5 Signs of A Dysfunctional Family Dynamic
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
Inuk
From my own experience, despite wanting to love my family where I still deeply defend the concept of family, I have come to learn that comparing one family to another continually is divisive; that punishing honesty leads to the first steps towards dishonesty, deceit and lies in that order; that envy is often the main emotion for the children of such family (me included) when observing other families, which can be turned to from focusing on wanting what is lacking to striving towards it (envy becoming inspiration, that being emotionally neglected in being ignored at home is far worse than being bullied in school because with the latter there is attention given and the victim may get defended by students, teachers and parents, whereas being ignored completely by anyone in school and at home is like being in a desert at nightime all the time without relief; that hatred is far better teacher of love than indifference now that I have seen that neither of my parents ever loved or hated one another, they were indifferent towards one another only bound by necessary obligation; that being able to deceive and wear mask becomes second nature to the children (to my dismay regarding my little brother); that searching for father and mother figures out there will be filled to the brim with painful teachings not because the teachings are painful in themselves but realizing how utterly lacking my own family is; and that a child will always want a father and mother figure no matter what, no matter how delinquent and disobedient that neglected child will search for substitutes. Not that I am delinquent, it's just my observations in our current era of Lost Children.
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From my own experience, despite wanting to love my family where I still deeply defend the concept of family, I have come to learn that comparing one family to another continually is divisive; that punishing honesty leads to the first steps towards dishonesty, deceit and lies in that order; that envy is often the main emotion for the children of such family (me included) when observing other families, which can be turned to from focusing on wanting what is lacking to striving towards it (envy becoming inspiration, that being emotionally neglected in being ignored at home is far worse than being bullied in school because with the latter there is attention given and the victim may get defended by students, teachers and parents, whereas being ignored completely by anyone in school and at home is like being in a desert at nightime all the time without relief; that hatred is far better teacher of love than indifference now that I have seen that neither of my parents ever loved or hated one another, they were indifferent towards one another only bound by necessary obligation; that being able to deceive and wear mask becomes second nature to the children (to my dismay regarding my little brother); that searching for father and mother figures out there will be filled to the brim with painful teachings not because the teachings are painful in themselves but realizing how utterly lacking my own family is; and that a child will always want a father and mother figure no matter what, no matter how delinquent and disobedient that neglected child will search for substitutes. Not that I am delinquent, it's just my observations in our current era of Lost Children.
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Cake
Mine seems compounded, it is not just my immediate family, but due to what my grandpa did (and I believed he had good intentions housing his family together,
The extended family also shows signs that they had been dysfunctional.
My dad cant talk to his siblings, his dad constantly puts the blame on him, my dads mom used to insult my mom non-stop until my mom couldnt take it and stopped trying to connect with them altogether.
In the beginning, fear was well instilled, a result of both parents upbringing where their parents were temperamental and just punish harshly on anything.
But when my grandmother continued insulting my mom, with my dad refusing to say anything about it as part of his fear, then came isolation, where my mom was full of nothing but loathing for both my fathers side of the family, as well as her own family she burned bridges with. Unfortunately, in her loathing, she twisted the lives of three children along with hers, and thus was born a twisted brand of codependency that was mixed with a level of emotional neglect.
Then came my younger uncle (2nd uncle) when he had a family, where the family is extremely withdrawn from social events. Pretty much to hide the presence of a neglectful mother with favouritism issues in that side, as well as leech-like in laws. She gave the feeling that her other two younger kids were made as accessories to her oldest child.
The only family that seems ok is the other younger uncles (1st uncle) family which Im glad how they held up since they lived in this toxic household (where for my side, the trouble is far from over.
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Mine seems compounded, it is not just my immediate family, but due to what my grandpa did (and I believed he had good intentions housing his family together,
The extended family also shows signs that they had been dysfunctional.
My dad cant talk to his siblings, his dad constantly puts the blame on him, my dads mom used to insult my mom non-stop until my mom couldnt take it and stopped trying to connect with them altogether.
In the beginning, fear was well instilled, a result of both parents upbringing where their parents were temperamental and just punish harshly on anything.
But when my grandmother continued insulting my mom, with my dad refusing to say anything about it as part of his fear, then came isolation, where my mom was full of nothing but loathing for both my fathers side of the family, as well as her own family she burned bridges with. Unfortunately, in her loathing, she twisted the lives of three children along with hers, and thus was born a twisted brand of codependency that was mixed with a level of emotional neglect.
Then came my younger uncle (2nd uncle) when he had a family, where the family is extremely withdrawn from social events. Pretty much to hide the presence of a neglectful mother with favouritism issues in that side, as well as leech-like in laws. She gave the feeling that her other two younger kids were made as accessories to her oldest child.
The only family that seems ok is the other younger uncles (1st uncle) family which Im glad how they held up since they lived in this toxic household (where for my side, the trouble is far from over.
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we1rd. k1d
A summary (ik a lot of ppl commenting it so I'll sum up what's being said as well:
1. 0: 21 - Fear: Everything the child does that the parent or guardian views as 'wrong', is punished with harsh actions. This often leaves the child in fear of every action they perform, afraid that the parent will be angry or disappointed.
2. 1: 07 - Codependency: A 'helicopter parent' to the extreme. They view the child as lesser than them but also pushes the adult problems onto the kid. Gaslighting is a common tactic to 'train' the child to be how they want them to be and make them do what they want, they cause the child to be codependent to the parent as well. The parent pushes the child to take care of the parents health as well, instead of the other way around.
3. 1: 58 - Neglect: The parent dismisses the child, they often don't even know if the child actually went to school or even ate that day. In their eyes, the child is practically a ghost.
4. 2: 30 - Silence: The family lacks communication and it is as though they are just strangers living in the same house. They isolate and ignore each other.
The other version of this is the 'silent treatment', often used as a punishment and often leaves the child struggling with communication issues. They begin to view basic silence as though they have been 'bad'.
5. 3: 09 - Isolation: The parents isolate the family from the outside world so no one else sees how the family is dysfunctional. They also tell then lies or make the child fear others.
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A summary (ik a lot of ppl commenting it so I'll sum up what's being said as well:
1. 0: 21 - Fear: Everything the child does that the parent or guardian views as 'wrong', is punished with harsh actions. This often leaves the child in fear of every action they perform, afraid that the parent will be angry or disappointed.
2. 1: 07 - Codependency: A 'helicopter parent' to the extreme. They view the child as lesser than them but also pushes the adult problems onto the kid. Gaslighting is a common tactic to 'train' the child to be how they want them to be and make them do what they want, they cause the child to be codependent to the parent as well. The parent pushes the child to take care of the parents health as well, instead of the other way around.
3. 1: 58 - Neglect: The parent dismisses the child, they often don't even know if the child actually went to school or even ate that day. In their eyes, the child is practically a ghost.
4. 2: 30 - Silence: The family lacks communication and it is as though they are just strangers living in the same house. They isolate and ignore each other.
The other version of this is the 'silent treatment', often used as a punishment and often leaves the child struggling with communication issues. They begin to view basic silence as though they have been 'bad'.
5. 3: 09 - Isolation: The parents isolate the family from the outside world so no one else sees how the family is dysfunctional. They also tell then lies or make the child fear others.
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Hawley
We lived a mile from grade school. We walked virtually all the time, kindergarten through 6th grade. My mom always said she would give us a ride if it was raining, but on those few days when it was pouring rain, the fear in that house was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I remember the arguments with my brother and sister, You ask her! No, you ask her! No, you ask her, she likes you best! No one wanted to be the one to wake her up. (Yes. .. even in kindergarten we were making our own breakfast before school in the morning virtually every day to avoid being a burden to her) We always waited until the last minute hoping the worst of the rain would stop so we could actually walk. Sometimes though, someone would have to wake her up, and she would get up to give us a ride, but she would slam every door she had to go through to let us know what PITA's we were for being so needy. We grew up in that house walking on eggshells. Do you think there might be a correlation between that and the fact that I'm no good at asking for anything?
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We lived a mile from grade school. We walked virtually all the time, kindergarten through 6th grade. My mom always said she would give us a ride if it was raining, but on those few days when it was pouring rain, the fear in that house was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I remember the arguments with my brother and sister, You ask her! No, you ask her! No, you ask her, she likes you best! No one wanted to be the one to wake her up. (Yes. .. even in kindergarten we were making our own breakfast before school in the morning virtually every day to avoid being a burden to her) We always waited until the last minute hoping the worst of the rain would stop so we could actually walk. Sometimes though, someone would have to wake her up, and she would get up to give us a ride, but she would slam every door she had to go through to let us know what PITA's we were for being so needy. We grew up in that house walking on eggshells. Do you think there might be a correlation between that and the fact that I'm no good at asking for anything?
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Baha
I have a question about my family.
They love us but neglect us. They give us what we want, but not what we need. My house is always a mess and I get it is stressful, but all of us is depressed, my brother was sent to a mental hospital for attempted suicide. They didn't see the signs when they were so obvious. They ask us how our day is and if we ate. I isolate myself from my family and always hear them laughing and talking together so when I join them it suddenly stops. It's favoritism, obvious favoritism. I don't know what to do. If I seek help I'll probably be sent to the mental hospital like my brother. They say they will get me therapy but they don't. I lose my ability to care to clean, clean myself, keep my grades up. All I do is lay in bed and call my friend(s. When I'm not doing that I'm getting food. My dad sleeps all day and mom works all day so I'm lonely most of the time. I don't know what to do.
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I have a question about my family.
They love us but neglect us. They give us what we want, but not what we need. My house is always a mess and I get it is stressful, but all of us is depressed, my brother was sent to a mental hospital for attempted suicide. They didn't see the signs when they were so obvious. They ask us how our day is and if we ate. I isolate myself from my family and always hear them laughing and talking together so when I join them it suddenly stops. It's favoritism, obvious favoritism. I don't know what to do. If I seek help I'll probably be sent to the mental hospital like my brother. They say they will get me therapy but they don't. I lose my ability to care to clean, clean myself, keep my grades up. All I do is lay in bed and call my friend(s. When I'm not doing that I'm getting food. My dad sleeps all day and mom works all day so I'm lonely most of the time. I don't know what to do.
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CyrusTheLizardKing
Fear and silence for me that I can recognise anyway, somewhat codependency too but Im trying to fight my mother more on that one. But yeah I mean to be fair it is my fault really, like I have (not officially diagnosed because being 17 and in a weird area makes it hard so my counsellor and GP are just using the terms) many symptoms and traits of anxiety and ADHD although that could be bipolar (genetically strong with my family and similar presentations for me) so of course its not on them to deal with that. They didnt ask for me to have the problems yknow, yeah yeah I know they should be over it already but genuinely they havent physically abused me or anything so its chill. I mean my father can be a little weird with our play fights and not knowing when to stop but like thats not abuse hes just an asshole
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Fear and silence for me that I can recognise anyway, somewhat codependency too but Im trying to fight my mother more on that one. But yeah I mean to be fair it is my fault really, like I have (not officially diagnosed because being 17 and in a weird area makes it hard so my counsellor and GP are just using the terms) many symptoms and traits of anxiety and ADHD although that could be bipolar (genetically strong with my family and similar presentations for me) so of course its not on them to deal with that. They didnt ask for me to have the problems yknow, yeah yeah I know they should be over it already but genuinely they havent physically abused me or anything so its chill. I mean my father can be a little weird with our play fights and not knowing when to stop but like thats not abuse hes just an asshole
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Boo
oof the silence one though that's my folks not so bad we never talk to eachother but to have an emotional issue taken seriously you have to be of a perfectly logical mind, (as in not hormonal I guess cause a long time ago I was dismissed over that) and then be either bawling, or threaten suicide or self harm. if not you get dismissed and told to just let it go. No one finds openess outside of the little vapid work complaints to be worthwhileand you basically get nitpicked if you do so and dismissed cause everryone in my family is shut down except my mom (one on one) and sees other's problms as a burden, admittedly they're good enough people to see other's troubles as a problem to be fixed (me included) but the rest of my folks unlike me refuse to sympathize with others
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oof the silence one though that's my folks not so bad we never talk to eachother but to have an emotional issue taken seriously you have to be of a perfectly logical mind, (as in not hormonal I guess cause a long time ago I was dismissed over that) and then be either bawling, or threaten suicide or self harm. if not you get dismissed and told to just let it go. No one finds openess outside of the little vapid work complaints to be worthwhileand you basically get nitpicked if you do so and dismissed cause everryone in my family is shut down except my mom (one on one) and sees other's problms as a burden, admittedly they're good enough people to see other's troubles as a problem to be fixed (me included) but the rest of my folks unlike me refuse to sympathize with others
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Boogies
I wanna put this out there because I realized this the other day. When I was a kid, we just did stuff constantly, we entertained ourselves because we wanted to. Parents had time for themselves. Kids today dont do that. They think everybody else has to entertain them. They arent comfortable with just being by themselves and doing their own thing. They dont just do whatever. Point is, It seems like parents today dont have the freedom that our parents had, and the time to self maintain.
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I wanna put this out there because I realized this the other day. When I was a kid, we just did stuff constantly, we entertained ourselves because we wanted to. Parents had time for themselves. Kids today dont do that. They think everybody else has to entertain them. They arent comfortable with just being by themselves and doing their own thing. They dont just do whatever. Point is, It seems like parents today dont have the freedom that our parents had, and the time to self maintain.
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Lvia
we do have a dysfunctional family, whenever moms boyfriend was physically abusive to me she was emotionally, and the phrase ''what happens at home stays in there aswell'': / but for some reason, any abusive thing moms bf did to me is easily told to others, but when it comes to the emotional abuse i get a panic attack and cant really express my feelings. but i have a great friend thats the only closest person to me who knows everything about it, almost everything atleast haha
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we do have a dysfunctional family, whenever moms boyfriend was physically abusive to me she was emotionally, and the phrase ''what happens at home stays in there aswell'': / but for some reason, any abusive thing moms bf did to me is easily told to others, but when it comes to the emotional abuse i get a panic attack and cant really express my feelings. but i have a great friend thats the only closest person to me who knows everything about it, almost everything atleast haha
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Qwe
Codependency from my mom + silence and emotional manipulation from my dad + isolation. Now I'm 19 and it's been a few years since I stopped isolating myself because of what my parents have told me (they're Jehovah's witnesses and they're like Gothel from Rapunzel lmao, now my mom has another adult friend and is making a conscious effort on letting me do things by myself, and my dad just doesn't want to change, so I just ignore him lmao
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Codependency from my mom + silence and emotional manipulation from my dad + isolation. Now I'm 19 and it's been a few years since I stopped isolating myself because of what my parents have told me (they're Jehovah's witnesses and they're like Gothel from Rapunzel lmao, now my mom has another adult friend and is making a conscious effort on letting me do things by myself, and my dad just doesn't want to change, so I just ignore him lmao
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nisreenaaa
The fear and silence are so accurate lol
I remember when I was 13, I'm not doing so good in my geography paper and I'm so scared what are my parents gonna say, so I attempted suicide. But rn I'm taking the hardest course considered in my school and I always get not-super-great grades so I got used to all the condemnation given.
I'm 17 now. The fear is gone by time but the silence appears: )
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The fear and silence are so accurate lol
I remember when I was 13, I'm not doing so good in my geography paper and I'm so scared what are my parents gonna say, so I attempted suicide. But rn I'm taking the hardest course considered in my school and I always get not-super-great grades so I got used to all the condemnation given.
I'm 17 now. The fear is gone by time but the silence appears: )
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Emo
The end quote is different for me
i wont make it out of the tunnel because depression isnt cured, its made easier to manage. Same with anxiety and ptsd which i have as well.
Instead of there being light at the end, my tunnel gets brighter and darker, spiking in both ways but never one forever sadly. It gets confusing but i know that my tunnel will be there, always, but it can get better or worse.
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The end quote is different for me
i wont make it out of the tunnel because depression isnt cured, its made easier to manage. Same with anxiety and ptsd which i have as well.
Instead of there being light at the end, my tunnel gets brighter and darker, spiking in both ways but never one forever sadly. It gets confusing but i know that my tunnel will be there, always, but it can get better or worse.
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anime
Yeah i knew i had terrible family dynamic but i didnt know i would have all of these i was just seeing but i mean ok one day i said to my mom you guys should just get a divorce which i didn't want but i didnt care in the moment i got no reaction she said well you wouldnt get to see your dad very often i said idc and she said ok i thought that was really weird so yah
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Yeah i knew i had terrible family dynamic but i didnt know i would have all of these i was just seeing but i mean ok one day i said to my mom you guys should just get a divorce which i didn't want but i didnt care in the moment i got no reaction she said well you wouldnt get to see your dad very often i said idc and she said ok i thought that was really weird so yah
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JT
I genuinely wish a system was in place to prevent undesirable people from having children and creating toxic family systems. I can see poor parenting becoming a public health crisis. And if you need examples look to all the gaslighting, lying, manipulation, antagonism, and apathy thats welleverywhere. This didnt manifest from thin air; it started in the family.
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I genuinely wish a system was in place to prevent undesirable people from having children and creating toxic family systems. I can see poor parenting becoming a public health crisis. And if you need examples look to all the gaslighting, lying, manipulation, antagonism, and apathy thats welleverywhere. This didnt manifest from thin air; it started in the family.
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Evelyn
All but the first one, I mean I absolutely hate my brother and this isnt just me overreacting Like i mean school- at school 2. 59, talking happily with my friends 3. 00after school, arguing with my brother until we can get home and not talk to each other and my parents dont even care I get in trouble 98% of the time because my brother frames me
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All but the first one, I mean I absolutely hate my brother and this isnt just me overreacting Like i mean school- at school 2. 59, talking happily with my friends 3. 00after school, arguing with my brother until we can get home and not talk to each other and my parents dont even care I get in trouble 98% of the time because my brother frames me
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Nine
I love marking off most of these criterias, accepting that my life is shit, and try my best to survive without being able to tell anyone about these problems except internet strangers. Fortunately I'll be 18 very soon and hopefully that means something.
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I love marking off most of these criterias, accepting that my life is shit, and try my best to survive without being able to tell anyone about these problems except internet strangers. Fortunately I'll be 18 very soon and hopefully that means something.
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Portrait
I remember when I was just turning 9 years old I was building a sandcastle in the backyard. My father told me to stop playing in the dirt like a baby. I said I am building a sandcastle. And he responded by telling me to Go to h
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I remember when I was just turning 9 years old I was building a sandcastle in the backyard. My father told me to stop playing in the dirt like a baby. I said I am building a sandcastle. And he responded by telling me to Go to h
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Nofaceposeidon
I never realized that my mom sometimes gaslights me like when I dont want to do something she may say dont you love me it could be as a joke but Ill never know considering Ive heard a lot of yelling in my childhood
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I never realized that my mom sometimes gaslights me like when I dont want to do something she may say dont you love me it could be as a joke but Ill never know considering Ive heard a lot of yelling in my childhood
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Giulietta
This video was really interesting, but I am relieved I already knew that my family was/is dysfunctional. I imagine it must be much harder to live with some of those things without that knowledge.
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This video was really interesting, but I am relieved I already knew that my family was/is dysfunctional. I imagine it must be much harder to live with some of those things without that knowledge.
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Roxie
If I'm being honest, this video hits home better than most of your videos I have seen so far. My family dynamic currently is a mix between fear and silence. well it's mostly between my mom
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If I'm being honest, this video hits home better than most of your videos I have seen so far. My family dynamic currently is a mix between fear and silence. well it's mostly between my mom
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Elisa
I mean if a child gets a bad grade it can be bc they are just lazy and dont want to study and in that case yes, parents should get them to really study but if the child has problems.
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I mean if a child gets a bad grade it can be bc they are just lazy and dont want to study and in that case yes, parents should get them to really study but if the child has problems.
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Michael
yeah both my folks are narcissists! dont want to go into it. but literally every red flag is there. Was in tears for ages. but glad he veil of gaslighting has been removed!
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yeah both my folks are narcissists! dont want to go into it. but literally every red flag is there. Was in tears for ages. but glad he veil of gaslighting has been removed!
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Elyk
Nope Im totally fine its not like my mother focuses only on my three twin sisters and my father is not a drunkard who always drags me to drink with him or anything hahaha.
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Nope Im totally fine its not like my mother focuses only on my three twin sisters and my father is not a drunkard who always drags me to drink with him or anything hahaha.
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Student
The only sign of a dysfunctional family unit is all these relationship videos. Dating at an early age breaks the family unit. This they are hiding from you.
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The only sign of a dysfunctional family unit is all these relationship videos. Dating at an early age breaks the family unit. This they are hiding from you.
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Danrod
What I believe is the cause of this feeling of forever sadness is the fact that my family wants to send me away because they think im useless and a failure,
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What I believe is the cause of this feeling of forever sadness is the fact that my family wants to send me away because they think im useless and a failure,
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