6 Surprising Effects of Narcissistic Parenting
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Part One of Three
So what is the prevalence of narcissism among parents? It's certainly not rare. Does the prevalence rise with social class and income? Because it certainly seems like there's an awful lot of it going around. everybody seems to know a narcissist. In the world of the arts, of music, sports, drama, medicine, science, everyone can tell stories about THAT doctor or That musician or That scientist who was so narcissistic in an overthetop way.
Narcissism can be propagated, as this video points out, but need not be propagated to the next generation. Why are there so many of them? Could Narcissism be a. survival response to, say, communism? Or Monarchy? Or to some situation that used to be everywhere so that narcissism used to be adaptive?
What's the deal? If narcissists make people around them so unhappy, and if narcissism is soooo unhealthy a way to deal with the world, why are there so many of them? Is perhaps narcissism a natural response to physical abuse during childhood? Because before modern child protection laws, the abuse and neglect of children used to be a lot more prevalent even than it is today. Maybe narcissism is a protective survival response to horrific childhood conditions that is better than suicide or than allowing oneself to be murdered.
Both my parents had narcissistic traits. and I was fortunate to have enough other warmhearted adults in my life, grand-parents, friends' parents, teachers, friends, other than the two of them, that I emerged relatively unscathed. And by eighteen I had read Alice Miller. .so I was aware, early on in my life, of the effects of narcissistic parents on one's development.
But both my parents. are, were, pitiable people, entitled to our compassion even as we noted their narcissism, in that they had had terrible experiences in childhood, really really terrible, short of being put into death camps or war zones, which fortunately they did NOT experience. I feel sorry for them, sorry that what they went through in early life, scarred them so badly that they became narcissists as adults. Of course that is like feeling sorry for the tiger at the zoo. I'm not about to go and stick my arm INTO THE TIGER CAGE. I'll feel sorry for the narcissists I know, at a distance, thank you very much, as a rabbit or a mouse might do in one of Aesop's fables.
As research into the psychological roots and causes of narcissism progresses, I am guessing that narcissism, in general, will probably turn out to be a way that human beings manage to cope with really severe childhood trauma of the sort that people experience in war zones. So. as global warming and its resulting economic devastation and political turmoil take over our globe, narcissism is likely to increase in prevalence, following social upheaval, as the natural result of social chaos and dislocation. My guess is that narcissism will turn out to be a natural coping device that lets these people function as adults when, from an emotional point of view, they basically had their psychic insides metaphorically ripped out and devoured by wolves as children, with no hope of healing. As the psychologists say of PTSD victims from other countries who are the parents in new immigrant families, These coping strategies need to Stay In Place, so that the person doesn't collapse.
It was difficult to cope with the emotionally unpleasant things my parents did, stunts each one of them pulled in their own ways. but now that I don't have them in my world any more, I can feel sorry for them. I can see clearly that powerful forces and the events in their early lives made them that way, and that each one of them did the best he or she could. mostly.
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Part One of Three
So what is the prevalence of narcissism among parents? It's certainly not rare. Does the prevalence rise with social class and income? Because it certainly seems like there's an awful lot of it going around. everybody seems to know a narcissist. In the world of the arts, of music, sports, drama, medicine, science, everyone can tell stories about THAT doctor or That musician or That scientist who was so narcissistic in an overthetop way.
Narcissism can be propagated, as this video points out, but need not be propagated to the next generation. Why are there so many of them? Could Narcissism be a. survival response to, say, communism? Or Monarchy? Or to some situation that used to be everywhere so that narcissism used to be adaptive?
What's the deal? If narcissists make people around them so unhappy, and if narcissism is soooo unhealthy a way to deal with the world, why are there so many of them? Is perhaps narcissism a natural response to physical abuse during childhood? Because before modern child protection laws, the abuse and neglect of children used to be a lot more prevalent even than it is today. Maybe narcissism is a protective survival response to horrific childhood conditions that is better than suicide or than allowing oneself to be murdered.
Both my parents had narcissistic traits. and I was fortunate to have enough other warmhearted adults in my life, grand-parents, friends' parents, teachers, friends, other than the two of them, that I emerged relatively unscathed. And by eighteen I had read Alice Miller. .so I was aware, early on in my life, of the effects of narcissistic parents on one's development.
But both my parents. are, were, pitiable people, entitled to our compassion even as we noted their narcissism, in that they had had terrible experiences in childhood, really really terrible, short of being put into death camps or war zones, which fortunately they did NOT experience. I feel sorry for them, sorry that what they went through in early life, scarred them so badly that they became narcissists as adults. Of course that is like feeling sorry for the tiger at the zoo. I'm not about to go and stick my arm INTO THE TIGER CAGE. I'll feel sorry for the narcissists I know, at a distance, thank you very much, as a rabbit or a mouse might do in one of Aesop's fables.
As research into the psychological roots and causes of narcissism progresses, I am guessing that narcissism, in general, will probably turn out to be a way that human beings manage to cope with really severe childhood trauma of the sort that people experience in war zones. So. as global warming and its resulting economic devastation and political turmoil take over our globe, narcissism is likely to increase in prevalence, following social upheaval, as the natural result of social chaos and dislocation. My guess is that narcissism will turn out to be a natural coping device that lets these people function as adults when, from an emotional point of view, they basically had their psychic insides metaphorically ripped out and devoured by wolves as children, with no hope of healing. As the psychologists say of PTSD victims from other countries who are the parents in new immigrant families, These coping strategies need to Stay In Place, so that the person doesn't collapse.
It was difficult to cope with the emotionally unpleasant things my parents did, stunts each one of them pulled in their own ways. but now that I don't have them in my world any more, I can feel sorry for them. I can see clearly that powerful forces and the events in their early lives made them that way, and that each one of them did the best he or she could. mostly.
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AryFem
#5 is much like me.
it's bad for me to be alone with me thoughts, or to be alone in general (a not so good thought to want me to do something to myself, to put it comfortably)
eventually I just get no emotional feeling at all, emotional numbness, I don't feel anything. it's very loosely a similar feeling to my dissociative episodes, but my dissociative episodes are much more severe. when I get this emotional numbness I can talk, unlike my dissociative episodes, and I can control what I do and say, but to a degree. because of the emotional numbness I get, a lot of times I do something because I don't feel an emotional feeling to that thing anymore, like breaking something important to me or saying something to someone I'd never talk like that to.
my dissociative episodes are different, more severe. I just feel a somewhat nauseating sadness (rarely, the other times just complete and udder sadness, I can't speak, I can't control a lot of movements and functions, my mind is just flooded with loud, painful and seemingly unendingly screaming. it's my screaming, internally. the triggers I've noticed with dissociative episodes in my case are transphobia towards me, being alone, feeling like being forgotten, forgetting something insanely important to me (like my early Aunt Kiersten, her memories are just a static face, no voice, but I know what's being said, a lot of other happy memories are like that, or physical violence (witnessing firsthand or with my own eyes, and loud unexpected yelling
it's mentally painful to have a dissociative episode, especially being transfem. I constantly get dead-named, misgendered (pre transition sadly, no hope right now to medically transition, it's expensive, and just dysphoria _rarely_ causes a dissociative episode.
it's painful, because my mom just brushes off whenever I try to talk to her about anything, my dad just tells me to focus on school
I hate my mom, she purposefully dead-names and misgenders me, saying how
it is your legal name and I gave it to you
me during a fight I had with her: deadnaming hurts
her: no it doesn't
my stepdad is different, but the same, says how disrespectful I am being to him and my mom, saying things like
respect us and we'll respect you!
his vision of respect is authoritative respect, I don't get respected like a basic human being, yes, properly naming me and gendering me is respect, but it's given respect, not earned
my dad is the only parent I have that I can call my parent, he's actually making an effort to listen to me and to understand me, he doesn't dead-name me on purpose or misgender me purposefully, he's making an effort with that. it's difficult for him to remember to name and gender me, since he's been in jail a lot of times for a bit, so he's not used to this at all. but he's made an effort to be a father for me and my siblings, and I love him for the effort he's made. he tried to be dad, and he's damn well succeeding now, no more narcotics, completely sober.
I love my dad
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#5 is much like me.
it's bad for me to be alone with me thoughts, or to be alone in general (a not so good thought to want me to do something to myself, to put it comfortably)
eventually I just get no emotional feeling at all, emotional numbness, I don't feel anything. it's very loosely a similar feeling to my dissociative episodes, but my dissociative episodes are much more severe. when I get this emotional numbness I can talk, unlike my dissociative episodes, and I can control what I do and say, but to a degree. because of the emotional numbness I get, a lot of times I do something because I don't feel an emotional feeling to that thing anymore, like breaking something important to me or saying something to someone I'd never talk like that to.
my dissociative episodes are different, more severe. I just feel a somewhat nauseating sadness (rarely, the other times just complete and udder sadness, I can't speak, I can't control a lot of movements and functions, my mind is just flooded with loud, painful and seemingly unendingly screaming. it's my screaming, internally. the triggers I've noticed with dissociative episodes in my case are transphobia towards me, being alone, feeling like being forgotten, forgetting something insanely important to me (like my early Aunt Kiersten, her memories are just a static face, no voice, but I know what's being said, a lot of other happy memories are like that, or physical violence (witnessing firsthand or with my own eyes, and loud unexpected yelling
it's mentally painful to have a dissociative episode, especially being transfem. I constantly get dead-named, misgendered (pre transition sadly, no hope right now to medically transition, it's expensive, and just dysphoria _rarely_ causes a dissociative episode.
it's painful, because my mom just brushes off whenever I try to talk to her about anything, my dad just tells me to focus on school
I hate my mom, she purposefully dead-names and misgenders me, saying how
it is your legal name and I gave it to you
me during a fight I had with her: deadnaming hurts
her: no it doesn't
my stepdad is different, but the same, says how disrespectful I am being to him and my mom, saying things like
respect us and we'll respect you!
his vision of respect is authoritative respect, I don't get respected like a basic human being, yes, properly naming me and gendering me is respect, but it's given respect, not earned
my dad is the only parent I have that I can call my parent, he's actually making an effort to listen to me and to understand me, he doesn't dead-name me on purpose or misgender me purposefully, he's making an effort with that. it's difficult for him to remember to name and gender me, since he's been in jail a lot of times for a bit, so he's not used to this at all. but he's made an effort to be a father for me and my siblings, and I love him for the effort he's made. he tried to be dad, and he's damn well succeeding now, no more narcotics, completely sober.
I love my dad
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Emi
Your videos have been so helpful. My Mom pitted my siblings and I against each other, and even had me raising my sister for a while. It took years of therapy to realize I needed to be a sister, not a parent. I am still working to be a decent human being, and have only realized within the last 24 hours, because of your videos, that I believe my Mom is a narcissist. The funny thing is we all said the same things about her that you said in one of your videos, but we never fully put it together. Its been hard to accept that I will never get proper love. Looking at what seems silly gifts where your Mom might buy you a blanket that says something like You are beautiful, strong, and important to me and thinking how I would love to get this as a gift, but it wont happen. Joking about our Grandma being the type that calls you or shows up with cookies asking how you are. For some people this is reality. Its hard to even imagine honestly. My reality is where my Grandma never answers her phone unless she wants something. Doesnt care if you are worried, just wants to be left alone. Both her and my Mom treating calls to them like inconveniences most of the time. Only caring to talk when they want/need something. Its sad. My Grandma only calls when she wants to use my TV, or have me do her shopping for her. Hard to be around normal families. Most people cry when a family member says something terrible, or calls them a bch. I simply sit there waiting for them to finish the story, only to realize that that is it. That is the big terrible thing that happened. Im waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like they kicked you out, abused you, something more. Getting called terrible things is just and average day. Im so glad I started opening up, otherwise I wouldve never known.
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Your videos have been so helpful. My Mom pitted my siblings and I against each other, and even had me raising my sister for a while. It took years of therapy to realize I needed to be a sister, not a parent. I am still working to be a decent human being, and have only realized within the last 24 hours, because of your videos, that I believe my Mom is a narcissist. The funny thing is we all said the same things about her that you said in one of your videos, but we never fully put it together. Its been hard to accept that I will never get proper love. Looking at what seems silly gifts where your Mom might buy you a blanket that says something like You are beautiful, strong, and important to me and thinking how I would love to get this as a gift, but it wont happen. Joking about our Grandma being the type that calls you or shows up with cookies asking how you are. For some people this is reality. Its hard to even imagine honestly. My reality is where my Grandma never answers her phone unless she wants something. Doesnt care if you are worried, just wants to be left alone. Both her and my Mom treating calls to them like inconveniences most of the time. Only caring to talk when they want/need something. Its sad. My Grandma only calls when she wants to use my TV, or have me do her shopping for her. Hard to be around normal families. Most people cry when a family member says something terrible, or calls them a bch. I simply sit there waiting for them to finish the story, only to realize that that is it. That is the big terrible thing that happened. Im waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like they kicked you out, abused you, something more. Getting called terrible things is just and average day. Im so glad I started opening up, otherwise I wouldve never known.
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biadrum
I don't know if it's narcissistic parenting but I do at times feel like my feelings aren't valid or that they're exaggerated, but then I mention them to others and they make me feel understood. I sometimes am too anxious to share my feelings, especially feelings related to being irritated and or angry. I at times keep it to myself and share only at an appropriate moment but I can't always do that or find the time to. I don't want to avoid sharing my feelings, but I sometimes feel like other people understand my feelings a little bit better. It also doesn't help that my ADHD diagnosis came so late. It's silly and small things like - how I take a painkiller as soon as I feel bad and I should have hung it a little longer. I can't even think of anything else but it's things like that that turn into a snowball and often times i don't know if I'm the odd one out. But at the same time. I don't feel all that different from them not do I feel like my feelings need validation from anyone but I just hate the anxiety around this fear of being judged for being too dramatic. It sucks. I really don't know what to do about it
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I don't know if it's narcissistic parenting but I do at times feel like my feelings aren't valid or that they're exaggerated, but then I mention them to others and they make me feel understood. I sometimes am too anxious to share my feelings, especially feelings related to being irritated and or angry. I at times keep it to myself and share only at an appropriate moment but I can't always do that or find the time to. I don't want to avoid sharing my feelings, but I sometimes feel like other people understand my feelings a little bit better. It also doesn't help that my ADHD diagnosis came so late. It's silly and small things like - how I take a painkiller as soon as I feel bad and I should have hung it a little longer. I can't even think of anything else but it's things like that that turn into a snowball and often times i don't know if I'm the odd one out. But at the same time. I don't feel all that different from them not do I feel like my feelings need validation from anyone but I just hate the anxiety around this fear of being judged for being too dramatic. It sucks. I really don't know what to do about it
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Pete
My father is a narcissist. It has severely damaged my self-worth, as he adeptly came off as very admirable, but was always very emotionally cold toward me, making me feel low and unworthy of his love. Also, he would be prone to fits of anger, making me feel like I deserved to be treated harshly, especially if I had done something wrong in his eyes. As a child, it was very easy to feel like who I was was unacceptable since I constantly was yelled at for the things I chose to do and for what I wanted. I quickly learned to construct a fake persona who pleased him and achieved things, and I came to believe that it was who I was. But very far from it, in reality I was a scared, self-hating child who felt wrong all the time.
Now I am 27 years old and I am still trying to figure out who I am, as the person I have identified as for almost my entire life has turned out to be a lie, and I still struggle to feel my true emotions and feel worthy of love, and feel like life has a purpose.
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My father is a narcissist. It has severely damaged my self-worth, as he adeptly came off as very admirable, but was always very emotionally cold toward me, making me feel low and unworthy of his love. Also, he would be prone to fits of anger, making me feel like I deserved to be treated harshly, especially if I had done something wrong in his eyes. As a child, it was very easy to feel like who I was was unacceptable since I constantly was yelled at for the things I chose to do and for what I wanted. I quickly learned to construct a fake persona who pleased him and achieved things, and I came to believe that it was who I was. But very far from it, in reality I was a scared, self-hating child who felt wrong all the time.
Now I am 27 years old and I am still trying to figure out who I am, as the person I have identified as for almost my entire life has turned out to be a lie, and I still struggle to feel my true emotions and feel worthy of love, and feel like life has a purpose.
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Ferrari
Okay I wanna say that Im a low key helicopter parent lol BUT only bc of how horrible the world is!
Ive done what I can tell help my children to express & gain independence financially, physically, emotionally & theyre doing great on their own & have pretty much made it on their own Im excited for them, proud of them & even enjoying my freedoms as well for the first time in yearssssss
We all share our locations with each other & I know Im lucky since theyre adults but yes I want to know their friends names and where they plan on going and where theyre at because Ill be damned if Im not at least trying to protect them for the rest of your lives since I brought them into this world its the least I can do.
Look if it werent for the sickos out there Id sleep every single night like as if I was a drunken sailor on a mission to get lost at sea
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Okay I wanna say that Im a low key helicopter parent lol BUT only bc of how horrible the world is!
Ive done what I can tell help my children to express & gain independence financially, physically, emotionally & theyre doing great on their own & have pretty much made it on their own Im excited for them, proud of them & even enjoying my freedoms as well for the first time in yearssssss
We all share our locations with each other & I know Im lucky since theyre adults but yes I want to know their friends names and where they plan on going and where theyre at because Ill be damned if Im not at least trying to protect them for the rest of your lives since I brought them into this world its the least I can do.
Look if it werent for the sickos out there Id sleep every single night like as if I was a drunken sailor on a mission to get lost at sea
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Junior17
Just last week our relatives visited us. The father and son had a good relationship and right after they left my father said to me with grin on his face They're just like buddies, aren't they? I nodded with a smirk on my face cuz I knew what he meant. Our relationship is terrible, but he doesn't know it's because of him. He criticizes me all the time and yells at me. Whenever I feel like we're close, he breaks my heart. I'm sure it's him not me because he treats almost everyone badly including my mother btw. Some of these point in the video like self-blame assures me that he's a narcissist cuz that's how I felt growing up. I thought it was all my fault. I thought I wasn't worthy of my father. Now that I'm an adult, I know it's actually the other way around. Of course I'm not saying I'm perfect, nobody is, but it's all too clear now.
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Just last week our relatives visited us. The father and son had a good relationship and right after they left my father said to me with grin on his face They're just like buddies, aren't they? I nodded with a smirk on my face cuz I knew what he meant. Our relationship is terrible, but he doesn't know it's because of him. He criticizes me all the time and yells at me. Whenever I feel like we're close, he breaks my heart. I'm sure it's him not me because he treats almost everyone badly including my mother btw. Some of these point in the video like self-blame assures me that he's a narcissist cuz that's how I felt growing up. I thought it was all my fault. I thought I wasn't worthy of my father. Now that I'm an adult, I know it's actually the other way around. Of course I'm not saying I'm perfect, nobody is, but it's all too clear now.
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Plastic
Narcistic parents, firts only my father but my mother become covert narcist later, when people around she act kind but when nobody see she turn totally other way. I have PTSS and think im always wrong, being unsure, verry emotional, get always the blame, cant do anything good, and i always wondered what was wrong with me. i still hurt and its 40 year later. i still feel hurt and dont understand who i am in live, my brother cant do anything wrong, he was always better Im cast out of the whole family and i never speak with them, i dont know what i do wrong it still hurts. narcists are so mean. im broken never did anything good and still not.
And no one believes me.
They think i tell lys and they are so kind. It still hurt
I still am unsure. and became alone. and been left.
Its terrible. i wich was someone else.
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Narcistic parents, firts only my father but my mother become covert narcist later, when people around she act kind but when nobody see she turn totally other way. I have PTSS and think im always wrong, being unsure, verry emotional, get always the blame, cant do anything good, and i always wondered what was wrong with me. i still hurt and its 40 year later. i still feel hurt and dont understand who i am in live, my brother cant do anything wrong, he was always better Im cast out of the whole family and i never speak with them, i dont know what i do wrong it still hurts. narcists are so mean. im broken never did anything good and still not.
And no one believes me.
They think i tell lys and they are so kind. It still hurt
I still am unsure. and became alone. and been left.
Its terrible. i wich was someone else.
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Liz
This video hurt so much on my deepest psychiatric level. Being raised my narcissistic parents is tough especially when they don't want to accept that they are to blame for the way I turned out. My dad and I are currently not talking because I called him out on his behavior by not giving me emotional support and making me feel I'm to blame for the problems and issues in my life. I confessed my trauma to my mom before him who was more perceptive but my dad is what is causing my mental health to continue declining. I am a 25 year old female who is diagnosed with bipolar type 2, anxiety, and depression and I want to feel like I don't have to give everything that I am to feel like I have worth. I know that I am valuable as I am but it's disheartening to have my parent's upbringing still affect me to this degree.
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This video hurt so much on my deepest psychiatric level. Being raised my narcissistic parents is tough especially when they don't want to accept that they are to blame for the way I turned out. My dad and I are currently not talking because I called him out on his behavior by not giving me emotional support and making me feel I'm to blame for the problems and issues in my life. I confessed my trauma to my mom before him who was more perceptive but my dad is what is causing my mental health to continue declining. I am a 25 year old female who is diagnosed with bipolar type 2, anxiety, and depression and I want to feel like I don't have to give everything that I am to feel like I have worth. I know that I am valuable as I am but it's disheartening to have my parent's upbringing still affect me to this degree.
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MJ
The effects of having a narcissistic parent lead to me going through phases of depression and an on-going problem of self-esteem issues. And having a narcissistic parent makes matters WORSE when you are an introvert like myself! Watching this video made me realized how stagnated I am - and I am 42 years old! I can't believe it took me so long to find out I have a narcissistic parent. Then I am reading the comments below - one person wrote narcissistic parents are hypocrites. My big sister has told me more than once in the past that our narcissistic parent is a hypocrite! I am just thinking to myself - OMG - I am getting deja vu - like strangers have figured out my problem. It's going to take a while for me to heal. I am just in shock right now.
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The effects of having a narcissistic parent lead to me going through phases of depression and an on-going problem of self-esteem issues. And having a narcissistic parent makes matters WORSE when you are an introvert like myself! Watching this video made me realized how stagnated I am - and I am 42 years old! I can't believe it took me so long to find out I have a narcissistic parent. Then I am reading the comments below - one person wrote narcissistic parents are hypocrites. My big sister has told me more than once in the past that our narcissistic parent is a hypocrite! I am just thinking to myself - OMG - I am getting deja vu - like strangers have figured out my problem. It's going to take a while for me to heal. I am just in shock right now.
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John
i have a narcissistic parents especially my mother, i am 21 and i have coronal craniosintosis, i have a teeth problem my teeth is misshapen from childhood, my mother know all my health problems my parents are millionaires my father is a military general, i am not from the west. My mother give thousands of dollars to her brother and friends as a debt, but she never took me to hospital to solve my big health problem, i have a big insecurity, i dont smile in front of people because my is terrible, my right side of forehead is flattened because of birth defect called coronal craniotomy so when you see my head its not normal its looks flat, i am now planning to scape and to never return.
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i have a narcissistic parents especially my mother, i am 21 and i have coronal craniosintosis, i have a teeth problem my teeth is misshapen from childhood, my mother know all my health problems my parents are millionaires my father is a military general, i am not from the west. My mother give thousands of dollars to her brother and friends as a debt, but she never took me to hospital to solve my big health problem, i have a big insecurity, i dont smile in front of people because my is terrible, my right side of forehead is flattened because of birth defect called coronal craniotomy so when you see my head its not normal its looks flat, i am now planning to scape and to never return.
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Falcon
Look up CPTSD from continuous emotional abuse for years, which affects the neurological development, so people have emotional dysregulation and reactivity beyond what most people do (they can't help it, it's the way brains got wired. People are also in a hypnotic state through age 7, so the narcissistic speech and thought patterns get deeply wired into the children. They might be good hearted people, but they have been trained on all levels to behave and think like narcissists, and may spend a lifetime in therapy trying to undo this programming and trauma. Narcissistic abuse is severe emotional abuse, and we need to protect children from it; it has lifelong consequences.
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Look up CPTSD from continuous emotional abuse for years, which affects the neurological development, so people have emotional dysregulation and reactivity beyond what most people do (they can't help it, it's the way brains got wired. People are also in a hypnotic state through age 7, so the narcissistic speech and thought patterns get deeply wired into the children. They might be good hearted people, but they have been trained on all levels to behave and think like narcissists, and may spend a lifetime in therapy trying to undo this programming and trauma. Narcissistic abuse is severe emotional abuse, and we need to protect children from it; it has lifelong consequences.
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voracious
A person can focus on achievement in order to get attention from a parent, as well, and you dont need to be narcissistic to do it. Whenever I watch one of these videos, it always strikes me that, first of all, no difference is given between the parenting style of a covert narcissist and the garden variety, and covert narcissists are often much more damaging. They dont helicopter parent; in fact, they dont really parent at all. Children end up raising themselves, with zero guidance. The PTSD from covert narcissists runs very deep in the child, bc they are raised to be extremely ashamed if they ask anyone inside _AND_ outside of the family for assistance.
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A person can focus on achievement in order to get attention from a parent, as well, and you dont need to be narcissistic to do it. Whenever I watch one of these videos, it always strikes me that, first of all, no difference is given between the parenting style of a covert narcissist and the garden variety, and covert narcissists are often much more damaging. They dont helicopter parent; in fact, they dont really parent at all. Children end up raising themselves, with zero guidance. The PTSD from covert narcissists runs very deep in the child, bc they are raised to be extremely ashamed if they ask anyone inside _AND_ outside of the family for assistance.
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Mr
My alcoholic mother attempted to drown me as a baby, my dad & stepmother abused me, disowned my mixed race daughter at birth, had me jailed & my material banned for five years courtesy of Crown court. All of my belongings were then stolen by my family of toxic Narcs & my daughters silence bought in exchange for disowning her dad. My Jehovahs Witness aunt was also found to be abusing her young son & is still a Witness to this very day whereas Ive been shunned & have had absolutely every single belonging stripped or stolen from me including my whole entire music collection. All except my dog, my one & only true friend. This world is a wicked place!
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My alcoholic mother attempted to drown me as a baby, my dad & stepmother abused me, disowned my mixed race daughter at birth, had me jailed & my material banned for five years courtesy of Crown court. All of my belongings were then stolen by my family of toxic Narcs & my daughters silence bought in exchange for disowning her dad. My Jehovahs Witness aunt was also found to be abusing her young son & is still a Witness to this very day whereas Ive been shunned & have had absolutely every single belonging stripped or stolen from me including my whole entire music collection. All except my dog, my one & only true friend. This world is a wicked place!
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Cool
I'm nothing like my narcissistic mom, luckily.
And I think the side effects of being her daughter is feeling guilty for things I didn't do, also I feel guilty for her paying my education, which is actually an obligation if she decided to have me, also I don't feel safe in my own home, also I have anxiety: , a lot of stress.
But luckily, I don't have the rest of the side effects mentioned in the video, and I am working everyday to be better, I have raised and gotten better thanks to reacting in a mature way to this situation, luckily I was strong enough to do it.
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I'm nothing like my narcissistic mom, luckily.
And I think the side effects of being her daughter is feeling guilty for things I didn't do, also I feel guilty for her paying my education, which is actually an obligation if she decided to have me, also I don't feel safe in my own home, also I have anxiety: , a lot of stress.
But luckily, I don't have the rest of the side effects mentioned in the video, and I am working everyday to be better, I have raised and gotten better thanks to reacting in a mature way to this situation, luckily I was strong enough to do it.
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DreamBeliever365
Yeah. I was always alone as a child and dont friend up to many. Ty dad.
Thats because he was raised that way. Thought I was an introvert and I am but also. Im always trying to over achieve too. 48 and not happy unless Ive got my arrow shooting dead center. Needless to say. I married a sloppy person who is a 180 from my personality and now shes in another state with kids because they destroyed my house and Im at fault for not cleaning up a huge mess everyday after work. What can u do but just shake your head. Im wore out with it all but miss my babies
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Yeah. I was always alone as a child and dont friend up to many. Ty dad.
Thats because he was raised that way. Thought I was an introvert and I am but also. Im always trying to over achieve too. 48 and not happy unless Ive got my arrow shooting dead center. Needless to say. I married a sloppy person who is a 180 from my personality and now shes in another state with kids because they destroyed my house and Im at fault for not cleaning up a huge mess everyday after work. What can u do but just shake your head. Im wore out with it all but miss my babies
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Steph
I love yall, you're amazing and strong people in ways some wouldn't even imagine. It will end. The pain will end.
If you're still in the bad environment know that one day you WILL wake up with a smile on your face.
Away from your abusers.
But for you to reach this day you must stay here. On Earth.
Stay here.
Just for this one day, when your worries about your parent dont exist and you go happily about your day.
Dont you wanna see that happening?
I surely wanna.
So let's stay here together
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I love yall, you're amazing and strong people in ways some wouldn't even imagine. It will end. The pain will end.
If you're still in the bad environment know that one day you WILL wake up with a smile on your face.
Away from your abusers.
But for you to reach this day you must stay here. On Earth.
Stay here.
Just for this one day, when your worries about your parent dont exist and you go happily about your day.
Dont you wanna see that happening?
I surely wanna.
So let's stay here together
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Luke
I was raised by a narcissistic father who unfortunately got full custody he even ended up manipulating the court so my mom couldn't even get visitation, sadly I didn't get to see or hear form my mother until 5 years later and while my dad said she never called my brother and sister on my mom's side both told me she did on multiple occasions. She ended up messaging me sometime in mid to late 2018 but years of my dad talking I'll of her and making what I now see as allegations against her caused me to be very weary of her
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I was raised by a narcissistic father who unfortunately got full custody he even ended up manipulating the court so my mom couldn't even get visitation, sadly I didn't get to see or hear form my mother until 5 years later and while my dad said she never called my brother and sister on my mom's side both told me she did on multiple occasions. She ended up messaging me sometime in mid to late 2018 but years of my dad talking I'll of her and making what I now see as allegations against her caused me to be very weary of her
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Zoey
Last week ive been diagnosed with ptsd social anxiety anorexia a mild depression and idk the name anymore but when youve not accepted that someone is dead and you didnt enter the grieving stadium. and Im watching this after a TikTok of a girl and I am almost 100% sure my mother is narcissistic. my dad committed suicide when I was 7 and since then I feel like my mother isnt the best parent even tho I love her soo much turns out she is narcissistic.
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Last week ive been diagnosed with ptsd social anxiety anorexia a mild depression and idk the name anymore but when youve not accepted that someone is dead and you didnt enter the grieving stadium. and Im watching this after a TikTok of a girl and I am almost 100% sure my mother is narcissistic. my dad committed suicide when I was 7 and since then I feel like my mother isnt the best parent even tho I love her soo much turns out she is narcissistic.
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Cathy
I thought that I was affected by my mother. But eventually, I found that had a narcissistic father. Deep down, others are his tool to make him emotionally good. Experienced being blamed by him, being used by him, being hated by him, I think he is a very selfish person. He would show his hatred when he feels bad feelings, and abandon people when he feel stressed. Deep down I think he is a exploiter who enjoys a life on other people's blood.
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I thought that I was affected by my mother. But eventually, I found that had a narcissistic father. Deep down, others are his tool to make him emotionally good. Experienced being blamed by him, being used by him, being hated by him, I think he is a very selfish person. He would show his hatred when he feels bad feelings, and abandon people when he feel stressed. Deep down I think he is a exploiter who enjoys a life on other people's blood.
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Ayana
Ever since this video was first posted and I first watched it, I have kept coming back to watch it over the years every time things are really really bad. I dont know why I do it, but it almost validates my feelings and experiences in some way. This video is how I learned about this term and for the first time someone put my life into words. I suffer so much from all the things listed in the video. I wonder if I will ever get any relief
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Ever since this video was first posted and I first watched it, I have kept coming back to watch it over the years every time things are really really bad. I dont know why I do it, but it almost validates my feelings and experiences in some way. This video is how I learned about this term and for the first time someone put my life into words. I suffer so much from all the things listed in the video. I wonder if I will ever get any relief
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kalon
I can def. relate to extreme nurturing. I promised myself to love and care for my children in a way that I want them to feel love and warmth, that they can change whenever they want and I'd still accept them for who they are. My role as a parent is to guide them and never to control them. I have a narcissistic father and I feel caged as if I don't have the freedom to choose for myself and it's emotionally and mentally exhausting.
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I can def. relate to extreme nurturing. I promised myself to love and care for my children in a way that I want them to feel love and warmth, that they can change whenever they want and I'd still accept them for who they are. My role as a parent is to guide them and never to control them. I have a narcissistic father and I feel caged as if I don't have the freedom to choose for myself and it's emotionally and mentally exhausting.
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Renge
i dont know why my mom allowed my aunt to raise me because my aunt considerd me a scape goat who needed to take the blame for her childrens mistakes and most of the time when i got anything below an A- she would go ballistic and slap me as hard as she could, like susan your kids have a tutor and I am expected to be on par with them when i have to spend 6 hours listening to you rant about your job
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i dont know why my mom allowed my aunt to raise me because my aunt considerd me a scape goat who needed to take the blame for her childrens mistakes and most of the time when i got anything below an A- she would go ballistic and slap me as hard as she could, like susan your kids have a tutor and I am expected to be on par with them when i have to spend 6 hours listening to you rant about your job
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renegade637
To a degree, because my dad was religious, he felt the constant need to keep us in line. But, this was because he was abused growing up. I tried having friends who I could talk to. Unfortunately, something happened that cause me to get expelled from high school and chatting with people on the internet feels kind of empty. Instead, we own pets that we take good care of.
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To a degree, because my dad was religious, he felt the constant need to keep us in line. But, this was because he was abused growing up. I tried having friends who I could talk to. Unfortunately, something happened that cause me to get expelled from high school and chatting with people on the internet feels kind of empty. Instead, we own pets that we take good care of.
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P.
Sam Vaknin video out today is very insightful. It is very, very interesting and insightful. Title: Parentified Child As Adult in Relationships (with Dr. Daria Zukowska. It talks about how Parentified Children as adults are vulnerable to many personality disorders. Narcissism, Borderline, Codependency, etc. And how they become people pleasers as a core identity.
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Sam Vaknin video out today is very insightful. It is very, very interesting and insightful. Title: Parentified Child As Adult in Relationships (with Dr. Daria Zukowska. It talks about how Parentified Children as adults are vulnerable to many personality disorders. Narcissism, Borderline, Codependency, etc. And how they become people pleasers as a core identity.
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