increasingly weak, and I was getting very worried. And yet she still insisted that she was fine and just needed rest, even after we called the paramedics and they told us to get her to a doctor as soon as we could. Two days later, not long after I returned from grocery shopping and she had told me that she was still ok, I found her looking as though she was gasping for air, and not responding as I called to her. In my mind I thought to myself this can't be what it looks like. She's only 65. It's only been 6 years since her own mom died. On some level I even thought that she couldn't die yet since I hadn't told her everything I wanted to. But deep down I knew it was the end for her, and yet my stubbornness and shyness kept me from spilling my heart out to her, and now nothing can change what I've done and what I haven't done. I'm still wracked with guilt over not thanking her for everything she did for me, for not apologizing for the times I lost my temper, for not clearly stating how worried I was and for not begging her to let me take her to the doctor, and most of all that I hadn't told her I loved her since a fight we had 2 years prior. All I can do is hope that she knew how much I cared, and to cherish the time I have left with my dad, as well as whatever time I have left in this world.
reply
Last year, my mom had suddenly become a lot less active even than normal. It wasn't unheard of for her to just become overly tired for a week or two at a time, so I wrote it off as nothing. After a little while I started to get frustrated that she wasn't feeding herself or taking care of herself in any way, yet she always insisted that she was fine. After a couple of weeks I noticed that she was only taking small bites of the food I was making for her, and started to sound increasingly weak, and I was getting very worried. And yet she still insisted that she was fine and just needed rest, even after we called the paramedics and they told us to get her to a doctor as soon as we could. Two days later, not long after I returned from grocery shopping and she had told me that she was still ok, I found her looking as though she was gasping for air, and not responding as I called to her. In my mind I thought to myself this can't be what it looks like. She's only 65. It's only been 6 years since her own mom died. On some level I even thought that she couldn't die yet since I hadn't told her everything I wanted to. But deep down I knew it was the end for her, and yet my stubbornness and shyness kept me from spilling my heart out to her, and now nothing can change what I've done and what I haven't done. I'm still wracked with guilt over not thanking her for everything she did for me, for not apologizing for the times I lost my temper, for not clearly stating how worried I was and for not begging her to let me take her to the doctor, and most of all that I hadn't told her I loved her since a fight we had 2 years prior. All I can do is hope that she knew how much I cared, and to cherish the time I have left with my dad, as well as whatever time I have left in this world.
reply
masternate2567
A loss of time, is harder for me. Which is part of this. We think we have tommarow, but really can only take actions in the present. I put off life from complex grief. Lost most my teen years and 20's to inaction. But after my stepdad passed away. I spent most of my 20's at home with my mom, and with my dad just doing stuff when unemployed. I spent most my time with them. At tge cost of what most people do in thier 20's
Im thinking i might go back to school, if debt, and college in general isnt as financially risky.
But Remind people you think of them. If you regret the past dont let tommarrow become another day you regret. Because yesterday was one day tommarow, time goes forward. Live in the moment completly.
If you only see family and friends on holidays and special events, thats only a few days/weeks every year. You may only have 6 months of time left over the next 30-40 years if your lucky. Let alone much time on youth
reply
A loss of time, is harder for me. Which is part of this. We think we have tommarow, but really can only take actions in the present. I put off life from complex grief. Lost most my teen years and 20's to inaction. But after my stepdad passed away. I spent most of my 20's at home with my mom, and with my dad just doing stuff when unemployed. I spent most my time with them. At tge cost of what most people do in thier 20's
Im thinking i might go back to school, if debt, and college in general isnt as financially risky.
But Remind people you think of them. If you regret the past dont let tommarrow become another day you regret. Because yesterday was one day tommarow, time goes forward. Live in the moment completly.
If you only see family and friends on holidays and special events, thats only a few days/weeks every year. You may only have 6 months of time left over the next 30-40 years if your lucky. Let alone much time on youth
reply
psych2go
I wouldn’t call it so much as anticipatory grief, but I had thoughts in the past on how I’d do without my cats. We’ve had them for a long time, and now they’re both double digit ages.
Well, we had to say goodbye to one of them suddenly. We realized things were seriously wrong this past Friday night, and had to let go Saturday morning. I never could’ve been prepared for something so sudden.
But, to be fair, I don’t think we really can be prepared for losing people in our lives, sudden or not. So, I really appreciate this video, telling us to spend what time we do have with our loved ones. Stuff is tough, both current and anticipatory, but we can at least make our time with who we have worth it.
reply
I wouldn’t call it so much as anticipatory grief, but I had thoughts in the past on how I’d do without my cats. We’ve had them for a long time, and now they’re both double digit ages.
Well, we had to say goodbye to one of them suddenly. We realized things were seriously wrong this past Friday night, and had to let go Saturday morning. I never could’ve been prepared for something so sudden.
But, to be fair, I don’t think we really can be prepared for losing people in our lives, sudden or not. So, I really appreciate this video, telling us to spend what time we do have with our loved ones. Stuff is tough, both current and anticipatory, but we can at least make our time with who we have worth it.
reply
AceKite00
My father had me late in his 40’s. He’s 71 now. As a child, despite him being in body builder shape, I knew he was still just an old guy. It’s why I never complained, whined, or asked him for anything. I figure that would be my payment to him. So raising me was very stress free for him. But I always knew that the day will come when either I leave him and go off on my own, or he’s gone abruptly. I’ve known it almost since the beginning, and I’ve been grieving and preparing myself for that day for a very, very long time. I only hope he’s been doing the same. In recent years I’ve decided to talk to him more and do a couple things with him. I want to have no regrets.
reply
My father had me late in his 40’s. He’s 71 now. As a child, despite him being in body builder shape, I knew he was still just an old guy. It’s why I never complained, whined, or asked him for anything. I figure that would be my payment to him. So raising me was very stress free for him. But I always knew that the day will come when either I leave him and go off on my own, or he’s gone abruptly. I’ve known it almost since the beginning, and I’ve been grieving and preparing myself for that day for a very, very long time. I only hope he’s been doing the same. In recent years I’ve decided to talk to him more and do a couple things with him. I want to have no regrets.
reply
jamesongorman8531
i can speak to (at least situational) anticipatory grief, my grandpa died in 2022 and i can tell the impact of his death on me was affected by us getting his terminal cancer diagnosis over a year in advance. i knew the whole time he was dying and even the approximate timeframe it was gonna happen (8-12 months left to live but he put in a little overtime) and it lessened the impact greatly, i don’t think i even cried that night or at any point after. in my mind he was, to some extent, already dead, it was just a matter of waiting for the news to break.
reply
i can speak to (at least situational) anticipatory grief, my grandpa died in 2022 and i can tell the impact of his death on me was affected by us getting his terminal cancer diagnosis over a year in advance. i knew the whole time he was dying and even the approximate timeframe it was gonna happen (8-12 months left to live but he put in a little overtime) and it lessened the impact greatly, i don’t think i even cried that night or at any point after. in my mind he was, to some extent, already dead, it was just a matter of waiting for the news to break.
reply
psych2go
Hello! Your videos have always helped me alot and i feel like i am trusting love again. but whenever i feel love or think about something good or sweet love in general, i feel negative. like other negative thoughts are not coming, i am just feeling negative. Negative towards love and those sweet thoughts that i love and make me feel fuzzy, suddenly pops a negative feeling upper my chest on my heart as if its uncomfortable. Whenever i think of a good or a better life, or love and staying with someone forever.
reply
Hello! Your videos have always helped me alot and i feel like i am trusting love again. but whenever i feel love or think about something good or sweet love in general, i feel negative. like other negative thoughts are not coming, i am just feeling negative. Negative towards love and those sweet thoughts that i love and make me feel fuzzy, suddenly pops a negative feeling upper my chest on my heart as if its uncomfortable. Whenever i think of a good or a better life, or love and staying with someone forever.
reply
mistydake2109
My dad was sick for a while before he passed and it made it less painful that I'd been preparing for it. My mom was healthy overall and she passed suddenly, 2 weeks after my dad. It was completely unexpected. Despite being 2 years ago, my mom's passing is still something I haven't been able to fully come to terms with. I think the anticipatory grief, at least for me, was very helpful with my dad, and I wish I'd had that same warning period with my mom.
reply
My dad was sick for a while before he passed and it made it less painful that I'd been preparing for it. My mom was healthy overall and she passed suddenly, 2 weeks after my dad. It was completely unexpected. Despite being 2 years ago, my mom's passing is still something I haven't been able to fully come to terms with. I think the anticipatory grief, at least for me, was very helpful with my dad, and I wish I'd had that same warning period with my mom.
reply
kurthanke5788
This video is shorter than usual, but it's direct and to the point. I have not spoken to my narcissistic father since June of 1987. So, all these years I have lived in the same city as my mother. It's true. The older I get, the more I understand where she was coming from.
Now, she is 81 and has Alzheimer's, and at times, it's hard to watch. So definitely, cherish the time you have with them.
reply
This video is shorter than usual, but it's direct and to the point. I have not spoken to my narcissistic father since June of 1987. So, all these years I have lived in the same city as my mother. It's true. The older I get, the more I understand where she was coming from.
Now, she is 81 and has Alzheimer's, and at times, it's hard to watch. So definitely, cherish the time you have with them.
reply
namethestars
Regarding my parents. I would feel nothing. My mum, a title she doesn't deserve, walked out of my life when I was 14/15 and haven't heard from her since (38 now) and my father was an abusive, mean drunk who won't hold his hands up to what he did. I barely have a relationship with him now and don't want to so that level of potential grief just doesn't exist when it comes to them.
reply
Regarding my parents. I would feel nothing. My mum, a title she doesn't deserve, walked out of my life when I was 14/15 and haven't heard from her since (38 now) and my father was an abusive, mean drunk who won't hold his hands up to what he did. I barely have a relationship with him now and don't want to so that level of potential grief just doesn't exist when it comes to them.
reply
stephanieru
My little sister, who's 9 years younger than me, was born a heart condition, I often feel this grief over the possibility that I will outlive her or that she may suddenly di3 and I am in control of none of it. There is nothing I could say or do to make that better. The only thing i can control is how much quality time I spend with her. It's actually her 16th birthday tomorrow
reply
My little sister, who's 9 years younger than me, was born a heart condition, I often feel this grief over the possibility that I will outlive her or that she may suddenly di3 and I am in control of none of it. There is nothing I could say or do to make that better. The only thing i can control is how much quality time I spend with her. It's actually her 16th birthday tomorrow
reply
nightfangs2910
When you're a man, you must greave alone, showing a wife or girlfriend that level of vulnerability you will lose her respect for you, yes i know it's a parent but openly sobbing in front of your woman is a big mistake, history with millions of men proves this to be true, countless men have broken down in front of their spouse only to have her divorce him some time later
reply
When you're a man, you must greave alone, showing a wife or girlfriend that level of vulnerability you will lose her respect for you, yes i know it's a parent but openly sobbing in front of your woman is a big mistake, history with millions of men proves this to be true, countless men have broken down in front of their spouse only to have her divorce him some time later
reply
TheDarkOne9942
My sister passed away last year. She was 24. It was very sudden, of an illness we didn’t know she had. My parents gave me the news on a Friday morning, before I went to work that day. And ever since, I dread the morning and dread turning on my phone, because, one of these days, my parents will pass away like my sister and I will get the news like that, again.
reply
My sister passed away last year. She was 24. It was very sudden, of an illness we didn’t know she had. My parents gave me the news on a Friday morning, before I went to work that day. And ever since, I dread the morning and dread turning on my phone, because, one of these days, my parents will pass away like my sister and I will get the news like that, again.
reply
clairelouis
My mind does think about this as I get older and I am only 25. I appreciate this video and wanted to know if you can do a video on dealing with grief when losing a sibling as a child and being an only child. I dealt with losing my little sister in 2010 and I sometimes wonder the what ifs of her life and forget that I am not an older sister anymore.
reply
My mind does think about this as I get older and I am only 25. I appreciate this video and wanted to know if you can do a video on dealing with grief when losing a sibling as a child and being an only child. I dealt with losing my little sister in 2010 and I sometimes wonder the what ifs of her life and forget that I am not an older sister anymore.
reply
stesha4456
My brother and I lost our mom last year in may. She was 65, me 34 and my brother 39. She was battling cancer and I had anticipatory grief. Nothing prepares you for losing a parent, but I do think it helps me process it a little bit better. Our dad is still around, he turns 68 this year, but isn't in the greatest of health. I cried watching this.
reply
My brother and I lost our mom last year in may. She was 65, me 34 and my brother 39. She was battling cancer and I had anticipatory grief. Nothing prepares you for losing a parent, but I do think it helps me process it a little bit better. Our dad is still around, he turns 68 this year, but isn't in the greatest of health. I cried watching this.
reply
Jockwardia
For me I expirienced the death of my older brother exactly 20 years ago as he died of cancer. I was 9 years old and to this day I miss him. We ofcourse hoped to the last that he would get better but as he left home for the last time. and me waking up to the news of his death 22. 7. 2004 was something I wish no one would have to go through.
reply
For me I expirienced the death of my older brother exactly 20 years ago as he died of cancer. I was 9 years old and to this day I miss him. We ofcourse hoped to the last that he would get better but as he left home for the last time. and me waking up to the news of his death 22. 7. 2004 was something I wish no one would have to go through.
reply
psych2go
My father is 79 years old and my mother is 72. We have never had the best of relationships due to many reasons but now we are finally on good terms. I am happy that they are living a happy and peaceful retirement, yet I am very conscious that they won't be around for much longer anymore. Thank you for this video it helped a little.
reply
My father is 79 years old and my mother is 72. We have never had the best of relationships due to many reasons but now we are finally on good terms. I am happy that they are living a happy and peaceful retirement, yet I am very conscious that they won't be around for much longer anymore. Thank you for this video it helped a little.
reply
DeviN99de
The good thing of having had parents who were monsters is, that I never will grief them, but I always will grief the life I could have had if I were raised normal. At least now that i'm getting older, I know I don't have to live for too long with this grief anymore. That is the type of grief no one talks about
reply
The good thing of having had parents who were monsters is, that I never will grief them, but I always will grief the life I could have had if I were raised normal. At least now that i'm getting older, I know I don't have to live for too long with this grief anymore. That is the type of grief no one talks about
reply
clwagoner
I lost my mom 2 and a half years ago. Every day is a reminder that I'll never get to share any more memories with her. She won't be there when I eventually get married and have kids. She isn't there when I need someone to talk to. It's hard. I'm only 26. I never imagined she'd be gone this soon.
reply
I lost my mom 2 and a half years ago. Every day is a reminder that I'll never get to share any more memories with her. She won't be there when I eventually get married and have kids. She isn't there when I need someone to talk to. It's hard. I'm only 26. I never imagined she'd be gone this soon.
reply
thefirstyaksha
I personally have always expected death. And that's exactly what happens it's sort of like I grieve before it happens and then when it finally does it doesn't affect me. But what does affect me till today is lost time largely because I didn't have a proper childhood and teenage life
reply
I personally have always expected death. And that's exactly what happens it's sort of like I grieve before it happens and then when it finally does it doesn't affect me. But what does affect me till today is lost time largely because I didn't have a proper childhood and teenage life
reply
cristalebellab444
I was always ok with people transitioning. Losing my mom two years ago, I lost the connections she brought to the rest of the family. My life is now very quiet and solo. Everyone is doing their own thing. The grief extended to people living for me. So we continue and thrive.
reply
I was always ok with people transitioning. Losing my mom two years ago, I lost the connections she brought to the rest of the family. My life is now very quiet and solo. Everyone is doing their own thing. The grief extended to people living for me. So we continue and thrive.
reply
Add a review, comment
Other channel videos
