6 Signs of Avoidant Personality Disorder
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Date: 2023-08-20
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Comments and reviews: 25
AJ
When people hear about AVPD, oftentimes they feel that they identify with the disorder, and then attempt to get diagnosed. The thing is, 9 times out of 10, theyre just introverted. Its not just having a preference to be alone, or feeling that other people would be better off without you, thats more so related to depression.
People with AVPD are not shy, in fact, they can come off as aggressive and will sometimes put up a facade that may seem loud, extroverted, cocky, etc. Then there are others who can speak in front of a group of people, and can be loud as well as coherent throughout the entire process; Its the fear of what comes next. Theyre terrified of somehow embarrassing themselves and then losing the position and relationships that theyve struggled to build up. And then once they do lose those relationships, they may think something along the lines of, All of this effort, and for what? This is why I cant be vulnerable, they were going to leave anyway.
These people rarely share how they feel, and once they do, they shame themselves. They hate the thought of being dependent on others, it makes them feel weak.
People who have AVPD also may struggle to identify their feelings which results in a lack of emotional vocabulary, furthermore leading to the option of not reaching out for help because they feel that they should be able to figure it out themselves and then find out how to fix it without involving anyone else.
Another thing that many people seem to underestimate when it comes to people with AVPD is the fact that they will go to extremes in order to not be rejected or embarrassed, and this can be portrayed in various ways. For example, some people with AVPD come off as manipulative because they may often lie or twist words in order to get out of social situations. Maybe they have a lesson later that day for a class, except they have to do something that goes beyond their comfort level, it could be a performance or something along those lines; so they may act sick, or feign a breakdown (Anything that will guarantee an escape.
I hope this helped some people learn more about the actual aspects of the disorder, and thats Its not a simple condition.
reply
When people hear about AVPD, oftentimes they feel that they identify with the disorder, and then attempt to get diagnosed. The thing is, 9 times out of 10, theyre just introverted. Its not just having a preference to be alone, or feeling that other people would be better off without you, thats more so related to depression.
People with AVPD are not shy, in fact, they can come off as aggressive and will sometimes put up a facade that may seem loud, extroverted, cocky, etc. Then there are others who can speak in front of a group of people, and can be loud as well as coherent throughout the entire process; Its the fear of what comes next. Theyre terrified of somehow embarrassing themselves and then losing the position and relationships that theyve struggled to build up. And then once they do lose those relationships, they may think something along the lines of, All of this effort, and for what? This is why I cant be vulnerable, they were going to leave anyway.
These people rarely share how they feel, and once they do, they shame themselves. They hate the thought of being dependent on others, it makes them feel weak.
People who have AVPD also may struggle to identify their feelings which results in a lack of emotional vocabulary, furthermore leading to the option of not reaching out for help because they feel that they should be able to figure it out themselves and then find out how to fix it without involving anyone else.
Another thing that many people seem to underestimate when it comes to people with AVPD is the fact that they will go to extremes in order to not be rejected or embarrassed, and this can be portrayed in various ways. For example, some people with AVPD come off as manipulative because they may often lie or twist words in order to get out of social situations. Maybe they have a lesson later that day for a class, except they have to do something that goes beyond their comfort level, it could be a performance or something along those lines; so they may act sick, or feign a breakdown (Anything that will guarantee an escape.
I hope this helped some people learn more about the actual aspects of the disorder, and thats Its not a simple condition.
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kubel83
Strange how avoidant people want closeness and someone to love, and how they fear rejection. But when they finally get love and everything they fantasized about, then they themselves reject that loving person like a piece of trash. Then months later they are fantasizing about love again. Then they repeat and repeat and repeat, ruining one person after the other.
Listen I dont doubt avoidant people can be good people, but they are the worst in relationships. Even next to narcissists. They are only good for 3-4 months then they shutdown and become ice cold and dont give a rats ass anymore.
And it doesnt matter that the one they left was the best human being ever. It doesnt matter that the person did everything to please the avoidant. At the end of the day they dont care. And they hardly ever work on themselves. They just continue to wreck havoc.
Dear avoidant people. I get you are struggling because of past trauma. But please understand that we all have something. Me personally I have experienced some crazy stuff in my life. However I dont use it as an excuse to stomp all over the people I love.
I work on myself to become better.
So if you are avoidant then perhaps do the same. Or perhaps dont date until you have learned how to behave and show mutual respect in a relationship. And learn to express feelings instead of suppressing them. It will help you and it will the one you love a fair chance to understand.
People are not mind readers. So express yourself. It is unfair and selfish just to walk away and act like nothing ever matters. So stop wasting your own and other peoples time.
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Strange how avoidant people want closeness and someone to love, and how they fear rejection. But when they finally get love and everything they fantasized about, then they themselves reject that loving person like a piece of trash. Then months later they are fantasizing about love again. Then they repeat and repeat and repeat, ruining one person after the other.
Listen I dont doubt avoidant people can be good people, but they are the worst in relationships. Even next to narcissists. They are only good for 3-4 months then they shutdown and become ice cold and dont give a rats ass anymore.
And it doesnt matter that the one they left was the best human being ever. It doesnt matter that the person did everything to please the avoidant. At the end of the day they dont care. And they hardly ever work on themselves. They just continue to wreck havoc.
Dear avoidant people. I get you are struggling because of past trauma. But please understand that we all have something. Me personally I have experienced some crazy stuff in my life. However I dont use it as an excuse to stomp all over the people I love.
I work on myself to become better.
So if you are avoidant then perhaps do the same. Or perhaps dont date until you have learned how to behave and show mutual respect in a relationship. And learn to express feelings instead of suppressing them. It will help you and it will the one you love a fair chance to understand.
People are not mind readers. So express yourself. It is unfair and selfish just to walk away and act like nothing ever matters. So stop wasting your own and other peoples time.
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Kixo
Some people don't understand that it's not the fact that you can have the exact same symptoms but the cause, the intensity and the amount of times you display these symptoms which can define whether you have that illness or not. For example most people have experienced some kind of low blood sugar symptoms. But that's not what makes you a diabetic. I do understand that everybody fears rejection sometimes. But in my case I'm not going outside other than to go out with my dog and to do grocery shopping. That's it. I lost my job because of this condition and (maybe) another one. And I'm SO happy not to meet people I know every day anymore. I met my one best friend only once in. I think it must be almost one year now? And we are only living 10 minutes by car from each other. (I'm SO grateful that she is still my friend and even makes sure that I'm getting a diagnosis for another mental illness) I prefer chatting through the internet because then nobody can see my reaction (red face, sweat etc) and I can still express myself. But when I was playing a browser game with a chat function each time I got into an arguement with some random players my whole body would shake so hard that I could hardly type.
And these are only some of the symptoms of my AVPD.
I think that almost every (mental) illness has symptoms everybody can relate to. But when they cause serious problems for you to function in life - that's the latest you should seek help.
Good Luck to anyone who is trying to get help!
reply
Some people don't understand that it's not the fact that you can have the exact same symptoms but the cause, the intensity and the amount of times you display these symptoms which can define whether you have that illness or not. For example most people have experienced some kind of low blood sugar symptoms. But that's not what makes you a diabetic. I do understand that everybody fears rejection sometimes. But in my case I'm not going outside other than to go out with my dog and to do grocery shopping. That's it. I lost my job because of this condition and (maybe) another one. And I'm SO happy not to meet people I know every day anymore. I met my one best friend only once in. I think it must be almost one year now? And we are only living 10 minutes by car from each other. (I'm SO grateful that she is still my friend and even makes sure that I'm getting a diagnosis for another mental illness) I prefer chatting through the internet because then nobody can see my reaction (red face, sweat etc) and I can still express myself. But when I was playing a browser game with a chat function each time I got into an arguement with some random players my whole body would shake so hard that I could hardly type.
And these are only some of the symptoms of my AVPD.
I think that almost every (mental) illness has symptoms everybody can relate to. But when they cause serious problems for you to function in life - that's the latest you should seek help.
Good Luck to anyone who is trying to get help!
reply
education
i used to be so cheery and social as a kid but during ages 10-13 i suddenly became very quiet and anxious. luckily i made a good amount of friends who i felt comfortable around! unfortunately at the time of writing this the majority of them have moved away and my relationship with those that stayed is slowly deteriorating and i get the feeling they dont want to be my friend simply because our interests are so different now. im finding it really hard to make new friends. i could watch someone for days or weeks but not once ever get the courage to talk to them (im not a stalker, i dont follow them home or take pictures of them, mostly i just take note of their interests for maybe a minute or two then move on with my day. im so awkward with everyone in my classes that sometimes i dont want to go to school at all. i really have only like 2 real friends. yeah, i know, its pathetic. i have low self esteem, i think i always have, but its even worse nowadays bc my sister is in the same school as me and shes so social and popular and has a ton of friends and she never has to worry about being alone like i do.
i wish i could talk to people
i want to talk to people
i just cant.
so sorry for this huge paragraph: (
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i used to be so cheery and social as a kid but during ages 10-13 i suddenly became very quiet and anxious. luckily i made a good amount of friends who i felt comfortable around! unfortunately at the time of writing this the majority of them have moved away and my relationship with those that stayed is slowly deteriorating and i get the feeling they dont want to be my friend simply because our interests are so different now. im finding it really hard to make new friends. i could watch someone for days or weeks but not once ever get the courage to talk to them (im not a stalker, i dont follow them home or take pictures of them, mostly i just take note of their interests for maybe a minute or two then move on with my day. im so awkward with everyone in my classes that sometimes i dont want to go to school at all. i really have only like 2 real friends. yeah, i know, its pathetic. i have low self esteem, i think i always have, but its even worse nowadays bc my sister is in the same school as me and shes so social and popular and has a ton of friends and she never has to worry about being alone like i do.
i wish i could talk to people
i want to talk to people
i just cant.
so sorry for this huge paragraph: (
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Reyn
i know self diagnosed isnt preferable, but i still id it.
i think i have all of these, do u think its because of past traumas that ive had?
Because once in a english tutor class, i was being avoided to an extent.
i tried hard to fix this, yet it just seems to worsened. I've become so tired, i even wont go into class, and i eventually had to leave.
and once ive being trusted with handling a certain extracuricullar event. it went sideways so bad, it had to be cancelled.
imo, because of stuff like this, whenever i was given a chance, i kinda turned it down, and went i had no choice, yeah.
and so, whenever im in a new group of people, it took me quite a while to really be comfortable.
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i know self diagnosed isnt preferable, but i still id it.
i think i have all of these, do u think its because of past traumas that ive had?
Because once in a english tutor class, i was being avoided to an extent.
i tried hard to fix this, yet it just seems to worsened. I've become so tired, i even wont go into class, and i eventually had to leave.
and once ive being trusted with handling a certain extracuricullar event. it went sideways so bad, it had to be cancelled.
imo, because of stuff like this, whenever i was given a chance, i kinda turned it down, and went i had no choice, yeah.
and so, whenever im in a new group of people, it took me quite a while to really be comfortable.
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Putri
I'm considered active in my organization, but I'm not close with anyone. I've been trying to open myself more and befriend them, but it's so hard and intimidating. I really envy those who can just talk and joke with other people without having to think much. It took me a lot just to be able to talk to anyone. It's like I'm being torn in the middle. I want to make friends but I'm afraid of being a burden, so I'm just kinda actively following organization activities, but on the sideline. I observe how other make friends, but it's hard to be like them, and I don't think I want to be fake just to get some friends. No matter what I chose, nothing is ever right.
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I'm considered active in my organization, but I'm not close with anyone. I've been trying to open myself more and befriend them, but it's so hard and intimidating. I really envy those who can just talk and joke with other people without having to think much. It took me a lot just to be able to talk to anyone. It's like I'm being torn in the middle. I want to make friends but I'm afraid of being a burden, so I'm just kinda actively following organization activities, but on the sideline. I observe how other make friends, but it's hard to be like them, and I don't think I want to be fake just to get some friends. No matter what I chose, nothing is ever right.
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Trinh
I have had this disorder for around 8 years. I met an abusive teacher who thought calling my toxic father was a productive way to solve my problems cuz he would yell at me again and again (going to school late, being not able to complete the homework, sleeping at classes due to insomnia. Even though I was the one who gave her the reputation of training an excellent student, I was nearly figuring out everything on my own and didnt seek help too often. Now Im still suffering, I delete friends contacts randomly and have zero confidence in my job or relationships because I literally think Im a big loser and nobody recognizes my strength.
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I have had this disorder for around 8 years. I met an abusive teacher who thought calling my toxic father was a productive way to solve my problems cuz he would yell at me again and again (going to school late, being not able to complete the homework, sleeping at classes due to insomnia. Even though I was the one who gave her the reputation of training an excellent student, I was nearly figuring out everything on my own and didnt seek help too often. Now Im still suffering, I delete friends contacts randomly and have zero confidence in my job or relationships because I literally think Im a big loser and nobody recognizes my strength.
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EnderCrow
I have felt for a while that something was wrong with my brain, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was just always subtly afraid of growing closer to people other than the friends I already had. I just felt like I wasn't worth anyone's time. And then I got a girlfriend (sort of, its complicated, and that fear amplified a ton. I really had a feeling something was wrong, but I never talked about it or checked it out, because I was afraid of the possibilities. Then I saw this video, and I match up pretty well with all of those signs. Uh oh. I might want to get it checked out.
Anyways, thanks for reading, have a good day.
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I have felt for a while that something was wrong with my brain, but I wasn't quite sure what it was. I was just always subtly afraid of growing closer to people other than the friends I already had. I just felt like I wasn't worth anyone's time. And then I got a girlfriend (sort of, its complicated, and that fear amplified a ton. I really had a feeling something was wrong, but I never talked about it or checked it out, because I was afraid of the possibilities. Then I saw this video, and I match up pretty well with all of those signs. Uh oh. I might want to get it checked out.
Anyways, thanks for reading, have a good day.
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xLxcy_edits
I can kind of relate. it's because sometimes when my friends in school are in need, I tend to be a little clueless on what to do and a bit awkward, even though I care, it's hard for my friends to spot it. This ends up with conflicts which I never wanted to have. I kind of feel isolated compared to my other school friends, not gonna lie; -;
But recently, I found a new friend group whom I relate with. They saw me sitting alone at lunch and invited me over to their table. I felt very pleased and grateful to have some people who actually care for me. I'm happy now. :)
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I can kind of relate. it's because sometimes when my friends in school are in need, I tend to be a little clueless on what to do and a bit awkward, even though I care, it's hard for my friends to spot it. This ends up with conflicts which I never wanted to have. I kind of feel isolated compared to my other school friends, not gonna lie; -;
But recently, I found a new friend group whom I relate with. They saw me sitting alone at lunch and invited me over to their table. I felt very pleased and grateful to have some people who actually care for me. I'm happy now. :)
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jpteknoman
i have that one that i don't feel comfortable saying no and because i'm also lazy, i avoid unnecessary interaction in order to not get involved with things i don't want to do. this is also the reason why i avoid being dependable. i can do pretty much anything everyone else does at work and better but i make sure to do the bare minimum so nobody will get the idea to take away my free time by giving me the opportunity to get in a better position that requires me to waste even more of my time there.
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i have that one that i don't feel comfortable saying no and because i'm also lazy, i avoid unnecessary interaction in order to not get involved with things i don't want to do. this is also the reason why i avoid being dependable. i can do pretty much anything everyone else does at work and better but i make sure to do the bare minimum so nobody will get the idea to take away my free time by giving me the opportunity to get in a better position that requires me to waste even more of my time there.
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Burni91
speaking for myself at least, it's important to say that the pain and distress i feel when rejected or criticized is abnormally severe and long lasting to the point of being totally cripeling, and even the sligthest rejection i'll remember for many years, as clear as the day it happened.
so it's not that i fear the same thing as anyone would feel when rejected or criticised, it's something entirely different that i think most people would fear if they ever felt it.
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speaking for myself at least, it's important to say that the pain and distress i feel when rejected or criticized is abnormally severe and long lasting to the point of being totally cripeling, and even the sligthest rejection i'll remember for many years, as clear as the day it happened.
so it's not that i fear the same thing as anyone would feel when rejected or criticised, it's something entirely different that i think most people would fear if they ever felt it.
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Izzybambizzle
I used to do this due to My CPTSD, in My unconscious mind I thought if mom harms and scares me so much, how can I trust anyone else?
Mom uses me as bait to hurt dad, why do I hurt people do much?
So eventually thought, if i'm not safe at Home, how is the outer world any safer?
And that's what Made me avoid everything and everbody.
atleast now i'm not afraid in enganging in conversations with people or meeting up with people.
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I used to do this due to My CPTSD, in My unconscious mind I thought if mom harms and scares me so much, how can I trust anyone else?
Mom uses me as bait to hurt dad, why do I hurt people do much?
So eventually thought, if i'm not safe at Home, how is the outer world any safer?
And that's what Made me avoid everything and everbody.
atleast now i'm not afraid in enganging in conversations with people or meeting up with people.
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John
If you have this try going to small crowded areas and then slowly try big ones heck try to surprise yourself every now and then. If its so bad that you cant even leave the house then travel to a different state or a different place. sometimes thats just agoraphobia which is the fear of just going out. Get a blood test and start talking some supplements, improve sleep quality and get more sun.
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If you have this try going to small crowded areas and then slowly try big ones heck try to surprise yourself every now and then. If its so bad that you cant even leave the house then travel to a different state or a different place. sometimes thats just agoraphobia which is the fear of just going out. Get a blood test and start talking some supplements, improve sleep quality and get more sun.
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Siti
As long u accepted yourself by you then its fine being rejected, declined, no, not accepted, by somebody since you are important for your self being yourself and not only stopped there be awesome day by day. Why you sad being rejected by somebody since you important in this world. Do u think god sent u here just being sad for somebody even u dont know being rejected. Why?
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As long u accepted yourself by you then its fine being rejected, declined, no, not accepted, by somebody since you are important for your self being yourself and not only stopped there be awesome day by day. Why you sad being rejected by somebody since you important in this world. Do u think god sent u here just being sad for somebody even u dont know being rejected. Why?
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Nomie
I used to have a huge fear of rejection, I'm almost sure of that, don't ask me how it went away. I used to isolate myself at school, when others asked me out I'd say no, and I always felt left out. It felt very lonely. But didn't realize I left myself out. But I'm never really interested in others. I have never been, it's me and my little world.
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I used to have a huge fear of rejection, I'm almost sure of that, don't ask me how it went away. I used to isolate myself at school, when others asked me out I'd say no, and I always felt left out. It felt very lonely. But didn't realize I left myself out. But I'm never really interested in others. I have never been, it's me and my little world.
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Subenu
It's a bit old, bit let me say thank you for all those videos.
Now imagine an introverted person with Dysthymia, paired with another depression of varying in grade.
Mix it up with a deeply rooted avoidant personality disorder. (Yeah, that's me)
If you find yourself reflected by this description, let me tell you: You are not alone
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It's a bit old, bit let me say thank you for all those videos.
Now imagine an introverted person with Dysthymia, paired with another depression of varying in grade.
Mix it up with a deeply rooted avoidant personality disorder. (Yeah, that's me)
If you find yourself reflected by this description, let me tell you: You are not alone
reply
Presidents
Ohhh I have met several people like this
They seem really weird! I know a manager even who doesnt know how to deal with his employees! Lol
How can they become a manager when they dont know how to talk to their employees and cannot relate to different personalities!
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Ohhh I have met several people like this
They seem really weird! I know a manager even who doesnt know how to deal with his employees! Lol
How can they become a manager when they dont know how to talk to their employees and cannot relate to different personalities!
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Jed
It was until around this year or so that I realized that I struggled with all of this, but strangely enough I've since been able to work through some of them haha I still feel like vomiting sometimes when I face something haha but so far it's been very healing and eye opening.
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It was until around this year or so that I realized that I struggled with all of this, but strangely enough I've since been able to work through some of them haha I still feel like vomiting sometimes when I face something haha but so far it's been very healing and eye opening.
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seaophuntso
I always have this feeling where I want to move to another place (city, country) whenever I feel that I did something bad to someone; leaving my entire social circle and be gone without trace. But then I still need some old connections, so this plan always failed.
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I always have this feeling where I want to move to another place (city, country) whenever I feel that I did something bad to someone; leaving my entire social circle and be gone without trace. But then I still need some old connections, so this plan always failed.
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STAR
I feel this so much, i want to have friends or a boyfriend, but im to scared of people, im always thinking that people who i talk to hates me or finds me boring, its hard for me to find someone with my same interests like mine. I wish making friends is easy like 123.
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I feel this so much, i want to have friends or a boyfriend, but im to scared of people, im always thinking that people who i talk to hates me or finds me boring, its hard for me to find someone with my same interests like mine. I wish making friends is easy like 123.
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Eon
what is not mentioned (for some reason) is that people with AvPD tend to want social relationships like friends or a romantic relationship but because of AvPD that is made considerably harder to get. that is also the difference between AvPD and SchizoidPD.
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what is not mentioned (for some reason) is that people with AvPD tend to want social relationships like friends or a romantic relationship but because of AvPD that is made considerably harder to get. that is also the difference between AvPD and SchizoidPD.
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OliverOrFawn
oh
I think I could ask my parents to take me to a psychologist but idk I think they'd just say smth abt how I'm just shy or smth idk
I think I might have this but idk because I do have the symptoms but it could just be nothing idk
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oh
I think I could ask my parents to take me to a psychologist but idk I think they'd just say smth abt how I'm just shy or smth idk
I think I might have this but idk because I do have the symptoms but it could just be nothing idk
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Chaotic
Though I can relate to some of these things, they are due to ongoing trauma and not my normal behavior or personality type at all. When the trauma and prosecution for being a victim stops happening, these behaviors will resolve.
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Though I can relate to some of these things, they are due to ongoing trauma and not my normal behavior or personality type at all. When the trauma and prosecution for being a victim stops happening, these behaviors will resolve.
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Rich
This sounds so much like me. I was in psycotherapy in my twenties and my therapist never diagnosed my with AvPD! He mut have known. A therapist should have an obligation to provide a full and complete diagnosis for each patient.
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This sounds so much like me. I was in psycotherapy in my twenties and my therapist never diagnosed my with AvPD! He mut have known. A therapist should have an obligation to provide a full and complete diagnosis for each patient.
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Daniel
I've been speaking with my therapist about this and yeah it is hard to interact especially when I see a person I like.
Working on it though and it's gotten better since I starting working through it with my therapist
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I've been speaking with my therapist about this and yeah it is hard to interact especially when I see a person I like.
Working on it though and it's gotten better since I starting working through it with my therapist
reply
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