What Happens to Your Brain When You're Groomed
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Date: 2025-01-27
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Comments and reviews: 20
ashtonkemp1629
Do you think I groomed her
There have always been point where I question the actions I make and the relationships I've been in. My last relationship was with a girl who was 20 as I was 25. At first the age gap was a major concern for me, as we initially got together back when she was 18, I was 23, and I had no intention of getting with anyone that much younger than myself. The relationship was loving, but had so many issues and I questioned it constantly.
It seemed fine at first, she had a crush on me, and eventually I started having a crush on her. We were in college and at some point after joining me in the college clubs/orgs I was leading we eventually started dating. A rift formed between a friend of mine who had a crush on her and myself. He accused me and spread rumors about me as a manipulator, a predator, and all the things I confided about my own concerns regarding the relationship. My parents seemed fine with it as the age gap was the same they had from back then but I was still very hesitant. The relationship got more complex. Over time I slowly learned of Traumas, memory gaps she spoke of, her having break downs and sudden mood shifts, and struggling between my own thoughts, the rumors, and wanting to help her. I tried to convince her to go to therapy. I wanted her to talk to her parents and to try to work on her issues, though later I found that her parents were the source of many of her issues too. I introduced her to many of my friends and she started relying on them, opening up to them, and at times our now mutual friends would talk with me as we'd try to figure out what was best to help her.
She would avoid her issues and eventually she broke up with me. December hit, she pushed the blame my way and dumped me out of the blue. She began to flirt with my friends, acquaintances, and anyone near me as I was there, breaking my heart as at this point I had fallen in love and was now devastated. I took the time over the next series of months, back and forth between breaking down, having periods of suicidal thoughts and feeling self destructive, yet forcing myself to go to therapy, work through a list of goals I set for myself, and tried to get better. She remained in my life, flirting with me and bringing her lips to mine at times, just on the verge of a kiss before backing away while secretly hooking up with a couple of my friends, dumped them suddenly, moved to the next, all the while actively/aggressively flirting with me more and more, giving me mixed signals, and having mental break downs here and there. All the friends I had that were friends with her cut her off for the 180 she pulled. April hit, I was fine, I was okay, then I found out about the guys she was with and that she got with the guy who spread the rumors about me and referred to me as a toy on a shelf. I broke down. Took me a month to barely become productive enough to pass my exams for the semester. I became empty. I still had a faint connection, we talked, things recovered, and unfortunately she broke things off with him and got back with me.
She said she loved me, that I was the one, and that she would never leave me. Things progressed and slowly things became a problem again. She started accusing me of gaslighting her, claiming that the secrets she told me, her issues about her memories, all were things that I made up. She started hanging out and making friends with the ex who spread rumors about me and his friend group. She used to say things nonchalantly about how she morphs her perception and personality to whatever group she was a part of and it made me worry as she told me the group continued to speak horribly of me. My insecurities worsened. As things went on, I brought up my insecurities and the issues and she brushed them off and it became a matter of choosing me or her friend group and I did not want her to lose her support. She needed to make her own decisions. I went on a trip with her family, the trip reminded me of a childhood memory that I didn't fully remember, and apparently, my lack of clarity with that memory made my gf at the time and her family doubt my every word. I had said that I thought I had been to myrtle beach as a child, that it all looked familiar, the houses, the attractions, but I wasn't sure as, as my mom pointed at later on, I wasn't even five years old. From that point forward, any opportunity possible my gf at the time would state that I was untrustworthy because of the trip. She doubted my history of abuse and neglect. She took others words before my own. The relationship was falling apart. At some point her ex who spread the rumors started telling her that I was grooming her and I am certain that was probably a bit kicker for the catalyst of this, but the many issues she had to work through were major contributors. At this point she seemed to be doubting everything. She was freezing up, unable to shop without having another's input. She could not dress herself without another's opinion. She had become lost and she was avoiding her therapy / anxiety meds.
We broke up again in December. This time, she cut me off completely. I think it was for the best, but I'm sure there as she refused to explain the matters In a truthful manner that there was more to it. The truthful part was that she said she planned to work on herself and find herself. The lies were clear in her body language, her tone, and the way she worded things. I wanted to have faith in her, but she lost a lot of my trust and knowing the issues, the behaviors she had shown over the course of 2 years, the history I learned, and the history I experienced, I am sure she is going to be in more pain and put herself back into relationships like the abusive ones she was in before me.
I am not without fault. I agree that our relationship wasn't good. There were good points, but we were at different points in life, I still had a lot of issues I needed to sort through from my childhood regarding physical, mental, emotional abuse, issues of abandonment / neglect, my trust issues, my problems with asking for help, my problems of taking abuse rather than standing up for myself, my problems of hoarding and self isolation/harm when things get bad, my insecurities / lack of self-esteem, my anxious attachment, my tendency to trauma bond, and my desperation for an authentic connection. I have a lot of issues, but never have I ever wanted to her to not find her way and grow. I hope she finds her way and finds happiness.
Would you say I groomed her
There are most definitely more details to this story, but at that point, it gets into nitty gritty and exposing personal stuff that I wish to avoid.
reply
Do you think I groomed her
There have always been point where I question the actions I make and the relationships I've been in. My last relationship was with a girl who was 20 as I was 25. At first the age gap was a major concern for me, as we initially got together back when she was 18, I was 23, and I had no intention of getting with anyone that much younger than myself. The relationship was loving, but had so many issues and I questioned it constantly.
It seemed fine at first, she had a crush on me, and eventually I started having a crush on her. We were in college and at some point after joining me in the college clubs/orgs I was leading we eventually started dating. A rift formed between a friend of mine who had a crush on her and myself. He accused me and spread rumors about me as a manipulator, a predator, and all the things I confided about my own concerns regarding the relationship. My parents seemed fine with it as the age gap was the same they had from back then but I was still very hesitant. The relationship got more complex. Over time I slowly learned of Traumas, memory gaps she spoke of, her having break downs and sudden mood shifts, and struggling between my own thoughts, the rumors, and wanting to help her. I tried to convince her to go to therapy. I wanted her to talk to her parents and to try to work on her issues, though later I found that her parents were the source of many of her issues too. I introduced her to many of my friends and she started relying on them, opening up to them, and at times our now mutual friends would talk with me as we'd try to figure out what was best to help her.
She would avoid her issues and eventually she broke up with me. December hit, she pushed the blame my way and dumped me out of the blue. She began to flirt with my friends, acquaintances, and anyone near me as I was there, breaking my heart as at this point I had fallen in love and was now devastated. I took the time over the next series of months, back and forth between breaking down, having periods of suicidal thoughts and feeling self destructive, yet forcing myself to go to therapy, work through a list of goals I set for myself, and tried to get better. She remained in my life, flirting with me and bringing her lips to mine at times, just on the verge of a kiss before backing away while secretly hooking up with a couple of my friends, dumped them suddenly, moved to the next, all the while actively/aggressively flirting with me more and more, giving me mixed signals, and having mental break downs here and there. All the friends I had that were friends with her cut her off for the 180 she pulled. April hit, I was fine, I was okay, then I found out about the guys she was with and that she got with the guy who spread the rumors about me and referred to me as a toy on a shelf. I broke down. Took me a month to barely become productive enough to pass my exams for the semester. I became empty. I still had a faint connection, we talked, things recovered, and unfortunately she broke things off with him and got back with me.
She said she loved me, that I was the one, and that she would never leave me. Things progressed and slowly things became a problem again. She started accusing me of gaslighting her, claiming that the secrets she told me, her issues about her memories, all were things that I made up. She started hanging out and making friends with the ex who spread rumors about me and his friend group. She used to say things nonchalantly about how she morphs her perception and personality to whatever group she was a part of and it made me worry as she told me the group continued to speak horribly of me. My insecurities worsened. As things went on, I brought up my insecurities and the issues and she brushed them off and it became a matter of choosing me or her friend group and I did not want her to lose her support. She needed to make her own decisions. I went on a trip with her family, the trip reminded me of a childhood memory that I didn't fully remember, and apparently, my lack of clarity with that memory made my gf at the time and her family doubt my every word. I had said that I thought I had been to myrtle beach as a child, that it all looked familiar, the houses, the attractions, but I wasn't sure as, as my mom pointed at later on, I wasn't even five years old. From that point forward, any opportunity possible my gf at the time would state that I was untrustworthy because of the trip. She doubted my history of abuse and neglect. She took others words before my own. The relationship was falling apart. At some point her ex who spread the rumors started telling her that I was grooming her and I am certain that was probably a bit kicker for the catalyst of this, but the many issues she had to work through were major contributors. At this point she seemed to be doubting everything. She was freezing up, unable to shop without having another's input. She could not dress herself without another's opinion. She had become lost and she was avoiding her therapy / anxiety meds.
We broke up again in December. This time, she cut me off completely. I think it was for the best, but I'm sure there as she refused to explain the matters In a truthful manner that there was more to it. The truthful part was that she said she planned to work on herself and find herself. The lies were clear in her body language, her tone, and the way she worded things. I wanted to have faith in her, but she lost a lot of my trust and knowing the issues, the behaviors she had shown over the course of 2 years, the history I learned, and the history I experienced, I am sure she is going to be in more pain and put herself back into relationships like the abusive ones she was in before me.
I am not without fault. I agree that our relationship wasn't good. There were good points, but we were at different points in life, I still had a lot of issues I needed to sort through from my childhood regarding physical, mental, emotional abuse, issues of abandonment / neglect, my trust issues, my problems with asking for help, my problems of taking abuse rather than standing up for myself, my problems of hoarding and self isolation/harm when things get bad, my insecurities / lack of self-esteem, my anxious attachment, my tendency to trauma bond, and my desperation for an authentic connection. I have a lot of issues, but never have I ever wanted to her to not find her way and grow. I hope she finds her way and finds happiness.
Would you say I groomed her
There are most definitely more details to this story, but at that point, it gets into nitty gritty and exposing personal stuff that I wish to avoid.
reply
chazsewell
Your video was insightful, but it felt a bit one-sided by focusing solely on grooming without acknowledging how much it mimics tactics can apply to healthy relationships. It's crucial to remember that building trust is a natural part of forming any meaningful connection, whether genuine or manipulative. The key difference lies in intent: while grooming aims to exploit for personal gain, the goal of a healthy relationship is mutual respect and authentic bonding. Be aware processes can look alike but that doesn't mean they serve the same purposeit's all about the intention behind them.
It’s important to recognize that while certain behaviors can overlap between healthy relationships and manipulative or abusive ones, intent is what truly differentiates them. Grooming involves a deliberate effort to exploit someone for personal gain, often in secret and without their knowledge or consent. On the other hand, building trust and fostering connections are integral parts of any healthy relationship.
In a healthy relationship, actions like showing interest, learning about your partner’s likes and dislikes, and gradually opening up are done with mutual respect and the goal of strengthening the bond between both individuals. These actions are transparent and aimed at creating a safe and supportive environment for both people involved.
It’s crucial to be aware of red flags that may indicate manipulative or abusive behavior, such as secrecy, pressure to keep things hidden from others, or feelings of being walked on emotionally. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unsure about someone’s intentions, it’s always okay to take a step back and reflect, or even seek advice from trusted friends, family, or professionals.
Remember, communication is key in any relationship. Healthy relationships thrive on honesty, respect, and mutual understanding, whereas manipulative ones often lack these qualities. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being
reply
Your video was insightful, but it felt a bit one-sided by focusing solely on grooming without acknowledging how much it mimics tactics can apply to healthy relationships. It's crucial to remember that building trust is a natural part of forming any meaningful connection, whether genuine or manipulative. The key difference lies in intent: while grooming aims to exploit for personal gain, the goal of a healthy relationship is mutual respect and authentic bonding. Be aware processes can look alike but that doesn't mean they serve the same purposeit's all about the intention behind them.
It’s important to recognize that while certain behaviors can overlap between healthy relationships and manipulative or abusive ones, intent is what truly differentiates them. Grooming involves a deliberate effort to exploit someone for personal gain, often in secret and without their knowledge or consent. On the other hand, building trust and fostering connections are integral parts of any healthy relationship.
In a healthy relationship, actions like showing interest, learning about your partner’s likes and dislikes, and gradually opening up are done with mutual respect and the goal of strengthening the bond between both individuals. These actions are transparent and aimed at creating a safe and supportive environment for both people involved.
It’s crucial to be aware of red flags that may indicate manipulative or abusive behavior, such as secrecy, pressure to keep things hidden from others, or feelings of being walked on emotionally. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unsure about someone’s intentions, it’s always okay to take a step back and reflect, or even seek advice from trusted friends, family, or professionals.
Remember, communication is key in any relationship. Healthy relationships thrive on honesty, respect, and mutual understanding, whereas manipulative ones often lack these qualities. Trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being
reply
DaveR187
One of the reasons I always teach/advise my friends to think for themselves and only do what they themselves want to do, that no is an answer too, if the other(bad side) doesn't like the no or reacts weird to it, it will say a lot about them, 1 of the things that they only use them because they want a yes/compliance, making them a person you wouldn't want in your circle. (at least I wouldn't)
To all that need to hear it, you don't need a reason to say no, if you don't want something, you just don't do it, if the other party doesn't like it or treats you differently after you declined whatever they wanted from you, let them go, they are not healthy to be around.
The way a person reacts to an answer says so much more about them than it says about you, and remember you are the only one that can judge/set your value as a person, always put yourself 1st, because if you are not good/healthy, you cannot help anyone else become good/healthy.
(its like they say on the plane, always put your own mask on first, before you help others with theirs, this is because you can't help anyone if you are unconscious)
P. S. (might be relevant)
You are the best company you can have, I've dealt with loneliness myself, but I learned to keep myself company, and I can tell you, its the best there is, sure you still crave companionship sometimes, but its better to be alone than to hang with the wrong crowd, just be yourself and you will find similar minded people in no time. (good luck out there, you can do it)
reply
One of the reasons I always teach/advise my friends to think for themselves and only do what they themselves want to do, that no is an answer too, if the other(bad side) doesn't like the no or reacts weird to it, it will say a lot about them, 1 of the things that they only use them because they want a yes/compliance, making them a person you wouldn't want in your circle. (at least I wouldn't)
To all that need to hear it, you don't need a reason to say no, if you don't want something, you just don't do it, if the other party doesn't like it or treats you differently after you declined whatever they wanted from you, let them go, they are not healthy to be around.
The way a person reacts to an answer says so much more about them than it says about you, and remember you are the only one that can judge/set your value as a person, always put yourself 1st, because if you are not good/healthy, you cannot help anyone else become good/healthy.
(its like they say on the plane, always put your own mask on first, before you help others with theirs, this is because you can't help anyone if you are unconscious)
P. S. (might be relevant)
You are the best company you can have, I've dealt with loneliness myself, but I learned to keep myself company, and I can tell you, its the best there is, sure you still crave companionship sometimes, but its better to be alone than to hang with the wrong crowd, just be yourself and you will find similar minded people in no time. (good luck out there, you can do it)
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psych2go
Is it possible that a parent does this too I felt better when I moved away (but had to go to the hospital beforehand) sorry if the text goes to long but I know I need help to To better endure my past. So that I can look more positively into the future.
trigger warning!
5: 36 My mother was almost always very negative about herself and used that to raise me Examples from my childhood: Learn to count properly! Or I'll jump out of the window learn our address or (repetition of similar threat)
She did this the whole time I lived with her. It wasn't until I was 21 and ready to get help that the rest of the family realized what was going on. Or rather, they said things to me like: Both of your parents should not have had you. Or You should have been in a children's home(I mean a Kinderheim/orphanage) or If we had known, we would have adopt you
I was in the hospital for six months and then my aunt took me in. She is transphobic but at the time I preferred that to being with my mother (even though my mother accepted that I am trans, Then I finally moved into a partially supervised shared apartment. I'm feeling better but I still don't have a psychologist.
reply
Is it possible that a parent does this too I felt better when I moved away (but had to go to the hospital beforehand) sorry if the text goes to long but I know I need help to To better endure my past. So that I can look more positively into the future.
trigger warning!
5: 36 My mother was almost always very negative about herself and used that to raise me Examples from my childhood: Learn to count properly! Or I'll jump out of the window learn our address or (repetition of similar threat)
She did this the whole time I lived with her. It wasn't until I was 21 and ready to get help that the rest of the family realized what was going on. Or rather, they said things to me like: Both of your parents should not have had you. Or You should have been in a children's home(I mean a Kinderheim/orphanage) or If we had known, we would have adopt you
I was in the hospital for six months and then my aunt took me in. She is transphobic but at the time I preferred that to being with my mother (even though my mother accepted that I am trans, Then I finally moved into a partially supervised shared apartment. I'm feeling better but I still don't have a psychologist.
reply
theemoturtle2019
I was dating my abuser all though out highschool. She destroyed my highschool years, and the last few years i had with my mom. She pulled me away from my family, saying that she would help me get pass my moms sudden death, instead she drank all day; the same day my mom died. I could of been with my family, instead, i was at my GFs house, alone, with her so drunk I couldn't get a ride home. Then she blamed me for crying, and drinking my moms favorite soda, Pepsi.
I hate to say, i didnt break with her. I was still under her spell, and to an extent, i still am. Im with a new person now, and he is the exact opposite of her, and I still feel like i have to be on edge. I feel like i cant make any mistakes, or he will be just as cold and heartless. Making me feel like i have to do things I don't want to do, when I know now; at least on a cognitive level, that im now safe and loved. He doesnt know all of my abuse, and i think thats causing some confusion, but i know that if i tell him, my ex is as good as dead, and i dont want mt BF to go to jail.
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I was dating my abuser all though out highschool. She destroyed my highschool years, and the last few years i had with my mom. She pulled me away from my family, saying that she would help me get pass my moms sudden death, instead she drank all day; the same day my mom died. I could of been with my family, instead, i was at my GFs house, alone, with her so drunk I couldn't get a ride home. Then she blamed me for crying, and drinking my moms favorite soda, Pepsi.
I hate to say, i didnt break with her. I was still under her spell, and to an extent, i still am. Im with a new person now, and he is the exact opposite of her, and I still feel like i have to be on edge. I feel like i cant make any mistakes, or he will be just as cold and heartless. Making me feel like i have to do things I don't want to do, when I know now; at least on a cognitive level, that im now safe and loved. He doesnt know all of my abuse, and i think thats causing some confusion, but i know that if i tell him, my ex is as good as dead, and i dont want mt BF to go to jail.
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Anthony-c9m4v
What's really important is us getting in touch with our heart truth.
The one that never lies.
I think one good way of accessing it would be if we had a fear, something activated within us like: whoa, this video makes think about xyz
Then, if then the rest of the video is spent, trying to find all the differences with xyz so to disculp him of being this first impression. - - > THAT could be a sign a being/living with a grooming person, or a person that use manipulation to find love (or at least the feeling and security of being loved.
Identifying a pattern in one's relation gives us also the opportunity of discovering what needed to be feld with what role took those grooming behaviors.
Becoming conscious of what needs underlined the fact of becoming addicted to the positive aspects of grooming (which could be: compliments, spontaneous attentions, care, physical tenderness, etc (I invent those, I actually learned about the word grooming with this video)
reply
What's really important is us getting in touch with our heart truth.
The one that never lies.
I think one good way of accessing it would be if we had a fear, something activated within us like: whoa, this video makes think about xyz
Then, if then the rest of the video is spent, trying to find all the differences with xyz so to disculp him of being this first impression. - - > THAT could be a sign a being/living with a grooming person, or a person that use manipulation to find love (or at least the feeling and security of being loved.
Identifying a pattern in one's relation gives us also the opportunity of discovering what needed to be feld with what role took those grooming behaviors.
Becoming conscious of what needs underlined the fact of becoming addicted to the positive aspects of grooming (which could be: compliments, spontaneous attentions, care, physical tenderness, etc (I invent those, I actually learned about the word grooming with this video)
reply
Unknown-ps1do
i dont know how to take this in. if i been groomed or not because i been called a groomer that i be doing this and seeing all this like if this is what grooming holds than i never was but. maybe i was cuz i did hurt people wich i aint proud of at the same time i notice that i been isolated before and manipulated and so on i met liars i always wanna speak the truth but like that memorie loss i do be having that since i getting older some past things i view differently while first it seem like sunshine it ends in a storm. they explained to me before that grooming is a older person kinda luring a younger person for relationship. i admit i been older but i never before that relationship had heard about grooming untill i got trheathent to get killed bcoz my actions were not okay and i never knew. i been blaming myself continuesly and hate myself cuz i didnt know and i became a bad person. also reason i dont got any social media anymore to avoid these situations again.
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i dont know how to take this in. if i been groomed or not because i been called a groomer that i be doing this and seeing all this like if this is what grooming holds than i never was but. maybe i was cuz i did hurt people wich i aint proud of at the same time i notice that i been isolated before and manipulated and so on i met liars i always wanna speak the truth but like that memorie loss i do be having that since i getting older some past things i view differently while first it seem like sunshine it ends in a storm. they explained to me before that grooming is a older person kinda luring a younger person for relationship. i admit i been older but i never before that relationship had heard about grooming untill i got trheathent to get killed bcoz my actions were not okay and i never knew. i been blaming myself continuesly and hate myself cuz i didnt know and i became a bad person. also reason i dont got any social media anymore to avoid these situations again.
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lichlockhart
This is Literally What My Ex Did to MeI Wish I Knew this Stuff SoonerMy Mind is Still WarpedLike I Miss Her and I Know I Shouldn’tCause She Was AwfulBut then I’m LikeWas She Really Awful Cause I Cant Fully Remember what She Actually DidI Just Remember how I FeltHow I FeelWhen it Was Good it Was GreatBut when it was Bad it Was Devastatingit’s So WildThen I Remind Myself of Certain Things That Make Me Hate HerAnd Hate Myself for Wanting to Check on Her to Make Sure She is OkayIt’sCrazyEven My Isolation NowadaysI’m So Used to it Being Just Us For Years and Years and YearsNo FamilyNo FriendsDefinitely Not Female Friends but Even No Male FriendsBut Now Going No Contact With HerI’m LikeJust Used to Being Isolated and By MyselfI Have Healthy Friends NowBut I Even Struggle to Talk to Them or Reach Out or Even Reply to text MessagesCause I’m Used to Not Socializing if it wasn’t With My PartnerBut I Recognize it and I’m Working towards Being Better
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This is Literally What My Ex Did to MeI Wish I Knew this Stuff SoonerMy Mind is Still WarpedLike I Miss Her and I Know I Shouldn’tCause She Was AwfulBut then I’m LikeWas She Really Awful Cause I Cant Fully Remember what She Actually DidI Just Remember how I FeltHow I FeelWhen it Was Good it Was GreatBut when it was Bad it Was Devastatingit’s So WildThen I Remind Myself of Certain Things That Make Me Hate HerAnd Hate Myself for Wanting to Check on Her to Make Sure She is OkayIt’sCrazyEven My Isolation NowadaysI’m So Used to it Being Just Us For Years and Years and YearsNo FamilyNo FriendsDefinitely Not Female Friends but Even No Male FriendsBut Now Going No Contact With HerI’m LikeJust Used to Being Isolated and By MyselfI Have Healthy Friends NowBut I Even Struggle to Talk to Them or Reach Out or Even Reply to text MessagesCause I’m Used to Not Socializing if it wasn’t With My PartnerBut I Recognize it and I’m Working towards Being Better
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Buggy_Ari
I was groomed from ages 10 to 18 by someone online, and I relate to all of the points made here. When you're stuck in it, especially if this person is the only one giving you adequate love/attention and calling himself your boyfriend, it's hard to even let yourself begin to be helped in fear of losing what you have. In the victim's eyes, since this is the only reliable form of affection they have, even if they KNOW it's bad and wrong, they'll still want to stay. Now that I'm older, I look back at all of the years of lost opportunities and blank spaces where memories should be and mourn for the child that grew up too fast. If you are being told that you're mature for your age or that Without me, you'd never be [X], this is not a badge of honor, but a sign of grooming and manipulation. To people with kids; TELL your kids about this stuff, but also SHOW them that you are there to support and love them. Do your best to make them feel secure.
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I was groomed from ages 10 to 18 by someone online, and I relate to all of the points made here. When you're stuck in it, especially if this person is the only one giving you adequate love/attention and calling himself your boyfriend, it's hard to even let yourself begin to be helped in fear of losing what you have. In the victim's eyes, since this is the only reliable form of affection they have, even if they KNOW it's bad and wrong, they'll still want to stay. Now that I'm older, I look back at all of the years of lost opportunities and blank spaces where memories should be and mourn for the child that grew up too fast. If you are being told that you're mature for your age or that Without me, you'd never be [X], this is not a badge of honor, but a sign of grooming and manipulation. To people with kids; TELL your kids about this stuff, but also SHOW them that you are there to support and love them. Do your best to make them feel secure.
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richy2679
To me it happened when I was 16 around an online community where I felt loved safe and a place where I could grow and get to know myself, I gained a group of friends and a few of them were groomers. They created another server with little rules so we can truly be ourselves In the end it became a server with around 70 people and thats where the manipulation really started from slowly more inappropriate songs in the karaoke as well as social games like truth or dare which became more and more. U get the picture.
I never have spoken it out and its been years, afterwards I felt so dumb that I brought more of my trusting friends there who also got groomed etc. In the end all I wanted was having friends to talk to and sharing fun stories but also emotional support.
Now I have a healthy friendgroup irl and actually get to know myself.
reply
To me it happened when I was 16 around an online community where I felt loved safe and a place where I could grow and get to know myself, I gained a group of friends and a few of them were groomers. They created another server with little rules so we can truly be ourselves In the end it became a server with around 70 people and thats where the manipulation really started from slowly more inappropriate songs in the karaoke as well as social games like truth or dare which became more and more. U get the picture.
I never have spoken it out and its been years, afterwards I felt so dumb that I brought more of my trusting friends there who also got groomed etc. In the end all I wanted was having friends to talk to and sharing fun stories but also emotional support.
Now I have a healthy friendgroup irl and actually get to know myself.
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TheRabidMole
Typo at 4: 57, it says BOUNDING on screen not BONDING. Probably a good idea to correct that or edit in a correction to avoid confusion. Other than that, this video is absolutely amazing! The way you presented the groomer not as evil-looking like many anti-grooming stuff for kids do but with that crooked smile and dark colors, and really focusing on that emotional manipulation, that was so well done. A. Every kid on earth needs to see this video. In fact if you can correct that little typo I think you should try to get schools to show this in classrooms! Start with your local schools and go from there. I don't know, just a thought.
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Typo at 4: 57, it says BOUNDING on screen not BONDING. Probably a good idea to correct that or edit in a correction to avoid confusion. Other than that, this video is absolutely amazing! The way you presented the groomer not as evil-looking like many anti-grooming stuff for kids do but with that crooked smile and dark colors, and really focusing on that emotional manipulation, that was so well done. A. Every kid on earth needs to see this video. In fact if you can correct that little typo I think you should try to get schools to show this in classrooms! Start with your local schools and go from there. I don't know, just a thought.
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smaragdwolf1
Say. psychological Effects are often double-edged. Methods that are used for helping People, can also be used to mainpulate them if used by a bad Person.
If Grooming is the negative Use of these Effects. what is the positive Version
Its rewiring the Brain, alters Memories and behaviour. so it could be used to help Trauma-Victims for example, right As long the one, who rewires the Brain, does so with positive intent.
Like Psychologists analyze their Patients and use psychologial Methods to change their Perspective on certain Memories.
It seems unlikely, that this is a Method that cant be used for Good.
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Say. psychological Effects are often double-edged. Methods that are used for helping People, can also be used to mainpulate them if used by a bad Person.
If Grooming is the negative Use of these Effects. what is the positive Version
Its rewiring the Brain, alters Memories and behaviour. so it could be used to help Trauma-Victims for example, right As long the one, who rewires the Brain, does so with positive intent.
Like Psychologists analyze their Patients and use psychologial Methods to change their Perspective on certain Memories.
It seems unlikely, that this is a Method that cant be used for Good.
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LucynthiaRitonia
Being groomed by your own mother that constantly blamed you for her outbursts, pulled you out of school for having panic attacks and then forcing you to raise your little siblings was a rollercoaster that I am still learning to process and move on from a decade later. Not to mention my undiagnosed autism and adhd further affecting her control over me.
I was oh so trusting in her love cause she would tell me she loved me several times a day. But, her actions spoke otherwise. Cutting that woman off from my life was the best choice I have ever made. Still have severe anxiety thanks to her.
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Being groomed by your own mother that constantly blamed you for her outbursts, pulled you out of school for having panic attacks and then forcing you to raise your little siblings was a rollercoaster that I am still learning to process and move on from a decade later. Not to mention my undiagnosed autism and adhd further affecting her control over me.
I was oh so trusting in her love cause she would tell me she loved me several times a day. But, her actions spoke otherwise. Cutting that woman off from my life was the best choice I have ever made. Still have severe anxiety thanks to her.
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psych2go
Hey everyone,
I think my little brother is being groomed. He lives with our dad, who I've seen is manipulative, while I live at my mom's place (they are divorced.
My brother seems to have it tough, but under our dad's influence he doesn't contact me or my mom anymore. All he says is he's doing fine.
I really want to be there for him. Would any of you have advice on what I can do
Should I try and force him out of there, should I talk to him, or is it best to wait until he decides to leave for himself
Thank you so much in advance, this video was really insightful.
Much love!
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Hey everyone,
I think my little brother is being groomed. He lives with our dad, who I've seen is manipulative, while I live at my mom's place (they are divorced.
My brother seems to have it tough, but under our dad's influence he doesn't contact me or my mom anymore. All he says is he's doing fine.
I really want to be there for him. Would any of you have advice on what I can do
Should I try and force him out of there, should I talk to him, or is it best to wait until he decides to leave for himself
Thank you so much in advance, this video was really insightful.
Much love!
reply
Isuka_Russo
It happen to me at earlier. he makes me laugh and happy he also keep secrets with me untill I know what is going to happens, I was only 11 when this happen
He touch my back, neck legs and thighs plus my arms and hand, and when I know this that he was grooming me, I was feeling very hopeless and. nerves and confuse
Should I tell my parents or not
If I tell they would just scold me a bit by not telling then earlier becuz I didn't know
And if I don't he would even start touching other parts of my body too
But I decided to tell and he didn't do that anymore
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It happen to me at earlier. he makes me laugh and happy he also keep secrets with me untill I know what is going to happens, I was only 11 when this happen
He touch my back, neck legs and thighs plus my arms and hand, and when I know this that he was grooming me, I was feeling very hopeless and. nerves and confuse
Should I tell my parents or not
If I tell they would just scold me a bit by not telling then earlier becuz I didn't know
And if I don't he would even start touching other parts of my body too
But I decided to tell and he didn't do that anymore
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AltDubbers
I was groomed when I was 16 and I was told it was my choice to be groomed. I'm 26 now and I'm not self diagnosing or anything, but the trauma causes me to dissociate and sometimes I don't know how to handle it the person at the time was as this video said. All friendly and sweet. I didn't see it until much later as I got older I'm a lot better now, but the trauma is still there. I was afraid to come out because he said he would hurt me if I did
Thank you so much for being here when I needed someone. Because your care means a lot to me.
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I was groomed when I was 16 and I was told it was my choice to be groomed. I'm 26 now and I'm not self diagnosing or anything, but the trauma causes me to dissociate and sometimes I don't know how to handle it the person at the time was as this video said. All friendly and sweet. I didn't see it until much later as I got older I'm a lot better now, but the trauma is still there. I was afraid to come out because he said he would hurt me if I did
Thank you so much for being here when I needed someone. Because your care means a lot to me.
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bluesageful
This video confirmed and helped me so much at 62! I was groomed from the ages of 15-18. l moved in and became the lover of my boss, who was 30 at the time. Years later, At 62 I ran into my groomer after not seeing him for over 40 years. The first thing I noticed when I heard his voice was that his voice could immediately stop a panic attack. I also felt completely drawn to him. Couldn't get him out of my brain. Feelings emerged that I never knew existed for over 43 years! Grooming clearly has a lasting effect.
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This video confirmed and helped me so much at 62! I was groomed from the ages of 15-18. l moved in and became the lover of my boss, who was 30 at the time. Years later, At 62 I ran into my groomer after not seeing him for over 40 years. The first thing I noticed when I heard his voice was that his voice could immediately stop a panic attack. I also felt completely drawn to him. Couldn't get him out of my brain. Feelings emerged that I never knew existed for over 43 years! Grooming clearly has a lasting effect.
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AilsaZeiman
Thank you so much for this very precious video Groomers are authentic predators. In principle each person can fall in their trap if their weak spot is discovered. Because then they can manipulate. Of course, if somebody is already struggling and/or is a young and/or kind-hearted person, they are prone to fall in the victim role. I wish everyone who is in this kind of trap to be able to escape the groomers. And each of us shall try to hinder these groomers from doing harm to others as good we can.
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Thank you so much for this very precious video Groomers are authentic predators. In principle each person can fall in their trap if their weak spot is discovered. Because then they can manipulate. Of course, if somebody is already struggling and/or is a young and/or kind-hearted person, they are prone to fall in the victim role. I wish everyone who is in this kind of trap to be able to escape the groomers. And each of us shall try to hinder these groomers from doing harm to others as good we can.
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FRPWR
The worst part is, as a man, your denied the ability to be a victim, unless you can share proof, or your not even given trial, they just tell you your lucky and they wish that would happen to me.
I was 14, and she was 19.
Doesn't matter what I said, what I did, or what happened. I wasn't old enough to decide that for myself and I thought I was, because nobody else could know, or would do, what was best for me.
The worst part about that last part; was that I was right.
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The worst part is, as a man, your denied the ability to be a victim, unless you can share proof, or your not even given trial, they just tell you your lucky and they wish that would happen to me.
I was 14, and she was 19.
Doesn't matter what I said, what I did, or what happened. I wasn't old enough to decide that for myself and I thought I was, because nobody else could know, or would do, what was best for me.
The worst part about that last part; was that I was right.
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JakeHemmingway
I didn't even know grooming was a thing. I love your videos Phych2Go. They helped me in my dark days back when I felt alone as your videos helped me. I felt comforted and relief from your videos and you taught me self love, care, and compaction witch I feared at first but have grown to embrace and nourish. I used to fear using those concept in fear of selfishness but ever since I diverted some on my compassion to myself I've flourished. Thank you so much.
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I didn't even know grooming was a thing. I love your videos Phych2Go. They helped me in my dark days back when I felt alone as your videos helped me. I felt comforted and relief from your videos and you taught me self love, care, and compaction witch I feared at first but have grown to embrace and nourish. I used to fear using those concept in fear of selfishness but ever since I diverted some on my compassion to myself I've flourished. Thank you so much.
reply
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