Harsh Truths About Modern Dating (Real Struggles)
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Date: 2023-10-29
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Comments and reviews: 20
Gavin
Please everyone, just quit Online Dating. My view is that online dating is as corrosive and toxic to us as smoking, and just as addictive, potentially societally dangerous.
It provides us with intermittent rewards, unpredictable dopamine hits that cause addiction the same way the Social Media, Gambling and Loot Boxes do. Worse, as our video here says, it fosters an objectivised shopping mentality, and encourages behaviours like ghosting breadcrumbing etc. that hurt us and others.
Tinder, Bumble and the like don't care about getting you matched with your ideal partner. They do care about making a profit, and to heck with how messed up you get, there's always the promise of a jackpot round the corner.
I realised this a few years back, and quit. This helped me to make some changes in my life: to get out a bit more and socialise in places where I felt safe and confident, and also to let relationships with people grow organically, face to face an in person. Result? No ghosting, and a much happier romantic life. Things didn't always work out, but the connections were real and I felt better about it all, even when things went wrong.
Much love to you all, wishing you all the best.
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Please everyone, just quit Online Dating. My view is that online dating is as corrosive and toxic to us as smoking, and just as addictive, potentially societally dangerous.
It provides us with intermittent rewards, unpredictable dopamine hits that cause addiction the same way the Social Media, Gambling and Loot Boxes do. Worse, as our video here says, it fosters an objectivised shopping mentality, and encourages behaviours like ghosting breadcrumbing etc. that hurt us and others.
Tinder, Bumble and the like don't care about getting you matched with your ideal partner. They do care about making a profit, and to heck with how messed up you get, there's always the promise of a jackpot round the corner.
I realised this a few years back, and quit. This helped me to make some changes in my life: to get out a bit more and socialise in places where I felt safe and confident, and also to let relationships with people grow organically, face to face an in person. Result? No ghosting, and a much happier romantic life. Things didn't always work out, but the connections were real and I felt better about it all, even when things went wrong.
Much love to you all, wishing you all the best.
reply
Yasemin
I believe it is more harder for people who are 30-40 years old. No university, school and no community any more. It is more harder to meet someone in real life. In my country man dont ask for a coffee to women in cafe, mall etc. We dont have party culture either. Old times, man come to weddings to meet with woman. I went a wedding a week ago and %70 guests were woman. Rest of them married or old married man XD I met with someone on dating app and guy said it to me directly i never make a move someone in outside, it can be disaster, too dangerous. In this terms, I seriously dont know how to do it without online dating systems in my country. There were meeting ways before, when everything wass natural but nowadays they are not valid sadly. Me and my friends made a brainstorming about how to date without online dating. We couldnt find any solution at all.
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I believe it is more harder for people who are 30-40 years old. No university, school and no community any more. It is more harder to meet someone in real life. In my country man dont ask for a coffee to women in cafe, mall etc. We dont have party culture either. Old times, man come to weddings to meet with woman. I went a wedding a week ago and %70 guests were woman. Rest of them married or old married man XD I met with someone on dating app and guy said it to me directly i never make a move someone in outside, it can be disaster, too dangerous. In this terms, I seriously dont know how to do it without online dating systems in my country. There were meeting ways before, when everything wass natural but nowadays they are not valid sadly. Me and my friends made a brainstorming about how to date without online dating. We couldnt find any solution at all.
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Ellie
Its impossible because women want who they want and thats the best mate. Cute looking, tall and has a lot going on. a. k. a not the average guy, he is outta here, in fact, take the average guy out of the race. Its impossible because the best mate in this case the man has a buffet of options to choose from beccause average is outta here. Study has shown the average man rarely gets swiped on, but the average female has matches, from the best and average guy. The top 20% of men are getting most if not all the attention from 80% of women. Women today dont want to settle with average. Average is not bad, average is not the end, average is normal. Sadly the best mate who average women chooses only sleeps with them because there is so much to choose from. Its hard facts backed up on statistics that you can find, and only emotional people would disagree.
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Its impossible because women want who they want and thats the best mate. Cute looking, tall and has a lot going on. a. k. a not the average guy, he is outta here, in fact, take the average guy out of the race. Its impossible because the best mate in this case the man has a buffet of options to choose from beccause average is outta here. Study has shown the average man rarely gets swiped on, but the average female has matches, from the best and average guy. The top 20% of men are getting most if not all the attention from 80% of women. Women today dont want to settle with average. Average is not bad, average is not the end, average is normal. Sadly the best mate who average women chooses only sleeps with them because there is so much to choose from. Its hard facts backed up on statistics that you can find, and only emotional people would disagree.
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MegaManNeo
I find these Web 2. 0 user profiles to take a lot of personality and excitement in general from interacting with others.
And I as a highly introverted man with multiple disabilities, social anxiety and trauma feels truly comfortable trying out any dating site.
It is super cool to hear these legitimate stories of couple that got together because of such platforms (including Twitter, believe it or not) but to me, I'd have to find anything about myself first and foremost that I have even the slightest value for anyone out there, even if that is just being used as a tool to get them new stuff (which was essentially my first and only love relationship with a former classmate of mine.
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I find these Web 2. 0 user profiles to take a lot of personality and excitement in general from interacting with others.
And I as a highly introverted man with multiple disabilities, social anxiety and trauma feels truly comfortable trying out any dating site.
It is super cool to hear these legitimate stories of couple that got together because of such platforms (including Twitter, believe it or not) but to me, I'd have to find anything about myself first and foremost that I have even the slightest value for anyone out there, even if that is just being used as a tool to get them new stuff (which was essentially my first and only love relationship with a former classmate of mine.
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salsabil
hey psych2go i am a big fan of your videos you helped understand things i was thinking about my whole life so thank you so much and i have a question for you:
if something bad happened to you when you were a child (6 years old to be exact) and you didn't understand it at that age and you didn't feel it's bad because it's not a direct thing like violence or assault but you understand it when you grew up and it happend from a really close person WILL IT AFFECT YOUR MENTAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH OR YOUR BRAIN DOESN'N CARE ABOUT IT plus you have never talked to anyone about it
thanks for reading and answer me in the end of your next video
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hey psych2go i am a big fan of your videos you helped understand things i was thinking about my whole life so thank you so much and i have a question for you:
if something bad happened to you when you were a child (6 years old to be exact) and you didn't understand it at that age and you didn't feel it's bad because it's not a direct thing like violence or assault but you understand it when you grew up and it happend from a really close person WILL IT AFFECT YOUR MENTAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALTH OR YOUR BRAIN DOESN'N CARE ABOUT IT plus you have never talked to anyone about it
thanks for reading and answer me in the end of your next video
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lunacat
Omg it is kinda scaring me that videos like these come just at the right time
I recently added my crush on snap but don t know how to talk to him and I have to do it first I know that but I am kinda scared, something is holding me back, I do not know what it is, I think it s the fear of getting rejected or taking things too fast
People please help me, how weird would it be if I text this someone first and then maybe chat some few words and what if that was it and then when I see him again at school what should I do, how should I react if I see him, should I say hi even though we may not have talked ever since or much?
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Omg it is kinda scaring me that videos like these come just at the right time
I recently added my crush on snap but don t know how to talk to him and I have to do it first I know that but I am kinda scared, something is holding me back, I do not know what it is, I think it s the fear of getting rejected or taking things too fast
People please help me, how weird would it be if I text this someone first and then maybe chat some few words and what if that was it and then when I see him again at school what should I do, how should I react if I see him, should I say hi even though we may not have talked ever since or much?
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Martin
I see it as like we're all limited in our freedoms by what other people think is socially acceptable. There are so many things people could do but nobody does because people would look weird at you and come to ask if you're okay.
If you want to climb a tree, go climb a tree.
If you want to sit down, just do it on the sidewalk instead of walking another 2 miles before there's finally a bench somewhere.
If someone's piquing your interest you should just walk up to the person and be like hey I think you're interesting and I want to get to know you, can I maybe have your phone number please?
etc.
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I see it as like we're all limited in our freedoms by what other people think is socially acceptable. There are so many things people could do but nobody does because people would look weird at you and come to ask if you're okay.
If you want to climb a tree, go climb a tree.
If you want to sit down, just do it on the sidewalk instead of walking another 2 miles before there's finally a bench somewhere.
If someone's piquing your interest you should just walk up to the person and be like hey I think you're interesting and I want to get to know you, can I maybe have your phone number please?
etc.
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Moraenil
The messed up part of it, is that you pretty much only have 3 choices for meeting anyone. 1. Online dating, which is generally very dangerous. 2. Going to a bar, but not everyone likes bars or wants to be with someone who does. 3. Being introduced to someone by a friend (not an option if you don't have friends. I've given up on the possibility of ever finding anyone, which royally ticks off my family who expected me to already be married (I am divorced) with at least one kid and be a 2-income household in a nice place. I'm a total loser in my family's eyes because I haven't been able to do this.
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The messed up part of it, is that you pretty much only have 3 choices for meeting anyone. 1. Online dating, which is generally very dangerous. 2. Going to a bar, but not everyone likes bars or wants to be with someone who does. 3. Being introduced to someone by a friend (not an option if you don't have friends. I've given up on the possibility of ever finding anyone, which royally ticks off my family who expected me to already be married (I am divorced) with at least one kid and be a 2-income household in a nice place. I'm a total loser in my family's eyes because I haven't been able to do this.
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Мега
The most frustrating thing I found in modern dating(if in my case you can call it so, cuz i've never been on the date or dated someone) is that people just don't know how to talk to each other. It's really strange to me, cuz everyone say or feel social, but in reality when u start talking to them, they don't have anything to say, ask or just make a ramble about.
I've been experiencing such a thing for 4 years or so and it's not fun. From the side of the person who talks a lot it's just looks like an interrogation
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The most frustrating thing I found in modern dating(if in my case you can call it so, cuz i've never been on the date or dated someone) is that people just don't know how to talk to each other. It's really strange to me, cuz everyone say or feel social, but in reality when u start talking to them, they don't have anything to say, ask or just make a ramble about.
I've been experiencing such a thing for 4 years or so and it's not fun. From the side of the person who talks a lot it's just looks like an interrogation
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t_xxic
I would love to buy some of your Plushies for work. I work for my countries CPS (Child Protection Services) and I like to have a few stuffed animals/dolls around in my office, just in case a kid needs one and I usually let them keep them, unless they don't want it. Hope you have some in stock and send them to Austria soon.
I really appreciate your videos.
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I would love to buy some of your Plushies for work. I work for my countries CPS (Child Protection Services) and I like to have a few stuffed animals/dolls around in my office, just in case a kid needs one and I usually let them keep them, unless they don't want it. Hope you have some in stock and send them to Austria soon.
I really appreciate your videos.
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RaelynnPlayz
I hate it like this isn't unconditional love, this is like treating love like a competition where potential loved ones are just commodities, this is just so wrong. I feel like if you prioritize love (not only just romantic love but familial and platonic and self-love) without desperately chasing for it, we'd all be happier with other people and alone.
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I hate it like this isn't unconditional love, this is like treating love like a competition where potential loved ones are just commodities, this is just so wrong. I feel like if you prioritize love (not only just romantic love but familial and platonic and self-love) without desperately chasing for it, we'd all be happier with other people and alone.
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Michele
As a 58 year old woman, I would never have thought about Ghosting. I dated a 60 year old Army veteran for close to 1. 5 years. Then one day. poof! gone! No goodbye, no closure, no nuthin'. I don't get how people can be so cruel at the drop of a hat. Any other 50-somethings out there who've been Ghosted during a long-term 'relationship'?
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As a 58 year old woman, I would never have thought about Ghosting. I dated a 60 year old Army veteran for close to 1. 5 years. Then one day. poof! gone! No goodbye, no closure, no nuthin'. I don't get how people can be so cruel at the drop of a hat. Any other 50-somethings out there who've been Ghosted during a long-term 'relationship'?
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Poodle
1. We don't have a larger community to get to know people in
2. People are chronically sleeping around and/or jaded and/or impulsive, so they ghost
3. The people who rub it in your face are more likely to be narcissists. In this day and age, those are the types of people who do well with dating.
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1. We don't have a larger community to get to know people in
2. People are chronically sleeping around and/or jaded and/or impulsive, so they ghost
3. The people who rub it in your face are more likely to be narcissists. In this day and age, those are the types of people who do well with dating.
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Dark
well im suffering this issue for years and yeah you right but beside there is something you didnt mention is fake users in online dating they just catfishing for fun or threats for personal gain tbh idk what others would think about it but i have my own very negative pov over them
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well im suffering this issue for years and yeah you right but beside there is something you didnt mention is fake users in online dating they just catfishing for fun or threats for personal gain tbh idk what others would think about it but i have my own very negative pov over them
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Fydron
I once tried online dating i just found out that i like my alone time far more than constantly either feeling like i am on the market swiping left or right what i want to buy or feeling like i am an interrogator trying to squeeze nuggets out of a stone.
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I once tried online dating i just found out that i like my alone time far more than constantly either feeling like i am on the market swiping left or right what i want to buy or feeling like i am an interrogator trying to squeeze nuggets out of a stone.
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David
Im a 40 something. I can't remember my last date and I have made no efforts to meet anyone for fear of failure. The whole Internet dating scene puts me off and i would rather meet someone naturally and see how that grows.
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Im a 40 something. I can't remember my last date and I have made no efforts to meet anyone for fear of failure. The whole Internet dating scene puts me off and i would rather meet someone naturally and see how that grows.
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ArcFire_Fox
I would love nothing more than to find a genuine relationship, someone whom I could spend the rest of my life with, but no luck so far, im still hopeful but that hope is wayning.
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I would love nothing more than to find a genuine relationship, someone whom I could spend the rest of my life with, but no luck so far, im still hopeful but that hope is wayning.
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Kaise
Trying to get in a romance relationship these days feels very much like job hunting. You need work experience to get job, but you need to get a job to have work experience
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Trying to get in a romance relationship these days feels very much like job hunting. You need work experience to get job, but you need to get a job to have work experience
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Danger
It really feels at times like people aren t willing to let things start off gently and build up, disregarding anything if it s not an instantaneous, obvious click
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It really feels at times like people aren t willing to let things start off gently and build up, disregarding anything if it s not an instantaneous, obvious click
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SWFM
I personally don t see the point in relationships like what s the point in dedicating so much time and energy into someone for nothing in return?
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I personally don t see the point in relationships like what s the point in dedicating so much time and energy into someone for nothing in return?
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