The hidden costs of people pleasing: My personal story
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Date: 2023-10-01
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Comments and reviews: 19
Sara
I was raised in an environment where I was devalued. It took me years - decades - to see this because it wasn't overt. It was through the subtext of normal interactions that conveyed the message that I was less than, that I was undeserving, that I shouldn't speak up for myself because my needs were unreasonable. That led to me being a desperate pleaser in my adult life, which led to some terrible consequences. My own children are almost all grown (my youngest is still in high school, and I when I reflect through the eyes of a parent, I realize how awful it was. I would never dream of treating my children the way I was treated.
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I was raised in an environment where I was devalued. It took me years - decades - to see this because it wasn't overt. It was through the subtext of normal interactions that conveyed the message that I was less than, that I was undeserving, that I shouldn't speak up for myself because my needs were unreasonable. That led to me being a desperate pleaser in my adult life, which led to some terrible consequences. My own children are almost all grown (my youngest is still in high school, and I when I reflect through the eyes of a parent, I realize how awful it was. I would never dream of treating my children the way I was treated.
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Spentrav
There was a song I learned at summer camp when I was a kid about putting others before myself, or me being Third. (God is first, the other man second, and I am third)
As an adult, I m not sure about the whole God thing, ( The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing ) but I can definitely look back on things and see myself as a people pleaser.
I can definitely see how this could have added to some of the stress I have experienced in my life, but would I change anything? Nah.
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There was a song I learned at summer camp when I was a kid about putting others before myself, or me being Third. (God is first, the other man second, and I am third)
As an adult, I m not sure about the whole God thing, ( The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing ) but I can definitely look back on things and see myself as a people pleaser.
I can definitely see how this could have added to some of the stress I have experienced in my life, but would I change anything? Nah.
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B.
+Psych2GoTv As an autist whom the school systems o' the 1970's, '80's and '90's failed due to immature resources, I'm a polar opposite o' the situation described this vid. Hampered by a general agnosis on the fundamentals of interpersonal relations exacerbated by unconscious emotional blocks pathognomonic o' Kanner's, therefore an Immature Attachment Style (presenting Dismissive Avoidant on a consistent basis, only I'm avoidant to _me_ as well as others.
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+Psych2GoTv As an autist whom the school systems o' the 1970's, '80's and '90's failed due to immature resources, I'm a polar opposite o' the situation described this vid. Hampered by a general agnosis on the fundamentals of interpersonal relations exacerbated by unconscious emotional blocks pathognomonic o' Kanner's, therefore an Immature Attachment Style (presenting Dismissive Avoidant on a consistent basis, only I'm avoidant to _me_ as well as others.
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Hassan
Yeah, i think u should use this technique in face of those ppl who you think possess psychopathic traits and you can't help remove themselves from your life, and especially if u don't have physical strength to fight these type of ppl in ur life who get violence everytime due to their psychopathic traits. Other than that, you should love yourself first and be direct and genuine with other ppl who aren't violent.
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Yeah, i think u should use this technique in face of those ppl who you think possess psychopathic traits and you can't help remove themselves from your life, and especially if u don't have physical strength to fight these type of ppl in ur life who get violence everytime due to their psychopathic traits. Other than that, you should love yourself first and be direct and genuine with other ppl who aren't violent.
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Victor
Yeah, had a similar story( just was trying to help others, made somebody's life happier, in the end after all sacrifices you are just realizing that nobody is worth of your pain( nobody will say thank you, nobody will care about you, there are no friends in the adolt life, we are making friends only in our childhood( I don't believe in love I don't believe in friends, there is nothing left to believe in.
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Yeah, had a similar story( just was trying to help others, made somebody's life happier, in the end after all sacrifices you are just realizing that nobody is worth of your pain( nobody will say thank you, nobody will care about you, there are no friends in the adolt life, we are making friends only in our childhood( I don't believe in love I don't believe in friends, there is nothing left to believe in.
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New
Regarding your post a few minutes ago, have you tried combining animation with a real person as a host and make it into an informative did you know video approach? This is just a suggestion. Another suggestion would be making a sequence of videos and turning it into a game, like at the end of a video the viewer could choose an answer to the question posted and he/she would be linked into another video
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Regarding your post a few minutes ago, have you tried combining animation with a real person as a host and make it into an informative did you know video approach? This is just a suggestion. Another suggestion would be making a sequence of videos and turning it into a game, like at the end of a video the viewer could choose an answer to the question posted and he/she would be linked into another video
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SirChampion
I use to be a people pleaser, the sad, harsh trush is. i didn't even know i was a people pleaser, but when i realized it, it made me upset, mad, careless. So i took matter into my own hand and craft a new purpose in life and i call it. the road of winning. Now it will be hard and not fair but, its for my own good cause im not going to make my life miserable just so i can make someone happy.
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I use to be a people pleaser, the sad, harsh trush is. i didn't even know i was a people pleaser, but when i realized it, it made me upset, mad, careless. So i took matter into my own hand and craft a new purpose in life and i call it. the road of winning. Now it will be hard and not fair but, its for my own good cause im not going to make my life miserable just so i can make someone happy.
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Jeremy
I used to be a people pleaser but after many breakups, being cheateed on, and the getting ghosted by a best friend i started going the opposite direction and was preparing to be hated just because i knew i wasnt gonna do it again. Then i met my gf and now its more balanced. To all my fellow people pleasers try to strike a balance or its gonna destroy you and turn you into something very evil.
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I used to be a people pleaser but after many breakups, being cheateed on, and the getting ghosted by a best friend i started going the opposite direction and was preparing to be hated just because i knew i wasnt gonna do it again. Then i met my gf and now its more balanced. To all my fellow people pleasers try to strike a balance or its gonna destroy you and turn you into something very evil.
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GhANeC
Thankyou for this. Will be a bit hard, as a people pleaser sharing a house with an extremely caring and loving and sensitive close friend with high borderline personality disorder, bi-polar, anxiety, adhd and serious abandonment, judgement, self destructive and self worth issues, to even contemplate approaching a discussion about space, boundaries and saying no.
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Thankyou for this. Will be a bit hard, as a people pleaser sharing a house with an extremely caring and loving and sensitive close friend with high borderline personality disorder, bi-polar, anxiety, adhd and serious abandonment, judgement, self destructive and self worth issues, to even contemplate approaching a discussion about space, boundaries and saying no.
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Shelby
I once spent 30 years of my nearly 49 years on this planet pleasing my family and trying to be cool in order to wow people. I wore the family name and things that had the Union Jack. I was hiding my true self from the world. Back in 2016, I've decided that enough was enough and that I was going to be myself from that point on. It's been worth it.
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I once spent 30 years of my nearly 49 years on this planet pleasing my family and trying to be cool in order to wow people. I wore the family name and things that had the Union Jack. I was hiding my true self from the world. Back in 2016, I've decided that enough was enough and that I was going to be myself from that point on. It's been worth it.
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Anubis
This all sounds well and good, but if I try any of these, I'd be called selfish.
I help others, but no one helps me.
I have to bear the weight of everyone else's problem but bottle away my own.
I have no other choice. :(
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This all sounds well and good, but if I try any of these, I'd be called selfish.
I help others, but no one helps me.
I have to bear the weight of everyone else's problem but bottle away my own.
I have no other choice. :(
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MD
I have been a people pleaser with my dad. I am afraid of him he is like an intimidating person and short temper I can't be open about my feelings around him. It hurts a lot to can't share your feelings with your loved ones.
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I have been a people pleaser with my dad. I am afraid of him he is like an intimidating person and short temper I can't be open about my feelings around him. It hurts a lot to can't share your feelings with your loved ones.
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Das
You cant pour from an empty cup!
I can!
Well what is pouring then?
Dust!
Your dehydrating!
We all are dying.
Holy sh t that got dark quickly Im gonna go outside and play with my dog!
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You cant pour from an empty cup!
I can!
Well what is pouring then?
Dust!
Your dehydrating!
We all are dying.
Holy sh t that got dark quickly Im gonna go outside and play with my dog!
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CabbageGolem
It's hard to do things for myself but I always find myself going the extra mile for others. I often don't even know what it is I want. I'm starting to do better though, and live for myself as well.
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It's hard to do things for myself but I always find myself going the extra mile for others. I often don't even know what it is I want. I'm starting to do better though, and live for myself as well.
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Dominic
So sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is alright? My, what a novel concept. Genuinely kinda liked this video. Definitely better than a certain other video about people pleasers you did.
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So sometimes, a little bit of selfishness is alright? My, what a novel concept. Genuinely kinda liked this video. Definitely better than a certain other video about people pleasers you did.
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CNFoxxy
I think personal story s help me feel better, I know what it s like to be a people pleaser, have been my whole life and I still am, but hearing you talk about it made me feel better
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I think personal story s help me feel better, I know what it s like to be a people pleaser, have been my whole life and I still am, but hearing you talk about it made me feel better
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education
I know if I stop this behavior I'll loose most people around me. But I will do it eventually. I will have better people around me eventually.
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I know if I stop this behavior I'll loose most people around me. But I will do it eventually. I will have better people around me eventually.
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Koni
Can therapy help me overcome this? Im struggling with this a lot and i cant see to not be a people pleaser no matter how hard i try
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Can therapy help me overcome this? Im struggling with this a lot and i cant see to not be a people pleaser no matter how hard i try
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Ry
You'd make a great dad husband or familial member and you deserve the world, and thank you for being the most real person, Stephen.
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You'd make a great dad husband or familial member and you deserve the world, and thank you for being the most real person, Stephen.
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